Should my child be getting child support?

[lovemygirl26]

He is 32 and the girl is 19. I also worry that if she is living there, i am not being offered first right to refusal when he leaves to work or go to one of his many social gatherings. I also know that it is not in any child best interest to be staying in a household in which early cohabitation with a short term partner is exercised due to the lack of knowledge of that person.

 

[Proserpina]

He is 32 and the girl is 19. I also worry that if she is living there, i am not being offered first right to refusal when he leaves to work or go to one of his many social gatherings.

Age difference means nothing at all.

IF she's going to be stepmom, you're going to have to get used to the idea at some point - sooner is best. And no, Dad does NOT have to furnish you with any information about her. Would it be courteous? Sure. But is he legally obliged? Nope.

Now, do you have ROFR in your court orders?

If not, you can't exercise it anyway. And if it is, he can use a babysitter for a couple of hours - it generally applies to periods longer than say 4 hours.

By the way - your child psychologist friend? If s/he GENUINELY told you that - without the child being their patient - s/he needs to pick a new career.

Or is s/he suggesting that your child shouldn't bond with say..a daycare worker? Elderly relative?

 

[lovemygirl26]

I also know that it is not in any child best interest to be staying in a household in which early cohabitation with a short term partner is exercised due to the lack of knowledge of that person. Perhaps the psychologist is wrong or i misunderstood her but that still leaves the fact that there is little knowledge on this person or their behaviors.

There is no court order on our visitation or custody.

I know that if he is married there is nothing I can do.

I know that age is irrelevant, however her young age poses a risk in my opinion due to her possible lack of experience with children. Father travels out of state on a routine basis for work and that far exceeds 4 hours. We have joint legal custody which means we go by the IPTG until a court order says otherwise. So that means I have first right to refusal because I have sole physical custody (if i read that correctly)?

I am not opposed to there being a stepmom, i actually prefer that at some point there be a positive female role model in our child life when he is not with me. I am opposed to our child being exposed to a live in girlfriend/fiance of two months. That is not safe...

 

[lovemygirl26]

She could have a criminal record, abuse drugs, alcohol, pedophile,irresponsible,neglectful. I will do a background check but even if she is a good person...their actions are still not in our child's best interest. It is way too soon to expose our child to this person in this manner. I know that it may not be against any law, too bad there are no moral police. Thankyou for the information though, i appreciate it

 

[Proserpina]

I also know that it is not in any child best interest to be staying in a household in which early cohabitation with a short term partner is exercised due to the lack of knowledge of that person.

No, you don't know that at all.

Perhaps the psychologist is wrong or i misunderstood her but that still leaves the fact that there is little knowledge on this person or their behaviors.

Again, what about a daycare provider? A relative you haven't seen in a while?

Or do you seriously believe that you and Dad both most know the person intimately before you'll expose your mutual child to that person?

There is no court order on our visitation or custody.

Then you have no ROFR.

With that said, you also don't have to allow any visitation period.

I know that if he is married there is nothing I can do.

I know that age is irrelevant, however her young age poses a risk in my opinion due to her possible lack of experience with children.

I'm hoping you're not being serious here.

Seriously, did you jump into being a perfect Mom the second the cord was cut? I think not

Father travels out of state on a routine basis for work and that far exceeds 4 hours. We have joint legal custody which means we go by the IPTG until a court order says otherwise. So that means I have first right to refusal because I have sole physical custody (if i read that correctly)?

Not necessarily.

I am not opposed to there being a stepmom, i actually prefer that at some point there be a positive female role model in our child life when he is not with me. I am opposed to our child being exposed to a live in girlfriend/fiance of two months. That is not safe...

You've said nothing to indicate that the situation would be unsafe.

I honestly suggest you wrap your head around the fact that Dad will be allowed to expose your mutual child to whichever and how many girlfriends he chooses.

The court will trust his judgment, just as it will trust yours.

