My ex's parents insist on staying over

[ecmst12]

Not to mention that this house is apparently a pre-marital asset of OP's, so chances are quite good that he will be granted posession in the end. No reason for him to leave. He's just going to have to suck it up and deal. And not every couple who doesn't get along is a ticking time bomb of violence, either. I'd like to think that the majority can manage to refrain from getting physical.

 

[single317dad]

Not to mention that this house is apparently a pre-marital asset of OP's, so chances are quite good that he will be granted posession in the end. No reason for him to leave. He's just going to have to suck it up and deal. And not every couple who doesn't get along is a ticking time bomb of violence, either. I'd like to think that the majority can manage to refrain from getting physical.

Not saying by any means that every couple will end up violent, but if what OP has related is true, they're showing the signs. There was never any violence in my marriage either, but there was an arrest and a night in jail and a court debacle and a lot of headache and heartache that could and should have been avoided by better decision making. The signs were there, and I ignored them because no one was going to force me away from my son (and at the time I wasn't able to recognize them, ignorant as I was). There were 3 others just like me in my court-mandated violence prevention classes.

 

[tuffbrk]

I love the assumption that people make that both parties going through a divorce are sane, normal people concerned for their children. That's not always the case. As OP is the sole owner, that makes him responsible for the mortgage payment. There may not be additional funds for him to leave for 3 weeks and stay elsewhere. (BTW - that was my situation). Mom certainly has made it clear that she does not intend to leave.

As the courts will not take it lightly if he rents a hotel room and takes his child with him, it also means that even if it is affordable for him, he can't have his child with him for that timeframe. Also, state guidelines would need to be reviewed for how long a party may leave the marital home before the remaining spouse may legally change the locks.

Reality is that it's an uncomfortable situation for all. That the parents would choose to visit and stay in that household at this time says quite a bit about them. Realistically, wouldn't you think they'd rent a room, have daughter and granddaughter come stay with them as a mini-vacation a night or two, let granddaughter enjoy the pool and eat out? Everyone would get a much needed break and with court in a mere 2 days, their daughter could breathe and not have to try to dress and emotionally prepare for court in the same house as hubby on the day of court. It's what I would be doing for my daughter. But they're not doing that. They are adding to the stress for all by insisting on staying in that home - it speaks volumes.

 

[Bulldog1]

I love the assumption that people make that both parties going through a divorce are sane, normal people concerned for their children. That's not always the case. As OP is the sole owner, that makes him responsible for the mortgage payment. There may not be additional funds for him to leave for 3 weeks and stay elsewhere. (BTW - that was my situation). Mom certainly has made it clear that she does not intend to leave.

As the courts will not take it lightly if he rents a hotel room and takes his child with him, it also means that even if it is affordable for him, he can't have his child with him for that timeframe. Also, state guidelines would need to be reviewed for how long a party may leave the marital home before the remaining spouse may legally change the locks.

Reality is that it's an uncomfortable situation for all. That the parents would choose to visit and stay in that household at this time says quite a bit about them. Realistically, wouldn't you think they'd rent a room, have daughter and granddaughter come stay with them as a mini-vacation a night or two, let granddaughter enjoy the pool and eat out? Everyone would get a much needed break and with court in a mere 2 days, their daughter could breathe and not have to try to dress and emotionally prepare for court in the same house as hubby on the day of court. It's what I would be doing for my daughter. But they're not doing that. They are adding to the stress for all by insisting on staying in that home - it speaks volumes.

Everything you said here holds true. It was unneccessary to have her parents stay over during our custody case. My household is stressful as is and i certainly did not need them to add to it. I purposely do not invite anyone over bc i do not want to subject anyone to the drama. Im patient enough to wait it out until a judge decides on custody then afterwards hopefully everyones lives can return to normal

 

[tuffbrk]

It's not easy but hang in there. Court is but days away. Hold onto your patience, focus on your child and take long walks!!

I know that it seems like it will never end and the closer you get to "the end," the harder it is to hang onto your patience and your sanity. But hang onto it for your child's sake.

Good luck in court.

 

[Bulldog1]

It's not easy but hang in there. Court is but days away. Hold onto your patience, focus on your child and take long walks!!

I know that it seems like it will never end and the closer you get to "the end," the harder it is to hang onto your patience and your sanity. But hang onto it for your child's sake.

Good luck in court.

