School lunch issue

[elbie]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
I'm not quite sure that this is a legal issue but I'm not sure where else to look. We have recently moved here and I have a 9 year old who has started in a new school. He has a peanut allergy, which we, of course, told the school about and now they are making him sit at the 'allergy table' at lunch. He doesn't need this. He is not one of those highly highly allergic kids, he has to have the peanut in his mouth for there to be a problem. And he is old enough to understand that he has to know what he's putting in his mouth. He knows not to just take food offered and eat it. He is perfectly able to take care of himself in that respect.
More than once, I've talked to his teacher and also the principal to tell them I would prefer that they allow him to sit anywhere during lunch but I have been informed that this is their policy with nut allergies. And they won't budge. My son is feeling a bit like an 'outcast' and I know it can't be easy to be new to a school and then told where to sit during lunch - he wants to be with his new friends. He has started to sneak off by himself - which only gets him moved and in trouble. Normally I would be on him about respecting his teachers but, I completely understand him.
What can we do about this? This is a completely new school system to us (and the 'allergy table' is new too!) - would the next step be talking to the school district? I'm even considering getting a letter written up by a lawyer stating that my husband and I take full responsibility for this decision - is that the only option we have??
Thank you for giving your time.

 

[CourtClerk]

The school is doing what they feel is prudent in ensuring your child's safety while in their care. Your letter will no do good. If his peanut allergy is bad enough that you felt it necessary for them to know about, then it's bad enough to do what they feel like they need to to make sure he and other children are safe. He's getting the same treatment as every other child with a food allergy.

So he'll need to eat, then go play with his friends.

 

[elbie]

The school is doing what they feel is prudent in ensuring your child's safety while in their care. Your letter will no do good. If his peanut allergy is bad enough that you felt it necessary for them to know about, then it's bad enough to do what they feel like they need to to make sure he and other children are safe. He's getting the same treatment as every other child with a food allergy.

So he'll need to eat, then go play with his friends.

A letter from the child's parents would do no good at all? Wow. I don't feel that they are doing what they're doing for safety. I feel that they're doing it due to potential lawsuits. This 'allergy table' can't be an opt-in/opt-out situation??
We had to tell the school as we had to give them an epipen due to insurance wanting him to have one. But even without the epipen I would have mentioned it anyway - so that on the off-chance something happened, they would know why. I didn't expect this reaction.
And it's not that great having a child who hates lunch -that's not normal. I have to feel for the little bugger. He already has an accent so no-one understands a word he says and now he's a lunch outcast! Also, we've never treated the nut thing as a big deal. He needs to be cautious, he needs to check things, but he doesn't need to be segregated...

Are these 'allergy tables' regular in US schools?

 

[justalayman]

elbie;3030821]A letter from the child's parents would do no good at all? Wow. I don't feel that they are doing what they're doing for safety. I feel that they're doing it due to potential lawsuits. This 'allergy table' can't be an opt-in/opt-out situation??

no, it cannot be. You cannot say your child has an allergy bad enough that you needed to tell the school about it and then decide the school can ignore that statement. Yes, it does concern lawsuits but it also concerns the health of your child. While in their care, the school is liable to act in the best interest of your child and due to the serious concern of death due to allergies (especially peanut allergies), they are doing what is in the best interest of your child.

We had to tell the school as we had to give them an epipen due to insurance wanting him to have one.

if your doctor determined he needs to carry an Epipen, his allergy is serious enough to cause him to be isolated as they have.

And it's not that great having a child who hates lunch -that's not normal. I have to feel for the little bugger.

I do too and here is where you need to shine as a parent and explain in a way he understands that he is not being punished but it is for his own health concern. I am sure he already realizes he doesn't get a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen and that bothers him too. It is simply something he has to learn to understand and live with.

,

but he doesn't need to be segregated...

yes, he does and what is happening is a perfect example as to why. He is experiencing peer pressure to do something against the rules. What happens when another kid offers him a peanut? Sure, at first your son will refuse but what happens when the other kid starts challenging him to eat it or mocks your son because he can't eat it?

This is for your son's protection. This is the only way the school can ensure he is not exposed to nuts, at least during lunch.

Are these 'allergy tables' regular in US schools?

I do not know but I suspect so, especially given the epidemic level of allergies the students seem to be experiencing.

 

[stealth2]

Some schools have allergy tables, and some simply ban ANY student bringing in ANY food that has peanuts. Personally, I think the former is a more reasonable approach instead of forcing every child to adhere to the allergic child's food issue.

As for the letter? It would not preclude your filing a lawsuit should the unthinkable happen. Which would force the school district to incur some pretty hefty legal fees, even if the court rules against you. In these times, where taxes continually increase while services decrease, that is not something the taxpayers will take lightly. So the schools err on the side of increased caution.

