voluntary relinquishment of parental rights

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Montana

Children are 12 and 14. Divorced in 2009 after 15 years of marriage.
I am custodial parent. Ex chose to move 4 hour away to move in with his girlfriend. Has seen children twice in two years---not since Christmas 2010. Has spoken to children 6-7 times in the last year. Ex allowed his girlfriend to berate and even physically assault the oldest child on last visit Christmas 2010. Ex is Bi-Polar (may or may not be on his meds). He was physically abusive to me in the marriage, and was verbally abusive to all of us until I made him move out and filed for divorce. Children do not like his girlfriend. And neither Ex or girlfriend have helped their own cause. Ex refuses to see children if his girlfriend isn't welcome by the boys.

Last week, Ex got angry with children over a phone call where the children told him exactly how they felt. He proceeded to tell me to get my attorney to file paperwork to terminate his parental rights. I, of course, refused. He proceeded to tell me he'd do it himself then and he was also going to get the child support negated as well--since the children didn't want anything to do with him.

I said all of that to ask: Is it possible for him to give up his rights AND RESPONSIBILITIES (ie child support)? I'm actually ok with either situation. But it would tickle me to no end to have a judge sever his rights, but still make him pay for the next 5-6 years. It should be noted he started fighting the child support amount 5 months after divorce was final. He finally succeeded August 2011.

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Montana

Children are 12 and 14. Divorced in 2009 after 15 years of marriage.
I am custodial parent. Ex chose to move 4 hour away to move in with his girlfriend. Has seen children twice in two years---not since Christmas 2010. Has spoken to children 6-7 times in the last year. Ex allowed his girlfriend to berate and even physically assault the oldest child on last visit Christmas 2010. Ex is Bi-Polar (may or may not be on his meds). He was physically abusive to me in the marriage, and was verbally abusive to all of us until I made him move out and filed for divorce. Children do not like his girlfriend. And neither Ex or girlfriend have helped their own cause. Ex refuses to see children if his girlfriend isn't welcome by the boys.

Last week, Ex got angry with children over a phone call where the children told him exactly how they felt. He proceeded to tell me to get my attorney to file paperwork to terminate his parental rights. I, of course, refused. He proceeded to tell me he'd do it himself then and he was also going to get the child support negated as well--since the children didn't want anything to do with him.

I said all of that to ask: Is it possible for him to give up his rights AND RESPONSIBILITIES (ie child support)? I'm actually ok with either situation. But it would tickle me to no end to have a judge sever his rights, but still make him pay for the next 5-6 years. It should be noted he started fighting the child support amount 5 months after divorce was final. He finally succeeded August 2011.

Unless you are remarried and your spouse wishes to adopt the boys, Dad will be unable to terminate his rights and obligations.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Dad can certainly try, but the state doesn't want to have to support your children.

child support is NOT an admission to see the children.

Not seeing the children does NOT mean that they don't have to eat, have a roof over their head and clothes on their body.

 

[Humusluvr]

I said all of that to ask: Is it possible for him to give up his rights AND RESPONSIBILITIES (ie child support)? I'm actually ok with either situation. But it would tickle me to no end to have a judge sever his rights, but still make him pay for the next 5-6 years. It should be noted he started fighting the child support amount 5 months after divorce was final. He finally succeeded August 2011.

Children deserve to be support by BOTH of their parents.

Visitation is optional for him though. If he hates visiting, then he doesn't have to. But he does HAVE TO support his kids.

And I think you should lose the tickled attitude. If you approach this situation like this, you are asking for karma to bite you. IMHO.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

But it would tickle me to no end to have a judge sever his rights, but still make him pay for the next 5-6 years. .

Yes, karma can be an absolute ..canine.

Remember that, Mom.

 

[Ladyback1]

Children deserve to be support by BOTH of their parents.

Visitation is optional for him though. If he hates visiting, then he doesn't have to. But he does HAVE TO support his kids.

And I think you should lose the tickled attitude. If you approach this situation like this, you are asking for karma to bite you. IMHO.

Yes, and I agree with Karma.

The Ex has moved on, intends to marry his girlfriend and raise HER son. He has chosen to throw his children overboard (mentally and emotionally). He has whined about CS since before the divorce was final. So, yes, if he wants to sever his rights, I would find it humorous if he was still held financially accountable to the children.
Sorry--maybe it's the wrong attitude (and it's not an attitude I have shared with the children). However, not one of you know the full story on what prompted the divorce. It's so much more than the abuse issue. It's so much more than the Bi-Polar diagnosis.

He has not put the time, energy and effort into trying to maintain a relationship with his children. I would have and still would love to have the kids at least be friendly to their father. He is, after all, their father. And at some point, I did love him. He is very angry at me for finally finding my backbone and saying "enough" then filing for divorce.

Thankfully, I found a wonderful man after the divorce who loves, cares for(about) and respects me and my children. Hence, why I am sort of ambivalent about what the Ex chooses to file.

 

[Humusluvr]

Yes, and I agree with Karma.

