Is sole custody a trump card for everything?

[mrobison14]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My wife has sole custody of our children and I have visitation. I understand that she can make major decisions without my approval, but can she block me from communication with people such as doctors, school, sport teams, etc. ? I was told by my sons football coach that he was told he is not allowed to share team info with me via email. I told him that is absolutely ridiculous, and what court order did she show to back that up? He said there was no order presented, she just stated she has sole custody and he couldn't share that info with me. The league website shows game schedules, but not changes to practice times for specific teams. I am on the mailing list for the league, but that is more general info and only game times.

There is no wording in either the judgement or the parenting agreement regarding this issue. Actually, it states that I have a right to such information that pertains to the children.

Using only the fact that she has sole custody, does my ex have any authority to block me for getting information such as the football schedule? I simply want to get the proper information since my ex did not forward that info to me and my son was late to a practice that was added by the coach prior to a scrimmage yesterday.

Let me know what you guys think on this.

Thanks!
Mike

 

[justalayman]

does she have sole physical custody AND sole legal custody?

 

[nanu156]

No

if your order states you have access to these things get a copy to the following entities;

The kids doctor
The kids school
The kids coaches
The kids babbysitters

And anyone else that has regular and frequent contact with your children.

Even if she had sole legal custody, I would be willing to bet you still get access to education and medical records unless there is an order specifically baring it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Read the law in Illinois:

(750 ILCS 5/602.1) (from Ch. 40, par. 602.1)
Sec. 602.1. (a) The dissolution of marriage, the declaration of invalidity of marriage, the legal separation of the parents, or the parents living separate and apart shall not diminish parental powers, rights, and responsibilities except as the court for good reason may determine under the standards of Section 602.
(b) Upon the application of either or both parents, or upon its own motion, the court shall consider an award of joint custody. Joint custody means custody determined pursuant to a Joint Parenting Agreement or a Joint Parenting Order. In such cases, the court shall initially request the parents to produce a Joint Parenting Agreement. Such Agreement shall specify each parent's powers, rights and responsibilities for the personal care of the child and for major decisions such as education, health care, and religious training. The Agreement shall further specify a procedure by which proposed changes, disputes and alleged breaches may be mediated or otherwise resolved and shall provide for a periodic review of its terms by the parents. In producing a Joint Parenting Agreement, the parents shall be flexible in arriving at resolutions which further the policy of this State as expressed in Sections 102 and 602. For the purpose of assisting the court in making a determination whether an award of joint custody is appropriate, the court may order mediation and may direct that an investigation be conducted pursuant to the provisions of Section 605. If there is a danger to the health or safety of a partner, joint mediation shall not be required by the court. In the event the parents fail to produce a Joint Parenting Agreement, the court may enter an appropriate Joint Parenting Order under the standards of Section 602 which shall specify and contain the same elements as a Joint Parenting Agreement, or it may award sole custody under the standards of Sections 602, 607, and 608.
(c) The court may enter an order of joint custody if it determines that joint custody would be in the best interests of the child, taking into account the following:
(1) the ability of the parents to cooperate
effectively and consistently in matters that directly affect the joint parenting of the child. "Ability of the parents to cooperate" means the parents' capacity to substantially comply with a Joint Parenting Order. The court shall not consider the inability of the parents to cooperate effectively and consistently in matters that do not directly affect the joint parenting of the child;

(2) The residential circumstances of each parent; and
(3) all other factors which may be relevant to the
best interest of the child.

(d) Nothing within this section shall imply or presume that joint custody shall necessarily mean equal parenting time. The physical residence of the child in joint custodial situations shall be determined by:
(1) express agreement of the parties; or
(2) order of the court under the standards of this
Section.

(e) Notwithstanding any other provision of law, access to records and information pertaining to a child, including but not limited to medical, dental, child care and school records, shall not be denied to a parent for the reason that such parent is not the child's custodial parent; however, no parent shall have access to the school records of a child if the parent is prohibited by an order of protection from inspecting or obtaining such records pursuant to the Illinois Domestic Violence Act of 1986, as now or hereafter amended or pursuant to the Code of Criminal Procedure of 1963. No parent who is a named respondent in an order of protection issued pursuant to the Illinois Domestic Violence Act of 1986 or the Code of Criminal Procedure of 1963 shall have access to the health care records of a child who is a protected person under that order of protection.

Show this to the stupid coach and then tell him that you will sue him and your ex wife for being morons and interfering to your access regarding YOUR child. Unless of course you have a CPO against you. Note the statute includes but is not limited to specific records. Because that information pertains to your child, you are allowed to have it.

