Child support and custody without any court orders

[icespider]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California (I live in Utah, but I'm asking for my girlfriend in California)

My girlfriend is divorced 8 years now, with an 11 year old boy. He husband abandoned her and the boy for his mistress. Some time later after the divorce, she and her ex came to a mutual understanding that he would pay $x in child support every month, and they agreed on a visitation schedule, with the mother having main custody. They did this outside of any court order or proceedings.
The father is now wanting the son to stay with him during the school year, which has never happened in his life. The father has paid somewhere between 1 and 5% of the agreed child support over the years.
Does the mother have the right to move her son wherever she finds a job, if it limits the verbal agreement of visitation time? She feels she can do whatever she wants because he has not provided financial support as agreed.
Does she really need to get courts involved, or is the child support thing enough weight that she can move around as needed?

 

[I'mTheFather]

Very hard to believe that there is no custody order attached to that divorce decree.

 

[icespider]

Hmm, good point. I'll look into that, thanks.

 

[sandyclaus]

Very hard to believe that there is no custody order attached to that divorce decree.

I'm going to have to agree.

The divorce should/would have addressed custody and/or child support for the then 3-year-old child that was born during the course of the marriage. If the parties changed things up along the way without changing the standing orders, then that's on them - but the written court order would be enforceable even now if there was a dispute of any kind.

If the father wants to change custody now, and if that change is in opposition to the existing court-ordered custody that no one is acknowledging or enforcing, then it's probably best to take it all back to court to formalize those changes in order to avoid any potential problems in the future.

And if the father has failed to pay the court-ordered child support, then mom really needs to file with a local CSE to enforce the court order and get the support that her child deserves and is entitled to.

 

[Proserpina]

Hmm, good point. I'll look into that, thanks.

Pssst. Better idea? Have her sign up herself.

It's her legal matter.

A quick lesson for her though: If she thinks that child support is a ticket to see the child, she is gravely mistaken. That's not how this works.

 

[latigo]

Hmm, good point. I'll look into that, thanks.

And while you are "looking into that” did you intentionally remove this from today's postings?

What is the name of your state? Utah

I was married and divorced in Salt Lake County, but have since moved to Summit County. Is it possible to request that any court proceedings be moved to Summit County, which is my permanent residence?

If you are still interested, the answer is that if post divorce issues arise and it is more convenient to BOTH parties to address the issues before the court in Coalville, Utah rather than in SLC, such a transfer could be arranged.

But if the request for the move is resisted, the proponent must show compelling reasons.

 

[icespider]

Surprisingly, custody is not on the divorce decree.

Yes, its her legal matter, but there's a good chance I will become his legal guardian, so I'd rather not walk into this blind. What's so wrong with helping her out anyway?

So the father not paying child support has no weight in the matter?

 

[icespider]

And while you are "looking into that” did you intentionally remove this from today's postings?



If you are still interested, the answer is that if post divorce issues arise and it is more convenient to BOTH parties to address the issues before the court in Coalville, Utah rather than in SLC, such a transfer could be arranged.

But if the request for the move is resisted, the proponent must show compelling reasons.

I didn't intentionally remove any postings, but thanks for the answer. That's exactly what I was looking for. Thanks!

 

[ecmst12]

There's a good chance I will become his legal guardian

No, there isn't, unless both of his parents die and there are no other family members that would want custody. He has 2 parents, why would he need a legal guardian as well?

 

[ecmst12]

And your duplicate thread was reported as a duplicate. You need to keep all your questions about the same situation in the same thread.

 

[Proserpina]

Surprisingly, custody is not on the divorce decree.

Yes, its her legal matter, but there's a good chance I will become his legal guardian, so I'd rather not walk into this blind.

I'm honestly not being snarky, okay? But what makes you think you'll become his legal guardian?

What's so wrong with helping her out anyway?

Because you don't have all of the relevant information.

And it's not your beexwax.

So the father not paying child support has no weight in the matter?

It can wrt a relocation. But if that's her only reason? She's out of luck. Regardless, she can't "do what she wants" just because Dad isn't paying.

 

[latigo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California (I live in Utah, but I'm asking for my girlfriend in California)

My girlfriend is divorced 8 years now, with an 11 year old boy. He husband abandoned her and the boy for his mistress. Some time later after the divorce, she and her ex came to a mutual understanding that he would pay $x in child support every month, and they agreed on a visitation schedule, with the mother having main custody. They did this outside of any court order or proceedings.
The father is now wanting the son to stay with him during the school year, which has never happened in his life. The father has paid somewhere between 1 and 5% of the agreed child support over the years.
Does the mother have the right to move her son wherever she finds a job, if it limits the verbal agreement of visitation time? She feels she can do whatever she wants because he has not provided financial support as agreed.
Does she really need to get courts involved, or is the child support thing enough weight that she can move around as needed?

Surprisingly, custody is not on the divorce decree.

Yes, it’s her legal matter, but there's a good chance I will become his legal guardian, so I'd rather not walk into this blind. What's so wrong with helping her out anyway?

So the father not paying child support has no weight in the matter?

The only thing “wrong” with you helping your girlfriend in this regard is that we are getting the information third hand.
___________________________

If we take for granted what we are told – “custody is not on the divorce decree” – (as incredible as it seems) there can only be two plausible explanations.

(1) There was a deliberate effort to withhold mentioning the birth of the child, or (2) the mother purposely deceived the court to believe that the marriage was never blessed.

I’m guessing that it came about due to a scheme concocted by the deadbeat husband and a naïve wife to avoid him being strapped to an enforceable child support order. Because what she’s ended up with and what you’ve described as a “mutual agreement” isn’t worth spit!

ALSO since a competent court having personal jurisdiction over the child has never ordered custody placement, the consequences are that mother and father have retained EQUAL RIGHTS to the physical custody of their child.

A fact which you need to pound into the head of your girlfriend in hopes that she will get off her complacent butt, where she has sat for most of a decade, hire an attorney and do right by her child.

And by “doing right” I mean either going back and reopening her divorce case to be awarded physical custody and child support, or do so by an independent proceeding under the various uniform, reciprocal family support and custody acts. AND initiate criminal proceeds for failure to provide financial aid and subsistence for his minor child!

Yes, SHE REALLY NEEDS TO GET THE COURTS INVOLVED”!

Also forget this absurdity of a future status as "legal guardian". The boy is not an orphan!

 

[dannyt]

stay out of it

Surprisingly, custody is not on the divorce decree.

Yes, its her legal matter, but there's a good chance I will become his legal guardian, so I'd rather not walk into this blind. What's so wrong with helping her out anyway?

So the father not paying child support has no weight in the matter?

you will not be his legal guardain unless mom and dad agree. you are a legal stranger with no rights whatever to this child. and the best way to help her out is to let her deal with it and stay out of it because this is her legal business-and none of yours.your helping could end up costing your gf custody.