The Ex has moved on, intends to marry his girlfriend and raise HER son. He has chosen to throw his children overboard (mentally and emotionally). He has whined about CS since before the divorce was final. So, yes, if he wants to sever his rights, I would find it humorous if he was still held financially accountable to the children.
Sorry--maybe it's the wrong attitude (and it's not an attitude I have shared with the children). However, not one of you know the full story on what prompted the divorce. It's so much more than the abuse issue. It's so much more than the Bi-Polar diagnosis.

He has not put the time, energy and effort into trying to maintain a relationship with his children. I would have and still would love to have the kids at least be friendly to their father. He is, after all, their father. And at some point, I did love him. He is very angry at me for finally finding my backbone and saying "enough" then filing for divorce.

Thankfully, I found a wonderful man after the divorce who loves, cares for(about) and respects me and my children. Hence, why I am sort of ambivalent about what the Ex chooses to file.

The only thing you can control in life is YOU. Your attitude, your actions, and your reactions. Karma, mom. The above post didn't sound so hot.

 

[Ladyback1]

The only thing you can control in life is YOU. Your attitude, your actions, and your reactions. Karma, mom. The above post didn't sound so hot.

1st-please stop referring to me as "mom". That sounds so very condescending.
2nd-Unless you have walked in my shoes the last 17 years, you have no idea whether my feelings are justified or if it's sour grapes.
3rd-and here's the most important part: This was NOT how I envisioned things for my children. I wanted and still would prefer that their father "cowboy up" and decide to be their Dad. Unfortunately, I cannot force him to do that. And unfortunately, if he chooses to not be a part of their life--trying to fight him over that will only cause the children more heartbreak and turmoil.
He's angry at me because I had the audacity to divorce him and then to *gasp* live my life without him.

I asked if it could be done. I did not ask for anyone's opinion on whether what I thought was right or wrong.

 

[Proserpina]

1st-please stop referring to me as "mom". That sounds so very condescending.
2nd-Unless you have walked in my shoes the last 17 years, you have no idea whether my feelings are justified or if it's sour grapes.
3rd-and here's the most important part: This was NOT how I envisioned things for my children. I wanted and still would prefer that their father "cowboy up" and decide to be their Dad. Unfortunately, I cannot force him to do that. And unfortunately, if he chooses to not be a part of their life--trying to fight him over that will only cause the children more heartbreak and turmoil.
He's angry at me because I had the audacity to divorce him and then to *gasp* live my life without him.

I asked if it could be done. I did not ask for anyone's opinion on whether what I thought was right or wrong.

Wow...a parent is upset that they're referred to as...the parent?!

That sure as heck makes a change.

Would you prefer, "egg donor"?

 

[Humusluvr]

Wow...a parent is upset that they're referred to as...the parent?!

That sure as heck makes a change.

Would you prefer, "egg donor"?

I was thinking "xx" but that sounds so very..... pornographic.

Sheesh, I can't win.

And, it reinforces what I've said twice now. Bitter much? Alienate the kids much?

Karma roars.

 

[stealth2]

1st-please stop referring to me as "mom". That sounds so very condescending.
2nd-Unless you have walked in my shoes the last 17 years, you have no idea whether my feelings are justified or if it's sour grapes.
3rd-and here's the most important part: This was NOT how I envisioned things for my children. I wanted and still would prefer that their father "cowboy up" and decide to be their Dad. Unfortunately, I cannot force him to do that. And unfortunately, if he chooses to not be a part of their life--trying to fight him over that will only cause the children more heartbreak and turmoil.
He's angry at me because I had the audacity to divorce him and then to *gasp* live my life without him.

I asked if it could be done. I did not ask for anyone's opinion on whether what I thought was right or wrong.

Tell ya what, sweetpea (since you find "mom" offensive and condescending) - why don;t you go find a lawyer to answer your questions? Yes, you will have to pay him/her.

Some of us might actually have some good input for you. My ex has barely talked to our kids in two years. I have some experience to advise you with. If I wanted to. But I prefer dealing with people who have an ounce of gratitude for the time spent helping them for free. In other words - not you.

 

[Ladyback1]

Why was it wrong of me to say that it would tickle me to no end to see him have to continue paying support--with or without him having parental rights? If he can't or won't be a father then he should at least have to provide some financial support. This is the man that completely ignored his children on Christmas, No phone call, no card, nothing (keep in mind the children did send him Christmas card and gifts and tried to call...)

He has hurt his children. I'm not bitter, as much as I would just like him to step up and be a father, AND provide financial support to the children he helped create. That is all I have ever wanted for the children as well as for the Ex.

(I would prefer to be referred to by the username...calling me "mom" in the context you all used was kind of like a phone solicitor calling me by my first name--a little disrespectful).

oh, and I do have an attorney, but since he's only threatened it, there isn't a lot she will do. I dont need or want free legal advice

 

[Humusluvr]

I dont need or want free legal advice

Good, because we don't want or need to provide it to you, mom.

 

[stealth2]

I dont need or want free legal advice

So...Why are you even here? *Mom*.

 

[ecmst12]

Mom is a title of utmost respect, especially around here. Take it as the complement that it is.

Physical abuse should absolutely have been enough to prompt the divorce. But that's a whole other topic.

Dad will not be able to terminate his rights and he will have to keep paying CS until they age out, whether he likes it or not. It is possible that he will eventually reconcile with them. Try to hold out a little hope for that - though it may take years if it happens at all.