A couple of Questions

[JustaFriendinTN]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

I filed for child support when my child’s father and I broke up a few years ago. By the time it got to court, it was a year later and we had worked out the matter between the two of us that he would pay slightly below the state’s guidelines (about $50 below) so that he could travel to visit our child. Also, in the past two years when our child has gone for summer visitation in June, I have allowed an abatement of support and I have just taken on another job for the month which hasn’t worked out too well. Not too many people want to hire and train someone that will only be around for a month. Anyway, over the years and mostly very recently his every other weekend visitation has decreased dramatically and he has only seen our child once since Christmas. During an argument about a month ago he also stated to me that our child (who up until now has been able to go to the paternal grandmother’s house whenever school is out, when sick and during the summer) is no longer allow to go to her house and I must pay for childcare during this time.

My question is, although it has not yet been 3 years since our agreement was entered with the court, given the current factors, that he has not visited the child as he was supposed to therefore the $50 deviation isn’t being used on travel, the fact that I now have to pay in excess of $500 at the very least for summer child care (it may be more as he now states that if he has to pay June child support then our child might as well stay with me so if so add another $500 to that) will the court allow for a modification? His income has also gone up by about $8000 whereas mine has only gone up $3000.


I also wanted to add that we currently do not have a custody visitation order, however up until this point, we have been able to work that out betweent us and he has had EOW, a month at summer and any other break he might have requested if in town. Not sure if that is relevant or not.

 

[MomGT123]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

I filed for child support when my child’s father and I broke up a few years ago. By the time it got to court, it was a year later and we had worked out the matter between the two of us that he would pay slightly below the state’s guidelines (about $50 below) so that he could travel to visit our child. Also, in the past two years when our child has gone for summer visitation in June, I have allowed an abatement of support and I have just taken on another job for the month which hasn’t worked out too well. Not too many people want to hire and train someone that will only be around for a month. Anyway, over the years and mostly very recently his every other weekend visitation has decreased dramatically and he has only seen our child once since Christmas. During an argument about a month ago he also stated to me that our child (who up until now has been able to go to the paternal grandmother’s house whenever school is out, when sick and during the summer) is no longer allow to go to her house and I must pay for childcare during this time.

My question is, although it has not yet been 3 years since our agreement was entered with the court, given the current factors, that he has not visited the child as he was supposed to therefore the $50 deviation isn’t being used on travel, the fact that I now have to pay in excess of $500 at the very least for summer child care (it may be more as he now states that if he has to pay June child support then our child might as well stay with me so if so add another $500 to that) will the court allow for a modification? His income has also gone up by about $8000 whereas mine has only gone up $3000.


I also wanted to add that we currently do not have a custody visitation order, however up until this point, we have been able to work that out betweent us and he has had EOW, a month at summer and any other break he might have requested if in town. Not sure if that is relevant or not.

I'm sure others will be along with actual legal advice but I had a couple of pieces of advice.

Most states allow you to request a child support review every X number of years or when there would be a significant change in the amount of support with the new calculations. Unless for some reason it is in court documents signed by a judge, you do not have to allow the summer abatement of child support. The calculation is normally done taking into account the NCP's time with the child. Also, if you are having to pay for child care, that amount can sometimes also be factored into the child support amount....depending on if TN calculates child support using a formula that takes into account both parents' incomes, insurance premiums, child care (since he says the grandmother can no longer be used), etc or if it is just a straight percentage of the NCP's income. Preparing and filing a custody order/parenting agreement may also be a good idea at this point if you're beginning to have issues regarding when he wants to see the child (although he cannot be forced to carry out his visitation).