 

[lovemygirl26]

I DO know that it is not because there is a lack of family stability if partners come and go. It is common sense and has been the break of many parents custody battles. So if it were in a child's best interest then it would not cause so many parents to lose custody. If she is a great person and stays forever, fine with me. It is not responsible though to move in that soon when children are living in the home.



A day care provider would not be left to care for my child for more than 24 hours and would not be exposed to my child 24/7. That is not a good comparison.

I did not say I was the perfect mom. I do KNOW that I have a lot of experience with children since I have my own, i helped raise someone else, worked in daycare and volunteered with local children's programs.
Would you want your child left in the care of someone fresh out of hs in which you have no knowledge of? I don't not think I am being unreasonable to worry about that. Yes, it is possible that she could be great with children, but i would be a lousy parent to assume so.

She is potentially unsafe. can never assume someone is safe if you don't know them.

So you think a court will trust his judgement is good with exposing our child to multiple strangers on a routine basis? That baffles me.

I am not calling you a liar, I am just shocked. A teacher did tell me "Never confuse the law with what is right" . I guess he was right. That settles my question.

Thanks though!

 

[Proserpina]

I DO know that it is not because there is a lack of family stability if partners come and go. It is common sense and has been the break of many parents custody battles. So if it were in a child's best interest then it would not cause so many parents to lose custody.

How many custody battles have you actually witnessed first hand?

A new girlfriend every other month is not going to cause a parent to lose custody - unless there is documented EVIDENCE that it's causing damage to the child. You have nothing.

If she is a great person and stays forever, fine with me.

Not your decision.

It is not responsible though to move in that soon when children are living in the home.

Also not your decision.

A day care provider would not be left to care for my child for more than 24 hours and would not be exposed to my child 24/7. That is not a good comparison.

Even better - new stepparent will have even more time to bond with the child.

(You're proving my point, Mom )

I did not say I was the perfect mom. I do KNOW that I have a lot of experience with children since I have my own, i helped raise someone else, worked in daycare and volunteered with local children's programs.
Would you want your child left in the care of someone fresh out of hs in which you have no knowledge of? I don't not think I am being unreasonable to worry about that. Yes, it is possible that she could be great with children, but i would be a lousy parent to assume so.

It's Dad's decision - not yours.

She is potentially unsafe. can never assume someone is safe if you don't know them.

The court doesn't care about "potentially". Dad knows her - that's what the court will trust.

So you think a court will trust his judgement is good with exposing our child to multiple strangers on a routine basis? That baffles me.

I am not calling you a liar, I am just shocked. A teacher did tell me "Never confuse the law with what is right" . I guess he was right. That settles my question.

Thanks though!

Yes, the court will absolutely trust his judgment. You know how you chose him. ? Your judgment will also be trusted unless he proves that he's not trustworthy.

The court also will NOT act upon a "what if" or a "maybe".

Stick around these forums though. Read. Educate yourself. You'll learn a lot, and if you do you'll likely find the next few years a whole lot more pleasant than if you insist that Dad doesn't have the right to parent in his own style.

 

[Ohiogal]

another question. i have reason to believe that my sons father has his new girlfriend living with him. Does he have to notify me as the custodial parent if there is another person living in his household? I have read things here and there about cohabitation being frowned upon if it is too soon, so im not sure if there are any legalities behind it.....

He doesn't need to tell you ANYTHING about his house hold unless a court orders him to do so. Why would you think otherwise?

 

[Ohiogal]

Geek- our child is at the age where he will begin to remember people aside from parents at a long time period. This means our child will be forming bonds with people other than just the parents. This worries me because his father has a history of MANY short term relationships...however very few have lived in his home until now. I don't want our child repeatedly exposed to person after person...meaning lack of stability. The main issue is that he has known this person for 2-3 months which means he doesn't have much knowledge on who this person really is. The risk is that he is exposing our child to an adult influence that is not known to either of us (parents). An acquaintance of mine is a child psychologist and has advised me at even this early age this could be potentially harmful to our emotionally developing child. My question is whether he HAS to give me this information since i have sole physical custody of our child.

