What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina
My husband and I were divorced last September, 2011. We were married for 21 years. At the time of separation, we both were strapped for cash and decided to do the divorce on our own without using an attorney. I did all the leg work for the divorce myself and after a year of separation, our divorce was final last September. My ex actually wrote our Separation Agreement and we both signed it and had it notarized. It was a pretty simple separation agreement as our children were ages 17, 19 and 20. At the time of separation we had one in college. Our middle child, age 19 (son), decided to live with his father and our daughter, age 17, decided to live with me. Youngest son was off to college last August, 2011. So at that point we had 2 living in college and only one child home and she was with me. Our separation agreement clearly stated no child support was to be paid by either husband or wife. There were several other stipulations in the agreement as well. The one in particular I am writing about concerns ex-husbands retirement. Separation agreement states husband is to equally divide his retirement. I had a significant 401(k) at one point in time, but used that money to pay off our joint bills and husband used the rest to build a barn in the backyard. Neither of us live in the house anymore and will soon be foreclosed on as neither of us could afford it separately on our own.
I have asked my ex numerous times when should I expect the retirement to be divided as stipulated in our SA. He repeatedly told me it would be resolved at the conclusion of our divorce. Since our divorce I have asked him numerous times when I should expect some resolution on this. He actually told me 2 weeks ago he WAS NOT going to give me half of his 401(k) UNLESS I gave him money for the support of our daughter. Our daughter opted to live with him in January, 2012, not because she didn't want to live with me.....but because she just didn't want to move at that time. I had decided to move from Rocky Mount, NC to New Bern, NC back in January and the plan all along was for her to go with me. But she decided she wanted to stay until she was at least out of school.
At the time of my move, I was working in Wilson, NC and after my move I commuted each day from New Bern, NC to Wilson, NC (3 1/2 hours total round trip). I did that until the end of March and gave my resignation to look for employment in New Bern. There were several expenses the ex incurred due to the fact I was not working anymore. One thing was health insurance for all 3 of our children. The other thing was the cell phone bill for all 3. Both of these expenses I was covering for many many years on my own without his help and on a salary $20,000 less than his. He has now decided he will not give me my share of the 401(k) unless I give him money to help with the expenses of our daughter since the time she went to live with him. If I had a job and an income, I would have no problem with that. But I have not been able to secure employment since living in New Bern, NC. I am living with my boyfriend and have been since the move. My intentions were to go back to school full-time and finish my Nursing Degree that I started many years ago, but never finished.....AND to work part-time somewhere to have some money coming in. Finding employment has been quite a challenge to say the least.
Ex has stated that if I pursue legal action to obtain retirement, he will countersue for "willful neglect of financial obliation". He states he already has an attorney and is ready if I proceed. He knows at this point I do not have the funds to hire an attorney to pursue this......thus the reason why he is trying to "stick it to me" one last time. It's really quite sad. There is no way at this point I will be able to hire an attorney and wondering if this is something I can actually tackle myself. Any suggestions would be welcome. Thanks so much.
My husband and I were divorced last September, 2011. We were married for 21 years. At the time of separation, we both were strapped for cash and decided to do the divorce on our own without using an attorney. I did all the leg work for the divorce myself and after a year of separation, our divorce was final last September. My ex actually wrote our Separation Agreement and we both signed it and had it notarized. It was a pretty simple separation agreement as our children were ages 17, 19 and 20. At the time of separation we had one in college. Our middle child, age 19 (son), decided to live with his father and our daughter, age 17, decided to live with me. Youngest son was off to college last August, 2011. So at that point we had 2 living in college and only one child home and she was with me. Our separation agreement clearly stated no child support was to be paid by either husband or wife. There were several other stipulations in the agreement as well. The one in particular I am writing about concerns ex-husbands retirement. Separation agreement states husband is to equally divide his retirement. I had a significant 401(k) at one point in time, but used that money to pay off our joint bills and husband used the rest to build a barn in the backyard. Neither of us live in the house anymore and will soon be foreclosed on as neither of us could afford it separately on our own.
I have asked my ex numerous times when should I expect the retirement to be divided as stipulated in our SA. He repeatedly told me it would be resolved at the conclusion of our divorce. Since our divorce I have asked him numerous times when I should expect some resolution on this. He actually told me 2 weeks ago he WAS NOT going to give me half of his 401(k) UNLESS I gave him money for the support of our daughter. Our daughter opted to live with him in January, 2012, not because she didn't want to live with me.....but because she just didn't want to move at that time. I had decided to move from Rocky Mount, NC to New Bern, NC back in January and the plan all along was for her to go with me. But she decided she wanted to stay until she was at least out of school.
At the time of my move, I was working in Wilson, NC and after my move I commuted each day from New Bern, NC to Wilson, NC (3 1/2 hours total round trip). I did that until the end of March and gave my resignation to look for employment in New Bern. There were several expenses the ex incurred due to the fact I was not working anymore. One thing was health insurance for all 3 of our children. The other thing was the cell phone bill for all 3. Both of these expenses I was covering for many many years on my own without his help and on a salary $20,000 less than his. He has now decided he will not give me my share of the 401(k) unless I give him money to help with the expenses of our daughter since the time she went to live with him. If I had a job and an income, I would have no problem with that. But I have not been able to secure employment since living in New Bern, NC. I am living with my boyfriend and have been since the move. My intentions were to go back to school full-time and finish my Nursing Degree that I started many years ago, but never finished.....AND to work part-time somewhere to have some money coming in. Finding employment has been quite a challenge to say the least.
Ex has stated that if I pursue legal action to obtain retirement, he will countersue for "willful neglect of financial obliation". He states he already has an attorney and is ready if I proceed. He knows at this point I do not have the funds to hire an attorney to pursue this......thus the reason why he is trying to "stick it to me" one last time. It's really quite sad. There is no way at this point I will be able to hire an attorney and wondering if this is something I can actually tackle myself. Any suggestions would be welcome. Thanks so much.
