Annulment in Virginia? What constitutes Fraud?

[Temperance1379]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

I have been dating a wonderful man who has been trying to divorce a very mentally disturbed wife for years (she is psychotic, paranoid, abusive, has borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, and is a pathological liar. She has threatened to kill me, and him.).

They were married 12 years ago, after she cheated on him during the engagement. She manipulated him into eloping because she told him she was dying of cervical cancer.

Since they married, she was physically abusive, threatened his life, threw a phone at his face and hit him, punched him multiple times, threatened to hurt their pets, and she psychologically abused him (such as, "only a REAL man would do all the shopping and cooking and take care of me, and also make lots of money for me to spend on designer purses and makeup", "you're a worthless piece of sh**", you get the idea).

Does this constitute fraud? And could it be grounds for annulment?

She will deny any of this happened, of course, but it did. Can anyone give me any advice how to proceed? She refuses to settle on the divorce unless he leaves me, pays for outside insurance (she already has medicare), pay her $2000 a month in alimony on top of the mortgage for their house (fiance declared bankruptcy to save the house, and owes $2500 a month for it), and has threatened to file a petition claiming he physically abused her (which did not happen, he has never been violent with me in the 2.5 years I've been dating him).

She has hired a PI, and follows my car and takes photos - she lied to the police and told them I was selling drugs trying to get me put in jail (no charges obviously). She broke into my apartment and stole my engagement ring - we know it was her because she mentioned an item that only my fiance and I knew about in the place.

Any advice would be very appreciated. We don't have much money for an attorney, given my fiance is in bankruptcy because his ex decided to not pay the mortgage for several months, and I'm a student. Thank you all for any advice you can give regarding divorce or annulment in Virginia.

Temperance

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

I have been dating a wonderful man who has been trying to divorce a very mentally disturbed wife for years (she is psychotic, paranoid, abusive, has borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, and is a pathological liar. She has threatened to kill me, and him.).

They were married 12 years ago, after she cheated on him during the engagement. She manipulated him into eloping because she told him she was dying of cervical cancer.

Since they married, she was physically abusive, threatened his life, threw a phone at his face and hit him, punched him multiple times, threatened to hurt their pets, and she psychologically abused him (such as, "only a REAL man would do all the shopping and cooking and take care of me, and also make lots of money for me to spend on designer purses and makeup", "you're a worthless piece of sh**", you get the idea).

Does this constitute fraud? And could it be grounds for annulment?

She will deny any of this happened, of course, but it did. Can anyone give me any advice how to proceed? She refuses to settle on the divorce unless he leaves me, pays for outside insurance (she already has medicare), pay her $2000 a month in alimony on top of the mortgage for their house (fiance declared bankruptcy to save the house, and owes $2500 a month for it), and has threatened to file a petition claiming he physically abused her (which did not happen, he has never been violent with me in the 2.5 years I've been dating him).

She has hired a PI, and follows my car and takes photos - she lied to the police and told them I was selling drugs trying to get me put in jail (no charges obviously). She broke into my apartment and stole my engagement ring - we know it was her because she mentioned an item that only my fiance and I knew about in the place.

Any advice would be very appreciated. We don't have much money for an attorney, given my fiance is in bankruptcy because his ex decided to not pay the mortgage for several months, and I'm a student. Thank you all for any advice you can give regarding divorce or annulment in Virginia.

Temperance

He needs a divorce.

There is information here, and he can call the number for a low-cost referral:

http://www.vsb.org/site/publications/divorce-in-virginia/

 

[Temperance1379]

Thanks for your response. I know he needs a divorce but his wife will not settle without impossible demands, and he can't afford a trial costing $10,000+.

Btw, we were not dating while they were married. We started dating when they were legally separated. I know VA law doesn't make the distinction, but they hadn't had marital relations in 7 years and the marriage was over.

I'll check out the low cost divorce attorneys, but I'd like to know if annulment is even possible.

Thank you so much, again.

 

[Proserpina]

Thanks for your response. I know he needs a divorce but his wife will not settle without impossible demands, and he can't afford a trial costing $10,000+.