While child support should not be counted on because it is all too often not paid and a lengthy process to be enforced (if at all), your child is entitled to receive monetary support from both parents. Although it was generous of you to agree to an amount below the guidelines you are absolutely not obligated to do any such thing if you choose to have support modified.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

I filed for child support when my child’s father and I broke up a few years ago. By the time it got to court, it was a year later and we had worked out the matter between the two of us that he would pay slightly below the state’s guidelines (about $50 below) so that he could travel to visit our child. Also, in the past two years when our child has gone for summer visitation in June, I have allowed an abatement of support and I have just taken on another job for the month which hasn’t worked out too well. Not too many people want to hire and train someone that will only be around for a month. Anyway, over the years and mostly very recently his every other weekend visitation has decreased dramatically and he has only seen our child once since Christmas. During an argument about a month ago he also stated to me that our child (who up until now has been able to go to the paternal grandmother’s house whenever school is out, when sick and during the summer) is no longer allow to go to her house and I must pay for childcare during this time.

My question is, although it has not yet been 3 years since our agreement was entered with the court, given the current factors, that he has not visited the child as he was supposed to therefore the $50 deviation isn’t being used on travel, the fact that I now have to pay in excess of $500 at the very least for summer child care (it may be more as he now states that if he has to pay June child support then our child might as well stay with me so if so add another $500 to that) will the court allow for a modification? His income has also gone up by about $8000 whereas mine has only gone up $3000.


I also wanted to add that we currently do not have a custody visitation order, however up until this point, we have been able to work that out betweent us and he has had EOW, a month at summer and any other break he might have requested if in town. Not sure if that is relevant or not.

Why can't the child continue to go to her grandmother's house? is grandma saying no?

 

[JustaFriendinTN]

I'm sure others will be along with actual legal advice but I had a couple of pieces of advice.

Most states allow you to request a child support review every X number of years or when there would be a significant change in the amount of support with the new calculations. Unless for some reason it is in court documents signed by a judge, you do not have to allow the summer abatement of child support. The calculation is normally done taking into account the NCP's time with the child. Also, if you are having to pay for child care, that amount can sometimes also be factored into the child support amount....depending on if TN calculates child support using a formula that takes into account both parents' incomes, insurance premiums, child care (since he says the grandmother can no longer be used), etc or if it is just a straight percentage of the NCP's income. Preparing and filing a custody order/parenting agreement may also be a good idea at this point if you're beginning to have issues regarding when he wants to see the child (although he cannot be forced to carry out his visitation).

While child support should not be counted on because it is all too often not paid and a lengthy process to be enforced (if at all), your child is entitled to receive monetary support from both parents. Although it was generous of you to agree to an amount below the guidelines you are absolutely not obligated to do any such thing if you choose to have support modified.

Thank you for your response.

I understand in regards to not having to allow the abatement during the summer month while my child is with his father, I just felt bad for him in that he always claimed not to have money to feed our child so I let him keep it, although in doing so I put myself into debt still having to pay for things my son needed during this time.

I also wanted to add that we currently do not have a visitation/custody order in place as I was told by the court when I called to find the form years ago to do so that I could not, only he could file to have visitation. Since there is no visitation order in place I have sole custody and visitation is at my discretion, I have just always allowed the time mentioned in my previous post.

When we came to the original agreement, I used the calculators, factored our incomes, the time spent with the father as well as child care and medical costs so all of that is included in the calculations.

 

[JustaFriendinTN]

Why can't the child continue to go to her grandmother's house? is grandma saying no?

I have been told by the father that his family will no longer be there to help me and that during the time that our child is sick or out of school for any reason, the grandmother should not be called. I have been told that the responsibility is totally up to me and my family which I am fine with, however that will make my child care expenses originally factored into our agreement calculations go up.

I've got another question now, was the court clerk who answered the phone correct in saying that the father is the only one that can file for custody/visitation? I would really like to have something in writing so that there is no confusion and wouldn't have to call or email him to find out if he wants to get him for his break, I would just know. As it stands now, things have gotten hostile between us and we really don't need to communicate unless it is absolutely necessary as it relates to our child as he has resorting to threatening me via text or email when he gets mad about anything.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have been told by the father that his family will no longer be there to help me and that during the time that our child is sick or out of school for any reason, the grandmother should not be called. I have been told that the responsibility is totally up to me and my family which I am fine with, however that will make my child care expenses originally factored into our agreement calculations go up.

