What info should be shared when co-parenting?

[CJane]

You are under no obligation AT ALL to share the personal / private information of any 3rd party with your ex. He is under no obligation to share such information with YOU. If a parent wants to know EVERYTHING about ANYONE around their kids, they ought to 1) keep their kids in a bubble and 2) never get divorced and thereby expose their children to the possibility of a parent's new partner(s).

My ex wanted all KINDS of information regarding anyone I went out with - even if I had no intention of introducing them to the kids. He was told in no uncertain terms by both the judge and the GAL that he was not entitled to that information, and repeated requests for it constituted harassment of me and whomever I was seeing at the time. Certainly, history that happened YEARS before you even knew this guy is irrelevant to ANYTHING happening now.

Though, as an aside, if/when he relapses, you can expect to hear a whole lot of "I told you so"ing.

 

[MomGT123]

You are under no obligation AT ALL to share the personal / private information of any 3rd party with your ex. He is under no obligation to share such information with YOU. If a parent wants to know EVERYTHING about ANYONE around their kids, they ought to 1) keep their kids in a bubble and 2) never get divorced and thereby expose their children to the possibility of a parent's new partner(s).

My ex wanted all KINDS of information regarding anyone I went out with - even if I had no intention of introducing them to the kids. He was told in no uncertain terms by both the judge and the GAL that he was not entitled to that information, and repeated requests for it constituted harassment of me and whomever I was seeing at the time. Certainly, history that happened YEARS before you even knew this guy is irrelevant to ANYTHING happening now.

Though, as an aside, if/when he relapses, you can expect to hear a whole lot of "I told you so"ing.

Thanks, CJane. Even though, as I thought and I've been told, that I did not legally have to tell him, I started to question myself. So I guess legally I was within my rights, but ethically or as a co-parent I perhaps dropped the ball with that one. Other than this instance, he doesn't really insert himself into my personal life so I am grateful for that. I have absolutely no issue with his wife and have actually expressed to him more than once that I like her. I would be a little more understanding about his concern if he had brought it up to me when he found out years ago instead of just now. Makes me feel as if it's not so much that he's concerned anymore but just had something to use against me to make me feel bad, make himself feel better, or something along those lines.

Oh, trust me....he will definitely do that if that ever occurs. Lol, although most of us would - whether it's right or wrong. He may also feel at a disadvantage to a certain point too because I do still talk to other members of his family and we're all friends on Facebook. They've known me since I was a young teenager and actually helped me out during some very rough times in my life, so I can't forget the things they have done for me over the years. I don't necessarily sit down and have heart to heart talks with them but we do all get along and I am intertwined in his family more than he is with mine (since mine doesn't live around here). Hopefully, this is just a rough patch where we both got our feelings hurt for various reasons and things will slowly go back to how they have been over the past few years.

On the big scale of things, the few issues I've brought up in these forums are definitely somewhat miniscule to what others are going through but I do appreciate people taking the time to read and respond. I also just want to throw in there....yes, the volunteers here can be tough but they're not trying to degrade anyone or put them down - in the beginning. If you choose to disregard what they are trying to tell you or insist that you're right (then why would you even be here?) then you may have to put up with more sarcastic comments and unpleasant attitudes. But I've never seen anyone be rude to someone who is genuinely listening to what they're being told and taking it into consideration.

 

[MomGT123]

*Updated Question*

This question doesn't have much to do with the original post other than the 50/50 custody situation (which will presumably be in effect when the below begins).

I found out the other day from my daughter, and I did not ask her this, she's a talker and was just making conversation. That her SM's sister, neice, and possibly SM's mom(??) may be moving here to be closer to my childrens' SM. No issue there. However, the kids have been told that until the other family is able to find a place of their own the living situation related to my kids will be this: my daughter (7) may have to stay with her grandma during the weeks she's not with me (within visual distance of dad's house) and my son (9) may have to sleep on the couch since both kids' beds will be given to the two adults that will temporarily be staying there.

Now, I have no clue what kind of time frame they are anticipating here....weeks, a month or two, or what. I'm also not concerned for my children's safety or mad about this in any way. What I am wondering is if it would be out of line to request that, while this temporary living situation is taking place, the kids stay at my house during the week and see their dad and his family every weekend, any week night that is requested, etc. Basically, I would never say that the kids could not be over there visiting (we're both in same school district so distance is minimal). I just feel like it would be more comfortable for them if they had their own rooms to sleep in most nights rather than being shuffled over to their grandparent's house every night or staying on the couch. This would only be until everything is back to normal and then the regular 50/50 custody schedule would immediately resume.

Bottom line: I know that this does not pose a danger to my kids in any way, they're not being neglected or anything like that. I also know that Dad has the absolute right to say no and don't worry about what I'm doing on my time. I'm just curious if even asking him to have the kids reside primarily with me throughout this situation would be out of line and pretentious. I know the legal standing on this is that I don't have one so I'm looking more for opinions and how some on here would feel if they were Dad and the other parent were to ask this of them.

