Divorce Finalization Help in Indiana

[Tonyalee73]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

Background: I have been going through divorce proceedings for the past 2 years and my ex still refuses to sign the final divorce papers until I agree to give him joint physical and legal custody. In March of 2010 the courts ordered supervised visitation for him because of past abusive behavior towards the kids. In November of last year our guardian ad litem recommended that we start phasing in regular visitation. He has since started seeing the kids every other Saturday from 8am-6pm. After paying approx. $7,000 in lawyers fees I have no more resources to pay an attorney. I would like to try and get the divorce at least finalized on my own but know that if I have to fight a custody battle I will be forced to hire another lawyer. Question: If I ask for a hearing with a final divorce decree prepared and my ex still refuses to sign, is the judge likely to force him to bifurcate the divorce, go ahead and finalize it (awarding me custody) or send us back to the GAL and keep the case open until an agreement is reached?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

Background: I have been going through divorce proceedings for the past 2 years and my ex still refuses to sign the final divorce papers until I agree to give him joint physical and legal custody. In March of 2010 the courts ordered supervised visitation for him because of past abusive behavior towards the kids. In November of last year our guardian ad litem recommended that we start phasing in regular visitation. He has since started seeing the kids every other Saturday from 8am-6pm. After paying approx. $7,000 in lawyers fees I have no more resources to pay an attorney. I would like to try and get the divorce at least finalized on my own but know that if I have to fight a custody battle I will be forced to hire another lawyer. Question: If I ask for a hearing with a final divorce decree prepared and my ex still refuses to sign, is the judge likely to force him to bifurcate the divorce, go ahead and finalize it (awarding me custody) or send us back to the GAL and keep the case open until an agreement is reached?

What do you think joint physical and legal custody means?



It is likely that the court will schedule a trial for custody because your husband does not have to agree to anything.

 

[Tonyalee73]

Joint Physical Custody,as I understand it, would be equal (or close to equal) parenting time for each parent. This is what he is asking for anyway. Considering that it has already taken 2 years for his relationship with the kids to be stable enough to allow unsupervised visits, I don't see that arrangement working out any time soon.

Joint Legal Custody would be shared decision making in important factors that affect our children's lives, ie: education, religion, medical decisions.

I'm reluctant to allow him this for several reasons.
1) Coming to an agreement is very difficult for us. He does not believe in compromise. I would love to be able to discuss the issues that are affecting our kids' lives with him; it's difficult to go it alone but I don't believe everything is a win/lose or my way/your way situation. The easiest example I can give to show this is the finalization of the divorce itself....he knows I want the divorce over with, even the GAL has explained to him that it would be best for everyone to have that closure and that the visitation/custody issue would still continue on afterward, but he refuses to do anything until he has exactly what he wants and nothing less.

2) Lack of communication. Last year, he had concerns over allowing my teenage daughter to go on a weekend vacation with her boyfriend's family. Understandably a situation that a father would have a concern over. But instead of asking me directly about the details of the situation and allowing me the chance to explain it or even talking with her boyfriend's parents (which we both know very well), he choose to contact the GAL and demand that I refuse her to go. He also pulled me back into court over it. So what could have been settled with one phone call took 3 phone calls and a visit before the judge.

3) Inability to understand and obey court orders. Let me just show examples and let you decide. A)Showed up at my son's school, repeatedly called and texted my daughter's phone during school hours and stopped by my new residence several times AFTER the judge ordered that he should not have any contact with the kids outside of supervised visitation. B) Broke 3 rules of the supervised visitation at the very first visit and when questioned by the facilitator responded that he didn't know because he hadn't read the paperwork. C)Took me back to court for contempt because I did not allow him to claim 2 of the kids on his taxes. I had clearly explained to him that because he was behind on child support (approx. $4,000) he couldn't claim them as agreed upon during our mediation. I suggested that he go back and read the papers he had signed. The judge told him the same thing and did not find me in contempt.


I hope to someday have that 'ideal' co-parenting situation with him and am willing to do my part to make it happen. But i need the divorce end of it closed; it's time to move on. I can't take him constantly holding it over my head and telling me what I can and can't do in my personal life because we are still 'legally married'.

I also realize that this is a very emotional case for me and I try to make rational decisions based on fairness and logic instead of fear...any advice you have for me is very much needed and appreciated.

 

[LdiJ]

Joint Physical Custody,as I understand it, would be equal (or close to equal) parenting time for each parent. This is what he is asking for anyway. Considering that it has already taken 2 years for his relationship with the kids to be stable enough to allow unsupervised visits, I don't see that arrangement working out any time soon.

Joint Legal Custody would be shared decision making in important factors that affect our children's lives, ie: education, religion, medical decisions.

I'm reluctant to allow him this for several reasons.
1) Coming to an agreement is very difficult for us. He does not believe in compromise. I would love to be able to discuss the issues that are affecting our kids' lives with him; it's difficult to go it alone but I don't believe everything is a win/lose or my way/your way situation. The easiest example I can give to show this is the finalization of the divorce itself....he knows I want the divorce over with, even the GAL has explained to him that it would be best for everyone to have that closure and that the visitation/custody issue would still continue on afterward, but he refuses to do anything until he has exactly what he wants and nothing less.

2) Lack of communication. Last year, he had concerns over allowing my teenage daughter to go on a weekend vacation with her boyfriend's family. Understandably a situation that a father would have a concern over. But instead of asking me directly about the details of the situation and allowing me the chance to explain it or even talking with her boyfriend's parents (which we both know very well), he choose to contact the GAL and demand that I refuse her to go. He also pulled me back into court over it. So what could have been settled with one phone call took 3 phone calls and a visit before the judge.

3) Inability to understand and obey court orders. Let me just show examples and let you decide. A)Showed up at my son's school, repeatedly called and texted my daughter's phone during school hours and stopped by my new residence several times AFTER the judge ordered that he should not have any contact with the kids outside of supervised visitation. B) Broke 3 rules of the supervised visitation at the very first visit and when questioned by the facilitator responded that he didn't know because he hadn't read the paperwork. C)Took me back to court for contempt because I did not allow him to claim 2 of the kids on his taxes. I had clearly explained to him that because he was behind on child support (approx. $4,000) he couldn't claim them as agreed upon during our mediation. I suggested that he go back and read the papers he had signed. The judge told him the same thing and did not find me in contempt.


I hope to someday have that 'ideal' co-parenting situation with him and am willing to do my part to make it happen. But i need the divorce end of it closed; it's time to move on. I can't take him constantly holding it over my head and telling me what I can and can't do in my personal life because we are still 'legally married'.

I also realize that this is a very emotional case for me and I try to make rational decisions based on fairness and logic instead of fear...any advice you have for me is very much needed and appreciated.

Based on the fact that he has just come off supervised visitation, and the other things that you explained I also think that its best that you not cave in to his demands, even if that means dragging the divorce out longer. It does not appear to be in your children's best interest.

Its way past time for agreements on anything. Its time to bring it in front of the judge, all of it, and let the judge make orders. You probably cannot accomplish that without a fairly agressive attorney. In fact, it sounds like your previous attorney was not agressive enough. It should not have taken this long.

 

[Tonyalee73]

Thank you for your advice!