What are my chances?

[Ohiogal]

Thank her???????????????? HA! for calling me stupid and an idiot? Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

I would like to thank those who have given advice freely and with one purpose in mind...helping others. For those of you that hide behind this forum and use it for a power trip, to tear others down just to make yourself feel "bigger and better" than those of us who come here for help, I will say one thing. I feel sorry for you.

Just one last update. It looks like my ex will not be attending the hearing. I received his "famous" one-line letter yesterday informing me that he will NOT be taking his parenting time next Tues, the weekend after that and Tues Oct 9th (hearing date.) He's going on vacation AGAIN! With this missed visitation, he's now missed 31% of his parenting time this year...once again in TOTAL disregard for our divorce decree.

And if this is visitation, visitation is a right NOT an obligation. You have the OBLIGATION to make the children available. Hmmm, go figure.

 

[asil8170]

And if this is visitation, visitation is a right NOT an obligation. You have the OBLIGATION to make the children available. Hmmm, go figure.

Go figure what? Just stating a fact. The kids have always been "available." I just think that it's extremely "interesting" (not sure that's the right word) that a divorce decree, essentially laws, can apply to one parent and some situations while, at the same time, it isn't binding for the other parent and other situations.

 

[Mnemosyne]

Oh, dear. Back to THAT again, are we?

The response you were given five years ago is still every bit as correct now as it was then.

Your ex is NOT ordered to spend time with the children on his visitation periods. YOU are ordered to have them ready and able to go on visitation. Whether or not he exercises that time is HIS choice. Visitation, for the non-custodial parent, is a right - it is NOT an obligation. Not legally, anyway.

You have 6 children. I have to assume that some of them are capable of watching the younger children so that you can work... you need to NOT plan on him having the kids EVER - but you also need to make sure that IF he chooses to, they are ready to go with him... even if it's at the drop of a hat. That's the 'fun part' of being the custodial parent.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/alimony-spousal-support-35/modify-alimony-373249.html#post1691822

 

[asil8170]

The "fun part" is when you take the kids to their father's house for visitaton, as the decree orders you to do. You drop them at the door HE'S requested and leave...because he won't open the door until you're out of the driveway. You go home and 15 minutes later get a call from the police saying that if I don't go and pick up the kids, I'll be charged with abandonment. I pick them up and find out that their father yelled through the closed door "It's not my weekend," left them sitting in the driveway and called the police. BTW, it WAS his RIGHT to weekend time but didn't get his one-line letter in the mail soon enough. That's FUN! That's the BS I've been up against but some still think that I'm stupid and the "bad guy."

 

[asil8170]

Anyway...back to the issue.
If I go to the hearing and my ex doesn't show up, will I automtically win by default? Will I still have to "plead" my case? Is there still a chance that the Judge will rule against me?

 

[Ohiogal]

Anyway...back to the issue.
If I go to the hearing and my ex doesn't show up, will I automtically win by default? Will I still have to "plead" my case? Is there still a chance that the Judge will rule against me?

Yep there is a chance that the Judge will rule against you.

 

[LdiJ]

Anyway...back to the issue.
If I go to the hearing and my ex doesn't show up, will I automtically win by default? Will I still have to "plead" my case? Is there still a chance that the Judge will rule against me?

The judge might rule against your ex by default.
The judge might continue the case to give your ex another chance to appear.
The judge might (and this is an incredibly tiny miniscule might, rule against you.

 

[asil8170]

OK. One last question. If I find out that my ex is planning to come back early from his vacation and I decide to dismiss the action, is there a time frame in which I must do it?

 

[Ohiogal]

OK. One last question. If I find out that my ex is planning to come back early from his vacation and I decide to dismiss the action, is there a time frame in which I must do it?

So if he is going to come back and fight it, you will dismiss it? Or why does it matter if your ex is planning to attend or not?

 

[asil8170]

Just trying to weigh the monetary risks. If he doesn't show up, the risk of losing anymore money on this action seems slim. If he shows up, who knows what the Judge will decide. Still just trying to decide if I should dismiss THIS case. If I do, I'll be right back in the same situation, spending more money on filing fees, etc., the next time he decides he can wait until a hearing date is set to pay his bills.

