Trbal/State Law

[dragomd]

I live in MD, and recently my wife gave birth. This may be lengthy, but the story can tell more about the situation. Well, my wife has documented PTSD, and after the birth, she went south. Starting treating everyone badly, and so on. Well, my mother came to help from Chicago, she wasn't received well by my wife. My mother waited on her hand and foot. I come from a foreign family that gives a lot. Anyway, one day, she decides to yell at my mother, rather harshly, for picking up the baby to care for him because he was crying. I ran down immediately, and yelled at my wife, and rather harshly on my part, but I didn't expect her to call the police for yelling. So the cops came, asked that me and my mother leave for a couple of hours, then come back after everything cools off. We did just that. However, when we came back, before I came up the stairs, she was on the phone again with the cops. So now, the cops come, talk to me, they asked her if I did anything, she said no, then the cop said we cannot make make his mother or him leave. So she scrambled to leave the house. That evening, she got a Temp Protective order. Well, I got a lawyer, went to court, and my wife was there. I asked my lawyer to go and talk to her about taking care of all this out of court. Well, when this happened, my wife put her hands up in defense as though she will be hit. Not a good sign. Her illness is progressing where she fears everyone. She asked for a continuance to retain a lawyer. Fine, court date next week. We show up next week, her legal counsel there, but my wife is gone. She didn't answer any of her lawyers' emails/calls that the judge requested. So the case was dismissed. At this point, I was thinking the worst, she is somewhere on the run with a preemie. Well, I found out that week that she fled to Montana on her reservation. Needless to say, that she drove 3000mi to MT with a preemie in the car.

So, on the same day that she was to appear in court the second time, she was already on the reservation and filed another restraining order. Well, before that summons came to MD, I had asked my lawyer to file for emergency custody, absolute divorce, and a psych eval. We had a court date, and my wife didn't show up. The judge was ready to sign it, but didn't because no one knows jurisdiction between states and reservations. So, my question is does the reservation have jurisdiction of incidences that occurred in a state jurisdiction? Can she battle custody there? I read that the custody is out of jurisdiction based on place of residence, and that there is no pending Divorce somewhere else.

Any advice from anyone would surely help.

 

[LdiJ]

I live in MD, and recently my wife gave birth. This may be lengthy, but the story can tell more about the situation. Well, my wife has documented PTSD, and after the birth, she went south. Starting treating everyone badly, and so on. Well, my mother came to help from Chicago, she wasn't received well by my wife. My mother waited on her hand and foot. I come from a foreign family that gives a lot. Anyway, one day, she decides to yell at my mother, rather harshly, for picking up the baby to care for him because he was crying. I ran down immediately, and yelled at my wife, and rather harshly on my part, but I didn't expect her to call the police for yelling. So the cops came, asked that me and my mother leave for a couple of hours, then come back after everything cools off. We did just that. However, when we came back, before I came up the stairs, she was on the phone again with the cops. So now, the cops come, talk to me, they asked her if I did anything, she said no, then the cop said we cannot make make his mother or him leave. So she scrambled to leave the house. That evening, she got a Temp Protective order. Well, I got a lawyer, went to court, and my wife was there. I asked my lawyer to go and talk to her about taking care of all this out of court. Well, when this happened, my wife put her hands up in defense as though she will be hit. Not a good sign. Her illness is progressing where she fears everyone. She asked for a continuance to retain a lawyer. Fine, court date next week. We show up next week, her legal counsel there, but my wife is gone. She didn't answer any of her lawyers' emails/calls that the judge requested. So the case was dismissed. At this point, I was thinking the worst, she is somewhere on the run with a preemie. Well, I found out that week that she fled to Montana on her reservation. Needless to say, that she drove 3000mi to MT with a preemie in the car.

So, on the same day that she was to appear in court the second time, she was already on the reservation and filed another restraining order. Well, before that summons came to MD, I had asked my lawyer to file for emergency custody, absolute divorce, and a psych eval. We had a court date, and my wife didn't show up. The judge was ready to sign it, but didn't because no one knows jurisdiction between states and reservations. So, my question is does the reservation have jurisdiction of incidences that occurred in a state jurisdiction? Can she battle custody there? I read that the custody is out of jurisdiction based on place of residence, and that there is no pending Divorce somewhere else.

Any advice from anyone would surely help.

Unfortunately for you, if your wife is a member of a tribe, and your child is therefore a member of the same tribe, then the tribal courts would have jurisdiction over the custody of your child. You could still get a divorce without going to tribal court, but custody of the child could not be decided in the divorce.

I am really quite sorry for all of you. I think this is a divorce that might not have had to happen had people chose different behaviors.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I would contact the tribal health provider. Ask them to check in on the child and attempt to get your wife into counseling. A psychiatric professional, specializing in EMDR would likely be most helpful IMO.

 

[ecmst12]

You are also going to need a tribal lawyer.

 

[dragomd]

Unfortunately for you, if your wife is a member of a tribe, and your child is therefore a member of the same tribe, then the tribal courts would have jurisdiction over the custody of your child. You could still get a divorce without going to tribal court, but custody of the child could not be decided in the divorce.

I am really quite sorry for all of you. I think this is a divorce that might not have had to happen had people chose different behaviors.

But if the child is a newborn, and there is a pending divorce case here, then how is it possible. She filed for the same thing in MD, but fled. There is something wrong here.

The UCCJEA says this:

"(7) "Home State" means the State in which a child lived with a parent or a person acting as a parent for at least six consecutive months immediately before the commencement of a child-custody proceeding. In the case of a child less than six months of age, the term means the State in which the child lived from birth with any of the persons mentioned. A period of temporary absence of any of the mentioned persons is part of the period."


