questions about activities on visitation time

[stealth2]

That wouldn't be an option to skip the meeting, because my husband is the team leader. It is a school team that he had to attend training for, so it isn't as though I or anyone could just fill in for him. The meeting times were decided before any of this, so I don't understand why the derby would take priority. Cancelling the meeting would mean not only backing out on plans with our daughter, but also the other kids on the team.

And he can't reschedule? Suppose he had the flu? How would he handle the meeting? Stuff happens. (And it originally sounded like it was a parents-type meeting, not one for kids. But I still doubt it cannot be rescheduled.)

And yes, another kid COULD race the car. But if that car wins and moves further in the competition? Then it is the other kid who will race it. Not your stepson.

Look... I do understand that it's a difficult situation, juggling multiple priorities. But I also know how important some of these things are to the kids. The Pinewood Derby is a big deal for Cubs/Webelos. It is the rare Scout who doesn't participate. I've been through juggling Scout events with visitation, but in our situation the distance made it a reschedule visitation or don't participate in the event type of thing. Luckily, as difficult as our relationship was, we were both able to be flexible for many of them. Yes, our son missed some camping trips, but Derby and Klondike? Never. I always offered make-up time at his convenience, but if he couldn't come up with a weekend outside his regular visitation? He sucked it up. Just as I gave up vacation time so our son could go to camp with his fellow Scouts. Sometimes, a parent needs to look past the "competition" with the ex and do what's right for the child. Only Dad can decide if this is one of those times.

 

[thetiredwife]

Technically yes, he could choose to cancel the meeting. If that happens because he is sick or the weather prevents it, the kids and their parents would be understanding of that. It will delay their progress though, and cause hassles. And would still be choosing to cancel previously made plans with our daughter over a sudden change of plans with their son. How is that fair to her and her friends?

But if the derby is at 11, the team meeting isn't at issue. That is when he'll be at or just getting home from work. So he is going to find out where the derby is. Since it looks like it won't be possible to arrange to get the child to the derby or go with, he IS willing to let his mom and/or boyfriend take him instead. I'm not sure why you're implying he isn't willing to do that.

I think that covers everything for now

 

[stealth2]

Technically yes, he could choose to cancel the meeting. If that happens because he is sick or the weather prevents it, the kids and their parents would be understanding of that. It will delay their progress though, and cause hassles. And would still be choosing to cancel previously made plans with our daughter over a sudden change of plans with their son. How is that fair to her and her friends?

But if the derby is at 11, the team meeting isn't at issue. That is when he'll be at or just getting home from work. So he is going to find out where the derby is. Since it looks like it won't be possible to arrange to get the child to the derby or go with, he IS willing to let his mom and/or boyfriend take him instead. I'm not sure why you're implying he isn't willing to do that.

I think that covers everything for now

Please don't put words in my mouth. Others have commented that they would not give up the weekend - I was giving an alternate viewpoint.

 

[I'mTheFather]

But if the derby is at 11, the team meeting isn't at issue. That is when he'll be at or just getting home from work. So he is going to find out where the derby is. Since it looks like it won't be possible to arrange to get the child to the derby or go with, he IS willing to let his mom and/or boyfriend take him instead. I'm not sure why you're implying he isn't willing to do that.

I think that covers everything for now

Yes, that seems like the most logical solution since your weekend is so filled with activities for your shared children. It doesn't sound like dad would have much time to spend with his son next weekend anyway, aside from attending his half-siblings activities with him.

In your husband's original thread, he stated that the mom said that the son doesn't like spending weekends with his father. If all the weekends are similarly scheduled, I can understand why.

 

[mariasusa]

I wish I had my court order with me. We have a parenting plan, one of its clauses is something to the effect;

while both parents encourage and make effort to cooperate on childs extracurricular activities, each parent needs the written permission of the other parent if the extracurricular activity is in their visitation time.

I understand your court order doesn't say this (except I don't know what the "and so on" was). However if dad ends up in court for some other reason, he may also want to ask to modify the portion on extracurr. At least to the minimum both parents communicate with the each other before signing up child, and if in agreement, make a commitment to communicate with each other in advance upcoming activities on the other parents custodial time.

If you search extracurricular activities on this forum, you will see some lengthy threads hashing out this subject. It seems judges go both ways...extracurricular comes first, or visitation with each parent comes first and its the parents choice.

Is dad able to call mom and simply get details? If he is not able to reach her, she is the one making this weekend drama filled. If she wants cooperation, and the best interests of her child met, she needs to be actively filling dad in on this stuff, plus giving him contact numbers, etc., so he can plan his weekend.

In the meantime, the best dad can do is contact the pack leader, get the info., but also establish a communication so that dad can easily get information in the future.

 

[cheesecake46580]

In the day and age of e mail.....have Hubie get the troupe leaders e mail and have the leader send updates and the like. so in the future this don't happen. Also when you have a blended family it won't always be fair and not every child in the blended family will be able to attend everything. Also their might be times with several children one parent may have to take the kids to one activity and the other child to another. This could prove to be bonding time to the child and his father.

 

[Humusluvr]

Yes, that seems like the most logical solution since your weekend is so filled with activities for your shared children. It doesn't sound like dad would have much time to spend with his son next weekend anyway, aside from attending his half-siblings activities with him.

In your husband's original thread, he stated that the mom said that the son doesn't like spending weekends with his father. If all the weekends are similarly scheduled, I can understand why.

In blended families, co-mingling the children is important. Dad wants his child, on his time, to be able to participate with the family. I don't see why that's a problem. It sounds like dad wants his court ordered time, do do his own thing.