AND? Your child should form bonds with many people and learn how to deal with those bonds being broken throughout his life.

You have NO RIGHT to any information about his household. Seriously. And the adult influence IS known to him. You sound jealous.

 

[Ohiogal]

She could have a criminal record, abuse drugs, alcohol, pedophile,irresponsible,neglectful. I will do a background check but even if she is a good person...their actions are still not in our child's best interest. It is way too soon to expose our child to this person in this manner. I know that it may not be against any law, too bad there are no moral police. Thankyou for the information though, i appreciate it

But yet YOU were not married to him and YOU shacked up with him AND you are coming across as a hypocrite. Where were the moral police when you were having sex with him when you were not married and reproducing? Oh yeah, that wasn't a problem then for you, was it?

Try growing up and losing the hypocrisy.

 

[Ohiogal]

I DO know that it is not because there is a lack of family stability if partners come and go. It is common sense and has been the break of many parents custody battles. So if it were in a child's best interest then it would not cause so many parents to lose custody. If she is a great person and stays forever, fine with me. It is not responsible though to move in that soon when children are living in the home.



A day care provider would not be left to care for my child for more than 24 hours and would not be exposed to my child 24/7. That is not a good comparison.

I did not say I was the perfect mom. I do KNOW that I have a lot of experience with children since I have my own, i helped raise someone else, worked in daycare and volunteered with local children's programs.
Would you want your child left in the care of someone fresh out of hs in which you have no knowledge of? I don't not think I am being unreasonable to worry about that. Yes, it is possible that she could be great with children, but i would be a lousy parent to assume so.

She is potentially unsafe. can never assume someone is safe if you don't know them.

So you think a court will trust his judgement is good with exposing our child to multiple strangers on a routine basis? That baffles me.

I am not calling you a liar, I am just shocked. A teacher did tell me "Never confuse the law with what is right" . I guess he was right. That settles my question.

Thanks though!

You are a hypocrite. YOU screwed around with him without being married and now you are criticizing him for moving on without you? REALLY?

 

[meanyjack]

He is 32 and the girl is 19.

And now we get down to THE issue. (cue up Natalie Merchant's "Jealousy")

How about you just STOP trying to throw whatever you can up against the wall to see what sticks. Because everything has been falling right to the floor.

'ooooh....ooohh...Jealousy. La-la-la-la.-la..')

 

[TNBSMommy]

I know that age is irrelevant, however her young age poses a risk in my opinion due to her possible lack of experience with children....

I was fresh out of high school when I gave birth to my daughter, with a "lack of experience with children" the hospital still sent her home with me, she's now 18 and has survived her mom having a "lack of experience with children" and loves me very much.

 

[ecmst12]

And how long were YOU with this man when you allowed him to knock you up?

 

[SESmama]

OP, let's flip this.

You have a new boyfriend. The child's father knows nothing about this person and you only met him 2 months ago! You trust him, right? Dad doesn't know diddly about this man. He could be a POTENTIAL DANGER to his child. How dare you bring someone like that around without giving him any information before exposing your child to this potential danger? Well, he showed take custody because this man may just harm his child.

Yeah, not so great. The courts believed you when you made him dad that he was a good man and you trusted his judgement on the world. You, yourself, have stated you know nothing about this woman. Do you know where she works? What was her upbringing? So you are already determining that she is dangerous. You don't know so you really sound like you want to control who is around your child. Guess what? Just WAIT until this child goes to school! There is a lot that you won't get to control. Learn to let some of it go now and be a happier mom and not a stressed out, hypercritical, über controlling mom.



ETA: forgot my point! My hubby's ex wanted stuff like that. She did a complete mea culpa when she realized I had grown up with 6 siblings. 5 of them 12 years and more younger than I. I really did have a lot of child care experience!