Step Parent adoption, bio-mom charged with Felony assault

[CaCO3Girl]

Georgia:
I filed nearly a year ago to adopt my step son, the short story is that his mother is not interested in the child 340 days of the year, but every now and then she calls non stop for a week and will see him, but generally she goes back to disinterest fairly quickly.

She did not show for the supervised visitation hearing, the restraining order hearing that I asked for for me and my step son, and she didn't answer the adoption motion. She moves constantly, and I have over 30 phone numbers for her from the last 12 months, so even if we wanted to contact her about the child we couldn't. She is also 3 years behind in child support.

She was arrested last month for Simple Battery, Battery, and Felony Aggravated Assault against her 60 year old mother who walks with a cane due to a stroke she had last year...so those charges have been upgraded to family violence.

The Judge is FINALLY willing to hear our adoption / TPR case and I wonder how these charges will affect the case. Some people are saying she hasn't been convicted so it doesn't count yet, other's are saying just the charge of felony assault is enough to be guilty in a Judge's eyes.

What are your thoughts?

 

[Ohiogal]

Georgia:
I filed nearly a year ago to adopt my step son, the short story is that his mother is not interested in the child 340 days of the year, but every now and then she calls non stop for a week and will see him, but generally she goes back to disinterest fairly quickly.

And? She sees or contacts the child 25 days a year.

She did not show for the supervised visitation hearing, the restraining order hearing that I asked for for me and my step son, and she didn't answer the adoption motion.

What right did YOU have to request a restraining order on behalf of your step-son (a legal stranger)?

She moves constantly, and I have over 30 phone numbers for her from the last 12 months, so even if we wanted to contact her about the child we couldn't. She is also 3 years behind in child support.

Child support is not an admission fee. Has she been properly served the adoption motion or any of the other motions?

She was arrested last month for Simple Battery, Battery, and Felony Aggravated Assault against her 60 year old mother who walks with a cane due to a stroke she had last year...so those charges have been upgraded to family violence.

What does that have to do with the child?

The Judge is FINALLY willing to hear our adoption / TPR case and I wonder how these charges will affect the case. Some people are saying she hasn't been convicted so it doesn't count yet, other's are saying just the charge of felony assault is enough to be guilty in a Judge's eyes.

What are your thoughts?

My thoughts are that even if she was found guilty it has no affect on the adoption -- it was NOT against the child.

 

[CaCO3Girl]

Okay, longer version needed obviously. Yes, she calls the child about 20 times a year, and she has seen him for a total of 10 hours in the last 12 months, HER choice not to show up for her supervised visitation, or his baseball games which we send her a copy of the schedule every season.

I had to get the restraining order because my husband was working out of state, the mother was on supervised visits because she had 2 children removed by DFCS (GA version of CPS) for failure to send them to school and not feeding them, and the mother showed up at my door with the police and demanded I turn over "HER SON" to her, because she technically had joint custody. DFCS was called and it was a big mess, thankfully the child was not at home to see it, but DFCS basically told the cops that the child should be left in my care and that if they did force the issue they would get a Judge to remove the child from the mother and place the child in foster care that night because he would then be considered an "at risk child".

In our county you have to be served by a sheriff for court, so she was served each and every thing by an officer, no room for error or trickery on our part.

In GA lack of child support for 12 months is grounds for termination of parental rights...that is the only reason i mentioned it.

I really respect GAL's, it was thanks to a GAL my husband got custody to begin with. With this added information do you still feel that assault against a disabled elderly person has no bearing on a termination of parental rights case?

 

[stealth2]

I'm wondering how Dad/StepMom have no way of contacting Mom (no bio, btw), but know all these details about her...

 

[CaCO3Girl]

Some records are open to the public, googleing her name showed she was in jail and what she is charged with, then my husband called the detective in charge of the case to see what happened.

As for the children being removed, it was public record that she was arrested for neglect of children and failure to send children to school, and we opened up a line of communication with the other childrens father, who now has sole custody, so we could keep the kids visiting with each other.

And being a mother, in my opinion, means you know your kids teachers name, you ask about their grades, you attend one of 50 baseball games in the last 3 years, you take time to read to them, you let them know that you love them and they are important to you...or you even show up for your visitation. We have shown up for every visitation, we have provided her with all information about baseball and school events, by e-mail, which she checks about 2 times a month and does respond to. She use to be his mother, now she is his biological mother, she lost the title of mom after years of not acting like one.

 

[Zigner]

Some records are open to the public, googleing her name showed she was in jail and what she is charged with, then my husband called the detective in charge of the case to see what happened.

As for the children being removed, it was public record that she was arrested for neglect of children and failure to send children to school, and we opened up a line of communication with the other childrens father, who now has sole custody, so we could keep the kids visiting with each other.

And being a mother, in my opinion, means you know your kids teachers name, you ask about their grades, you attend one of 50 baseball games in the last 3 years, you take time to read to them, you let them know that you love them and they are important to you...or you even show up for your visitation. We have shown up for every visitation, we have provided her with all information about baseball and school events, by e-mail, which she checks about 2 times a month and does respond to. She use to be his mother, now she is his biological mother, she lost the title of mom after years of not acting like one.

