evil sis and dad

[Goooost]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA
From what I understand my situation seems to be very common. On or about 2003 my mother had been found wandering around lost in her area, she was diagnosed with having to have surgery to have some sort of growth in her head removed. At the same time she was having some very bad emotional issues. the surgery went well and she healed up nicely. within a few months she started to slip into dementia slowly but progressively none the less and was diagnosed (from what I was told) as having Alzheimer's disease. Please remember from this point on that I was and am living in Florida but the family lives in NY and during, i was not in the area, so i relied on my sister to provide me with the details which became more and more difficult but it seemed as though i was being told very unusual events carrying on by my family members. It took me 2 years to find out that my sister had been given power of attorney over my mothers affairs and some lind of authority over her medical needs and decision making over her stay at a nursing facility which I was told the facility had taken away my mothers home. my mother progressed into severe altzeimers and now she is not functional. as she progressed my sister had assured her that i was in jail (absolutely false) and she is not allowed to talk to me. So sis made the decision which ended up being the last i would ever speak to my mother.
My question is how can i investigate this to find out that there was nothing done illegally behind my back and that the authority over my mothers personal and financial affairs were on the up and up? I already know that my father absconded with part of my mothers inheritance as he left her when she became ill. Another issue is that I can not afford to hire an attorney. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA
From what I understand my situation seems to be very common. On or about 2003 my mother had been found wandering around lost in her area, she was diagnosed with having to have surgery to have some sort of growth in her head removed. At the same time she was having some very bad emotional issues. the surgery went well and she healed up nicely. within a few months she started to slip into dementia slowly but progressively none the less and was diagnosed (from what I was told) as having Alzheimer's disease. Please remember from this point on that I was and am living in Florida but the family lives in NY and during, i was not in the area, so i relied on my sister to provide me with the details which became more and more difficult but it seemed as though i was being told very unusual events carrying on by my family members. It took me 2 years to find out that my sister had been given power of attorney over my mothers affairs and some lind of authority over her medical needs and decision making over her stay at a nursing facility which I was told the facility had taken away my mothers home. my mother progressed into severe altzeimers and now she is not functional. as she progressed my sister had assured her that i was in jail (absolutely false) and she is not allowed to talk to me. So sis made the decision which ended up being the last i would ever speak to my mother.
My question is how can i investigate this to find out that there was nothing done illegally behind my back and that the authority over my mothers personal and financial affairs were on the up and up? I already know that my father absconded with part of my mothers inheritance as he left her when she became ill. Another issue is that I can not afford to hire an attorney. Any help would be appreciated.

I would imagine it would have helped if you had visited your mom in NY once in a while.

Your sister is the one who is on the scene, taking care of family business while you are far away: your response is to stay away, distrust her, and think up things she may have done "wrong."

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Mom has not been staying in a nursing facility for free all these years. Unless she was a multi millionaire in her own right, these places can cost $200 plus a day. She may have been lied to, to stabilize her dementia. If you want to see mom, go to NY and see mom.

 

[Goooost]

I would imagine it would have helped if you had visited your mom in NY once in a while.

Your sister is the one who is on the scene, taking care of family business while you are far away: your response is to stay away, distrust her, and think up things she may have done "wrong."

I understood this site was to obtain legal advice from people that had experienced similar siuations that could help me to obtain methods within the legal realm, Not someones opinion on what they feel without knowing the other details of my personal life, attempting to correct what they feel I am lacking.
To obtain the help I need I am willing to explain further details. I am disabled, just barely living with a roof over my head, so the idea of visiting my mother, financially is not an option. If you need more details to offer advice within a legal perspective I cant do that. And the idea that you would be so krass as to suggest that " Iam thinking up things she may have done wrong" pretty much eliminates my welcoming your opinion. But to be fair Ill also say that she obtained POA after my mother was mentally unfit to be deemed of sound mind and body, So why would I maintain that my sister can be treusted to eliminate my wanting to view all that took place......Are you suggesting that because im disabled and couldnt afford to go to NY that I dont have the rights of an able bodied person that is well enough to do, to randomly take trips cross country. That is heartless and very far off from the help I was trying to obtain and remember as i said in my original post my sister created a false circumstance to my mom that I was in jail, not to talk to me, Is that within the realm of taking care of things for my mom?

