Help from experts or divorce veterans

[GlennTX]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

Alright, I may be ignorant and a little dumb about things - but more so naiive and careful, but here goes:

My wife left me and two kids in the Fall of 2009. I had recently returned from an Iraq deployment with the National Guard.
Apparently, she had already had a boyfriend to move in with.

I finally filed the petition for divorce (uncontested) about a year ago (yes, it is still valid). Concerning the legal notification, I had to have her sign a "waiver of citation" because her having arrest warrants, and her not telling me her address (in order to serve her). She did not want an officer of the law to come to her residence, understandably.

(Time passes) She did not file an answer to the petition. (Appropriate time passes) I now have a court date for the divorce decree.
The closer that the date drew near, the more confused that I got. I started reading about SAPCR and a "parenting plan" (is this the same thing?), and lastly, the custody issues (it troubles me to know that these children could have to visit her in an unsafe environment).
So with those uncertainties, I cancelled that divorce proceeding until I could be more knowledgeable. I eventually entered into a state of putting this out of my mind for quite awhile and now I am just as determined as before.

In a way, I think that it is simpler than I can imagine and I may be reading way too much into it. I do think that her signing the waiver of citation and not "answering" is a good thing.

So that is it basically. I am a naiive man but I want to be a careful one too. So if you have any more question of me before you reply, please just ask.

Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

Alright, I may be ignorant and a little dumb about things - but more so naiive and careful, but here goes:

My wife left me and two kids in the Fall of 2009. I had recently returned from an Iraq deployment with the National Guard.
Apparently, she had already had a boyfriend to move in with.

I finally filed the petition for divorce (uncontested) about a year ago (yes, it is still valid). Concerning the legal notification, I had to have her sign a "waiver of citation" because her having arrest warrants, and her not telling me her address (in order to serve her). She did not want an officer of the law to come to her residence, understandably.

(Time passes) She did not file an answer to the petition. (Appropriate time passes) I now have a court date for the divorce decree.
The closer that the date drew near, the more confused that I got. I started reading about SAPCR and a "parenting plan" (is this the same thing?), and lastly, the custody issues (it troubles me to know that these children could have to visit her in an unsafe environment).
So with those uncertainties, I cancelled that divorce proceeding until I could be more knowledgeable. I eventually entered into a state of putting this out of my mind for quite awhile and now I am just as determined as before.

In a way, I think that it is simpler than I can imagine and I may be reading way too much into it. I do think that her signing the waiver of citation and not "answering" is a good thing.

So that is it basically. I am a naiive man but I want to be a careful one too. So if you have any more question of me before you reply, please just ask.

Thank you.

Realistically you need an attorney. You clearly cannot handle this on your own. You may have lost the advantage of her signing the waiver and not responding by "cancelling" the divorce.

 

[GlennTX]

"Clearly"

Realistically you need an attorney. You clearly cannot handle this on your own. You may have lost the advantage of her signing the waiver and not responding by "cancelling" the divorce.

I am going to assume that some here are actually here to help and others, not so much.
I just do not know about this reply....

Firstly, you seem to talk down to me. Actually, from the words that I used to describe myself, a lot of that was just me being humble and humorous/less(?).

I do know this; I do not need an attorney - realistically, or otherwise.
'Think about it. I have a noncontested divorce of which the Respondent has been served and failed to answer. I have the kids and have had the kids since my wife left us. I have not been dependent on my spouse for anything. My kids are not in need of normal living items. The spouse barely visits or calls the kids.
I would say that I am sitting pretty good without need for counsel. If you think otherwise, well maybe you did not understand my previous post.

I have not "cancelled" any divorce. I have spoken to the county clerk a few times recently and basically it is up to me as to when I schedule the divorce hearing. My only issue(s) were or are the particulars of certain necessary items of paperwork and/or procedural questions.

I guess if I wanted to be sarcastic right back to you, I would say thank you for the "non-advice".

 

[Bali Hai]

I am going to assume that some here are actually here to help and others, not so much.
I just do not know about this reply....

Firstly, you seem to talk down to me. Actually, from the words that I used to describe myself, a lot of that was just me being humble and humorous/less(?).

I do know this; I do not need an attorney - realistically, or otherwise.
'Think about it. I have a noncontested divorce of which the Respondent has been served and failed to answer. I have the kids and have had the kids since my wife left us. I have not been dependent on my spouse for anything. My kids are not in need of normal living items. The spouse barely visits or calls the kids.
I would say that I am sitting pretty good without need for counsel. If you think otherwise, well maybe you did not understand my previous post.

I have not "cancelled" any divorce. I have spoken to the county clerk a few times recently and basically it is up to me as to when I schedule the divorce hearing. My only issue(s) were or are the particulars of certain necessary items of paperwork and/or procedural questions.

I guess if I wanted to be sarcastic right back to you, I would say thank you for the "non-advice".

Stick to the facts if you don't mind.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to assume that some here are actually here to help and others, not so much.
I just do not know about this reply....

Firstly, you seem to talk down to me. Actually, from the words that I used to describe myself, a lot of that was just me being humble and humorous/less(?).

I do know this; I do not need an attorney - realistically, or otherwise.
'Think about it. I have a noncontested divorce of which the Respondent has been served and failed to answer. I have the kids and have had the kids since my wife left us. I have not been dependent on my spouse for anything. My kids are not in need of normal living items. The spouse barely visits or calls the kids.
I would say that I am sitting pretty good without need for counsel. If you think otherwise, well maybe you did not understand my previous post.