Btw, we were not dating while they were married. We started dating when they were legally separated. I know VA law doesn't make the distinction, but they hadn't had marital relations in 7 years and the marriage was over.

I'll check out the low cost divorce attorneys, but I'd like to know if annulment is even possible.

Thank you so much, again.

Annulment is generally considered to be difficult and expensive. Plus, this was over 12 years ago. Seriously, his cheaper option is likely going to be divorce.

Bear in mind that even though they're separated, he is technically committing adultery. Virginia may take marital misconduct into consideration when determining spousal support. Honestly, help your boyfriend (he's not your fiance) get an attorney.

 

[Proserpina]

One other thing, Temperance. Please don't post to 10+ year old threads. Thanks!

 

[Temperance1379]

Sorry Prosperina. Understood.

My "fiance" (we would be married now if his ex would settle and be reasonable), his income is too high to qualify for low cost attorneys. How difficult is an Annulment vs. a Divorce Pro Se? I'm a paralegal, and I've read the VA divorce statutes and codes, but we need a pro bono lawyer.

Can I sue her for the theft of my ring? For harassment? For stalking me? Anything?

I have witnesses that heard her mention the item in our apartment that only we had seen. She called his parents and told them about it.

 

[Proserpina]

Sorry Prosperina. Understood.

My "fiance" (we would be married now if his ex would settle and be reasonable), his income is too high to qualify for low cost attorneys. How difficult is an Annulment vs. a Divorce Pro Se? I'm a paralegal, and I've read the VA divorce statutes and codes, but we need a pro bono lawyer.

Can I sue her for the theft of my ring? For harassment? For stalking me? Anything?

I have witnesses that heard her mention the item in our apartment that only we had seen. She called his parents and told them about it.

What proof is there of the theft? Harassment? Police reports? Convictions?

Honestly? Suing her at this point is NOT going to make her kowtow to your boyfriend's requests. It's only going to alienate her further and make her more determined to make his life miserable - if she's that way inclined already, that's the last thing he wants.

He doesn't need her permission to file for, and obtain, a divorce. If he's willing to learn and do the groundwork himself it doesn't have to cost him thousands of dollars, either.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

I have been dating a wonderful man who has been trying to divorce a very mentally disturbed wife for years (she is psychotic, paranoid, abusive, has borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, and is a pathological liar. She has threatened to kill me, and him.).

If he wanted a divorce he would have gotten a divorce. So why doesn't he divorce her?

They were married 12 years ago, after she cheated on him during the engagement. She manipulated him into eloping because she told him she was dying of cervical cancer.

That is the story he is telling you? HE CHOSE to marry her.

Since they married, she was physically abusive, threatened his life, threw a phone at his face and hit him, punched him multiple times, threatened to hurt their pets, and she psychologically abused him (such as, "only a REAL man would do all the shopping and cooking and take care of me, and also make lots of money for me to spend on designer purses and makeup", "you're a worthless piece of sh**", you get the idea).

You have witnessed this? Or just since you became his adulterous lover?

Does this constitute fraud? And could it be grounds for annulment?

Nope. It is not fraud.

She will deny any of this happened, of course, but it did. Can anyone give me any advice how to proceed?

Give your lover an ultimatum -- he either divorces her or you are leaving him.

She refuses to settle on the divorce unless he leaves me, pays for outside insurance (she already has medicare), pay her $2000 a month in alimony on top of the mortgage for their house (fiance declared bankruptcy to save the house, and owes $2500 a month for it), and has threatened to file a petition claiming he physically abused her (which did not happen, he has never been violent with me in the 2.5 years I've been dating him).

So why does he need her to SETTLE on the divorce? So for 2.5 years he has been involved in an adulterous relationship and this is his wife's fault?

She has hired a PI, and follows my car and takes photos - she lied to the police and told them I was selling drugs trying to get me put in jail (no charges obviously). She broke into my apartment and stole my engagement ring - we know it was her because she mentioned an item that only my fiance and I knew about in the place.

She is allowed to hire a PI to follow you and him. Every dime he has spent on you is possibly dissipation of marital assets.
When did your dear darling FILE for divorce?