 

[commentator]

[
From what I understand my situation seems to be very common.

It is, you have a mother who is aging and has some form of dementia. You are in another state.

I was and am living in Florida but the family lives in NY and during, i was not in the area, so i relied on my sister to provide me with the details which became more and more difficult but it seemed as though i was being told very unusual events carrying on by my family members.
It took me 2 years to find out that my sister had been given power of attorney over my mothers affairs and some lind of authority over her medical needs and decision making over her stay at a nursing facility

Yes, when your mother became unable to take care of her own affairs, she had to have someone in charge of her affairs. You were in Florida, your sister was in New York with your mother. Your father had left the scene. So it seems very logical that your sister would have stepped up and done this.

my mothers home which I was told the facility had taken away

Yes, more than likely, your mother's assets all were taken ( or a lien put on her property) by the care facility when she became a Medicaid patient. This would not have taken very long to happen unless your mother was very wealthy or had long term care insurance. Dementia care is very expensive.

My mother progressed into severe altzeimers and now she is not functional.
as she progressed my sister had assured her that i was in jail (absolutely false) and she is not allowed to talk to me. So sis made the decision which ended up being the last i would ever speak to my mother.

How do you know your sister told your mother this? What makes you so sure she'd remember it even if she'd been told? In her dementia, my mother decided there were people manufacturing meth in her back yard. Her grandson was unemployed, no matter how many times she was told differently. No one had to tell her this for her to cook it up, and she soon forgot it all anyway. People with Alzheimer's also forget that people who've been dead for fifty years are dead, and talk to them regularly, regardless of what they are "told" by anyone. You cannot get bent out of shape based on what someone with Alzheimer's may have said in someone's hearing.

It does appear to me that you made the decision when would be the last you'd ever speak to your mother and have her remember you when she was first diagnosed, and you didn't come around. As the disease progresses you will have less and less chance of speaking to a mother who knows you. This wasn't your sister's fault.

My question is how can i investigate this to find out that there was nothing done illegally behind my back and that the authority over my mothers personal and financial affairs were on the up and up? I already know that my father absconded with part of my mothers inheritance as he left her when she became ill. Another issue is that I can not afford to hire an attorney. Any help would be appreciated.[/QUOTE]

If your dad got away with part of your mother's "inheritance" (I think you must mean her estate or her assets, which you were obviously counting on inheriting) then let the care facility and the Medicaid system deal with him. They doubtless will. Your mother's finances and her care have been handled by someone besides you for a long time now, from the sound of it, and your sudden suspicion that you are somehow being ripped off does not sound either reasonable or valid.

How would you have expected your mother to have been cared for? What would your definition of a proper administration of your mother's affairs have been? You don't need an attorney, you're not due for any inheritance. I strongly suspect that your mother has used up her assets long ago paying for her care, and that your sister has had a rather thankless and unremunerated task of overseeing her care while you were somewhere else, and enduring a lot of criticism about how she does it. The only right you have here is to do that, you were not entitled to get your cut of your mother's assets before she was cared for in her final days and you are not entitled to anything legally just because you'd like to have it.

 

[Goooost]

Mom has not been staying in a nursing facility for free all these years. Unless she was a multi millionaire in her own right, these places can cost $200 plus a day. She may have been lied to, to stabilize her dementia. If you want to see mom, go to NY and see mom.

Again im looking for sound, legal advice and not opinions on ethics of what might be. How would my being in jail stabilize my moms dementia. And if that were the case wouldnt sis let me know. And if that is the case even if I werent disabled and close to being homeless how would Going to NY (as easy as you make it sound), be a good plan, if not seeing or hearing from me stabilized her dementia.

 

[RRevak]

Again im looking for sound, legal advice and not opinions on ethics of what might be. How would my being in jail stabilize my moms dementia. And if that were the case wouldnt sis let me know. And if that is the case even if I werent disabled and close to being homeless how would Going to NY (as easy as you make it sound), be a good plan, if not seeing or hearing from me stabilized her dementia.