Your opinion means nothing, legally speaking.

 

[Silverplum]

Some records are open to the public, googleing her name showed she was in jail and what she is charged with, then my husband called the detective in charge of the case to see what happened.

As for the children being removed, it was public record that she was arrested for neglect of children and failure to send children to school, and we opened up a line of communication with the other childrens father, who now has sole custody, so we could keep the kids visiting with each other.

And being a mother, in my opinion, means you know your kids teachers name, you ask about their grades, you attend one of 50 baseball games in the last 3 years, you take time to read to them, you let them know that you love them and they are important to you...or you even show up for your visitation. We have shown up for every visitation, we have provided her with all information about baseball and school events, by e-mail, which she checks about 2 times a month and does respond to. She use to be his mother, now she is his biological mother, she lost the title of mom after years of not acting like one.

Do you and your H have an adoption attorney? Your chances are a bazillion times better with one.

 

[anearthw]

No, she's still mom. Obviously not a great one, but she's still the child's mother - you playing mother does not make you so.

Does mom CONSENT to this adoption?

WHO is telling you that a charge of felony assault against someone who is not the child, is enough to terminate parental rights? Someone with half a brain, clearly. Do you realize how many convicted violent felons do not have their rights terminated?

You need an attorney, and considering it appears mom has not consented to this, a heck of a lot of luck too.

 

[CaCO3Girl]

We have the same lawyer that handled the Legitimization, Primary Custody, and Supervised Visitation matters between my husband and the bio-mom.

He has basically said that in GA, in order to remain a parent, you have to support the child, be that emotionally, physically, or financially. Since she has done none of the 3 for more than 3 years and I have been what he calls the defacto parent of the child, he doesn't see a problem with the case...when i asked him how the felony assault charge mattered to our case he said "well, can't hurt".

 

[CaCO3Girl]

WHO is telling you that a charge of felony assault against someone who is not the child, is enough to terminate parental rights? Someone with half a brain, clearly. Do you realize how many convicted violent felons do not have their rights terminated?

I filed almost a year ago, this charge happened last month. Our filing had nothing to do with this assault charge, and she was on supervised visitation because she had 2 kids removed by the state for neglect charges, which we found out 3 months after the fact. We felt horrible that we didn't believe the child when he said he was riding around in a car all night when he was with his mom, or that he had to sleep on the floor at some guys house, or all he had to eat that whole day was a baked potato....the bio-mom finally admitted that all those things were true and she didn't have a job or a place to live at the moment....that moment was 2 years ago and nothing has changed, well except that she is in jail now too, and we know that her mom offered her a place to live and a job, but I guess she didn't take it.

 

[Silverplum]

We have the same lawyer that handled the Legitimization, Primary Custody, and Supervised Visitation matters between my husband and the bio-mom.

He has basically said that in GA, in order to remain a parent, you have to support the child, be that emotionally, physically, or financially. Since she has done none of the 3 for more than 3 years and I have been what he calls the defacto parent of the child, he doesn't see a problem with the case...when i asked him how the felony assault charge mattered to our case he said "well, can't hurt".

You might want to just consult with an attorney who specializes in adoptions, particularly stepparent adoptions. Make sure your attorney is on the right track.

 

[CaCO3Girl]

Thank you Silverplum, that was the first response where I didn't feel I was getting attacked!

The court date is in mid may, and it took a year to get, I think it is too late to change horses in this race. However, if the adoption fails for what ever reason we should have enough to go back for sole custody. Either way gets my step son away from his bio-mom until she can be a person who contributes to his life rather than detracts from it. That really is our only goal, to protect him. I have never knew my heart could shatter so completly but it does every time I have seen him in a ball, rocking on the floor, crying because of her, because of something she had done. And it has happened over and over and over again and if it hurts me that bad I can only imagine what it is doing to him, he is 9.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you Silverplum, that was the first response where I didn't feel I was getting attacked!

I, personally, perceive a strong dislike against stepmothers here.

The court date is in mid may, and it took a year to get, I think it is too late to change horses in this race. However, if the adoption fails for what ever reason we should have enough to go back for sole custody. Either way gets my step son away from his bio-mom until she can be a person who contributes to his life rather than detracts from it. That really is our only goal, to protect him. I have never knew my heart could shatter so completly but it does every time I have seen him in a ball, rocking on the floor, crying because of her, because of something she had done. And it has happened over and over and over again and if it hurts me that bad I can only imagine what it is doing to him, he is 9.

I understand.

It's really important to listen to your attorney. You can certainly bring items of interest to his attention, but you have to trust that he's working for you and your H.

 

[Zigner]

I, personally, perceive a strong dislike against stepmothers here.

Silver - you know that the dislike is against over-stepping steps. Gender is irrelevant.

 

[CaCO3Girl]

I can understand over stepping steps...and I stayed off to the side and quiet for a long time, 5 years to be exact. But this was my name on the adoption motion, not my husbands.

Is there ever a time, in your opinion, when the step mom (or dad) becomes more of a parent to the child than the bio mom (or dad), or are we over stepping any time we challenge a biological parent?