Any advice would be very appreciated. We don't have much money for an attorney, given my fiance is in bankruptcy because his ex decided to not pay the mortgage for several months, and I'm a student. Thank you all for any advice you can give regarding divorce or annulment in Virginia.

I thought you stated you are a paralegal. But now you are just a student? Whose name is on the mortgage -- your lover's, his wife's or both names? Oh and you cannot be engaged to a married man. Why? Because he is not able to promise to marry you when he is still married.

Temperance

What a nice Christian name.

 

[Ohiogal]

Sorry Prosperina. Understood.

My "fiance" (we would be married now if his ex would settle and be reasonable), his income is too high to qualify for low cost attorneys. How difficult is an Annulment vs. a Divorce Pro Se? I'm a paralegal, and I've read the VA divorce statutes and codes, but we need a pro bono lawyer.

I thought you were a student? Why can't your adulterous lover (he is after all committing adultery) file for divorce himself. YOU do not need an attorney at all. This is NOT your legal issue. He says you would be married now if his ex would settle but don't you realize that he doesn't need her agreement to divorce her? You are afterall either a student or a paralegal. Sounds like he has the best of both worlds -- he can't marry you because he is still married to her and even though he is not divorced, he still has free access to you.

Can I sue her for the theft of my ring? For harassment? For stalking me? Anything?

Prove she stole the ring. Did you file a police report? Did they arrest her? Was she convicted? For harrassment? Really? You are living with HER husband. If he wanted rid of her he would be rid of her. It is legal for her to hire a PI to find out about the mistress. Makes it easy in divorce court.

I have witnesses that heard her mention the item in our apartment that only we had seen. She called his parents and told them about it.

And yet you have NO evidence that she was in your apartment other than this "item". And the witnesses didn't see her in the apartment.

 

[stealth2]

Sorry Prosperina. Understood.

My "fiance" (we would be married now if his ex would settle and be reasonable)

It's easy for him to say that since he's not free to marry you. I'm sorry to be cynical, but what was posted above is true - if he really wanted to be divorced, he'd have done something about it.

And as for everything you "know" about their marriage? Believe me that his version is as colored as hers likely is. The TRUTH of their marriage (and fault in its demise) is somewhere between the two. You really do not know what happenned. All you know is the story he has chosen to share with you.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm wondering about the alleged mental diagnoses.

Seriously.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks for your response. I know he needs a divorce but his wife will not settle without impossible demands, and he can't afford a trial costing $10,000+.

Btw, we were not dating while they were married. We started dating when they were legally separated. I know VA law doesn't make the distinction, but they hadn't had marital relations in 7 years and the marriage was over.

I'll check out the low cost divorce attorneys, but I'd like to know if annulment is even possible.

Thank you so much, again.

You were dating while they were married. And unless they have a court ordered legal separation, they were not LEGALLY separated. Therefore you are STILL engaged in an adulterous relationship. And he needs to face facts that he might be paying spousal support -- it could even be what the ex is demanding. After all, how much does he spend on you and his life with you? Or are YOU supporting him? And how do you know they hadn't had marital relations in 7 years? Because your lover told you that?

 

[anearthw]

Wow, this guy really has you manipulated too. You should print out this post and re-read it in a few years to get some perspective. What an evil woman she is, yet he was married for how many years to her? Oh wait... still is.

The easiest way to deal with a man's wife is to not date her husband. But I understand, it's a lot easier to paint her as a psycho than admit that your boyfriend is married to her and isn't all that bothered to get a divorce or else he would have.

 

[anearthw]

And I'd probably stop paying the mortgage too if my HUSBAND bought another woman an engagement ring with OUR money.

 

[Proserpina]

Wow, this guy really has you manipulated too. You should print out this post and re-read it in a few years to get some perspective. What an evil woman she is, yet he was married for how many years to her? Oh wait... still is.

The easiest way to deal with a man's wife is to not date her husband. But I understand, it's a lot easier to paint her as a psycho than admit that your boyfriend is married to her and isn't all that bothered to get a divorce or else he would have.

Best. Advice. EVER.