Contempt for having a sitter?

[mrobison14]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My ex-wife has custody of our children, and I have visitation which includes two weeks over the summer for vacation time while they are out of school. This week is one of those vacation weeks, and I started a new job this week as well. My ex is claiming that I am in contempt due to not spending 100% of the time with the children while they are in my care. There is no reference to her claim in any court documents, yet she is threatening court action against me.

Do I have anything to worry about here?

I have to be able to work, and I don't want to just give up all of my visitaton time because she says so. My current wife is with the kids when I am not, and if needed her parents also watch the kids for short times when we are both busy. I don't see how having the kids spend time with family members is contempt, but maybe it is.

My ex also hassles me if my work schedule conflicts with picking up or dropping off the kids. She will not allow any other family members to pick up the kids because the order states that I am responsible for pick up and drop off. Arranging for the pick up and drop off if I have to work is fulfilling that responsibility in my eyes, however she sees it as an opportunity to deny my do not visitation time for as little as an hour of time difference.

Any thought are appreciated, thank you!

 

[justalayman]

. My ex is claiming that I am in contempt due to not spending 100% of the time with the children while they are in my care.

Your ex is full of...stuffing. Ya, that's it, stuffing.

Do I have anything to worry about here?

Other than being henpecked even after your divorce? Not based on this issue.

She will not allow any other family members to pick up the kids because the order states that I am responsible for pick up and drop off.

She is being an absolute and unnecessary "B". Since she wants to be such, the next time you go to court (and based on what is happening, I suspect it is regularly happening), ask the court to amend the order to allow anybody you designate to pick up or drop off the children. You shouldn't have to put it in the order but hearing how she is dealing with this, it would save a lot of problems. Until that time, try to muddle through as best you can.

Then all you have to worry about is every other ridiculous problem she brings up.

 

[nextwife]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL My ex is claiming that I am in contempt due to not spending 100% of the time with the children while they are in my care.

Good grief. Does your Ex spend 100% of HER time with them during her times of possession?


Seems to me that it is fairly normal for most kids to see their parents before and after work, not all day, very day when they are sharing the same house.


BTW: I presume there is no Right of First Refusal?

 

[SESmama]

The best thing I ever did was to give up ROFR (thanks to many here)

No, unless specifically mentioned in the CO, mom is being...

Yeah...

 

[mrobison14]

Not sure what ROFR is, please explain.

I assume since I haven't heard that term, that it doesn't apply to my case. There have been numerous times where I have asked for a visitation time swap due to work that she has denied. Then come to find out she goes out of town or to a basketball game or something on the day/night I was asking to swap to. I have given her at least two weeks notice when I find out about the schedule conflict, and yet she refuses and pulls what I call the "custody card." That means that she seems to have the power over some of these decisions due to having custody.

Does having custody allow her to be unreasonable when it comes to our children spending time with their father?

 

[justalayman]

ROFR


right of first refusal. It's where, in your situation, your ex would have the right to have the children with her if you were not able to tend to them yourself

 

[justalayman]

Does having custody allow her to be unreasonable when it comes to our children spending time with their father?

regardless of her or your position; you are both required to comply with the standing court order.

 

[mrobison14]

There is no reference to ROFR in the documents, there is some language in there about my being 1/2 hour late for pick up and she doesn't have to wait any longer. That is about as close to the ROFR that I can find anything.

There seems to be some grey area around who(m) is allowed to pick up and drop off the children. She reads it as only me and will not answer the door even if I tell her my mother is coming to get them, and I read it as it is my responsiblity to arrange the pick up and drop off. Either way, it seems as if I should petition the court to order more specifics around this issue.

Today she called the police to our home stating that she wasn't sure where the kids were or who was watching them. She knew I started a new job this week, she knew my wife was taking a half day at her work, and she knows we live with my wife's parents. She also has seen the kids in person at their sporting events Mon-Thurs nights this week. However, less than 20 hours after seeing them in person she involves the police to harass me and my family and try to strong arm us to get her way. There were threatening texts to me and my wife, and yelling at my wife over the phone. None of which is good for the kids to see or hear, and I am not sure what I can do to prevent that in the future.

Court order also states we are to communicate through the Our Family Wizard website, and that is where she continues to ignore or refuse any visitation requests that I have had.

I think it's time to study up and present a motion to the court.

 

[LdiJ]

There is no reference to ROFR in the documents, there is some language in there about my being 1/2 hour late for pick up and she doesn't have to wait any longer. That is about as close to the ROFR that I can find anything.

There seems to be some grey area around who(m) is allowed to pick up and drop off the children. She reads it as only me and will not answer the door even if I tell her my mother is coming to get them, and I read it as it is my responsiblity to arrange the pick up and drop off. Either way, it seems as if I should petition the court to order more specifics around this issue.

Today she called the police to our home stating that she wasn't sure where the kids were or who was watching them. She knew I started a new job this week, she knew my wife was taking a half day at her work, and she knows we live with my wife's parents. She also has seen the kids in person at their sporting events Mon-Thurs nights this week. However, less than 20 hours after seeing them in person she involves the police to harass me and my family and try to strong arm us to get her way. There were threatening texts to me and my wife, and yelling at my wife over the phone. None of which is good for the kids to see or hear, and I am not sure what I can do to prevent that in the future.

Court order also states we are to communicate through the Our Family Wizard website, and that is where she continues to ignore or refuse any visitation requests that I have had.

I think it's time to study up and present a motion to the court.

You have two things you need to do. You need to file for contempt for every visitation she has denied in the last six months or so, (she may not get held in contempt if your orders are unclear, but its worth doing anyway) AND you need to file for a clarification of the orders as well.

