Am I screwed?

[Juish]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Idaho

Hi, my wife has pretty much abandoned me and my 3 year old. We've been split up for 8 months now. She is in a nearby town going to Job Corps. She only went there to get away from our beautiful daughter and have a free place to stay(which my taxes pay for btw) but I know she wont admit that in court. Its been 8 months and she has not called and talked to her daughter at all in 8 months. She has seen her since then a few times, but thats only because she was visiting her parents on a rare occasion that they would take her overnight. Im afraid to get the divorce because what if she changes her mind and wants custody after all this? I wasnt going to go for child support, but that was only because I expected her to be a part of our daughters life. If I try to get child support, she will screw me over, and in my state, it is required and we cant exactly negotiate that. Im sure that all she has to say is that she went to Job Corps and changed, or just deny abandoning our daughter. I live in a state where they always take the womans side. What should I do? Am I going to get screwed? I love my daughter and as far as im concerned, I am the only parent. My daughter cant be taken away from me!

EDIT: I'll add it here so anyone new to the topic doesnt have to read through the posts

Ok, so heres the rest of the story. No 1: I do have more on my side. At 9 months pregnant, she tried to file for adoption. Couldnt do it because I would not allow it. I doubt there are any records I could use of that but thought I would mention it.

No 2: When my daughter was 8 weeks old, she was hospitalized for dehydration(not getting enough nutrients from breast milk). The doctors held my daughter overnight for 6 nights straight. My wife would not stay with my daughter while hospitalized. I was working 13 hour days and at the hospital all night with my daughter. On day 6, child protective services came. They told me that they were testing us because of my wifes neglect. They saw I was working my ass off and stayed with my daughter over night every night after work and said that if it wasnt for me, my daughter would have been taken away.
The problem with that is, it was 3 years ago. I am no longer in good terms with the doctor. Its because I didnt realize my daughter didnt have medicaid(because of neglect of my wife) and my wife never showed me hospital bills that stacked up over that year. I just found a letter recently while cleaning my house from the doctor saying we are not welcome back because we havent paid. So are there records of what happened that I can obtain? Or is it up to the doctor whether or not he wants to help me out?

No 3: When my daughter was at 6 months, my wife left her in the hot car so she can fill out an application. She was in there alone for(from what I hear) 10-15 minutes. Cops were called and my wife was charged with child endangerment. Thats on her record so its easily proven.

She has nothing against me(except one little thing). I am a normal law abiding citizen, have no enemies, a clean record, and a good father. I work all day as dad and come home as mom and dad. I do have a history however with drug use(just pot but its looked down upon in the courts). I am not much of a smoker, but a hair follicle test would show some in my system. I have quit smoking but like a said, a hair test can still pull it up. I know she will use that against me because thats all she has. Im sure its nothing to worry about, but lets say she does demand a drug test. Lets say they do order a drug test and THC shows up. Based off what I have against her, could I lose the case for something as little as marijuana? or worse, could my daughter be put in foster care? Like I said, I am not a bad guy, please dont judge. Its all shes got against me, but because its a drug, I am a little worried.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Idaho

Hi, my wife has pretty much abandoned me and my 3 year old. We've been split up for 8 months now. She is in a nearby town going to Job Corps. She only went there to get away from our beautiful daughter and have a free place to stay(which my taxes pay for btw) but I know she wont admit that in court. Its been 8 months and she has not called and talked to her daughter at all in 8 months. She has seen her since then a few times, but thats only because she was visiting her parents on a rare occasion that they would take her overnight. Im afraid to get the divorce because what if she changes her mind and wants custody after all this? I wasnt going to go for child support, but that was only because I expected her to be a part of our daughters life. If I try to get child support, she will screw me over, and in my state, it is required and we cant exactly negotiate that. Im sure that all she has to say is that she went to Job Corps and changed, or just deny abandoning our daughter. I live in a state where they always take the womans side. What should I do? Am I going to get screwed? I love my daughter and as far as im concerned, I am the only parent. My daughter cant be taken away from me!

