Many Questions

[BaconRN]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

I'm contemplating a divorce and have innumberable questions. I'm not sure if it would be better for my husband and I to hire lawyers or to try and settle things ourselves. I'm hoping you all can help me with that decision.

We have been married for almost 9 years. We have one child, a toddler. We own a house, which we do not have much equity in. As far as other assets, we have 2 cars, and I have a 401K at work, however, I recently borrowed some money from it, so there isn't as much in the account right now. My husband has lots of computers and music equipment, and I thought those things would be considered assets, but he says no. He says that he bought them with his company's money (He has his own company, which he runs from out of our house), therefore, those things belong to the company and not our marriage.

Now, I thought his company would be an asset of our marriage, since he started it while we were married and ran it totally from home, and I completely supported him & us while it didn't make any profit, but he said no again. He originally put the company in his mother's name, and when she died, he inherited the company from her. So he says I'm not entitled to anything at all from the company. Is that right?

In terms of cash, he has a nice stock portfolio, but the majority of that is cash he received from the sale of his mother's house, which I guess I would not be entitled to. What about money he's made by investing that principle? Is that still considered part of the inheritence?

My biggest concerns are our child and the possibility of paying alimony. I've heard that although Texas usually doesn't do alimony, in long term marriages sometimes it does. Does 9 years count as long-term? Will his company count as employment for him, even if it's not making money right now?

As for our child, I've always been the primary care giver. I take care of our kiddo 5 days a week, and my husband babysits him the two days that I work. My husband has often stated that if we get divorced, he'll move to NYC or California. How likely is it that he'd be allowed to take our child with him? Could he be compelled to stay here in the area we've always lived in? If he moves, what will that mean for a custody arrangement? Our kiddo is 3.

If he leaves, which I feel certain he will, and I get to keep kiddo here with me, what about child support? Would he have to pay it? If I'm paying him alimony, and he's paying me child support, that seems silly. Besides, he doesn't make any money, so what would he pay me with? What do they base child support on? I've heard that people can be inputed income - but what would they base that on, in this case? Would they base it on the last "real" job he had, would they base it on the last time his company was profitable, would they base it on the income he makes from his investments, or would they base it on minimum wage?

And how, exactly, do I even initiate a divorce? Do I just tell him I want one and then get a lawyer? Or should I have the lawyer first and have some preliminary idea of how I'd like things to be and see if he'll agree?

I feel very overwhelmed, and I'm sorry if I didn't post these questions in the right place; thank you for any information you can give me.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

I'm contemplating a divorce and have innumberable questions. I'm not sure if it would be better for my husband and I to hire lawyers or to try and settle things ourselves. I'm hoping you all can help me with that decision.

Get an attorney for yourself.

We have been married for almost 9 years. We have one child, a toddler. We own a house, which we do not have much equity in.

In whose name is the mortgage? In whose name is the title?

As far as other assets, we have 2 cars,

Are the cars completely paid?

and I have a 401K at work, however, I recently borrowed some money from it,

How recent? How much money? Did your husband sign off on the loan from the 401k?

so there isn't as much in the account right now.

How much is in the account?

My husband has lots of computers and music equipment, and I thought those things would be considered assets, but he says no. He says that he bought them with his company's money (He has his own company, which he runs from out of our house), therefore, those things belong to the company and not our marriage.

True but the company may belong to the marriage.

Now, I thought his company would be an asset of our marriage, since he started it while we were married and ran it totally from home, and I completely supported him & us while it didn't make any profit, but he said no again. He originally put the company in his mother's name, and when she died, he inherited the company from her. So he says I'm not entitled to anything at all from the company. Is that right?

How did he put the company in his mother's name?
What type of company does he have? What does his company do?

In terms of cash, he has a nice stock portfolio, but the majority of that is cash he received from the sale of his mother's house, which I guess I would not be entitled to. What about money he's made by investing that principle? Is that still considered part of the inheritence?

You are not entitled to any inheritance. You might be entitled to a portion of the money made during the marriage from that principle.

My biggest concerns are our child and the possibility of paying alimony. I've heard that although Texas usually doesn't do alimony, in long term marriages sometimes it does. Does 9 years count as long-term? Will his company count as employment for him, even if it's not making money right now?

9 years is NOT long term. What is the difference in income? What did he do before this business?

As for our child, I've always been the primary care giver. I take care of our kiddo 5 days a week, and my husband babysits him the two days that I work. My husband has often stated that if we get divorced, he'll move to NYC or California. How likely is it that he'd be allowed to take our child with him? Could he be compelled to stay here in the area we've always lived in? If he moves, what will that mean for a custody arrangement? Our kiddo is 3.

Are you going to be working more than two days a week?

If he leaves, which I feel certain he will, and I get to keep kiddo here with me, what about child support? Would he have to pay it?

