Alimony and breadwinning wife

[metfan012]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the breadwinning wife in an 18 year marriage making 26.00/hr. My husband never worked during the marriage and has applied for social security disability over the years but was denied. I live check to check and support 2 adult daughters and grandchildren. Will I have to pay exhorbitant spousal support for life?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the breadwinning wife in an 18 year marriage making 26.00/hr. My husband never worked during the marriage and has applied for social security disability over the years but was denied. I live check to check and support 2 adult daughters and grandchildren. Will I have to pay exhorbitant spousal support for life?

You need to expect to pay something, and you really need to speak to an attorney.

Why are you supporting your adult children and THEIR children?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the breadwinning wife in an 18 year marriage making 26.00/hr. My husband never worked during the marriage and has applied for social security disability over the years but was denied. I live check to check and support 2 adult daughters and grandchildren. Will I have to pay exhorbitant spousal support for life?

Unlike many states, there is a spousal support calculator online for CA:
California Child & Spousal Support Calculator | Dishon & Block
I can't vouch for the accuracy of this, but it suggests that you will be paying quite a bit of spousal support. You will definitely want to see an attorney.

You can ask that he be imputed an income, although given the circumstances they may only impute minimum wage for him.

Here are the factors which are considered in setting spousal support in CA:
Californa Spousal Support (Alimony) Law And Procedure - Spousal Support (Alimony) Attorney (Lawyer)

Note that the ultimate result is left to the discretion of the judge.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the breadwinning wife in an 18 year marriage making 26.00/hr. My husband never worked during the marriage and has applied for social security disability over the years but was denied. I live check to check and support 2 adult daughters and grandchildren. Will I have to pay exhorbitant spousal support for life?

So you make about 54,000 a year? That is not a lot for CA. Is your husband truely disabled? How old are each of you? Why do you have to support your adult daughters and grandchildren? Did your husband have at least 40 SS earnings credits from prior to your marriage? If not, any SS benefits he could collect would be minimal...so you would still have a potential issue with alimony.

 

[Proserpina]

So you make about 54,000 a year? That is not a lot for CA. Is your husband truely disabled? How old are each of you? Why do you have to support your adult daughters and grandchildren? Did your husband have at least 40 SS earnings credits from prior to your marriage? If not, any SS benefits he could collect would be minimal...so you would still have a potential issue with alimony.

The prior SS credits won't matter - they would have needed to have been fairly recent in order for them to count towards SSDI.

(Though that doesn't change the rest of your response at all)

 

[ecmst12]

You may have to stop supporting your (presumably) able-bodied adult children so that you can support your disabled ex-husband. It will be a good lesson for them.

 

[LdiJ]

The prior SS credits won't matter - they would have needed to have been fairly recent in order for them to count towards SSDI.

(Though that doesn't change the rest of your response at all)

Pro, I honestly am too tired and don't have time to research if things have changed in the last 10 years, but the last time I knew it wasn't necessary for your credits to be recent...it was a 35 year window. If it has changed...I am going to be one ticked off person. I have been paying into Social Security since I was 16 years old, and I am 54 now.

 

[Proserpina]

Pro, I honestly am too tired and don't have time to research if things have changed in the last 10 years, but the last time I knew it wasn't necessary for your credits to be recent...it was a 35 year window. If it has changed...I am going to be one ticked off person. I have been paying into Social Security since I was 16 years old, and I am 54 now.

I didn't word it correctly AND I made an assumption.

At least 20 of those credits must have been earned in the 10 years prior to the person becoming disabled. Proving the DoD would be the difficult thing.

Of course, if he wasn't deemed disabled until 2012 the issue is moot anyway.

I do apologize for not being clearer. And for the assumption.

It's that time of year.

 

[sandyclaus]

IMHO, if you have been the breadwinning spouse for the majority of your marriage, it would be fairly certain that you would end up having to pay a reasonable amount of alimony/spousal support for them now.

You have supported your STBX throughout the marriage already, and it would be a foregone conclusion that since you have supported him for this long that you would need to continue to support them for a certain amount of time after the marriage ends.

I have to ask, why has your husband never worked during the last 18 years? While he claims disability, he has been turned down for SSDI already, which could mean they don't consider him disabled to the point of not being able to work. What EXACTLY has stopped him from actively seeking work and becoming employed before now?

 

[ecmst12]

And what has stopped you from leaving himsooner if he's not really disabled but still won't get a job?

 

[nextwife]

I have to ask, why has your husband never worked during the last 18 years? While he claims disability, he has been turned down for SSDI already, which could mean they don't consider him disabled to the point of not being able to work. What EXACTLY has stopped him from actively seeking work and becoming employed before now?[/QUOTE]

Interesting that one rarely sees such responses when the long term SAH spouse is female.

 

[mistoffolees]

Interesting that one rarely sees such responses when the long term SAH spouse is female.

I agree. It's funny how SAHDs are treated differently than SAHMs in this forum.

The couple apparently was happy with the situation since neither of them did anything to change it. Why they chose to live that way is none of anyone else's business.

 

[Bali Hai]

Interesting that one rarely sees such responses when the long term SAH spouse is female.

Good point nextwife. It's interesting to see people attack the SAH male, while the SAH female is defended by the same people like a grizzly bear defends her cubs.

The same people call ME bias?

 

[tuffbrk]

I'm amazed that you can support yourself, 3 adults plus grandchildren on $54k annually. What motivates you to get up in the morning and go to work when no one else in your household does?

I have to give you credit- I couldn't do it myself. Unfortunately, though, you will be expected to pay alimony as you have been supporting him throughout the marriage.

Good luck to you.

 

[ecmst12]

OP did not say that hubby was a stay-at-home dad based on both of their choice, she just said he hasn't worked but Social Security did not find him to be disabled.

If she'd said that they had both chosen for him not to work to raise the children, the responses would have been somewhat different. If he was actually APPROVED for SS disability, the responses would have been different as well. It has nothing to do with gender.

And the truth is still that whether he's a lazy bum or really disabled and screwed over by the government or a SAH dad by choice, OP has been ok with supporting him for the past 18 years and the court will most likely expect her to keep supporting him - possibly permanently in CA with a marriage this long. She does not have a court order to support her adult children, so when the time comes when she must choose between paying court-ordered alimony and supporting the adult children, she is going to have to choose following the court order to avoid the penalties of contempt.

And no, the divorce judge is not going to accept the excuse of supporting able bodied adult children as a reason to not order spousal support.