So you haven't talked to directly to paternal grandmother about this, have you? Why don't you call her directly and speak to her about whether she is okay with watching her grandchild OR if she would prefer that you make other arrangements?

I've got another question now, was the court clerk who answered the phone correct in saying that the father is the only one that can file for custody/visitation? I would really like to have something in writing so that there is no confusion and wouldn't have to call or email him to find out if he wants to get him for his break, I would just know. As it stands now, things have gotten hostile between us and we really don't need to communicate unless it is absolutely necessary as it relates to our child as he has resorting to threatening me via text or email when he gets mad about anything.

You can file to establish custody/visitation if you so choose. The clerk was wrong.

 

[JustaFriendinTN]

So you haven't talked to directly to paternal grandmother about this, have you? Why don't you call her directly and speak to her about whether she is okay with watching her grandchild OR if she would prefer that you make other arrangements?

I just called to speak with his mother who is agreeing with what he has previously told me and saying that if that's what he says, that's what she will go by.

You can file to establish custody/visitation if you so choose. The clerk was wrong.

I also called the court again to ask for forms to file to establish custody and visitation for our child and was given the same answer, that without us previously being married I have sole custody and get to decide on visitation. If we cannot come to an agreement, then he would have to be the one to file for his visitation, I can't. I will see if I can get a consult with a lawyer here to confirm though. Thanks for your suggestions, they are much appreciated.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm sure others will be along with actual legal advice but I had a couple of pieces of advice.

Most states allow you to request a child support review every X number of years or when there would be a significant change in the amount of support with the new calculations. Unless for some reason it is in court documents signed by a judge, you do not have to allow the summer abatement of child support. The calculation is normally done taking into account the NCP's time with the child. Also, if you are having to pay for child care, that amount can sometimes also be factored into the child support amount....depending on if TN calculates child support using a formula that takes into account both parents' incomes, insurance premiums, child care (since he says the grandmother can no longer be used), etc or if it is just a straight percentage of the NCP's income. Preparing and filing a custody order/parenting agreement may also be a good idea at this point if you're beginning to have issues regarding when he wants to see the child (although he cannot be forced to carry out his visitation).

While child support should not be counted on because it is all too often not paid and a lengthy process to be enforced (if at all), your child is entitled to receive monetary support from both parents. Although it was generous of you to agree to an amount below the guidelines you are absolutely not obligated to do any such thing if you choose to have support modified.

While it was kind of you to want to help the poster, it's not hard at all to google up the OP's state laws. Every state is different, and the only thing that matters in this thread is TN law. Everyone wants accurate information that is specific to their state.

 

[MomGT123]

I just called to speak with his mother who is agreeing with what he has previously told me and saying that if that's what he says, that's what she will go by.



I also called the court again to ask for forms to file to establish custody and visitation for our child and was given the same answer, that without us previously being married I have sole custody and get to decide on visitation. If we cannot come to an agreement, then he would have to be the one to file for his visitation, I can't. I will see if I can get a consult with a lawyer here to confirm though. Thanks for your suggestions, they are much appreciated.

While it may not be common for the mother of a child in an un-wed situation to be the first one to file for visitation, I find it strange that the court clerk is saying it cannot be done. Not saying that you are not telling the truth, it just seems weird. Try going to the court website for your county. There are often forms there for several different situations and hopefully there you can find the one that deals with establishing visitation. If he has been legally established as the father according to your state guidelines, then you should only have to file a motion to establish visitation, a proposed visitation schedule (on your own, if you and him cannot agree on one together) and a motion to modify child support. The form names as well as the actual process may be different in your state but it is normally something along those lines if all you are trying to do is set up a formal visitation schedule and have child support modified to reflect both of your current incomes as well as additional expenses such as insurance and child care that you may have for the child care.