Child support can be ordered.

If I'm paying him alimony, and he's paying me child support, that seems silly. Besides, he doesn't make any money, so what would he pay me with? What do they base child support on?

They can base it on his income (before deductions depending on the structure of the income) or what he is capable of earning.

I've heard that people can be inputed income - but what would they base that on, in this case? Would they base it on the last "real" job he had, would they base it on the last time his company was profitable, would they base it on the income he makes from his investments, or would they base it on minimum wage?

They will base it on what he has proven capable of earning in the past OR minimum wage.

And how, exactly, do I even initiate a divorce? Do I just tell him I want one and then get a lawyer? Or should I have the lawyer first and have some preliminary idea of how I'd like things to be and see if he'll agree?

Just get an attorney.Because you can NOT do this without one.

 

[BaconRN]

ThanK you

Thanks for the reply.

To answer your questions, our house is titled in my name. The mortgage is in my name. I purchased it about 6 months prior to our marriage. We've paid off about $5,000 of our loan.

Our cars are fully paid off. Both are also titled in my named only. But we bought both after we were married so I know they are marital assets.

I borrowed $5,000 from my 401k. There is about $15,000 left in the account. I am paying the money back monthly by automatic paycheck withholding. My husband didn't know until after the fact that I borrowed the money.

I will continue to only work 2 days a week post divorce. I make a sufficient living to support myself and my son on that schedule.

My husband current makes no money with his business. It's a combination online advertising/music production company. Any money he makes comes from investments, but that money gets spent on his music project, not the household. I 100% support the three of us. I'm not sure the amounts he makes with his investments, but it's significant enough to support his music project, but insignificant enough for him to report 0 income on his taxes.

His last "real" job was in 2001, and that was as a computer programmer. I believe he made between $60,000-$75,000 that year.

I've been looking into lawyers, but I'm not sure how to choose one. What should I be looking for?

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the reply.

To answer your questions, our house is titled in my name. The mortgage is in my name. I purchased it about 6 months prior to our marriage. We've paid off about $5,000 of our loan.

Our cars are fully paid off. Both are also titled in my named only. But we bought both after we were married so I know they are marital assets.

I borrowed $5,000 from my 401k. There is about $15,000 left in the account. I am paying the money back monthly by automatic paycheck withholding. My husband didn't know until after the fact that I borrowed the money.

I will continue to only work 2 days a week post divorce. I make a sufficient living to support myself and my son on that schedule.

My husband current makes no money with his business. It's a combination online advertising/music production company. Any money he makes comes from investments, but that money gets spent on his music project, not the household. I 100% support the three of us. I'm not sure the amounts he makes with his investments, but it's significant enough to support his music project, but insignificant enough for him to report 0 income on his taxes.

His last "real" job was in 2001, and that was as a computer programmer. I believe he made between $60,000-$75,000 that year.

I've been looking into lawyers, but I'm not sure how to choose one. What should I be looking for?

I do recommend that you get yourself an attorney. You can pick up some additional shifts to help you pay for it if necessary.

His company and its assets would be a marital asset. Your 401k would be a marital asset and so are the cars. Most likely your home doesn't actually have any equity at this point since you have only paid off 5k of the principal. However if you could sell it and have any proceeds left over after paying off the mortgage and selling expenses, that would likely be a marital asset to be divided equally. His investments might be marital property as well...depending on the source of the principal. If the source was premarital savings or an inheritance they would not be a marital asset. If the source was income that he earned during the marriage, they would be.

If he does try to get alimony, you should ask the courts to impute an income to him that is equivalent to what he is capable of earning.

 

[stealth2]

As for our child, I've always been the primary care giver. I take care of our kiddo 5 days a week, and my husband babysits him the two days that I work.

Okay. SO you babysit five days a week? Nice.

I'd suggest that the two of you find actual parents for the child who will raise him. Instead of just being with babysitters.

Do you understand how offensive it is that you characterize Dad's time with his son as babysitting? But you "take care" of him. <spit>

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks for the reply.

To answer your questions, our house is titled in my name. The mortgage is in my name. I purchased it about 6 months prior to our marriage. We've paid off about $5,000 of our loan.

He would be entitled to half the marital equity.What are your plans for the house?

Our cars are fully paid off. Both are also titled in my named only. But we bought both after we were married so I know they are marital assets.

Yep.

I borrowed $5,000 from my 401k. There is about $15,000 left in the account. I am paying the money back monthly by automatic paycheck withholding. My husband didn't know until after the fact that I borrowed the money.

Normally you would have needed your spouse to okay the loan. When did you take the loan? Why didn't your husband know about the loan until after the fact? For what was the loan used?

I will continue to only work 2 days a week post divorce. I make a sufficient living to support myself and my son on that schedule.