Nope. You are not the only parent. And nope, Idaho doesn't ALWAYS take the woman's side. Try educating yourself rather than going off on a diatribe. Either go to court for custody and child support or don't.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Idaho

Hi, my wife has pretty much abandoned me and my 3 year old. We've been split up for 8 months now. She is in a nearby town going to Job Corps. She only went there to get away from our beautiful daughter and have a free place to stay(which my taxes pay for btw) but I know she wont admit that in court. Its been 8 months and she has not called and talked to her daughter at all in 8 months. She has seen her since then a few times, but thats only because she was visiting her parents on a rare occasion that they would take her overnight. Im afraid to get the divorce because what if she changes her mind and wants custody after all this? I wasnt going to go for child support, but that was only because I expected her to be a part of our daughters life. If I try to get child support, she will screw me over, and in my state, it is required and we cant exactly negotiate that. Im sure that all she has to say is that she went to Job Corps and changed, or just deny abandoning our daughter. I live in a state where they always take the womans side. What should I do? Am I going to get screwed? I love my daughter and as far as im concerned, I am the only parent. My daughter cant be taken away from me!

File for divorce immediately, and request temporary custody pending a final determination. You have status quo on your side and that generally carries a lot of weight.

 

[Juish]

Wow those were quick responses. Thank you. There is much more to the story, and I have alot more to back me up, but I thought it would be best if I leave out any legal issues from the past and get an opinion based off the first post.

I am not planning on getting child support, I just want my daughter. I am very stressed and its kinda embarrasing that I am still not divorced. Im sure that this is hard to answer based off the fact that you guys dont know me, but do you think it would be best that I go to court and try to get full custody and possibly child support? or is there a chance that it will make things worse. Its my word against hers and I am sure she will find a way to make me look bad.

 

[Ohiogal]

Wow those were quick responses. Thank you. There is much more to the story, and I have alot more to back me up, but I thought it would be best if I leave out any legal issues from the past and get an opinion based off the first post.

I am not planning on getting child support, I just want my daughter. I am very stressed and its kinda embarrasing that I am still not divorced. Im sure that this is hard to answer based off the fact that you guys dont know me, but do you think it would be best that I go to court and try to get full custody and possibly child support? or is there a chance that it will make things worse. Its my word against hers and I am sure she will find a way to make me look bad.

File for divorce, custody and child support. Even with an order she may not pay anything but you should still ask. Your daughter deserves to be supported by BOTH parents financially.

 

[Juish]

Ok, so heres the rest of the story. No 1: I do have more on my side. At 9 months pregnant, she tried to file for adoption. Couldnt do it because I would not allow it. I doubt there are any records I could use of that but thought I would mention it.

No 2: When my daughter was 8 weeks old, she was hospitalized for dehydration(not getting enough nutrients from breast milk). The doctors held my daughter overnight for 6 nights straight. My wife would not stay with my daughter while hospitalized. I was working 13 hour days and at the hospital all night with my daughter. On day 6, child protective services came. They told me that they were testing us because of my wifes neglect. They saw I was working my ass off and stayed with my daughter over night every night after work and said that if it wasnt for me, my daughter would have been taken away.
The problem with that is, it was 3 years ago. I am no longer in good terms with the doctor. Its because I didnt realize my daughter didnt have medicaid(because of neglect of my wife) and my wife never showed me hospital bills that stacked up over that year. I just found a letter recently while cleaning my house from the doctor saying we are not welcome back because we havent paid. So are there records of what happened that I can obtain? Or is it up to the doctor whether or not he wants to help me out?

No 3: When my daughter was at 6 months, my wife left her in the hot car so she can fill out an application. She was in there alone for(from what I hear) 10-15 minutes. Cops were called and my wife was charged with child endangerment. Thats on her record so its easily proven.