You were given sound legal advice by Commentator. You don't need a lawyer as you have no case to question the actions of your sister. Your mother needed care, you were unable to provide it, so your sister stepped up. SOMEONE needed to. I am also aware of the cost of caring for an Alzheimers family member and I can assure you as well that if your mother had ANY assets left, they've been long used by the facility to maintain her care. It also wouldn't surprise me if the cost of her care exceeds her assets in the end. Alzheimers patients can live MUCH longer than people realize sometimes. Stop trying to make your sisters life more difficult than it is because unless you've been in a caregivers shoes you have NO idea how tough her position really is. Let it go Louis

 

[Goooost]

[
From what I understand my situation seems to be very common.

It is, you have a mother who is aging and has some form of dementia. You are in another state.

I was and am living in Florida but the family lives in NY and during, i was not in the area, so i relied on my sister to provide me with the details which became more and more difficult but it seemed as though i was being told very unusual events carrying on by my family members.
It took me 2 years to find out that my sister had been given power of attorney over my mothers affairs and some lind of authority over her medical needs and decision making over her stay at a nursing facility

Yes, when your mother became unable to take care of her own affairs, she had to have someone in charge of her affairs. You were in Florida, your sister was in New York with your mother. Your father had left the scene. So it seems very logical that your sister would have stepped up and done this.

my mothers home which I was told the facility had taken away

Yes, more than likely, your mother's assets all were taken ( or a lien put on her property) by the care facility when she became a Medicaid patient. This would not have taken very long to happen unless your mother was very wealthy or had long term care insurance. Dementia care is very expensive.

My mother progressed into severe altzeimers and now she is not functional.
as she progressed my sister had assured her that i was in jail (absolutely false) and she is not allowed to talk to me. So sis made the decision which ended up being the last i would ever speak to my mother.

How do you know your sister told your mother this? What makes you so sure she'd remember it even if she'd been told? In her dementia, my mother decided there were people manufacturing meth in her back yard. Her grandson was unemployed, no matter how many times she was told differently. No one had to tell her this for her to cook it up, and she soon forgot it all anyway. People with Alzheimer's also forget that people who've been dead for fifty years are dead, and talk to them regularly, regardless of what they are "told" by anyone. You cannot get bent out of shape based on what someone with Alzheimer's may have said in someone's hearing.

It does appear to me that you made the decision when would be the last you'd ever speak to your mother and have her remember you when she was first diagnosed, and you didn't come around. As the disease progresses you will have less and less chance of speaking to a mother who knows you. This wasn't your sister's fault.

My question is how can i investigate this to find out that there was nothing done illegally behind my back and that the authority over my mothers personal and financial affairs were on the up and up? I already know that my father absconded with part of my mothers inheritance as he left her when she became ill. Another issue is that I can not afford to hire an attorney. Any help would be appreciated.

If your dad got away with part of your mother's "inheritance" (I think you must mean her estate or her assets, which you were obviously counting on inheriting) then let the care facility and the Medicaid system deal with him. They doubtless will. Your mother's finances and her care have been handled by someone besides you for a long time now, from the sound of it, and your sudden suspicion that you are somehow being ripped off does not sound either reasonable or valid.

How would you have expected your mother to have been cared for? What would your definition of a proper administration of your mother's affairs have been? You don't need an attorney, you're not due for any inheritance. I strongly suspect that your mother has used up her assets long ago paying for her care, and that your sister has had a rather thankless and unremunerated task of overseeing her care while you were somewhere else, and enduring a lot of criticism about how she does it.[/QUOTE]

Do I or do I not have the right as the other sibling that was disregarded in these decisions, to see the files and what was done by whomever which was hidden from me? Yes my mothers estate was obtained by the nursing facility early on which as I was able to do when my granmother ended up in a nursing facility, I saved the home from being taken from her and I may have been able to do the same for my mom.....Youre saying I have no right to inspect the legalities of the entire arrangement....and by the way I didnt mean her estate I mean her inheritance from her father's passing......Imm asking for straight legal advice based on what ive said**************to get that do I really need to go through every detail of why Im suspicious like my father was a lifelong degenerate gambler , like he cheated everything from everyone, also that my sister is a lifelong heroine addict. how much more drama do you need to here to answer what was a simple question.....Do I have the right to see what took place behind my back?

