Am I in contempt?

[wordy68]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas
Am I in contempt by allowing my 14 year old to choose whether or not he goes for visitation? Dad lives five minutes from us. No "real" reason for him not to go. Dad does not pursue visitation. Our son has gone for normal visitation for years, basically going to Dad's anytime he wishes regardless of whether or not it was "his day." Hasn't gone for an overnight in over 2 months. Has seen him for hours at a time here and there...but that's it.

 

[HomeGuru]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas
Am I in contempt by allowing my 14 year old to choose whether or not he goes for visitation? Dad lives five minutes from us. No "real" reason for him not to go. Dad does not pursue visitation. Our son has gone for normal visitation for years, basically going to Dad's anytime he wishes regardless of whether or not it was "his day." Hasn't gone for an overnight in over 2 months. Has seen him for hours at a time here and there...but that's it.

**A: are you hindering the provisions of the court order? Or enabling your son to do so?

 

[wordy68]

If you are asking if I am in any way keeping my son from going, the answer would be no. I talk with him quite often about having a better relationship with his dad and I have never denied him access to his father nor have I denied my ex access to his son. I have been allowing my son to decide if he goes and if he will stay overnight.

 

[HomeGuru]

What exactly does the court order say? Does it say that your son gets to choose?

 

[wordy68]

It does not say that he gets to choose. It also does not say anything in regards to what age visitation stops.

 

[outhouse]

It would be hard to prove contemp if father is not picking minor child up at drop off time, nor objecting.

 

[wordy68]

He has told me that he feels I should FORCE our son to go. I have chosen not to, but as I said before, I DO encourage my son to go and emphasize how important this relationship is. My ex will talk to our son now and again, but according to my son, has not made any invitations or suggestions or said to him,"Hey, let's get together." Our son gets upset when he tells his father that he loves him, but his father will tell him, "don't tell me you love me when you wont come see me..." I've personally seen these types of remarks from my ex on my son's Facebook wall. It's hard to encourage this relationship when I see these sorts of comments from him, but I DO continue to encourage my son to see him. I have KEPT text messages between son and father with these sorts of conversations.

 

[single317dad]

This is how I would handle this situation:

"Child will be available for visitation at (location) at (day/time). You are welcome to pick up child from that location at that time. Please return child to (location) at (day/time)."

Then make the child available at that location and time. I understand that, living so close to each other, requiring a pickup seems ludicrous, but doing it this way you fulfill your obligation to make the child available for the visitation time, and put the responsibility on the other parent to exercise the opportunity. Simply inform the child that he must be available at that time and location without fail.

 

[wordy68]

Since my ex rarely responds to my messages/calls, I would hate to do what you suggested only to have my son "stood up." I will send an email to him re-emphasizing that I will always be prepared to have our child ready to see him and the he is welcome to come over to see our son or pick him up. Would that suffice??

 

[dannyt]

your son doesnt get to choose

If you are asking if I am in any way keeping my son from going, the answer would be no. I talk with him quite often about having a better relationship with his dad and I have never denied him access to his father nor have I denied my ex access to his son. I have been allowing my son to decide if he goes and if he will stay overnight.

and thats a mistake-untill your son is 18 he has no say in the matter. he goes when its dad's time or you will be the one who gets in trouble if dad takes you to court for contempt. done enough times there will be a change in custody from you to dad. you have no business letting your son disobey a court order( and thats just what it is an order not a suggestion)

 

[wordy68]

Since BOTH my ex and I are not FORCING our son to go visit and my ex is NOT pursuing visitation by any means, and I am NOT putting up any walls whatsoever against my ex having visitation...I am actually trying to encourage it on both sides...AND I have even spoken with my son's grandparents about coaxing their son to see my son....SHORT of physically putting my son in the car and dragging him to his dad and dropping him at the doorstep, I will do anything to help this relationship. If not dragging him is contempt...I'm willing to take my chances. Thanks for the info.

 

[single317dad]

Since BOTH my ex and I are not FORCING our son to go visit and my ex is NOT pursuing visitation by any means, and I am NOT putting up any walls whatsoever against my ex having visitation...I am actually trying to encourage it on both sides...AND I have even spoken with my son's grandparents about coaxing their son to see my son....SHORT of physically putting my son in the car and dragging him to his dad and dropping him at the doorstep, I will do anything to help this relationship. If not dragging him is contempt...I'm willing to take my chances. Thanks for the info.

You are not required to put your son in the car and drag him to Dad's house. What you are required to do is make the child available at the agreed-upon place and time (if that happens to be Dad's doorstep, then that's where you must take him). You can and must "force" your son to be available for each of Dad's visitations, regardless of whether he chooses to exercise all or any of them, until such time as a new court order says differently. You obviously cannot force Dad to exercise his right, so the idea is to make the process as painless as possible for you and the child.

"Child will be at home at 6:00 p.m. every other Friday". Simple enough. Make it happen every time. He can check in at 5:55, then at 6:05 he can go on about his business if Dad doesn't show. It gives you the peace of mind of being on the right side of the issue without a major upheaval in the family schedule.

 

[wordy68]

Yes! That, I can and WILL do!! Again, thank you SO much for your time and attention to my questions.

 

[Ohiogal]

What does the court order state regarding transportation for visitation?

 

[wordy68]

It does not specify transportation. It just says that I will "surrender" child at the scheduled times and he will return child at end of scheduled times. (both to respective residence or agreed upon meeting place.) It says that we both have the right to designate a competent adult to make the exchange if we are not able to. It also says this...A conservator shall give notice to the person in possession of the child on each occasion that the conservator will be unable to exercise that conservator’s right of possession for any specified period. Repeated failure of a parent to give notice of an inability to exercise possessory rights may be considered as a factor in a modification of those possessory rights.
There is no "inability" on his part, nor flat out refusal, but he doesn't make the efforts to see our son.