She has nothing against me(except one little thing). I am a normal law abiding citizen, have no enemies, a clean record, and a good father. I work all day as dad and come home as mom and dad. I do have a history however with drug use(just pot but its looked down upon in the courts). I am not much of a smoker, but a hair follicle test would show some in my system. I have quit smoking but like a said, a hair test can still pull it up. I know she will use that against me because thats all she has. Im sure its nothing to worry about, but lets say she does demand a drug test. Lets say they do order a drug test and THC shows up. Based off what I have against her, could I lose the case for something as little as marijuana? or worse, could my daughter be put in foster care? Like I said, I am not a bad guy, please dont judge. Its all shes got against me, but because its a drug, I am a little worried.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok, so heres the rest of the story. No 1: I do have more on my side. At 9 months pregnant, she tried to file for adoption. Couldnt do it because I would not allow it. I doubt there are any records I could use of that but thought I would mention it.

No 2: When my daughter was 8 weeks old, she was hospitalized for dehydration(not getting enough nutrients from breast milk). The doctors held my daughter overnight for 6 nights straight. My wife would not stay with my daughter while hospitalized. I was working 13 hour days and at the hospital all night with my daughter. On day 6, child protective services came. They told me that they were testing us because of my wifes neglect. They saw I was working my ass off and stayed with my daughter over night every night after work and said that if it wasnt for me, my daughter would have been taken away.

That was a long time ago that mom tried to file for adoption. Doesn't matter. The caseworker was wrong -- that was NOT neglect because the baby wasn't getting enough nutrients from breast milk. If it was, both you and mom neglected the child by not noticing there was something wrong. So that is not going to do anything. Plus you stayed with mom.

The problem with that is, it was 3 years ago. I am no longer in good terms with the doctor. Its because I didnt realize my daughter didnt have medicaid(because of neglect of my wife) and my wife never showed me hospital bills that stacked up over that year. I just found a letter recently while cleaning my house from the doctor saying we are not welcome back because we havent paid. So are there records of what happened that I can obtain? Or is it up to the doctor whether or not he wants to help me out?

Actually you are supposed to know what is going on. YOu should have known whether the bills were getting paid or whether your daughter had health insurance. You are just to blame as mom regarding that as well.

No 3: When my daughter was at 6 months, my wife left her in the hot car so she can fill out an application. She was in there alone for(from what I hear) 10-15 minutes. Cops were called and my wife was charged with child endangerment. Thats on her record so its easily proven.

You stayed with mom after that. You did nothing at that time. Your child is now 3 so that was over 30 months ago. Has mom EVER been left alone with the child since that happened? Has she ever taken the child anywhere since that time without you?

She has nothing against me(except one little thing). I am a normal law abiding citizen, have no enemies, a clean record, and a good father. I work all day as dad and come home as mom and dad. I do have a history however with drug use(just pot but its looked down upon in the courts). I am not much of a smoker, but a hair follicle test would show some in my system. I have quit smoking but like a said, a hair test can still pull it up. I know she will use that against me because thats all she has. Im sure its nothing to worry about, but lets say she does demand a drug test. Lets say they do order a drug test and THC shows up. Based off what I have against her, could I lose the case for something as little as marijuana? or worse, could my daughter be put in foster care? Like I said, I am not a bad guy, please dont judge. Its all shes got against me, but because its a drug, I am a little worried.

You are not a normal law abiding citizen if you do pot. Why? Because pot is against the law and, contrary to opinion, not every one does pot. Most of what you "have against her" matters not. It is so long ago and you accepted it by remaining with her. The more important thing is she left 8 months ago and had no contact.

 

[LdiJ]

Ok, so heres the rest of the story. No 1: I do have more on my side. At 9 months pregnant, she tried to file for adoption. Couldnt do it because I would not allow it. I doubt there are any records I could use of that but thought I would mention it.

No 2: When my daughter was 8 weeks old, she was hospitalized for dehydration(not getting enough nutrients from breast milk). The doctors held my daughter overnight for 6 nights straight. My wife would not stay with my daughter while hospitalized. I was working 13 hour days and at the hospital all night with my daughter. On day 6, child protective services came. They told me that they were testing us because of my wifes neglect. They saw I was working my ass off and stayed with my daughter over night every night after work and said that if it wasnt for me, my daughter would have been taken away.
The problem with that is, it was 3 years ago. I am no longer in good terms with the doctor. Its because I didnt realize my daughter didnt have medicaid(because of neglect of my wife) and my wife never showed me hospital bills that stacked up over that year. I just found a letter recently while cleaning my house from the doctor saying we are not welcome back because we havent paid. So are there records of what happened that I can obtain? Or is it up to the doctor whether or not he wants to help me out?