 

[I'mTheFather]

Do I or do I not have the right as the other sibling that was disregarded in these decisions, to see the files and what was done by whomever which was hidden from me? Yes my mothers estate was obtained by the nursing facility early on which as I was able to do when my granmother ended up in a nursing facility, I saved the home from being taken from her and I may have been able to do the same for my mom

Your mom has no use for her home anymore.

.....Youre saying I have no right to inspect the legalities of the entire arrangement

You'll have to hire a lawyer, especially if you can't travel to New York.

 

[commentator]

So you honest to goodness think that IF you had been there, which you were not, you could somehow have kept your mother's home from going to the Medicaid program to pay for her care, and since this did not happen, you might have some legal grounds to challenge your sister's handling of the situation? Really?

I cannot quite imagine that what you did in the case of your grandmother's estate was legal, and even if it was and you got by with it somehow, a lawsuit or challenge based on the hypothetical assumption that your mother's situation has been mismanaged over two years after the fact just isn't going to happen. Especially since you'd like the whole thing delivered to you curbside so you could oversee it and pick at it and determine if you were going to be able to find anything about it you could (hypothetically) have handled differently and sue your sister about it. If I were your sister, I'd tell mom you were in a nuthouse, not a jail.

 

[RRevak]

I'm wanting to know exactly what your end game is here OP? You know your mother needs care and you know that care costs a substantial amount of money. Do you know with certainty that your mother had sufficient funds in her estate to cover that care without the need for her home? Where do you think the money is supposed to come from to pay for her care if it doesn't come from her estate?

 

[Goooost]

You were given sound legal advice by Commentator. You don't need a lawyer as you have no case to question the actions of your sister. Your mother needed care, you were unable to provide it, so your sister stepped up. SOMEONE needed to. I am also aware of the cost of caring for an Alzheimers family member and I can assure you as well that if your mother had ANY assets left, they've been long used by the facility to maintain her care. It also wouldn't surprise me if the cost of her care exceeds her assets in the end. Alzheimers patients can live MUCH longer than people realize sometimes. Stop trying to make your sisters life more difficult than it is because unless you've been in a caregivers shoes you have NO idea how tough her position really is. Let it go Louis

Again more personal advice.....My sster did not step up to the plate.....I was still living in NY and she hid the plate......this was right after she falsely accuse her dad of molesting her daughter to spite him for cheating on her mother......So your saying that I cant look over the papers to see if fraud took place because she fraudulantly obtained POA and that stops me from viewing evidence?
\

 

[Goooost]

So you honest to goodness think that IF you had been there, which you were not, you could somehow have kept your mother's home from going to the Medicaid program to pay for her care, and since this did not happen, you might have some legal grounds to challenge your sister's handling of the situation? Really?

I cannot quite imagine that what you did in the case of your grandmother's estate was legal, and even if it was and you got by with it somehow, a lawsuit or challenge based on the hypothetical assumption that your mother's situation has been mismanaged over two years after the fact just isn't going to happen. Especially since you'd like the whole thing delivered to you curbside so you could oversee it and pick at it and determine if you were going to be able to find anything about it you could (hypothetically) have handled differently and sue your sister about it. If I were your sister, I'd tell mom you were in a nuthouse, not a jail.

yes really....and it was all legal.

 

[RRevak]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA
within a few months she started to slip into dementia slowly but progressively none the less and was diagnosed (from what I was told) as having Alzheimer's disease. Please remember from this point on that I was and am living in Florida but the family lives in NY and during, i was not in the area, so i relied on my sister to provide me with the details which became more and more difficult but it seemed as though i was being told very unusual events carrying on by my family members. It took me 2 years to find out that my sister had been given power of attorney over my mothers affairs and some lind of authority over her medical needs and decision making over her stay at a nursing facility which I was told the facility had taken away my mothers home.

Except per your own posting you were NOT living in NY when your sister took over your mothers estate.

 

[Eekamouse]

What do you think you have coming out of this? It sure doesn't sound like you're really concerned about your mother's care. You're more interested in seeing what you can try to get out of it for yourself. If your sister is a heroin addict, I sincerely doubt she would have been in any shape to handle your mother's affairs. Why would you rely on an addict for information anyway?