Do I have to wait till the other party files a response?

[deanna185]

i'm going through a divorce in the state of CT and have 2 children. My soon to be ex knows that I have been in a relationship with another person for over 2 years. I have been informed that my relationship is a non-issue because my soon to be ex abandonded the marriage prior to anything happening with another person. My soon to be ex will be served divorce papers very soon.

I had made plans to be with the person who i've been seeing for over 2 years during July 4th week. I was told that there is NO legal issue with me seeing this person during this time period but it was recommended that I wait until my soon to be ex responds to the complaint because they want to see how my soon to be ex responds.

If there is no legal issue why does it matter if i wait until after the response to the complaint?

 

[justalayman]

I don't understand. You have been in a relationship with this other person for 2 years and now you ask if it would damage your situation if you saw them over the 4th weekend? Did I miss something?

If the situation over the 4th would cause you problems, I suspect the prior 2 years would be an issue as well.

 

[deanna185]

From what I was told the prior 2 years is a non issue and DOES NOT damage my situation. In addition there is NO legal issue if I see my new partner over July 4th. That is why I don't understand why I should wait until my soon to be ex files a response to the divorce? My soon to be ex's response would be due no later than July 17th.

I don't understand. You have been in a relationship with this other person for 2 years and now you ask if it would damage your situation if you saw them over the 4th weekend? Did I miss something?

If the situation over the 4th would cause you problems, I suspect the prior 2 years would be an issue as well.

 

[latigo]

i'm going through a divorce in the state of CT and have 2 children. My soon to be ex knows that I have been in a relationship with another person for over 2 years. I have been informed that my relationship is a non-issue because my soon to be ex abandonded the marriage prior to anything happening with another person. My soon to be ex will be served divorce papers very soon.

I had made plans to be with the person who i've been seeing for over 2 years during July 4th week. I was told that there is NO legal issue with me seeing this person during this time period but it was recommended that I wait until my soon to [e ex responds to the complaint because they want to see how my soon to be ex responds.

If there is no legal issue why does it matter if i wait until after the response to the complaint?

You want some alien to tell you that its alright for you and your lover to play house and act like rabbits while awaiting hubby’s response to the complaint even though "they" advise against it because your husband may charge that your adulterous activity reflects poorly on your fitness as a custodial parent (although it doesn't) and that shacking up over the holiday could ignite an unnecessary fire and protract the proceedings to where "soon to become ex" turns into “when for hell's sake”?

Okay then, it’s okay! Root away.

But why did ”they” have a need to know?

 

[LdiJ]

From what I was told the prior 2 years is a non issue and DOES NOT damage my situation. In addition there is NO legal issue if I see my new partner over July 4th. That is why I don't understand why I should wait until my soon to be ex files a response to the divorce? My soon to be ex's response would be due no later than July 17th.

Why don't you tell us WHO, THEY are an perhaps we would have some sort of clue whether or not THEIR advice is valid advice?

 

[deanna185]

WTF? Read the question. I am looking for an articulate answer not someone spewing half-wit jargon.

I am not asking for someone to tell me its alright to play house and act ligh rabbits.

I am asking if there is NO legal reason not to see this person why would it be recommended to wait until the other party files a response before I can do anything?

If you cannot answer the question - don't post. I'm looking for an answer not half-witted comments.

You want some alien to tell you that its alright for you and your lover to play house and act like rabbits while awaiting hubby’s response to the complaint even though "they" advise against it because your husband may charge that your adulterous activity reflects poorly on your fitness as a custodial parent (although it doesn't) and that shacking up over the holiday could ignite an unnecessary fire and protract the proceedings to where "soon to become ex" turns into “when for hell's sake”?

Okay then, it’s okay! Root away.

But why did ”they” have a need to know?

 

[LdiJ]

WTF? Read the question. I am looking for an articulate answer not someone spewing half-wit jargon.

I am not asking for someone to tell me its alright to play house and act ligh rabbits.

I am asking if there is NO legal reason not to see this person why would it be recommended to wait until the other party files a response before I can do anything?

If you cannot answer the question - don't post. I'm looking for an answer not half-witted comments.

You are not understanding. There COULD be reasons why it would be unwise to see the person you are dating during the pendency of the divorce. However, unless you tell us WHO gave you that advice we don't know if its potentially valid advice or not.

If it was your attorney, then your attorney knows better than we do whether or not you should do that. If it was meddling family or friends, that could be a different story. If it was your stbx, then its even more of a different story. If you have children with your stbx, and they are in your primary custody, that changes the story as well.

 

[deanna185]

Atty stated that. Atty stated the following.