No 3: When my daughter was at 6 months, my wife left her in the hot car so she can fill out an application. She was in there alone for(from what I hear) 10-15 minutes. Cops were called and my wife was charged with child endangerment. Thats on her record so its easily proven.

She has nothing against me(except one little thing). I am a normal law abiding citizen, have no enemies, a clean record, and a good father. I work all day as dad and come home as mom and dad. I do have a history however with drug use(just pot but its looked down upon in the courts). I am not much of a smoker, but a hair follicle test would show some in my system. I have quit smoking but like a said, a hair test can still pull it up. I know she will use that against me because thats all she has. Im sure its nothing to worry about, but lets say she does demand a drug test. Lets say they do order a drug test and THC shows up. Based off what I have against her, could I lose the case for something as little as marijuana? or worse, could my daughter be put in foster care? Like I said, I am not a bad guy, please dont judge. Its all shes got against me, but because its a drug, I am a little worried.

Its probably not going to be a problem, because its not very likely that a hair follicle test would get ordered, but if you stay clean, and wait it out a bit, then it won't be a problem at all.

 

[Juish]

That was a long time ago that mom tried to file for adoption. Doesn't matter. The caseworker was wrong -- that was NOT neglect because the baby wasn't getting enough nutrients from breast milk. If it was, both you and mom neglected the child by not noticing there was something wrong. So that is not going to do anything. Plus you stayed with mom.

Yes, I did notice something wasnt right and had wife take her to hospital. Its a new born baby, I trusted my wife because I hadnt raised other kids with her. I had her take my daughter to the hospital. My daughter wasnt sick and did not need to be in hospital more than an hour. She was a little dehydrated, but we caught it right away. Child services told my wife that they were watching her because they felt she was neglecting my daughter. Its not because of lack of nutrients, it was her attitude towards the situation and the way she acted around our daughter. I was unaware of this until 6 days later. Like I said, new born baby, im a new dad, wife had a little depression, I thought it was all normal so I trusted her and thought she was going to make a great mom. After day one, my wife was told that she needs to stay at the hospital with her because she pretty much just dropped her off and planned to hang out with a friend. She did not stay. They told her that child services would be called, and from what I understand, she didnt care and walked off. I worked 13 hour days(and a 2nd job a few days a week on top of that). After work I stayed at the hospital every minute with my daughter until I had to work the next morning while wife was out with friends drinking and smoking. Please dont say I neglected her. I dealt with the situation the way any good dad would.

Actually you are supposed to know what is going on. YOu should have known whether the bills were getting paid or whether your daughter had health insurance. You are just to blame as mom regarding that as well.

Perhaps youre right. We all make mistakes right? Ill pay my bills from now on, but that didnt answer my question.

You stayed with mom after that. You did nothing at that time. Your child is now 3 so that was over 30 months ago. Has mom EVER been left alone with the child since that happened? Has she ever taken the child anywhere since that time without you?

Not that I am aware.

Most of what you "have against her" matters not. It is so long ago and you accepted it by remaining with her. The more important thing is she left 8 months ago and had no contact.

I do appreciate the honest answer, but its sad that if what your saying is really how it works. Sounds like youre saying a judge will not take anything into consideration. Is that what youve been tellin me all this time? Yes, I remained with her. I was stupid, but I knew that once she was gone, id be on my own and didn't know what to do. Not easy bein a single dad. Finally had it when she committed adultry and I broke up with her. If by me staying with her makes everything thats happened mean nothing, then thats messed up.

Im sorry, I appreciate you taking the time to read this and respond, but I think youre wrong. But I cant be sure, thats why I created this topic. Youre tellin me the judge will only consider the fact that weve been split up for 8 months, but nothing else matters? The fact that she has not kept in contact definately helps, but wheres the proof? That makes it my word against hers. So I got nothing against her because it seems the past doesnt matter?