If the grandmother is saying that she no longer will be able to care for the child, be sure to get documentation from wherever you end up placing your son for daycare so that you can show the court, if need be, what you are paying for his care while you are not available (work, school, etc.).

 

[Zigner]

TN code allows for the non-custodial parent to file for visitation. I don't see that it allows for the custodial parent to do so.

 

[MomGT123]

TN code allows for the non-custodial parent to file for visitation. I don't see that it allows for the custodial parent to do so.

Wow, that's the first time I've heard that so far on these boards. You would think that either parent could file to have a schedule set up although I would hope that the NCP would be proactive enough to file so that they can be sure they will get to see their child(ren).

 

[Zigner]

From: http://www.state.tn.us/tccy/tnchild/36/36-6-301.htm

36-6-301. Visitation.

After making an award of custody, the court shall, upon request of the non-custodial parent, grant such rights of visitation as will enable the child and the non-custodial parent to maintain a parent-child relationship unless the court finds, after a hearing, that visitation is likely to endanger the child's physical or emotional health. In granting any such rights of visitation, the court shall designate in which parent's home each minor child shall reside on given days of the year, including provisions for holidays, birthdays of family members, vacations and other special occasions. If the court finds that the non-custodial parent has physically or emotionally abused the child, the court may require that visitation be supervised or prohibited until such abuse has ceased or until there is no reasonable likelihood that such abuse will recur. The court may not order the department of children's services to provide supervision of visitation pursuant to this section except in cases where the department is the petitioner or intervening petitioner in a case in which the custody or guardianship of a child is at issue.

Acts 1995, ch. 428, § 3; 1996, ch. 1079, § 71; 1998, ch. 1050, § 1.

 

[Zigner]

You can file to establish custody/visitation if you so choose. The clerk was wrong.

The clerk was speaking only about visitation - not custody.

The OP can file for a custody determination. It is up to the NCP to request visitation.

 

[Silverplum]

While it may not be common for the mother of a child in an un-wed situation to be the first one to file for visitation, I find it strange that the court clerk is saying it cannot be done.

That's likely because you are unfamiliar with the laws of other states.

Not saying that you are not telling the truth, it just seems weird. Try going to the court website for your county. There are often forms there for several different situations and hopefully there you can find the one that deals with establishing visitation. If he has been legally established as the father according to your state guidelines, then you should only have to file a motion to establish visitation, a proposed visitation schedule (on your own, if you and him cannot agree on one together) and a motion to modify child support. The form names as well as the actual process may be different in your state but it is normally something along those lines if all you are trying to do is set up a formal visitation schedule and have child support modified to reflect both of your current incomes as well as additional expenses such as insurance and child care that you may have for the child care.

If the grandmother is saying that she no longer will be able to care for the child, be sure to get documentation from wherever you end up placing your son for daycare so that you can show the court, if need be, what you are paying for his care while you are not available (work, school, etc.).

I see my post remains unread. That's what I'm calling it, instead of "ignored."

 

[MomGT123]

That's likely because you are unfamiliar with the laws of other states.


I see my post remains unread. That's what I'm calling it, instead of "ignored."

I didn't ignore your post, I promise. I was probably still on the screen to post a new one when your original one was posted (looks like there was a 5-minute time lapse - very possible I switched over attend to something else momentarily). Before I wrote, I read everything that was available to me at that time. I was in no way telling the poster exactly what their legal course of action should be since I fully acknowledge that I do not know the laws and could possibly even have a difficult time interpreting them correctly in some cases. I just know that sometimes another's response of a similiar situation, even if it doesn't exactly apply to your state's laws can help ease the mind somewhat. I apologize if I offended or irritated anyone, certainly was not my intention. I just feel for some of the posters and even if I can't offer sound legal advice, some are grateful for even a little bit of support. It's my nature to want to help but I will try to keep most of my opinions to myself, I apologize again.