Changing the locks 3 years post-divorce (long)?

[single317dad]

All joint debt is owed jointly and equally by all indebted parties. There's no "half", no matter what your divorce decree says. The creditors who originally loaned both/all of you the money are not party to the divorce decree, and the family court judge has no power to force them to accept any terms except the original terms that all borrowers agreed to at the time of the loan.

Even though you paid "your half" of the credit card debt, all joint borrowers still equally owe "the other half". Any argument otherwise is solely between you and the other joint borrower(s), not with the finance company.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Unless your part-time job pays extremely well, I don't foresee any mortgage company agreeing to a re-fi.

Seems like the best solution is to move out, let her move in and re-finance to get you off the mortgage.

 

[WilliamK1974]

All joint debt is owed jointly and equally by all indebted parties. There's no "half", no matter what your divorce decree says. The creditors who originally loaned both/all of you the money are not party to the divorce decree, and the family court judge has no power to force them to accept any terms except the original terms that all borrowers agreed to at the time of the loan.

Even though you paid "your half" of the credit card debt, all joint borrowers still equally owe "the other half". Any argument otherwise is solely between you and the other joint borrower(s), not with the finance company.

Yes, I understand this.

But an odd thing happened a few months ago. One of those creditors called the house looking for her. I explained that we were divorced, had been since July 2010, and that she had not lived in this residence since September 2009. I did not provide any additional information, wondering of course if the same courtesy would be extended to me if the shoe were on the other foot. But the important part was that the person on the other end of the line stated that they were looking for her and that I was not legally obligated for what they were trying to collect.

If memory serves, when I made those big debt payments, I enclosed a letter explaining what I was doing and why. Like you said, they were not obligated to accept what I did, but it appears they did. Either way, they have never called looking for me.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Either way, they have never called looking for me.

Not yet, anyway.

 

[WilliamK1974]

Unless your part-time job pays extremely well, I don't foresee any mortgage company agreeing to a re-fi.

Well, one of them does pay fairly well, but it is still just part time. Less than 30 hours per week.

Seems like the best solution is to move out, let her move in and re-finance to get you off the mortgage.

I have already offered that as a solution, and she was very vehement in her refusal and lack of interest in taking full ownership of the house. I even told her that I would just walk away, no demands for a buyout or anything, no later attempts to collect any equity that could possibly come from a future sale. Just walk away and all ties between us are done, and she refused.

The above reason is really the big one that makes me think I am dealing with someone who does not want to be reasonable. That, and she had a chance to walk away with easy cash in her pocket, and she decided that it was not enough.

I will call my mortgage company tomorrow and get in writing exactly what needs to be done to get her name off the mortgage so there will not be anymore confusion, and take it from there.

 

[Lixim]

I think changing the locks will look bad on your end. It could really make the courts look to her favor, so I wouldn't bother if you aren't worried. It'll also cost you money that you might need it you're only working part time. Any chance you'd just be okay with selling the house anyway and finding somewhere else to live? Sure you might lose money, but it might save you on stress.

 

[WilliamK1974]

I think changing the locks will look bad on your end. It could really make the courts look to her favor, so I wouldn't bother if you aren't worried. It'll also cost you money that you might need it you're only working part time. Any chance you'd just be okay with selling the house anyway and finding somewhere else to live? Sure you might lose money, but it might save you on stress.

Yeah, changing the locks is not top priority at this time, and I would not do it now that I know a little more about this situation. It came up due to the ex and her odd behavior.

As far as selling goes, yeah, I would be ok with this if it needed to happen. Trouble is, I owe a good $20k more on the mortgage than the value that was given in the recent appraisal. House was originally purchased in 2002 for $80k. We had been married a year. Divorce was finalized in July 2010. I had the appraisal done a couple of months ago, and the house appraised at $45k. I still owe between $65 and $67k on the mortgage. Banks do not typically just walk away from a difference like that. They will want their money, and who can blame them?

I know that in theory I would not have to take all of that on by myself, but taking it on at all would be a struggle under the best of circumstances, especially since I would have to find another place to live that I could afford.

While this might not have too much bearing in all this, the house, even with its deficiencies, is a nicer place than I could probably find anywhere else for the same money.