Its probably not going to be a problem, because its not very likely that a hair follicle test would get ordered, but if you stay clean, and wait it out a bit, then it won't be a problem at all.

Ya im not really worried, just asked because I was curious what would happen if I failed a test

 

[Juish]

File for divorce immediately, and request temporary custody pending a final determination. You have status quo on your side and that generally carries a lot of weight.

I don't know how I missed your post. I would like to do that. I'm a little stressed over the costs and the timing, but I think I just need to get it over with. I know I have alot on my side, but who knows what she'll say to make me look bad. I stayed with her so long that i'm sure it just makes me look like a liar when shes making up things about me. I'm sure it would turn out ok, and who knows? She might just give me full custody. She has made it clear she doesn't want her daughter, and would just expect her dad to pay child support for her. But theres also the chance that she will change her mind and want custody. I can't help to wonder.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, I did notice something wasnt right and had wife take her to hospital. Its a new born baby, I trusted my wife because I hadnt raised other kids with her. I had her take my daughter to the hospital. My daughter wasnt sick and did not need to be in hospital more than an hour. She was a little dehydrated, but we caught it right away. Child services told my wife that they were watching her because they felt she was neglecting my daughter. Its not because of lack of nutrients, it was her attitude towards the situation and the way she acted around our daughter. I was unaware of this until 6 days later. Like I said, new born baby, im a new dad, wife had a little depression, I thought it was all normal so I trusted her and thought she was going to make a great mom. After day one, my wife was told that she needs to stay at the hospital with her because she pretty much just dropped her off and planned to hang out with a friend. She did not stay. They told her that child services would be called, and from what I understand, she didnt care and walked off. I worked 13 hour days(and a 2nd job a few days a week on top of that). After work I stayed at the hospital every minute with my daughter until I had to work the next morning while wife was out with friends drinking and smoking. Please dont say I neglected her. I dealt with the situation the way any good dad would.



Perhaps youre right. We all make mistakes right? Ill pay my bills from now on, but that didnt answer my question.



Not that I am aware.



I do appreciate the honest answer, but its sad that if what your saying is really how it works. Sounds like youre saying a judge will not take anything into consideration. Is that what youve been tellin me all this time? Yes, I remained with her. I was stupid, but I knew that once she was gone, id be on my own and didn't know what to do. Not easy bein a single dad. Finally had it when she committed adultry and I broke up with her. If by me staying with her makes everything thats happened mean nothing, then thats messed up.

Im sorry, I appreciate you taking the time to read this and respond, but I think youre wrong. But I cant be sure, thats why I created this topic. Youre tellin me the judge will only consider the fact that weve been split up for 8 months, but nothing else matters? The fact that she has not kept in contact definately helps, but wheres the proof? That makes it my word against hers. So I got nothing against her because it seems the past doesnt matter?



Ya im not really worried, just asked because I was curious what would happen if I failed a test

Fine. You think I am wrong. Why should a judge care about things that happened three years ago? You didn't. It didn't impact your decision to be with mom. Most likely YOU would still be with mom if SHE hadn't left. But get on with your big bad self. I am sure you know everything you need to know so go along with it.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't know how I missed your post. I would like to do that. I'm a little stressed over the costs and the timing, but I think I just need to get it over with. I know I have alot on my side, but who knows what she'll say to make me look bad. I stayed with her so long that i'm sure it just makes me look like a liar when shes making up things about me. I'm sure it would turn out ok, and who knows? She might just give me full custody. She has made it clear she doesn't want her daughter, and would just expect her dad to pay child support for her. But theres also the chance that she will change her mind and want custody. I can't help to wonder.

Again, what you do not seem to understand is that you have status quo...the child has lived with you for 8 months without mom being present, and without mom seeing much of the child at all. You are so stressed about coming up with dirt against mom that you are not comprehending that you do not need it. It doesn't matter what she says about you if she cannot prove what she says.

 

[ecmst12]

They are not going to keep a baby in the hospital for 6 unnecessary, expensive days because CPS wants to "test" the parents.