 

[asil8170]

I just had an idea...our son has a doctor's appointment for a physical in 2 weeks. There will be a bill and I will submit it to my ex after the insurance has been paid. It will be fairly small...an amount that I can live without for awhile (not like the $800 for this last bill.) My ex won't pay as usual but this time I'll wait at least 6 - 9 months to file a contempt action. It will take another month or two to get a hearing date. He will then pay it a week or two before that date but by then it will be nearly 8 - 10 months late. Maybe then the Judge will be more inclined to help me "show him the error of his ways."

 

[asil8170]

Oh my goodnes!!! This is SO interesting. I was just at the grocery store and ran into an old family friend. Actually, I was good friends with her sister while in high school. Their father was an attorney in my hometown for decades. Their brother still practices law here to this day. My friend's sister, the one I just ran into, moved away and is an attorney somewhere else in Iowa. Anyway, after asking how her sister was doing, I brought up this legal issue and was very excited to hear her response. She told me that my ex IS in contempt, no matter if he paid or not. The issue is the timing...just as I thought. If the divorce decree states that he has a certain amount of time to pay, he MUST pay within that time frame. If he doesn't (and he DIDN'T) he is in contempt. I also brought up the question of presenting my evidence to prove that this behavior has become a habit. She told me that it would be up to the Judge to allow it or not. She asked if I knew the name of the Judge who is scheduled on Oct 9th. When I told her who it was, she told me that both she and her brother have tried cases in front of this man. She said that he likes to hear EVERYTHING before making a judgement.

I feel a bit more optimistic.

 

[not2cleverRed]

The "fun part" is when you take the kids to their father's house for visitaton, as the decree orders you to do. You drop them at the door HE'S requested and leave...because he won't open the door until you're out of the driveway. You go home and 15 minutes later get a call from the police saying that if I don't go and pick up the kids, I'll be charged with abandonment. I pick them up and find out that their father yelled through the closed door "It's not my weekend," left them sitting in the driveway and called the police. BTW, it WAS his RIGHT to weekend time but didn't get his one-line letter in the mail soon enough. That's FUN! That's the BS I've been up against but some still think that I'm stupid and the "bad guy."

Just an observation: if something like this is part of a pattern (as opposed to 1 time occurrence), document it. Then petition for a modification of visitation requiring that you be notified by a certain time window before his parenting time about whether he'll be exercising visitation, and require him to pick up. Of course, this doesn't work if you've moved away and are responsible for all transportation.

The point is, document, try to find a work around.

And yes, many of us are dealing with difficult exes, that's how we ended up here. But having your attitude about visitation doesn't help your situation one iota. ACCEPT that the NCP has the right, not the requirement, to exercise visitation. ACCEPT reality as it is, not what you would like it to be, and work within that framework.

 

[asil8170]

Just an observation: if something like this is part of a pattern (as opposed to 1 time occurrence), document it. Then petition for a modification of visitation requiring that you be notified by a certain time window before his parenting time about whether he'll be exercising visitation, and require him to pick up. Of course, this doesn't work if you've moved away and are responsible for all transportation.

The point is, document, try to find a work around.

And yes, many of us are dealing with difficult exes, that's how we ended up here. But having your attitude about visitation doesn't help your situation one iota. ACCEPT that the NCP has the right, not the requirement, to exercise visitation. ACCEPT reality as it is, not what you would like it to be, and work within that framework.

I have every one-line letter and the post marked part of the envelope, showing that he gives me a day or two notice, each time he misses visistation. All of these were brought before a Judge last Dec when I took him back to court to modify CS. The Judge was NOT very happy with that situation and ordered him to give me "adequate" notification. My ex then went from 1 - 2 days to 2 - 3 days.

Now what? Since the Judge DID NOT specify a time frame (kinda like the bill paying thing, huh?) for being notified, I don't see what I can do. If some people here think that the Judge will see the contempt action as "frivilous," what's he going to think about taking my ex back to court for this?