And of course, mom is saying that child doesn't like spending time with dad. We all know that's subjective, and that's probably what mom WANTS to hear. We hear A LOT of moms here complaining that kids hate dad, because MOM hates dad. It's simple psychology.

Families are different. That's why there are judges who order visitation, because parents can't agree. Dad shouldn't be bullied out of time with his child by mom who just wants her own way, but he should also pick his battles.

 

[justalayman]

for gosh sakes folks. As of 8 hours ago, son didn't even have the materials to build the racer let alone have it built. I don't see the son being so involved with the derby that even if he did miss it is would make any difference.

This situation is beyond silly. If mom and dad can't work out this simple situation, I just cannot imagine what would happen should there be a serious issue to deal with.

 

[neopandora]

OP-I have a question: Were you and Dad married or involved when this child was conceived?

I ask this because reading your prior threads, I am given to understand that you were the child care provider for this child (and possibly Mom's other children).

It appears from this thread and your other threads that there seems to be a lot of conflict with visitation issues. It also seems odd to me that as a former babysitter of this child that you seem really reluctant to fit this child's activities and interest in equally with your other childrens. Just seems odd to me.

I only bring this up because it seems that the child in questions (at least from the posts) generally gets dragged around on his visitation to your other children's activities. While Dad is certainly allowed to do as he wishes on his time - there's a term called "token visitation." That means that while the parent exercises visitation that it's only token by nature and the parent isn't really spending any quality time with the child or participating in the child's activities, interests and life.

In some states this can matter should Mom remarry and wish for her new husband to adopt. Not saying it will in your case or in your state. And maybe these posts don't give an accurate reflection of visitation with this child, but it sure seems like the child is just being drug to "plans" for other children without real inclusion. In any blended family sure, there is a certain amount of attending activities for other family members. That's true in intact families.

I read through all your posts, and maybe they don't represent clearly, but the new item, a weekend camping trip in spring that interferes with Dad's already set plans, coupled with an event this weekend that upset the plan applecart sure makes it appear that activities and interests of this child, don't seem to matter much in the family as a whole.

Remember, all court cases involving this child are only concerned with THIS CHILD'S best interests. The Court is not really going to care about any other children except how this child's relationship with them is affected. They won't care if anything is fair to anyone but this child.

 

[Ohiogal]

OP-I have a question: Were you and Dad married or involved when this child was conceived?

I ask this because reading your prior threads, I am given to understand that you were the child care provider for this child (and possibly Mom's other children).

It appears from this thread and your other threads that there seems to be a lot of conflict with visitation issues. It also seems odd to me that as a former babysitter of this child that you seem really reluctant to fit this child's activities and interest in equally with your other childrens. Just seems odd to me.

I only bring this up because it seems that the child in questions (at least from the posts) generally gets dragged around on his visitation to your other children's activities. While Dad is certainly allowed to do as he wishes on his time - there's a term called "token visitation." That means that while the parent exercises visitation that it's only token by nature and the parent isn't really spending any quality time with the child or participating in the child's activities, interests and life.

In some states this can matter should Mom remarry and wish for her new husband to adopt. Not saying it will in your case or in your state. And maybe these posts don't give an accurate reflection of visitation with this child, but it sure seems like the child is just being drug to "plans" for other children without real inclusion. In any blended family sure, there is a certain amount of attending activities for other family members. That's true in intact families.

I read through all your posts, and maybe they don't represent clearly, but the new item, a weekend camping trip in spring that interferes with Dad's already set plans, coupled with an event this weekend that upset the plan applecart sure makes it appear that activities and interests of this child, don't seem to matter much in the family as a whole.

Remember, all court cases involving this child are only concerned with THIS CHILD'S best interests. The Court is not really going to care about any other children except how this child's relationship with them is affected. They won't care if anything is fair to anyone but this child.

Dad screwed the mother of the other child while married to OP. The OP's step child is a product of adultery. Dad cheated around and OP seems to be making the CHILD pay for it.

 

[Humusluvr]

Dad screwed the mother of the other child while married to OP. The OP's step child is a product of adultery. Dad cheated around and OP seems to be making the CHILD pay for it.

No, she doesn't. She is asking a question about NCP's time. Which was answered long ago.

I don't think the "screwing" needs to be mentioned. Not nice.

 

[Ohiogal]

No, she doesn't. She is asking a question about NCP's time. Which was answered long ago.

I don't think the "screwing" needs to be mentioned. Not nice.

It is fact. And something mentioned by the OP. Her husband catted around/cheated/had sex outside of their marriage and so on and so forth. And it seems to me in her posts she is making the child pay. Look at all of the threads.

 

[Humusluvr]

It is fact. And something mentioned by the OP. Her husband catted around/cheated/had sex outside of their marriage and so on and so forth. And it seems to me in her posts she is making the child pay. Look at all of the threads.

NO, SHE DIDN'T. She said, "The child was from adultery outside the marriage." She stated the facts to explain the situation. Why would you have to DETAIL it back to her? She knows what happened, attacking her husband, who is trying to exercise his visitation is not legal advice, it's nastiness. This is EXACTLY the kind of stuff the forum doesn't need.

I read the threads. I don't see that she's trying to hurt the child. THEY WANT THE CHILD TO BOND WITH THEIR KIDS!!! THAT'S ADMIRABLE.

I seriously don't get why you do this. Or why the mods and admins allow it.

 

[stealth2]

The constant harping on this issue does get to be somewhat tiresome...

 

[cheesecake46580]

What is done is done! We have all screwed up in our past in one way or another. Let not forget the ? @ hand about the activities.