 

[mrobison14]

So I have an update on this story.

I found out today that my children are no longer in the football and cheer program that was in question prior. My ex is blaming it on me and my, what she calls "harassment", of the coaches and league reps. My interactions with them have been minimal, and non-confrontational; I simply wanted to be on the email lists to get practice and game updates. However, the cheer coach expressed her frustrations with conversing with my ex.

I am now concerned about future extra curriculars and how my ex interacts with coaches. She has made a scene with indoor soccer last winter gymnastics last June, and now with football/cheer. The last three sports the kids were involved with she has, for one reason or another, had words with coaches and directors of these programs and has either withdrawn our children or has been asked to leave.

My point is that she has an outstanding petition to modify how she is allowed to enroll our children in these sports. It was previously agreed that she can enroll them in gymnastics without approval from me. Anything else, she would have to present the schedule and fees to me for approval. Obviously she is burning some bridges with the coaches of these programs, and now she wants free reign to enroll our children in any two events of her choice even if the events overlap the schedule.

I still have to file my response to her requests, and am also considering a modification of custody due to her actions now directly effecting the children.

Please comment as I am dumbfounded about how to react to her in this case.

Thank you!
Mike

 

[sandyclaus]

So I have an update on this story.

I found out today that my children are no longer in the football and cheer program that was in question prior. My ex is blaming it on me and my, what she calls "harassment", of the coaches and league reps. My interactions with them have been minimal, and non-confrontational; I simply wanted to be on the email lists to get practice and game updates. However, the cheer coach expressed her frustrations with conversing with my ex.

I am now concerned about future extra curriculars and how my ex interacts with coaches. She has made a scene with indoor soccer last winter gymnastics last June, and now with football/cheer. The last three sports the kids were involved with she has, for one reason or another, had words with coaches and directors of these programs and has either withdrawn our children or has been asked to leave.

My point is that she has an outstanding petition to modify how she is allowed to enroll our children in these sports. It was previously agreed that she can enroll them in gymnastics without approval from me. Anything else, she would have to present the schedule and fees to me for approval. Obviously she is burning some bridges with the coaches of these programs, and now she wants free reign to enroll our children in any two events of her choice even if the events overlap the schedule.

I still have to file my response to her requests, and am also considering a modification of custody due to her actions now directly effecting the children.

Please comment as I am dumbfounded about how to react to her in this case.

Thank you!
Mike

Personally, I think it's silly to try to modify custody simply because the children are not getting the full benefit of extracurricular activities. Those are things that not every child gets, so they are not necessarily entitled to have them now - whether in Mom's custody or yours.

More importantly, if there is to be a change in custody, there would have to be a significant change in circumstances unless the two of you agree to a change. I can't seem Mom agreeing to that, nor can I see a judge agreeing that there are sufficient changes to warrant a change in custody based solely on the extracurricular situation.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Is there a reason that mom received sole legal? Sole physical can be easily explained.

I would also make sure you have documentation about how mom has blocked you. Are you listed as a contact in the emergency card? I suggest checking all areas in that regard.

Do you have info on the doctors & dentists of the children? If not ... look at that emergency card and see who is listed.

 

[BL]

Look up FERPA .

Request a copy of the school registration form to see what info is on it.

 

[mrobison14]

The extra-curriclar issues is only one reason why I was asking about a custody change. She has also called the police to my house a few times just because she hasn't heard from them on the phone in a couple of days. Claims that she needed to check on their well-being. She continues to attempt to block me from access and refuses to give information when asked about such things as doctor, school, insurance info, and extra curriculars. She has also repeatedly spoken poorly about me and my family to our children, which is outlined in the Parenting Agreement. She is not responsive to visitation swap requests due to a job change, and instead makes it seem as if I am not responsible enough to see the children at the court ordered times. Her wish is that I would just sign over my parental rights and go away, and she has said that in email more than once.

In our original filing, my lawyer told me it was a good idea to give her sole custody as a sign of good faith and that her and her lawyer would cooperate on all of these things. However, as soon as the ink was dry on that; the attitudes changed. My ex now trys to use her sole custody as a reason not to communicate with me on numerous things, including the court ordered method of communication through Our Family Wizard.

I would simply want joint-custody so that all of these offices and organizations do not have to be put in such an awkward situation everytime she pulls out the sole custody card. Sole custody, as someone else pointed out in this thread, does not allow her this authority that she is using to benefit her.

I don't think it is too much to ask for the information regarding our children and their activities, however she paints that picture as if I am harrassing her and the people involved with these programs when I ask for the information.