And the tribal court says this:

"(b) A judgment of another jurisdiction against a specific thing is conclusive upon the title to that
thing; and a judgment against a person, including a judgment for money, is presumptive evidence of a
right between the parties and their successors in interest, provided, that the Tribal Court shall not
enforce the judgment of another jurisdiction where evidence establishes: (i) a lack of jurisdiction, or (ii)
a lack of due process, including lack of notice to the defendant, or (iii) that the judgment was by
default,or (iv) that the judgment conflicts with a final judgment of the Tribal Court, or a court of
another jurisdiction, or (v) that the judgment is contrary to the public policy of the Tribes, or (vi)
collusion, fraud or clear mistakes of law or fact."

and this....

"Sec. 304a. Child custody actions outside divorce and annulment proceedings .
The Court shall have authority to determine custody of children as between parents,
grandparents, and legal guardians, or as between parents, grandparents, or legal guardians
and anyone with actual physical custody of the child, either pursuant to a court order or
otherwise, where there is no divorce or annulment proceeding pending. Such a custody
proceeding shall commence with the filing of a written petition by the parent, grandparent,
or legal guardian.
The Court shall have jurisdiction over this action if at least one (1) party to the action
is an Indian, and at least one (1) party has been a bona fide resident within the boundaries
of the Fort Peck Reservation for a period of ninety (90) days immediately preceding the
filing of the action.
In ruling on a custody petition, the Court shall employ the standards set forth in
Section 304, and may order periodic support payments as set for in that section. After the
Court rules on the petition, neither party may file another custody petition for six (6)
months absent a substantial change in circumstances. Any such change shall be described in
the petition. Where abuse, neglect, or abandonment of the child is suspected, a petition may
be filed under IX CCOJ 501 at any time. (AMENDED AS PER RESOLUTION NO.
1909-2001-6, DATED 06/12/01 AND RESOLUTION NO. 1287-86-7, DATED
07/28/86.)"

None of it makes sense. For custody, there is clause that states that if there is a pending divorce, which I have here, then the tribal court has no jurisdiction.

 

[dragomd]

I am really quite sorry for all of you. I think this is a divorce that might not have had to happen had people chose different behaviors.

Namely me....Should have known better.

 

[Zigner]

Not that it would matter for the advice you have asked...but MD and MT are not 3,000 miles apart.

You have an attorney - you should be asking your questions of him/her.

 

[LdiJ]

Namely me....Should have known better.

I would suggest that you consult an attorney who is experienced in tribal law. The UCCJEA does not apply when tribal law is involved, and tribal law dominates. That is really all that anyone can tell you here. Its a complicated issue and nobody here is qualified to advise you on the nuances of that.

As far as "namely me...should have known better". I am not sure what you mean by that, but one thing I can tell you is that if you had put your marriage and your family ahead of your mother, you might possibly not be in the situation that you are in now. I don't know you, I don't know your circumstances, but I do know that in a situation where there is all kinds of stress for various reasons, sometimes a grandparent causes more harm than good, particularly if their child doesn't reign them in.

 

[dragomd]

I would suggest that you consult an attorney who is experienced in tribal law. The UCCJEA does not apply when tribal law is involved, and tribal law dominates. That is really all that anyone can tell you here. Its a complicated issue and nobody here is qualified to advise you on the nuances of that.

As far as "namely me...should have known better". I am not sure what you mean by that, but one thing I can tell you is that if you had put your marriage and your family ahead of your mother, you might possibly not be in the situation that you are in now. I don't know you, I don't know your circumstances, but I do know that in a situation where there is all kinds of stress for various reasons, sometimes a grandparent causes more harm than good, particularly if their child doesn't reign them in.

Very true, but this all started at the hospital with her. She was mad at me for not protecting her against the nurses. An example of this would be that she and I made a list for me to go buy some preemie clothes, all we had was the bigger stuff. I went to walmart, washed the clothes, then came back to the hospital. She freaked out at me. Said that they were all against her, and I am not a good husband....so on and so forth. We made that list because the hospital ran out of baby clothes....

 

[dragomd]

New News

Her lawyer had sent a stipulation regarding all this. That we negotiate a dissolution of marriage, and included is the TRO.

 

[LdiJ]

Very true, but this all started at the hospital with her. She was mad at me for not protecting her against the nurses. An example of this would be that she and I made a list for me to go buy some preemie clothes, all we had was the bigger stuff. I went to walmart, washed the clothes, then came back to the hospital. She freaked out at me. Said that they were all against her, and I am not a good husband....so on and so forth. We made that list because the hospital ran out of baby clothes....

The fact that it started at the hospital is a clear indication that the delivery of the baby wrought some imbalances in her that awaken her PTSD. Instead of helping her deal with that, and showing some understanding, you, in your own words yelled harshly at her because she yelled at your mother. Basically, the two of you ganged up on her...and she lost it completely. Your mom probably shouldn't have been there at all until her PTSD was back under control.

Like I said, this is a divorce that probably did not have to happen.

 

[dragomd]

She avoided treatment

He therapist called an hour before he was born to tell me that I need to force a c-section, and that she will regress. I honestly didn't know what that meant. I pushed the c. and in the days after, her therapist called me because she was not picking up. Told me that she has to see her. Since she left, she has been ignoring the therapists calls. She was yelling at me the when time, k kept my cool for as long as I could. You are right about my mom, but hindsight is 20/20. Don't get me wrong I think every waking moment if this and if that....I still love her.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Don't give up hope yet. As I said, call the reservation healthcare office, ask them to check in on her and the baby. See if they can get her in to counseling and EMDR for the PTSD. Keep her and the baby on your insurance.