killerzoey
Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? HI
Despite my many polite requests to stop, ex has developed a habit of saying my name condescendingly/gruffly. He thinks it's funny, and now that he knows I don't like it, he does it more.
Now he has the kids doing it. When I call him (to let him know I'm on my way, etc.) he hands them the phone and has them say my name this way.
I don't want to be mocked by him and I don't want him coaching them to call me by my first name in any tone. They have started calling me by my name at home when they first come back from Dad's.
Yesterday after dd answered the phone and addressed me this way, I could hear him laughing in the background, as usual. I asked dd to hand him the phone, politely but firmly demanded he stop putting her up to this. He seemed to really enjoy this. He got so heady with power that he then refused to meet me at the exchange place. He has refused to pick up the phone or return my calls...for a DAY.
He was supposed to have them Thursday night, now he he kept them Friday night and as I haven't heard from him, it looks like he plans to keep them Saturday (tonight) as well. I do not want to drive over there with him in this state as he will undoubtedly continue the mockery in front of the kids. Besides the scene-in-front-of-the-kids thing, I have made it clear that I don't want him coming to my house uninvited, and I feel like I would be negating that if I did it myself. I am trying to demonstrate respect and boundaries. Maybe I should just try...I don't know. It could go very badly.
I am in the process of trying to get a formal visitation agreement in effect so that if he tries to punish me again via the kids in this particular way, I will have recourse. It will also help with other issues.
What can I do about the open mocking, and him coaching them to call me by my first name, even in a derogatory tone? He is passive aggressive, and just says he's kidding--the hallmark of bullying. I feel I can curtail the kids calling me by my name, but without a good reason to, he won't stop the tone and behavior. I don't want the kids to see their mom treated that way. He doesn't do it every time, but he does have a whole arsenal of similar stuff. This is just what he's getting his jollies from at the moment. He also likes to show up at dd's school (where I teach) wearing nothing but swim trunks, say "Oh Ms. _____!" while loudly walking down the hall way, generally try to attract attention, possibly trying to embarrass me.
I am so close to feeling defeated by this man. Because everything he does, it's just not quite bad enough to get him consequences. He is the master of passive aggressive behavior and he is seriously messing with me and with our kids' heads. Who knows what he's telling him about why they're not with Mom as planned. Probably telling him that I just decided not to be with them. I know my relationship with them is very very strong, though, and I'm counting on it. I also know that they do not want to take part in mocking me, that they just don't quite understand. They're only 3 and 6, it must be so confusing.
Despite my many polite requests to stop, ex has developed a habit of saying my name condescendingly/gruffly. He thinks it's funny, and now that he knows I don't like it, he does it more.
Now he has the kids doing it. When I call him (to let him know I'm on my way, etc.) he hands them the phone and has them say my name this way.
I don't want to be mocked by him and I don't want him coaching them to call me by my first name in any tone. They have started calling me by my name at home when they first come back from Dad's.
Yesterday after dd answered the phone and addressed me this way, I could hear him laughing in the background, as usual. I asked dd to hand him the phone, politely but firmly demanded he stop putting her up to this. He seemed to really enjoy this. He got so heady with power that he then refused to meet me at the exchange place. He has refused to pick up the phone or return my calls...for a DAY.
He was supposed to have them Thursday night, now he he kept them Friday night and as I haven't heard from him, it looks like he plans to keep them Saturday (tonight) as well. I do not want to drive over there with him in this state as he will undoubtedly continue the mockery in front of the kids. Besides the scene-in-front-of-the-kids thing, I have made it clear that I don't want him coming to my house uninvited, and I feel like I would be negating that if I did it myself. I am trying to demonstrate respect and boundaries. Maybe I should just try...I don't know. It could go very badly.
I am in the process of trying to get a formal visitation agreement in effect so that if he tries to punish me again via the kids in this particular way, I will have recourse. It will also help with other issues.
What can I do about the open mocking, and him coaching them to call me by my first name, even in a derogatory tone? He is passive aggressive, and just says he's kidding--the hallmark of bullying. I feel I can curtail the kids calling me by my name, but without a good reason to, he won't stop the tone and behavior. I don't want the kids to see their mom treated that way. He doesn't do it every time, but he does have a whole arsenal of similar stuff. This is just what he's getting his jollies from at the moment. He also likes to show up at dd's school (where I teach) wearing nothing but swim trunks, say "Oh Ms. _____!" while loudly walking down the hall way, generally try to attract attention, possibly trying to embarrass me.
I am so close to feeling defeated by this man. Because everything he does, it's just not quite bad enough to get him consequences. He is the master of passive aggressive behavior and he is seriously messing with me and with our kids' heads. Who knows what he's telling him about why they're not with Mom as planned. Probably telling him that I just decided not to be with them. I know my relationship with them is very very strong, though, and I'm counting on it. I also know that they do not want to take part in mocking me, that they just don't quite understand. They're only 3 and 6, it must be so confusing.
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