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Can one parent fire a nanny she's jealous of?

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tomwrn1

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My sister and her husband are recently separated. She moved out but visits when she wants. They have 4 young children who love their nanny more than their mother because the nanny spends more time and attention with them.

My sister (the mother) never wanted children and holds it against her husband that she did. She has been diagnosed multiple times with borderline personality disorder which is demonstrated by extreme concern for her own emotional happiness without thought for others. She moved out and fired the nanny because she wanted to force her husband to miss work and have to take care of the children. My sister has repeatedly insulted and verbally attacked the nanny to compensate for her jealousy.

The husband is more concerned with getting help for his wife than protecting himself. She on the other hand is draining their joint bank account rapidly with self-indulgent spending including a planned Italian vacation. She knows that he will always put the children first so she can leave and he will be forced to miss work.

She just put a craigslist ad out for a new nanny (the regular one has a strong attachment to the children so my sister is jealous of their affection for her.). She put her husband's phone as the contact number on the ad and he has had to spend the day home from work fielding hundreds of calls from nannies while caring for the 4 children.

I need legal advice for him.
What can he do to retain the original nanny and remove the mother's right to fire her? I'm thinking along the lines of: unfit mother, welfare of the children (abandonment by mother of children, removing their beloved nanny, forcing a total stranger into the household)

Please help! I'm trying to help my brother-in-law before he loses his job due to unexplained absences and help the children in a situation with an unstable mother.
 


Antigone*

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My sister and her husband are recently separated. She moved out but visits when she wants. They have 4 young children who love their nanny more than their mother because the nanny spends more time and attention with them.

My sister (the mother) never wanted children and holds it against her husband that she did. She has been diagnosed multiple times with borderline personality disorder which is demonstrated by extreme concern for her own emotional happiness without thought for others. She moved out and fired the nanny because she wanted to force her husband to miss work and have to take care of the children. My sister has repeatedly insulted and verbally attacked the nanny to compensate for her jealousy.

The husband is more concerned with getting help for his wife than protecting himself. She on the other hand is draining their joint bank account rapidly with self-indulgent spending including a planned Italian vacation. She knows that he will always put the children first so she can leave and he will be forced to miss work.

She just put a craigslist ad out for a new nanny (the regular one has a strong attachment to the children so my sister is jealous of their affection for her.). She put her husband's phone as the contact number on the ad and he has had to spend the day home from work fielding hundreds of calls from nannies while caring for the 4 children.

I need legal advice for him.
What can he do to retain the original nanny and remove the mother's right to fire her? I'm thinking along the lines of: unfit mother, welfare of the children (abandonment by mother of children, removing their beloved nanny, forcing a total stranger into the household)

Please help! I'm trying to help my brother-in-law before he loses his job due to unexplained absences and help the children in a situation with an unstable mother.
If mom has moved out then why on earth is dad so whimpy that he does not just put his foot down and tell her to buzz off?

This is not a legal issue. Your brother-in-law really need to grow a pair.

You can also encourage your BIL to file for divorce.
 

tomwrn1

Junior Member
If mom has moved out then why on earth is dad so whimpy that he does not just put his foot down and tell her to buzz off?

This is not a legal issue. Your brother-in-law really need to grow a pair.

You can also encourage your BIL to file for divorce.
Thanks for the advice. If he tells her to buzz off she will just come over and fire the nanny again while he's at work. She still has a house key and legally shares ownership of the house. She is also mentally unstable and he is concerned if he goes against her too much she will make up things about him and call cops for a domestic.
He's an ADA in NY and can't have his reputation tarnished by an arrest for a fabricated story.

I've already had him look into divorce proceedings but that will take a while.
What can he do now? He can't lock her out of the house, can he?
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Thanks for the advice. If he tells her to buzz off she will just come over and fire the nanny again while he's at work. She still has a house key and legally shares ownership of the house. She is also mentally unstable and he is concerned if he goes against her too much she will make up things about him and call cops for a domestic.
He's an ADA in NY and can't have his reputation tarnished by an arrest for a fabricated story.

I've already had him look into divorce proceedings but that will take a while.
What can he do now? He can't lock her out of the house, can he?
He files for divorce, asks for temporary custody and the exclusive use of the marital home. Then he changes the locks so she can't come in.

Until he's willing to take the initiative, she's going to do whatever she wants.
 

sandyclaus

Senior Member
And quite honestly, what is stopping him from re-hiring the nanny, or making sure she (nanny) knows that he is her sole employer from this point forward?

Really, this situation would be so much easier if he learned how to take control and stop letting the STBX run things. Can't help HIM if he doesn't learn how to help himself. We can only make suggestions of what we might do, but ultimately, HE is the one who actually has to do it. Unless/until he does, making useless suggestions he will never put into action does absolutely no good, and the STBX will remain in control, just the way she wants it.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Who is paying Nanny's salary? If da's the one writing out the check, he should tell Nanny he is not firing her. It's unfair to the kids, with all the other changes to ALSO impose a big caregiver change.

Dad really needs to grow a pair.
 

Antigone*

Senior Member
Who is paying Nanny's salary? If da's the one writing out the check, he should tell Nanny he is not firing her. It's unfair to the kids, with all the other changes to ALSO impose a big caregiver change.

Dad really needs to grow a pair.
That seems to be a recurring theme:)
 

tomwrn1

Junior Member
thanks for the replies

Who is paying Nanny's salary? If da's the one writing out the check, he should tell Nanny he is not firing her. It's unfair to the kids, with all the other changes to ALSO impose a big caregiver change.

Dad really needs to grow a pair.
Its a good point. He is paying for everything but the wife says its her money too thru marriage. Is there a legal basis to this argument? Can she refire if he rehires? I'm confused.

Btw, he just called to tell me she came by and stole his laptop and work blackberry(she wants to go through his files to see who he's been in contact with). He's filing a police report.

As for " temporary custody and the exclusive use of the marital home." any ideas how long that will take? A week, a month, more? What grounds are required?
 

Banned_Princess

Senior Member
As an ADA, he deals exclusively with criminal law, not family law.
So what, he needed to cover family law in school and for the bar. As an attorney first, he knows what to do and how to go about things.

He should already know to get an attorney, and start the divorce. he cant say money is holding him up. :rolleyes:

And since he hasn't, thats his problem. its not up to you to get advice from an online forum, because frankly this is none of your business.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
And - attorneys network. He knows family law attorneys.

I think it's time for the OP to step back and let the involved parties handle their own matters.
 

tomwrn1

Junior Member
re: none of my biz

So what, he needed to cover family law in school and for the bar. As an attorney first, he knows what to do and how to go about things.

He should already know to get an attorney, and start the divorce. he cant say money is holding him up. :rolleyes:

And since he hasn't, thats his problem. its not up to you to get advice from an online forum, because frankly this is none of your business.
I'm getting advice because he asked for advice and I'm not an expert. As family, I will help if I can.
Money is an issue since his wife has been draining his money for years and there is very little left. But its not THE issue. He still loves her and wants to get her help. But he's leaning towards divorce now.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I'm getting advice because he asked for advice and I'm not an expert. As family, I will help if I can.
Money is an issue since his wife has been draining his money for years and there is very little left. But its not THE issue. He still loves her and wants to get her help. But he's leaning towards divorce now.
Your B-I-L, the ADA, asked YOU for help...

Uh-huh.
 

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