You could be imputed to full time wages.
How much do you earn two days a week?

My husband current makes no money with his business. It's a combination online advertising/music production company. Any money he makes comes from investments, but that money gets spent on his music project, not the household. I 100% support the three of us. I'm not sure the amounts he makes with his investments, but it's significant enough to support his music project, but insignificant enough for him to report 0 income on his taxes.

He can be imputed.

His last "real" job was in 2001, and that was as a computer programmer. I believe he made between $60,000-$75,000 that year.

So that was way before you were married and do not expect that income to be what the court will impute. Expect them to impute him with his highest income. Also expect that he could sue you for custody.

I've been looking into lawyers, but I'm not sure how to choose one. What should I be looking for?

Do not look for one that will tell you what you want to hear. Look for one that will give you the good and the bad regarding your situation and point out the issues.

 

[nextwife]

How can you possibly be saving sufficiently for retirement only working two days a week? Especially if in nine years all you can show in accued retirement funds is $15k and you are already dipping into retirement funds? If you needed to take money from your 401k, you clearly are NOT earning enough two days a week, because you evidentally have no sufficient non retirement savings.

 

[BaconRN]

Thanks Again

Thanks again for the replies.

By working 2 days a week, I make about $2500, pretax & pre-benefits. I have no savings of any kind. The only savings our family has is what my husband made with his business. All that money has since been spent, by him (I had no access to it), and his business quit making money. So here I am.

The loan from my 401k was for bills, household (I got behind on our mortgage) and a few medical. We got behind d/t illness; my pto doesn't pay shift differentials.

I could go back to working full time (3days a week) but I'd lose $12,000 (due to shift differentials and NOW pay - a program im on at work) and have to work more. So that doesn't make sense to me.

I didn't realize my husband had to sign off on my 401k loan; my company didn't say anything so I figured it was ok.

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be offensive by saying my husband babysits. He watches our 3 year old from noon to 4 Friday, from 8:30-2:30 on Saturday, and from 8-12 on Sunday. I care for kiddo all other times except on Friday, & Saturday from 6:30 pm to 7:45 am, when kiddo is with my parents.

How likely is it husband would get custody, particularly if he wants to move to NYC or California?

If its very likely, I'd just rather stay married.

 

[BaconRN]

I meant $2500/pay period. I get paid every 2 weeks.

I'd like to stay in my house, but will sell it if needed.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks again for the replies.

By working 2 days a week, I make about $2500, pretax & pre-benefits. I have no savings of any kind. The only savings our family has is what my husband made with his business. All that money has since been spent, by him (I had no access to it), and his business quit making money. So here I am.

The loan from my 401k was for bills, household (I got behind on our mortgage) and a few medical. We got behind d/t illness; my pto doesn't pay shift differentials.

I could go back to working full time (3days a week) but I'd lose $12,000 (due to shift differentials and NOW pay - a program im on at work) and have to work more. So that doesn't make sense to me.

I didn't realize my husband had to sign off on my 401k loan; my company didn't say anything so I figured it was ok.

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be offensive by saying my husband babysits. He watches our 3 year old from noon to 4 Friday, from 8:30-2:30 on Saturday, and from 8-12 on Sunday. I care for kiddo all other times except on Friday, & Saturday from 6:30 pm to 7:45 am, when kiddo is with my parents.

How likely is it husband would get custody, particularly if he wants to move to NYC or California?

If its very likely, I'd just rather stay married.

Its not at all likely that he would get primary custody if he intends to move away to NYC or CA. Its not impossible, but its unlikely. If you are grossing 2500.00 every two weeks on your current schedule, (in which it appears that you are working 12 hour shifts) then more power to you.

 

[ecmst12]

Man, I need a job like that. I have one more year of nursing school!

 

[Bali Hai]

Man, I need a job like that. I have one more year of nursing school!

Will you be fully rehabiltiated at that point?

 

[Ohiogal]

I meant $2500/pay period. I get paid every 2 weeks.

I'd like to stay in my house, but will sell it if needed.

Expect that you will be paying him some spousal support for a limited duration. You might also find yourself imputed for full time at your current rate of pay.

 

[LdiJ]

Expect that you will be paying him some spousal support for a limited duration. You might also find yourself imputed for full time at your current rate of pay.

Interestingly enough she said that she would actually make LESS money working full time due to some kind of program she is on with the employer.

 

[Ohiogal]

Interestingly enough she said that she would actually make LESS money working full time due to some kind of program she is on with the employer.

She better be able to back that up with actual admissible documentation. Because interestingly enough most businesses don't work that way.
The other issue is the 401k loan -- if hubby didn't sign on it, she better be able to prove where every dime of that money went unless she wants to get accused of dissipation of marital assets.