Divorcing NJ vs. PA?

[Bethy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ/PA

I live in PA and we got married in PA. We are quasi-separated right now as he moved back to his place in NJ back in March '12. My 2nd marriage, his 3rd, we have no kids together and with the exception of 2 weeks in the beginning of our marriage when our joint ck'ing account was garnished by a pre-marital debt of his I was unaware of, we have had no co-mingled funds.

two months after we married, my husband said his house was going to go into forclosure and I begrudgingly loaned him 15k (thru work/out of my paycheck/I am a secretary). He said he'd pay it back in a few weeks as he said he was going to put the house up for sale once he fixed it to meet 'code'. The house never went up for sale and is still in need of meeting 'code'. He recently stated he wants to start "fresh" with a "together" house and he only wants it in NJ. With his track record of financial responsibility, there's no way I'll agree to that, but he feels strongly that he HAS to have "turf" under the roof (I have 2 grown kids that occasionally visit and I can see his blood pressure go up when they do). While I understand that, I'm not giving up my financial security in my house. Sorry, I'm digressing.

I am weary of all the promises (mainly financial) that he never follows up on and I should know by the end of the week if divorce is a definite. The last amt. of money he offered to help w/ the bills was Dec. '11 with $220 (we adopted a dog in '10 and he said he'd pay for 1/2 the bills....zero, absolute zero for 2+ years). He has no retirement whereas I have put the max I can in for the past 17 years where I work.

Husband moved out last March '12 stating I was nagging him about the money. I didn't think I nagged but I did bring up the money when he made requests, but I digress again.

I was told that NJ is a mess to get a divorce and I should file before him in PA. Can someone tell me the differences in the states and what happens if we both file in our own state? Will he be 'entitled' to any of my retirement with just 5 years of marriage? I stupidly did not have a pre-nup because I believed what he said.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ/PA

I live in PA and we got married in PA. We are quasi-separated right now as he moved back to his place in NJ back in March '12. My 2nd marriage, his 3rd, we have no kids together and with the exception of 2 weeks in the beginning of our marriage when our joint ck'ing account was garnished by a pre-marital debt of his I was unaware of, we have had no co-mingled funds.

two months after we married, my husband said his house was going to go into forclosure and I begrudgingly loaned him 15k (thru work/out of my paycheck/I am a secretary). He said he'd pay it back in a few weeks as he said he was going to put the house up for sale once he fixed it to meet 'code'. The house never went up for sale and is still in need of meeting 'code'. He recently stated he wants to start "fresh" with a "together" house and he only wants it in NJ. With his track record of financial responsibility, there's no way I'll agree to that, but he feels strongly that he HAS to have "turf" under the roof (I have 2 grown kids that occasionally visit and I can see his blood pressure go up when they do). While I understand that, I'm not giving up my financial security in my house. Sorry, I'm digressing.

I am weary of all the promises (mainly financial) that he never follows up on and I should know by the end of the week if divorce is a definite. The last amt. of money he offered to help w/ the bills was Dec. '11 with $220 (we adopted a dog in '10 and he said he'd pay for 1/2 the bills....zero, absolute zero for 2+ years). He has no retirement whereas I have put the max I can in for the past 17 years where I work.

Husband moved out last March '12 stating I was nagging him about the money. I didn't think I nagged but I did bring up the money when he made requests, but I digress again.

I was told that NJ is a mess to get a divorce and I should file before him in PA. Can someone tell me the differences in the states and what happens if we both file in our own state? Will he be 'entitled' to any of my retirement with just 5 years of marriage? I stupidly did not have a pre-nup because I believed what he said.

He would be entitled to a share of whatever assets accrued during your 5 year marriage. That would include 1/2 of whatever you put into your 401k during the marriage and would also include your house if your equity increased during the marriage. Its not very likely that your equity increased due to the current housing market, but be aware of that.

If he owes you money that may be a negotiating point in the divorce.

 

[Ohiogal]

He would be entitled to a share of whatever assets accrued during your 5 year marriage. That would include 1/2 of whatever you put into your 401k during the marriage and would also include your house if your equity increased during the marriage. Its not very likely that your equity increased due to the current housing market, but be aware of that.

If he owes you money that may be a negotiating point in the divorce.

Most likely she will not be able to collect on the LOAN to her HUSBAND during the marriage unless she has a lot of evidence that she loaned her husband money.

 

[Bethy]

add'l info

I did print out a homemade copy of a promissory note between him and me for that money and we did sign it (him in 2009, me in 2008) and our counselor told me he felt it would hold up.