I want to do what I can for my children, and I understand that the custody issue would be a tough nut to crack. Because of her stance on the visitation, I know I have to file for a modification of the court ordered times. I just don't know what else can be done about her actions that are effecting the children's activities and my time with them.

 

[CSO286]

The extra-curriclar issues is only one reason why I was asking about a custody change. She has also called the police to my house a few times just because she hasn't heard from them on the phone in a couple of days. Claims that she needed to check on their well-being. She continues to attempt to block me from access and refuses to give information when asked about such things as doctor, school, insurance info, and extra curriculars. She has also repeatedly spoken poorly about me and my family to our children, which is outlined in the Parenting Agreement. She is not responsive to visitation swap requests due to a job change, and instead makes it seem as if I am not responsible enough to see the children at the court ordered times. Her wish is that I would just sign over my parental rights and go away, and she has said that in email more than once.

In our original filing, my lawyer told me it was a good idea to give her sole custody as a sign of good faith and that her and her lawyer would cooperate on all of these things. However, as soon as the ink was dry on that; the attitudes changed. My ex now trys to use her sole custody as a reason not to communicate with me on numerous things, including the court ordered method of communication through Our Family Wizard.

I would simply want joint-custody so that all of these offices and organizations do not have to be put in such an awkward situation everytime she pulls out the sole custody card. Sole custody, as someone else pointed out in this thread, does not allow her this authority that she is using to benefit her.

I don't think it is too much to ask for the information regarding our children and their activities, however she paints that picture as if I am harrassing her and the people involved with these programs when I ask for the information.

I want to do what I can for my children, and I understand that the custody issue would be a tough nut to crack. Because of her stance on the visitation, I know I have to file for a modification of the court ordered times. I just don't know what else can be done about her actions that are effecting the children's activities and my time with them.

OP....please go and get your order. Does it state SOLE LEGAL and SOLE PHYSICAL custody are awarded to mom?

 

[BL]

OP....please go and get your order. Does it state SOLE LEGAL and SOLE PHYSICAL custody are awarded to mom?

There is no wording in either the judgement or the parenting agreement regarding this issue. Actually, it states that I have a right to such information that pertains to the children.

It may indicate he has indipendant access , meaning mom is not obligated to provide the information .

Bad move on agreeing to this order.

 

[mrobison14]

The exact wording is as follows"

she is "hereby awarded the sole care, custody and control of the parties minor children ..." That is from the Judgement of Dissolution.

From the Parenting Agreement - "Access to Records: The parents agree that both parents shall have the right to access educational, medical and any other records maintained on the behalf of the children."

 

[LdiJ]

The exact wording is as follows"

she is "hereby awarded the sole care, custody and control of the parties minor children ..." That is from the Judgement of Dissolution.

From the Parenting Agreement - "Access to Records: The parents agree that both parents shall have the right to access educational, medical and any other records maintained on the behalf of the children."

Well...sports schedules are not "records maintained on behalf of the children". You certainly have the right to access (directly, on your own) the children's medical and school records, but I honestly do not think that a sports schedule falls in that catagory. You are also not required to take the children to games or practises on your time, unless the orders require you to do so.

 

[mrobison14]

You are also not required to take the children to games or practises on your time, unless the orders require you to do so.

I know I don't have to take them, and that has been part of the debate between my ex and myself. She wants to sign them up for whatever activity, at whatever time and just expects me to comply because she has sole custody. I don't want to be that difficult, so I have been taking them to everything that is scheduled on my visistation time; even if it was something that I did not previously agree to.

That being said, I simply want to be properly notified when there are schedule changes and updates. A lot of that would be through the league website, but there is also more specific team info that my ex was not sharing. Ironicaly, she is (was) the team mom for football and she refused to give me the proper information.

I don't think I was asking too much, and for the best interest of the children I don't see why she is being so difficult with the communications.

 

[tuffbrk]

Look - I don't agree with her behavior but it seems like you're banging your head against the wall in your attempts to have her acknowledge your "rights." So why don't you just make a "friend" of one of the parents at the extra curricular activities and ask if they would be so kind as to alert you to any schedule changes? There's gotta be at least one other person there that has a vindictive ex. Wouldn't that be simpler? Frankly, it seems to me that you're getting stuck on what "should" be happening and wasting energy trying to make an uncooperative person do the right thing, as opposed to just finding another way to get your hands on the information. A little embarassing to ask another parent? Maybe. But if it gets you the information that you need....

And I apologize but I seem to have lost sight of your question.