Thank you, i am sitting here in court waiting to be called as we speak

 

[Antigone*]

Thank you, i am sitting here in court waiting to be called as we speak

Saying a prayer...

 

[Bulldog1]

It's not easy but hang in there. Court is but days away. Hold onto your patience, focus on your child and take long walks!!

I know that it seems like it will never end and the closer you get to "the end," the harder it is to hang onto your patience and your sanity. But hang onto it for your child's sake.

Good luck in court.

Well I don't want to go on a tangent considering this is not the correct thread but i will anyway. This was my 3rd custody hearing. If you have read my previous threads in regards to my stbx, you will know that she has been in contact with her ex convict husband. After the 2nd hearing the magistrate ordered a COI on this matter and found that she has been hanging out with this guy recently and talking on the phone. As I already knew I could not prevent stbx from being in contact with him however my attorney was able to get an order to keep him away from my daughter (a nice relief!). My attorney also brought up the false drug abuse allegations and false police dv report. Her credibility is basically shot. While the magistrate was speaking, the stbx tried to interject and was immediately told to NOT speak directly to the magistrate and to speak only to her attorney. this is the 2nd time this has happened, it's quite funny actually bc she just doesnt know when to shut up.

So, being there is no custody order in place yet, my attorney is working on a visitation schedule for stbx. He will contact her attorney next week after Passover to see if we can come to some sort of agreement. My headache of the day is knowing that my X-MIL is still over my house. She told my attorney she will be leaving this coming tues. I pray its sooner but for the meantime im keeping my distance. I believe that is all for now. Thanks for your support

 

[Bulldog1]

To add to my misery, my STB-X-MIL is demanding money I give back for household appliances that were housewarming gifts. I told her that she can take them all back all I care. Now she won't leave my home until she gets the money. I was advised by my attorney to not write any checks to her until our custody case is settled. He said we can settle this issue in divorce court.

My question, my stbxmil was invited over as a guest by my stbx against my will. Her reason was so she can spend quality time with her grandchild (my daughter). It has been almost a week now and she's still here. I feel that she is basically extorting me for money or else she won't leave. What can I do? It's obvious now of her intentions of staying in my house.

 

[single317dad]

To add to my misery, my STB-X-MIL is demanding money I give back for household appliances that were housewarming gifts. I told her that she can take them all back all I care. Now she won't leave my home until she gets the money. I was advised by my attorney to not write any checks to her until our custody case is settled. He said we can settle this issue in divorce court.

My question, my stbxmil was invited over a guest by my stbx against my will. Her reason was so she can spend quality time with her grandchild (my daughter). It has been almost a week now and she's still here. I feel that she is basically extorting me for money or else she won't leave. What can I do? It's obvious now of her intentions of staying in my house.

Listen to your attorney.

 

[Bulldog1]

Listen to your attorney.

I've always listened to my attorney. My issue is my stbxmil refuses to leave my home until she gets the money.

 

[ecmst12]

Don't let her get to you. Gifts are gifts, you don't have to give her a thing. Let her stay if she wants, it's only a matter of time before the judge orders your ex and her guests out.

 

[single317dad]

I've always listened to my attorney. My issue is my stbxmil refuses to leave my home until she gets the money.

She can't force you to pay her anything, and you can't force her to leave... yet. It's what we call a Mexican Stand-off, a situation where both parties do nothing because any action they take is advantageous only to the other party.

 

[Bali Hai]

To add to my misery, my STB-X-MIL is demanding money I give back for household appliances that were housewarming gifts. I told her that she can take them all back all I care. Now she won't leave my home until she gets the money. I was advised by my attorney to not write any checks to her until our custody case is settled. He said we can settle this issue in divorce court.

My question, my stbxmil was invited over as a guest by my stbx against my will. Her reason was so she can spend quality time with her grandchild (my daughter). It has been almost a week now and she's still here. I feel that she is basically extorting me for money or else she won't leave. What can I do? It's obvious now of her intentions of staying in my house.

You've been carrying on about this for a week now. Re-read the thread and choose some advice.

Does MIL have the flea bag mutt with her?

 

[JennK2009]

I am also rooting for you, Bulldog. Thanks to everyone who offered advice. I have a friend in a very similar situation and this thread offered some great insight, which I will pass along to him. It’s maddening to see what his wife will do to provoke him, including encouraging their children to undermine him (as well as the current court order). It’s sad. Good luck and hang tight!