Thank you in advance.

 

[Ohiogal]

This question doesn't have much to do with the original post other than the 50/50 custody situation (which will presumably be in effect when the below begins).

I found out the other day from my daughter, and I did not ask her this, she's a talker and was just making conversation. That her SM's sister, neice, and possibly SM's mom(??) may be moving here to be closer to my childrens' SM. No issue there. However, the kids have been told that until the other family is able to find a place of their own the living situation related to my kids will be this: my daughter (7) may have to stay with her grandma during the weeks she's not with me (within visual distance of dad's house) and my son (9) may have to sleep on the couch since both kids' beds will be given to the two adults that will temporarily be staying there.

Now, I have no clue what kind of time frame they are anticipating here....weeks, a month or two, or what. I'm also not concerned for my children's safety or mad about this in any way. What I am wondering is if it would be out of line to request that, while this temporary living situation is taking place, the kids stay at my house during the week and see their dad and his family every weekend, any week night that is requested, etc. Basically, I would never say that the kids could not be over there visiting (we're both in same school district so distance is minimal). I just feel like it would be more comfortable for them if they had their own rooms to sleep in most nights rather than being shuffled over to their grandparent's house every night or staying on the couch. This would only be until everything is back to normal and then the regular 50/50 custody schedule would immediately resume.

Bottom line: I know that this does not pose a danger to my kids in any way, they're not being neglected or anything like that. I also know that Dad has the absolute right to say no and don't worry about what I'm doing on my time. I'm just curious if even asking him to have the kids reside primarily with me throughout this situation would be out of line and pretentious. I know the legal standing on this is that I don't have one so I'm looking more for opinions and how some on here would feel if they were Dad and the other parent were to ask this of them.

Thank you in advance.

Before you start making requests, talk to your ex and get the actual situation from him! Your daughter may be telling you what she thinks will happen but may be wrong about the actual effect this will happen. If your daughter would be staying with grandma/son on the couch, then make the request but dad could say no.

 

[MomGT123]

So I found out that the above situation is going to happen - other family is moving to town. I still don't know all the details like who is staying where and for how long but I'll worry about that when it happens. NOT something to stress out over.

I have a parenting plan drawn up that I am going to propose to my ex. It spells out everything we've already talked about doing when summer starts but just to cover ourselves in case there is ever a disagreement. The other day he mentioned possibly moving in a few years out of the area that we now live in. If he does decide to move 2 or more years down the road and we have been sharing 50/50 physical custody during that time, would I have a decent shot of obtaining primary phsycial custody? I don't have an issue with them being with their dad, it's more because they wouldn't have to change schools if he were to decide to move later on. The kids have both been attending this school for the last 3 years plus however much time passes between now and then. I would also be open to adding some mid-week visits in for him and perhaps even an additional weekend occasionally.

Just want to be prepared and have an idea of what to expect if he does decide to move and wants to take the kids with him after equally sharing custody for an extended amount of time. (State is TX....so no one has to go back to the beginning and look).

 

[CJane]

So I found out that the above situation is going to happen - other family is moving to town. I still don't know all the details like who is staying where and for how long but I'll worry about that when it happens. NOT something to stress out over.

I have a parenting plan drawn up that I am going to propose to my ex. It spells out everything we've already talked about doing when summer starts but just to cover ourselves in case there is ever a disagreement. The other day he mentioned possibly moving in a few years out of the area that we now live in. If he does decide to move 2 or more years down the road and we have been sharing 50/50 physical custody during that time, would I have a decent shot of obtaining primary phsycial custody? I don't have an issue with them being with their dad, it's more because they wouldn't have to change schools if he were to decide to move later on. The kids have both been attending this school for the last 3 years plus however much time passes between now and then. I would also be open to adding some mid-week visits in for him and perhaps even an additional weekend occasionally.

Just want to be prepared and have an idea of what to expect if he does decide to move and wants to take the kids with him after equally sharing custody for an extended amount of time. (State is TX....so no one has to go back to the beginning and look).

Generally speaking, it is fairly difficult for the relocating parent to move the kids from an established area if the other parent is remaining in that area. This is even more difficult if the split is anywhere near 50/50.

That's a general answer - and of course the specifics of your case matter. But I wouldn't worry about it right now. My ex has been 'going to list his house soon' for almost 10 years.

 

[MomGT123]

But I wouldn't worry about it right now. My ex has been 'going to list his house soon' for almost 10 years.

Yea, this was an off-handed comment that was made but he wasn't talking about anything soon. I figured I might as well have my ducks in a row just in case it did actually happen, which is causing me to be more diligent about updating our parenting plan officially instead of just counting on using status quo as an argument if we were to go to court over this in a few years. Honestly, I think if he did really start to look at moving and found out that the kids were unlikely to be going with him as the primary parent - that he would change his mind and stay rather than lose time with them, which is a good thing.