House, Visitation, & Debt

[calmandglow]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

Hello - - -

I am in the first stages of divorcing my spouse. We've been married for 19 years and have 3 minor living children.

We have a house with a mortgage in both of our names.

---What impact will it have on the divorce settlement if I leave the house to rent a place? Ultimately, I would like to remain in the house with the children, but my spouse is dragging his feet on leaving even though I've made it very clear he needs to.

---I want to have a no/low conflict divorce and am OK with joint custody and visitation. Although he doesn't make a very good husband, he is fortunately a good father. I am interested in doing the 2/2/3 schedule and for this to work best with the lowest level of stress, I believe it's best that we live geographically close. Our two oldest our teens, and I would like them to have the flexibility of open time at both houses. Anyone have advice on this? Our youngest is an infant.

---Any advice on splitting debt? With the new baby, I work part time and make less than he does.

Thank you in advance.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

It won't make much difference if you move out and leave dad and the kids. As it is his home also, you don't have the right to make him leave. Hopefully, you earn enough at your part time job to pay for an apartment.

 

[calmandglow]

thank you

It won't make much difference if you move out and leave dad and the kids. As it is his home also, you don't have the right to make him leave. Hopefully, you earn enough at your part time job to pay for an apartment.

If I leave to rent an apartment, the children would come with me.

 

[Proserpina]

If I leave to rent an apartment, the children would come with me.

If Dad's okay with that, then I think you're pretty good to go (finances aside - someone else will address that I'm sure).

I do have to commend you though on thinking about the kids and wanting them to have access to both parents on a very regular basis.

We unfortunately see far too many parents who want to exclude the other parent as much as possible. Good for you, Mom

 

[calmandglow]

<smile>

thank you, I appreciate that.

I am keeping our problems and our relationship separate from our relationship with the kids. Two separate things. Our marriage has been awful, but we have great kids from it that we both love and want the best for.

Life isn't easy; why make it even harder.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

If I leave to rent an apartment, the children would come with me.

Have you and dad discussed this? The older ones may be better off with him. It appears you are making decisions that favor you, rather than discussing with dad what is in the best interest of the children. 3 or 4 bedroom apartments are very expensive. I doubt you can afford that, if you only work part-time.

 

[calmandglow]

Have you and dad discussed this? The older ones may be better off with him. It appears you are making decisions that favor you, rather than discussing with dad what is in the best interest of the children. 3 or 4 bedroom apartments are very expensive. I doubt you can afford that, if you only work part-time.

I am trying to make decisions that favor the kids and the kids alone. If it were up to me and what I want, I would live miles and miles from him.

The older ones would be better off with him because he makes more money?

I can afford a very nice apartment which would be big enough for everyone. No doubt needed.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

All I am doing is quoting your own words to you.

I am keeping our problems and our relationship separate from our relationship with the kids. Two separate things.

Obviously, you are not keeping them separate. You are making a unilateral decision to take them. If you attempting to make the best choice for them, you would discuss the issue with their father. The fact is, you decided to take them, likely because you plan on getting as much CS to live on as possible.

 

[calmandglow]

We have discussed it numerous times and we have verbally agreed to a generous visitation schedule with two separate houses.

The situation now is - who is making the first move out the door. We can't continue living in the same house. This is where he is dragging his feet.

Is there something wrong with me getting child support? As the parent who is with them the most? It seems you imply there is.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Only thing wrong with a marriage that breaks down, is when they do not respect each other enough to negotiate the split and consider what is best for the children. Unfortunately we are not there. We can't be in the discussion as to what is best and why.

 

[calmandglow]

Thank you so much for the reply.

Your kindness and empathy is underwhelming.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you so much for the reply.

Your kindness and empathy is underwhelming.

a) This is not a support group;
b) If you have a 2/2/3 schedule then the children would not be with you the most;
c) You cannot count on child support to pay your bills;
d) If you have a 2/2/3 schedule then why would the children have to move with you?

You seem to misunderstand quite a bit legally from your postings.

 

[Bali Hai]

We have discussed it numerous times and we have verbally agreed to a generous visitation schedule with two separate houses.

The situation now is - who is making the first move out the door. We can't continue living in the same house. This is where he is dragging his feet.

Is there something wrong with me getting child support? As the parent who is with them the most? It seems you imply there is.

There is nothing wrong with you getting child support, if you are a child. CS is to feed, cloth and put a roof over the head of the child, etc., not you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

Hello - - -

I am in the first stages of divorcing my spouse. We've been married for 19 years and have 3 minor living children.

We have a house with a mortgage in both of our names.

---What impact will it have on the divorce settlement if I leave the house to rent a place? Ultimately, I would like to remain in the house with the children, but my spouse is dragging his feet on leaving even though I've made it very clear he needs to.

---I want to have a no/low conflict divorce and am OK with joint custody and visitation. Although he doesn't make a very good husband, he is fortunately a good father. I am interested in doing the 2/2/3 schedule and for this to work best with the lowest level of stress, I believe it's best that we live geographically close. Our two oldest our teens, and I would like them to have the flexibility of open time at both houses. Anyone have advice on this? Our youngest is an infant.

---Any advice on splitting debt? With the new baby, I work part time and make less than he does.

Thank you in advance.

Keep in mind that with your older two, being teenagers, they may end up getting some say in which household they spend the majority of their time. I would strongly recommend that you stay in the home until the two of you have signed agreements (signed off on by the judge as well) regarding custody and parenting time.