If I knew about the retirement, I wouldn't have put money into it - he has no retirement/savings. I had hoped since we kept things separately the whole time it would be an easy cut w/ no divisions necessary. My house depreciated a little bit, but his went down about 40k. I still believe I love him which is why it has taken me so long to get to this point. I just have no trust in his financial dealings and can't believe he respects me for thinking he shouldn't need to pay me back. Hopefully someone else will learn from this besides me.

But the bottom line -- what is the different between PA and NJ in regards to going through this?

 

[Zigner]

I did print out a homemade copy of a promissory note between him and me for that money and we did sign it (him in 2009, me in 2008) and our counselor told me he felt it would hold up.

If I knew about the retirement, I wouldn't have put money into it - he has no retirement/savings. I had hoped since we kept things separately the whole time it would be an easy cut w/ no divisions necessary. My house depreciated a little bit, but his went down about 40k. I still believe I love him which is why it has taken me so long to get to this point. I just have no trust in his financial dealings and can't believe he respects me for thinking he shouldn't need to pay me back. Hopefully someone else will learn from this besides me.

I would suggest that you speak to your counselor about emotional & mental issues and to your attorney about legal issues. They probably attended different classes in college.

 

[Bethy]

lawyer/counselor

Actually, our marriage counselor is also a lawyer (although not practicing now) and the majority of his work is youth evaluations for courts in divorces. But I will be making an appt. and bring the papers to the lawyers office.

I was mainly trying to find out the differences in NJ vs. PA since he's in NJ.

thank you

 

[latigo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ/PA

I live in PA and we got married in PA. We are quasi-separated right now as he moved back to his place in NJ back in March '12. My 2nd marriage, his 3rd, we have no kids together and with the exception of 2 weeks in the beginning of our marriage when our joint ck'ing account was garnished by a pre-marital debt of his I was unaware of, we have had no co-mingled funds.

two months after we married, my husband said his house was going to go into forclosure and I begrudgingly loaned him 15k (thru work/out of my paycheck/I am a secretary). He said he'd pay it back in a few weeks as he said he was going to put the house up for sale once he fixed it to meet 'code'. The house never went up for sale and is still in need of meeting 'code'. He recently stated he wants to start "fresh" with a "together" house and he only wants it in NJ. With his track record of financial responsibility, there's no way I'll agree to that, but he feels strongly that he HAS to have "turf" under the roof (I have 2 grown kids that occasionally visit and I can see his blood pressure go up when they do). While I understand that, I'm not giving up my financial security in my house. Sorry, I'm digressing.

I am weary of all the promises (mainly financial) that he never follows up on and I should know by the end of the week if divorce is a definite. The last amt. of money he offered to help w/ the bills was Dec. '11 with $220 (we adopted a dog in '10 and he said he'd pay for 1/2 the bills....zero, absolute zero for 2+ years). He has no retirement whereas I have put the max I can in for the past 17 years where I work.

Husband moved out last March '12 stating I was nagging him about the money. I didn't think I nagged but I did bring up the money when he made requests, but I digress again.

I was told that NJ is a mess to get a divorce and I should file before him in PA. Can someone tell me the differences in the states and what happens if we both file in our own state? Will he be 'entitled' to any of my retirement with just 5 years of marriage? I stupidly did not have a pre-nup because I believed what he said.

Living in Pennsylvania you wouldn’t qualify to file for divorce in New Jersey. And your husband could only do so after he had resided continuously in that state for one year. (New Jersey Statutes - Title 2 A - Chapters: 34-8, 34.10)

Moreover, as long as you don’t cohabit with him in New Jersey, it would be to you advantage if he should file in that state. That is provided that you do not make a personal appearance in such a divorce action and are not personally served with process within the borders of that state.

There reason is, that assuming he established a one year’s residency in New Jersey and elected to file in that state, the New Jersey court, although it could dissolve the marriage, it could not assume personal jurisdiction over you nor in rem jurisdiction authorizing it to distribute marital property not situated in New Jersey.

If you file in Pennsylvania and he formally appears claiming a marital interest in your retirement fund, and the court finds that an equitable distribution should include awarding him part of that fund, I see no reason why you would not be allowed to offset any amounts he is found to owe you.

And even though money exchanges between husband and wife are often difficult to establish as contractual loans, in the least your attorney could make a sound argument that any consideration by the court as to respective equities would require taking into account the money he received.

What you must do is to quickly arrange a consultation with an experienced and successful Pennsylvania family law attorney.

Good luck.