 

[mrobison14]

What grounds would I have for contempt on her? She's not really doing anything against the order, just being very difficult and interpreting things to her favor.

I've been burned on the clarification motion in the past. The judge simply read the paragraph of the order that applied to the motion and said that there was nothing to clarify. My visitation is every other weekend and every other Tues/Thurs for dinner time. Instead of clarifying, I am thinking that a modification would make more sense and get more done with less trips to see the judge.

In my modification I would want some flexibility to the visitation schedule based on my work schedule and have other family members able to pick up and drop off the kids. Is that a stretch? ... or how are other orders set when one parent has a varying schedule with work?

 

[justalayman]

In my modification I would want some flexibility to the visitation schedule based on my work schedule and have other family members able to pick up and drop off the kids. Is that a stretch? ... or how are other orders set when one parent has a varying schedule with work?

flexibility, especially given your ex's attitude, is unlikely. Allowing flexibility requires the parents work together and agree on variations of the order. Exchanging time slots requires the parents work together and actually agree on things. Doesn't sound like that is going to happen.

It sounds like you need a very restrictive order where no interpretation is possible. It injures both of you equally

 

[sunny days]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My ex-wife has custody of our children, and I have visitation which includes two weeks over the summer for vacation time while they are out of school. This week is one of those vacation weeks, and I started a new job this week as well. My ex is claiming that I am in contempt due to not spending 100% of the time with the children while they are in my care. There is no reference to her claim in any court documents, yet she is threatening court action against me.

Do I have anything to worry about here?

I have to be able to work, and I don't want to just give up all of my visitaton time because she says so. My current wife is with the kids when I am not, and if needed her parents also watch the kids for short times when we are both busy. I don't see how having the kids spend time with family members is contempt, but maybe it is.

My ex also hassles me if my work schedule conflicts with picking up or dropping off the kids. She will not allow any other family members to pick up the kids because the order states that I am responsible for pick up and drop off. Arranging for the pick up and drop off if I have to work is fulfilling that responsibility in my eyes, however she sees it as an opportunity to deny my do not visitation time for as little as an hour of time difference.

Any thought are appreciated, thank you!

You can't be held in contempt unless you do something contrary to the order. Therefore, if the order says nothing about leaving the children in the care of others, you can't be held in contempt for leaving them with your mother.

Regarding filing for a modification and requesting flexibility, that request could backfire, as someone else here said. An order that allowed you to request changes to the visitation schedule based on your work schedule that week would necessarily allow her flexibility as well, because the court probably won't make an order stating that you may take the kids whenever is best for you. Instead, an order allowing flexibility would probably allow for adjustments based on mutual agreement. With her apparent desire to make things difficult and cause conflict, that would just give her more room to cause problems by not agreeing to your requests whether the adjustments work for her or not.

You might be able to modify visitation so that it works better for you, especially if you request it framed in terms of decreasing conflict to make things better for the kids, and maybe you could get an order allowing anyone you designate to pick up the children, but even this modification request could backfire. If she is as vindictive as she seems, and depending on what she has to work with in the way of evidence and past circumstances and in her ability to persuade the court she has reasons for her worries about you leaving the kids with certain other people, she may respond with a request to limit your visitation or with a request for a right of first refusal that could be accepted by the court as a good way to prevent further conflict.

For this reason, I would highly recommend that if you intend to request a modification, you first consult a lawyer in your area and possibly make an investment to get some help with your filing and court appearance. Courts are different, and a local lawyer will know better how a court might respond to your modification request in light of all the facts that you haven't mentioned here and the history.

 

[mrobison14]

Unfortunately, I can't afford a lawyer right now and have been prose for about two years.

With my new job, I am not sure what if any regular days off I will have in attempt to reset the visitation. The order states were are to communicate through the Our Family Wizard website, and on there is a visitation swap request. Problem is she always rejects my requests, even when I give good reason, plenty of time, and respect her schedule if she has anything going on. Most times she will reject with no explaination, or just ignore my request and not even reply at all.

I may be able to work with a modification of the current arrangement to include other picking up and dropping off as needed due to work. If she can't agree to that, I would have to push for the flexibility to change on the weekday visitation. Right now I have every other weekend (Fri 3p - Sun 7p), and every other Tues/Thrus for dinner (3p-7p). When that was set, it was in attempt to reduce the amount of times my ex and I had interaction. I pick them up from school and drop them at home. Maybe I should ask to pick them up from school, and then drop them back at school the next day. Is that unheard of during the week?

I do not want to be unfair, as much as I really want to right now. I just want to be able to see my children, and she wants to make that difficult when my work schedule conflicts with visitation. I work in retail and the schedule changes weekly, is there anyone out there that has seen or been in that situation and what the visitation looked like?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Could questions:

1. How far apart do you two live? Would there be difficulty getting the children to school on the school morning? If not, that is a reasonable request.

2. How far in advance do you know your schedule? My X worked swing, but we knew his schedule for like a year in advance. Ditto for others who work a rotating shift in retail. I can think of one poster who we could ask what verbiage was used for her because the child's father was an officer and his days off rotated also.

 

[mrobison14]

We live about 20min apart, and the school is 15min from me. My schedule is not on a regular rotation, there could be different days off each week and different shifts as well. I know my schedule about two weeks out, and would be able to communicate that asap. My ex is a teacher, so her schedule is set and would be a little easier to change days than with mine.

If I had to set a specific day, then I would run the risk of working on that day from time to time and creating issues with the pick up and drop off. However, if I could have my current wife pick up the kids if the schedule conflicts I would have no problem getting them to school the next day.

I just can't think of anything else that would always work out. I am going to talk to my boss tomorrow to see if I can get a set week day off, so hopefully that goes well.