 

[Ladyback1]

Our school system did not make the kids with allergies sit at a separate table, they made the kids who brought nut or nut products sit at a different table.
I'd much rather my kid be separated somehow from things that could trigger a potentially life-threatening reaction. It is a health and safety issue. Not an issue about lawsuits.

 

[elbie]

no, it cannot be. You cannot say your child has an allergy bad enough that you needed to tell the school about it and then decide the school can ignore that statement. Yes, it does concern lawsuits but it also concerns the health of your child. While in their care, the school is liable to act in the best interest of your child and due to the serious concern of death due to allergies (especially peanut allergies), they are doing what is in the best interest of your child.

...ok. Maybe this is a cultural difference. I don't tell schools and then expect them to do something about it. It's an awareness issue. If your child reacts to bees - you inform the school, so they know. You don't expect them to trap and kill all bees in the area. If your child has mild controlled asthma, you would likely inform the school - so they know. If something happened.
I find the school's behavior odd, and their reluctance to enter into any discussion about it with us to be unusual - which makes me think it's not actually about my son or his health at all.

if your doctor determined he needs to carry an Epipen, his allergy is serious enough to cause him to be isolated as they have.

Not his doctor. An insurance company.

I do too and here is where you need to shine as a parent and explain in a way he understands that he is not being punished but it is for his own health concern.

That may have to be plan b.

I am sure he already realizes he doesn't get a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen and that bothers him too.

To be perfectly honest, he doesn't know what that is yet. And neither do I. So he's probably ok about it at the moment. Anyway, he thinks peanuts are gross.

What happens when another kid offers him a peanut? Sure, at first your son will refuse but what happens when the other kid starts challenging him to eat it or mocks your son because he can't eat it?

Is that something that American children do?? Because as far as I know, he's never experienced that during any previous 'free range' school lunch. My son's not about to eat a peanut. I have a rather strong faith in him on that one.

I do not know but I suspect so, especially given the epidemic level of allergies the students seem to be experiencing.

It certainly seems to be more of an issue here...

Some schools have allergy tables, and some simply ban ANY student bringing in ANY food that has peanuts. Personally, I think the former is a more reasonable approach instead of forcing every child to adhere to the allergic child's food issue.

That's fairly extreme. I can understand the 'allergy table' more with younger children, and the ratio of teachers to students that you would have in a lunch room. But with older kids, it's simply not the way the rest of the world is going to work for them... We've just always taught our son to be vigilant, to ask questions, to take that responsibility for his safety. We haven't scared him or acted like he needs protection. It's just a fact of his life. So with the attitude he's been raised with, I think this 'allergy table' just confuses the heck out of him. He thinks it's the 'stupidest of stupid things in the whole universe'.

As for the letter? It would not preclude your filing a lawsuit should the unthinkable happen. Which would force the school district to incur some pretty hefty legal fees, even if the court rules against you. In these times, where taxes continually increase while services decrease, that is not something the taxpayers will take lightly. So the schools err on the side of increased caution.

Ah-ha. Is that so. You make this sound like a losing battle? A letter from us would give them no cover at all?

I'd much rather my kid be separated somehow from things that could trigger a potentially life-threatening reaction.

Life doesn't quite work like that. I think it's better to learn to cope. I rather my son be vigilant and aware than to just think he's safe.

 

[stealth2]

That's fairly extreme. I can understand the 'allergy table' more with younger children, and the ratio of teachers to students that you would have in a lunch room. But with older kids, it's simply not the way the rest of the world is going to work for them... We've just always taught our son to be vigilant, to ask questions, to take that responsibility for his safety. We haven't scared him or acted like he needs protection. It's just a fact of his life. So with the attitude he's been raised with, I think this 'allergy table' just confuses the heck out of him. He thinks it's the 'stupidest of stupid things in the whole universe'.



Ah-ha. Is that so. You make this sound like a losing battle? A letter from us would give them no cover at all?

The school is not going to take the chance. They have a policy regarding how food allergies are handled. Period. You can either follow it, or you can do something else in terms of your son's education.

How long have you been in the US?

 

[Proserpina]

...ok. Maybe this is a cultural difference. I don't tell schools and then expect them to do something about it. It's an awareness issue. If your child reacts to bees - you inform the school, so they know. You don't expect them to trap and kill all bees in the area. If your child has mild controlled asthma, you would likely inform the school - so they know. If something happened.
I find the school's behavior odd, and their reluctance to enter into any discussion about it with us to be unusual - which makes me think it's not actually about my son or his health at all.



Not his doctor. An insurance company.



That may have to be plan b.



To be perfectly honest, he doesn't know what that is yet. And neither do I. So he's probably ok about it at the moment. Anyway, he thinks peanuts are gross.



Is that something that American children do?? Because as far as I know, he's never experienced that during any previous 'free range' school lunch. My son's not about to eat a peanut. I have a rather strong faith in him on that one.



It certainly seems to be more of an issue here...