1. Relationship with other person will not affect divorce as soon to be ex abandoned marriage
2 My relationship with another person will not impact custody or division of property
3. There is NO legal reason why I can't see person I'm dating
4. Made a recommendation to wait till after soon to be ex files a response before seeing person i'm involved with

What has me confused is the last point above. I told atty that I was getting together with person i'm involved with and if there are any legal issues with doing this. Atty said NO - no legal reason why I can't see person I'm involved with but made a recommendation to wait till after soon to be ex responds to the divorce papers.

Thinking about it it doesn't make sense. If there is NO legal issue why the recommendation to wait?

BTW - I am not looking for permission to see this other person. I am trying to understand advice that seems to be in contradiction.

Thanks

You are not understanding. There COULD be reasons why it would be unwise to see the person you are dating during the pendency of the divorce. However, unless you tell us WHO gave you that advice we don't know if its potentially valid advice or not.

If it was your attorney, then your attorney knows better than we do whether or not you should do that. If it was meddling family or friends, that could be a different story. If it was your stbx, then its even more of a different story. If you have children with your stbx, and they are in your primary custody, that changes the story as well.

 

[BigMouthWino]

Atty stated that. Atty stated the following.

1. Relationship with other person will not affect divorce as soon to be ex abandoned marriage
2 My relationship with another person will not impact custody or division of property
3. There is NO legal reason why I can't see person I'm dating
4. Made a recommendation to wait till after soon to be ex files a response to see person i'm involved with

What has me confused is the last point above. I told atty that I was getting together with person i'm involved with and if there are any legal issues with doing this. Atty said NO - no legal reason why I can't see person I'm involved with but made a recommendation to wait till after soon to be ex responds to the divorce papers.

Thinking about it it doesn't make sense. If there is NO legal issue why the recommendation to wait?

BTW - I am not looking for permission to see this other person. I am trying to understand advice that seems to be in contradiction.

Thanks

Follow the advice of your attorney. Your attorney has no stake in keeping you apart from your gigolo. You trusted the attorney enough to hire him, do what he tells you to do to get through the divorce as quickly and painlessly as possible.

 

[deanna185]

Again, I am not looking for permission. I am not saying that I won't wait.

What I want to know is WHY the contradiction in the advice that if there is NO legal issue why the recommendation to wait?

That is what I am trying to understand. I just want attention to the question. Everyone is concentrating on whether I want to see this other person or not. That is irrelevant. The question I am asking is why the contradiction.

Follow the advice of your attorney. Your attorney has no stake in keeping you apart from your gigolo. You trusted the attorney enough to hire him, do what he tells you to do to get through the divorce as quickly and painlessly as possible.

 

[deanna185]

I found the answer. This is all I was looking for. The answer is to make this as amicable as possible and in my situation things are not amicable nor will they be.

http://www.gagelaw.com/DatingDuringDivorce.shtml

 

[BigMouthWino]

What I want to know is WHY the contradiction in the advice that if there is NO legal issue why the recommendation to wait?

So why don't you ask your attorney for his reasoning behind the advice? This is not a psychic forum and we cannot know what factors your attorney has weighed to advise you in this matter. The link you posted can't read your attorney's mind either.

 

[deanna185]

First, it was not after it was too late to call that I realized there was a contradiction in advice.
Second, the facts of the situation were provided here.
Lastly, i was wondering if someone either knew something that i could not think of or find out at the moment or maybe have experienced this. From other posts in the forum it seems that people respond with their knowledge or experiences which is what I was looking for.

I do not understand why someone cannot look at a post and if they don't have anything to contribute that helps point someone in a direction or provide information posts to the thread with nothing that helps. Like your response. Nothing was added by your response and was a waste of time. If you don't know - don't post and move onto the next thread.

So why don't you ask your attorney for his reasoning behind the advice? This is not a psychic forum and we cannot know what factors your attorney has weighed to advise you in this matter. The link you posted can't read your attorney's mind either.

 

[stealth2]

It seems rather intuitive that one would not want to rock the boat in a situation such as this. Your ex could make your divorce unpleasant and protracted should he choose to do so.

As for the personal input? That's what you get when you ask for free advice. Consider it a bonus. My addition on that front is - I hope you haven;t paraded your "friend" around your kids. Many judges would take a dim view of that. Despite your lawyer's input.

 

[LdiJ]

First, it was not after it was too late to call that I realized there was a contradiction in advice.
Second, the facts of the situation were provided here.
Lastly, i was wondering if someone either knew something that i could not think of or find out at the moment or maybe have experienced this. From other posts in the forum it seems that people respond with their knowledge or experiences which is what I was looking for.

I do not understand why someone cannot look at a post and if they don't have anything to contribute that helps point someone in a direction or provide information posts to the thread with nothing that helps. Like your response. Nothing was added by your response and was a waste of time. If you don't know - don't post and move onto the next thread.

Your attorney wants to see if your ex is going to make an issue of your boyfriend. Although there is no legal basis to do so if your ex makes it an issue, it makes the divorce uglier, more complicated and therefore much more expensive for you and time consuming for your attorney.