A Message to All Parents

[breezymom]

Now, I know there have been numerous arguments about things like Facebook and other social media. Yes, the ex-whatever can just not look, but there is another problem that most don't think about: YOUR CHILDREN CAN SEE IT.

Even if you don't allow your children to use these media at their ages, some of their friends may be allowed and it comes up on google search using your name. I'm actually posting this after a friend of mine posted something on her profile page that could be hurtful to her children...because she was venting. Then a "friend" of hers post ied something even more hurtful and nasty underneath.

That's one of THE first bloody things they told us in a co-parenting class: Don't air your frustrations about your ex on social media. Just don't. It has your real name attached and your children could see it. And if that doesn't tug at you, then perhaps the fact that in many courts, it CAN be used against you. Does that make more of an imprint on your minds?

Really. Don't do it. If you really need to vent, the best thing is to get a therapist. If you really can't do that or it's not enough, talk to a close friend or family member when the kids are not around. Your children really don't need to know this stuff. All they need to know is they have a Mom and Dad who love them.

 

[Antigone*]

Now, I know there have been numerous arguments about things like Facebook and other social media. Yes, the ex-whatever can just not look, but there is another problem that most don't think about: YOUR CHILDREN CAN SEE IT.

Even if you don't allow your children to use these media at their ages, some of their friends may be allowed and it comes up on google search using your name. I'm actually posting this after a friend of mine posted something on her profile page that could be hurtful to her children...because she was venting. Then a "friend" of hers post ied something even more hurtful and nasty underneath.

That's one of THE first bloody things they told us in a co-parenting class: Don't air your frustrations about your ex on social media. Just don't. It has your real name attached and your children could see it. And if that doesn't tug at you, then perhaps the fact that in many courts, it CAN be used against you. Does that make more of an imprint on your minds?

Really. Don't do it. If you really need to vent, the best thing is to get a therapist. If you really can't do that or it's not enough, talk to a close friend or family member when the kids are not around. Your children really don't need to know this stuff. All they need to know is they have a Mom and Dad who love them.

And this applies here why

 

[Ohiogal]

Now, I know there have been numerous arguments about things like Facebook and other social media. Yes, the ex-whatever can just not look, but there is another problem that most don't think about: YOUR CHILDREN CAN SEE IT.

Even if you don't allow your children to use these media at their ages, some of their friends may be allowed and it comes up on google search using your name. I'm actually posting this after a friend of mine posted something on her profile page that could be hurtful to her children...because she was venting. Then a "friend" of hers post ied something even more hurtful and nasty underneath.

That's one of THE first bloody things they told us in a co-parenting class: Don't air your frustrations about your ex on social media. Just don't. It has your real name attached and your children could see it. And if that doesn't tug at you, then perhaps the fact that in many courts, it CAN be used against you. Does that make more of an imprint on your minds?

Really. Don't do it. If you really need to vent, the best thing is to get a therapist. If you really can't do that or it's not enough, talk to a close friend or family member when the kids are not around. Your children really don't need to know this stuff. All they need to know is they have a Mom and Dad who love them.

actually it is a good point. The first thing I do when I get a GAL case is check all the social media sites for the parents and the children. Then I print out any of the pages if there is ANYTHING posted that can be negative about any of the parties. I also look at significant others to see what they are saying on their facebook pages. It has impacted custody recommendations and in some cases resulted in custody changes.

 

[breezymom]

And this applies here why

For the reasons OG said, number 1. Also, we continually tell parents on here to keep their children out of the fray. This brings them into it. And, thirdly, it CAN'T be erased (at least not permanently). These servers keep backups of even things the parties think are erased. It belongs here because it is something worse than word-of-mouth: It's written and permanent...and even more public.

People want advice when they come here. This is blanketed advice for all who come here.

 

[Antigone*]

For the reasons OG said, number 1. Also, we continually tell parents on here to keep their children out of the fray. This brings them into it. And, thirdly, it CAN'T be erased (at least not permanently). These servers keep backups of even things the parties think are erased. It belongs here because it is something worse than word-of-mouth: It's written and permanent...and even more public.

People want advice when they come here. This is blanketed advice for all who come here.

I see your point breezy. Almost sounded like a rant and just wanted to understand where you wanted to go with this.

 

[breezymom]

I see your point breezy. Almost sounded like a rant and just wanted to understand where you wanted to go with this.

It kind of is, but mostly to help. It upsets me when I see that kind of stuff. I am really hoping that folks follow that advice because we don't even think about what we post on things like that.

 

[Serenity2009]

I was actually able to use my ex's new girlfriend's social sites against him in court... She was trying to replace me as my children's mom, described how she kept repeating she was their mommy, and that they wanted to live with her because "my name" is mean, she posted a bunch of mental games she was playing with my children... The courts were not happy. She was let off with a warning (GAL was to monitor her posts and dad was to monitor her interactions with the children, she was not to be left unsupervised etc.) Dad was told if it did not stop or happened again he would have to have supervised visitations.

I don't post negative things on my Facebook (only social media I go on), once you put it out there its not going to go away, I think of it as do I really want people to see me as an angry person? What do those nasty posts say about me? I log issues, write out my frustrations on word pad and when I feel better I delete them.

Dad and I agree about one thing, in front of the children we are very nice and we never say anything negative about each other in front of the children (or at least I don't).