I have not "cancelled" any divorce. I have spoken to the county clerk a few times recently and basically it is up to me as to when I schedule the divorce hearing. My only issue(s) were or are the particulars of certain necessary items of paperwork and/or procedural questions.

I guess if I wanted to be sarcastic right back to you, I would say thank you for the "non-advice".

Those are all facts that should have been present in your initial post if you wanted any of the volunteer responders here to honestly understand where you are at. I was in no way being sarcastic, you truly appeared to be clueless in your initial post.

You also used the term "cancelled".

Now, if all you did was postpone the final hearing, that is another story. TX has very standard guidelines for parenting time and unless you put together a proposed parenting plan that is different than the guidelines, the judge will likely order that the guidelines be followed. Google TX visitation guidelines in order to have an idea of the kind of plan you need to propose. TX is a community property state so you also need to put together a proposed property settlement if you have not already done so.

 

[GlennTX]

facts?

What (lack of facts) are you referring to?
I was compelled to respond to the previous poster. As far as sticking to the subject of my original post, where does your post fit in?
Let's get back on track here. Any real help is appreciated.

 

[GlennTX]

clarifiation

I did not actually cancel the divorce, as I may have made it sound. I cancelled for my set date. I appologize for my lack of being concise.

 

[LdiJ]

I did not actually cancel the divorce, as I may have made it sound. I cancelled for my set date. I appologize for my lack of being concise.

You should also perhaps apologize for being rude to a volunteer...at least if you want others to respond.

 

[GlennTX]

furthermore.....

I do appreciate the valid responses so far. Just realize that perhaps what I am looking for exactly is the technicalities of my divorce decree preparations and necessities.

 

[TheGeekess]

I do appreciate the valid responses so far. Just realize that perhaps what I am looking for exactly is the technicalities of my divorce decree preparations and necessities.

http://www.supreme.courts.state.tx.us/rules/trcphome.asp
http://texaslawhelp.org/
http://www.txcourts.gov/pubs/pubs-home.asp

 

[GlennTX]

back on track

I am assuming that we are all civilized people here. Let's get back on track and I will agree to not be so judgmental of the replies that I get. However, please give me a little leeway regarding careful wording - if you may be unsure of my intended meaning (of my words), please question me.
Surely I cannot be the first person that had issues of expressing legal terms and so I know that you veterans will be tolerant of this as compassionate human beings.

 

[GlennTX]

that's funny, thegeekness

Funny reply there. Thanks for the links

(because he said something like "you are not going to expect us to write your decree for you, right"? - but he has since edited it out. The things that make you go hmmm.....)

 

[ecmst12]

I do appreciate the valid responses so far. Just realize that perhaps what I am looking for exactly is the technicalities of my divorce decree preparations and necessities.

That is why you need a lawyer. No one here is going to walk you through all the technicalities; that is beyond the scope of this forum and would probably be illegal for a non-lawyer to give you the degree of help which you seem to require. We can direct you to resources and answer general questions (if one of the volunteers happens to know the answer) but we can't tell you how to word your parenting plan or exactly what papers you need to file and what to write on them. So while your situation seems stable for the time being, you don't actually appear to be "sitting pretty" in terms of knowing how to get your divorce done. It is also NOT an easy task to get any degree of control over mom's visitation time, you are going to have a high wall to climb to convince a judge that standard every other weekend + a couple of weeks in the summer shouldn't be ordered (Texas' parenting time guidelines are pretty well spelled out but I don't know what they are exactly, those links should have a good description somewhere). And why shouldn't mom pay child support? Children deserve to be supported by both of their parents, even if one of them can't be bothered to exercise visitation regularly, even if they're not lacking anything without it.

If you didn't have children you could probably manage your simple uncontested divorce, but you do, and that makes it much more complicated. Consult a professional, or prepare to spend many hours in the law library learning enough to do it yourself.

 

[LdiJ]

I am assuming that we are all civilized people here. Let's get back on track and I will agree to not be so judgmental of the replies that I get. However, please give me a little leeway regarding careful wording - if you may be unsure of my intended meaning (of my words), please question me.
Surely I cannot be the first person that had issues of expressing legal terms and so I know that you veterans will be tolerant of this as compassionate human beings.

We are all civilized people. However, people who have been insulted do tend to respond better to a sincere apology rather than someone beating around the bush trying to avoid actually apologizing.

 

[GlennTX]

I think I've got it

I was looking for free legal advice and have seemed to only be "steered" towards getting a lawyer. I conclude that no matter what I say here, that will be the gist of the advice that I get.
My take on this is (as per this forum); any non-lawyer type seeking an uncontested divorce with kids should just go see a lawyer.

At the risk of being "brow-beaten", I still choose to handle this legal matter myself. Actually, it chooses me.
If you are truly compassionate individuals, as I am sure some here are, you will accept that and live with that. 'No negative reply necessary.

Apparently I did not state my case correctly, give proper details, or be submissive enough. 'No doubt, some will be angry at my words on this post.
I am a human being and not something less than that because I am not savvy to all legal matters.

If I say thank you for the help offered, that statement will only be invalidated by someone because of some prior instance of apparent rudeness of which I never begged forgiveness.

I will say it anyway. Thanks to all who offered assistance - even it the overall message was to see a lawyer.