Need Advice!!!

[nettieboop]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Husband left me 3 months ago completely out of the blue. Moved out. Haven't really communicated. I've heard he wants a divorce - he's been seeing another woman. We had a pile of credit card/line of credit debt (wasn't aware until after he left) which he's just paid using most of his 401(k) without telling me. He's just suggested that we get separate bank accounts and he will pay the mortgage of our house (that I'm living in) if I pay the utilities. This is good as I make 1/3 his income. Question is, is that a bad move? Will he think he has more entitlement over the house b/c he's paying the mortgage? He's had a huge sense of entitlement regarding money, our house, etc. He calls his income 'his money' but calls the debt 'our debt'. Just want to protect myself!!!

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Husband left me 3 months ago completely out of the blue. Moved out. Haven't really communicated. I've heard he wants a divorce - he's been seeing another woman. We had a pile of credit card/line of credit debt (wasn't aware until after he left) which he's just paid using most of his 401(k) without telling me.

At least he's been paying it. You "sound" like you are displeased about it: I wonder why?

He's just suggested that we get separate bank accounts and he will pay the mortgage of our house (that I'm living in) if I pay the utilities. This is good as I make 1/3 his income.

He likely wants to protect his credit. Or is being quite nice.

Question is, is that a bad move? Will he think he has more entitlement over the house b/c he's paying the mortgage? He's had a huge sense of entitlement regarding money, our house, etc. He calls his income 'his money' but calls the debt 'our debt'. Just want to protect myself!!!

I don't know how he will "feel." That's not an answerable question.

 

[nettieboop]

Need advice

I'm not displeased, I'm just very nervous about the situation. He's gone from being my normal every day husband, great relationship, to being a completely different person. He's never had a conversation with me about our debt, how we are going to reduce the debt, etc. Yes it is nice that he's paying things right now and plans on paying the mortgage. I've heard he plans on keeping the house, which I'm living in, and due to having zero savings/equity/retirement/very few assets, I fear that I will end up with nothing. I've spent the last 11 years with this man.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm not displeased, I'm just very nervous about the situation. He's gone from being my normal every day husband, great relationship, to being a completely different person. He's never had a conversation with me about our debt, how we are going to reduce the debt, etc. Yes it is nice that he's paying things right now and plans on paying the mortgage. I've heard he plans on keeping the house, which I'm living in, and due to having zero savings/equity/retirement/very few assets, I fear that I will end up with nothing. I've spent the last 11 years with this man.

Knowledge is power: http://info.legalzoom.com/washington-state-divorce-laws-division-community-property-21459.html

Google will provide you with much, much more.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Husband left me 3 months ago completely out of the blue. Moved out. Haven't really communicated. I've heard he wants a divorce - he's been seeing another woman. We had a pile of credit card/line of credit debt (wasn't aware until after he left) which he's just paid using most of his 401(k) without telling me. He's just suggested that we get separate bank accounts and he will pay the mortgage of our house (that I'm living in) if I pay the utilities. This is good as I make 1/3 his income. Question is, is that a bad move? Will he think he has more entitlement over the house b/c he's paying the mortgage? He's had a huge sense of entitlement regarding money, our house, etc. He calls his income 'his money' but calls the debt 'our debt'. Just want to protect myself!!!

There is no way for a group of anonymous people to know if this is a bad move for you. There are many details that only an attorney who properly interviews you must analyze you to give you a proper answer.

I do suggest get advice from a local divorce attorney.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm not displeased, I'm just very nervous about the situation. He's gone from being my normal every day husband, great relationship, to being a completely different person. He's never had a conversation with me about our debt, how we are going to reduce the debt, etc. Yes it is nice that he's paying things right now and plans on paying the mortgage. I've heard he plans on keeping the house, which I'm living in, and due to having zero savings/equity/retirement/very few assets, I fear that I will end up with nothing. I've spent the last 11 years with this man.

Are you working? If not, you need to get a job. If you can't afford the mortgage, you won't get the house. You are entitled to half the marital assets and half the marital debt.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

If he used most of his retirement to pay off debt, it seems there is little marital asset value, unless you have vehicle equity or house equity to share. 50% of nothing is still nothing. It matters not how many years you were married.

 

[latigo]

. . . . You are entitled to half the marital assets and half the marital debt.

No, no!

Better check your homework because that statement is not necessarily true! And in view of the broad gap in the respective spouse’s earning power, it is very unlikely to be true.

The term “equitable distribution” is NOT synonymous with the ”equal distribution” and there is a long line of Washington Supreme Court decision that will tell you so.

Plus, there is this specific Washington statute on the disposition of marital property and marital debt:

Distribution of Property and Liabilities - Factors.

In a proceeding for dissolution of the marriage or domestic partnership, legal separation, declaration of invalidity, or in a proceeding for disposition of property following dissolution of the marriage or the domestic partnership by a court which lacked personal jurisdiction over the absent spouse or absent domestic partner or lacked jurisdiction to dispose of the property, the court shall, without regard to misconduct, make such disposition of the property and the liabilities of the parties, either community or separate, as shall appear just and equitable after considering all relevant factors including, but not limited to:

(1) The nature and extent of the community property;

(2) The nature and extent of the separate property;

(3) The duration of the marriage or domestic partnership; and

(4) The economic circumstances of each spouse or domestic partner at the time the division of property is to become effective , including the desirability of awarding the family home or the right to live therein for reasonable periods to a spouse or domestic partner with whom the children reside the majority of the time. RCW 26.09.080 (Emphasis added)

 

[Ohiogal]

No, no!

Better check your homework because that statement is not necessarily true! And in view of the broad gap in the respective spouse’s earning power, it is very unlikely to be true.

The term “equitable distribution” is NOT synonymous with the ”equal distribution” and there is a long line of Washington Supreme Court decision that will tell you so.

Plus, there is this specific Washington statute on the disposition of marital property and marital debt:

HOmework? Nope. I will check my work that is showing and will agree that you are correct. I mis-spoke. I simplified far too simply. I should have stated "you are entitled to an equitable amount of the marital assets and equitable amount of the debt which may equate with half of each." Of course then there may be issues of dissipation of marital assets and other things that come into play that further impact.

 

[Bali Hai]

HOmework? Nope. I will check my work that is showing and will agree that you are correct. I mis-spoke. I simplified far too simply. I should have stated "you are entitled to an equitable amount of the marital assets and equitable amount of the debt which may equate with half of each." Of course then there may be issues of dissipation of marital assets and other things that come into play that further impact.

Meaning that one party could receive anywhere from 0-100% of assets and debt depending on the pre-disposition of the judge with far more power than they should be allowed.

The division of assets and debt should be equal since both parties by law have a right to contribute equally to the marriage. Furthermore, there are laws on the books that in fact give half the participants in a marriage to contribute more than equally to the marriage. If those laws aren't taken advantage of, whose fault is that??

The equal rights amendment was not called the "equitable" rights amendment!

 

[smorgan30x]

Too Complicated for a Forum Post to be Much Help

I agree that you really need to get a good local attorney to look at your situation closely, discuss your options with you and then take action. The internet and sites like this are great for getting educated so you are not acting blindly but when a situation is as far gone as yours you would be best served by hiring a good divorce attorney.