That's fairly extreme. I can understand the 'allergy table' more with younger children, and the ratio of teachers to students that you would have in a lunch room. But with older kids, it's simply not the way the rest of the world is going to work for them... We've just always taught our son to be vigilant, to ask questions, to take that responsibility for his safety. We haven't scared him or acted like he needs protection. It's just a fact of his life. So with the attitude he's been raised with, I think this 'allergy table' just confuses the heck out of him. He thinks it's the 'stupidest of stupid things in the whole universe'.



Ah-ha. Is that so. You make this sound like a losing battle? A letter from us would give them no cover at all?



Life doesn't quite work like that. I think it's better to learn to cope. I rather my son be vigilant and aware than to just think he's safe.

Who prescribed the Epi-pen?

I guarantee you, it wasn't an insurance company.

 

[Humusluvr]

...ok. Maybe this is a cultural difference. I don't tell schools and then expect them to do something about it. It's an awareness issue. If your child reacts to bees - you inform the school, so they know. You don't expect them to trap and kill all bees in the area. If your child has mild controlled asthma, you would likely inform the school - so they know. If something happened.

You are looking at this as a parent who WOULDN'T sue. Unfortunately, that's not the culture we live in today. America is a lawsuit happy society. If your son was injured in the cafeteria because he mistakenly ate a peanut, many parents would sue. We're not calling your kid dumb here, we're saying, "Accidents happen all the time." The school would rather be safe with your son's LIFE than sorry.

I find the school's behavior odd, and their reluctance to enter into any discussion about it with us to be unusual - which makes me think it's not actually about my son or his health at all.

It's likely board policy, and you can't just change it by going to the school and saying, Change it. This policy has also likely been reviewed by the school's lawyers, and it's necessary for the school's liability.

To be perfectly honest, he doesn't know what that is yet. And neither do I. So he's probably ok about it at the moment. Anyway, he thinks peanuts are gross.

You have the opportunity to spin this as a parent. This is about his SAFETY, his LIFE. He can make friends with kids who share a common bond with him at the lunch table. This can be positive and a bonding experience.

Is that something that American children do?? Because as far as I know, he's never experienced that during any previous 'free range' school lunch. My son's not about to eat a peanut. I have a rather strong faith in him on that one.

Accidents happen.

That's fairly extreme. I can understand the 'allergy table' more with younger children, and the ratio of teachers to students that you would have in a lunch room. But with older kids, it's simply not the way the rest of the world is going to work for them...

Who gets to decide what's too young, too old, too smart, too stupid, too careless, too vigilant - the school makes a blanket rule so no one gets hurt.

We've just always taught our son to be vigilant, to ask questions, to take that responsibility for his safety. We haven't scared him or acted like he needs protection. It's just a fact of his life. So with the attitude he's been raised with, I think this 'allergy table' just confuses the heck out of him. He thinks it's the 'stupidest of stupid things in the whole universe'.

All kids think rules are stupid. As adults, we know that certain rules keep us safe. If you are not telling your child that the school is looking out for his safety, then you may be part of the problem.

Ah-ha. Is that so. You make this sound like a losing battle? A letter from us would give them no cover at all?

No letter from you would cover. What would the letter say? "It's ok for Johnny to sit with the regular kids at lunch. If he dies from a peanut, we're totally cool with that, and won't sue you." Seriously?

Life doesn't quite work like that. I think it's better to learn to cope. I rather my son be vigilant and aware than to just think he's safe.

You are totally missing the point. YOU teach your son to be vigilant. AND you teach him that schools keep him safe.

You also have the option to homeschool.

I'm particularly disturbed by your attitude that the school should disregard his allergy. If my kid was diabetic, should I tell the school "Let him eat all the cake and candies he wants. His diabetes isn't THAT BAD. He'll only be sick for a little while. It's ok, he probably won't DIE." Do you hear how that SOUNDS?

 

[Just Blue]

. I have to feel for the little bugger. ?

Might want to find another "name" for your son.

Origin of BUGGER
Middle English bougre heretic, from Anglo-French bugre, from Medieval Latin Bulgarus, literally, Bulgarian; from the association of Bulgaria with the Bogomils, who were accused of sodomy
First Known Use: 1555

 

[stealth2]

It's also a relatively common term of endearment in many areas.

 

[Just Blue]

It's also a relatively common term of endearment in many areas.

Perhaps. But, IMHO, a term of endearment that has origins in "buggery" is rather...wrong.

 

[stealth2]

Perhaps. But, IMHO, a term of endearment that has origins in "buggery" is rather...wrong.

Eh... I've called mine "little sods" in jest. I've told mine she can be a "right little b..." with offense neither intended nor taken. It's all a matter of family culture.

 

[Just Blue]

Eh... I've called mine "little sods" in jest. I've told mine she can be a "right little b..." with offense neither intended nor taken. It's all a matter of family culture.

I guess. I just posted my HO.