Emotional Abuse

[Kaygee747]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I am currently being mentally/emotionally abused by my wife. I have called "hotlines" and such, but nearly all of them are for women and the last number I called, I was practically laughed at when I told them that I thought I was being abused.

The house is in her mother's name. Nothing in the house is mine, which is one of the things that she uses against me all of the time.
"Shut up and deal with it, or get out of my house!"

Also, her mother paid for our wedding reception. I never asked her to, nor was I "in the loop" when it was all going down, but somehow, we are paying her back. My wife tells me that I am not going anywhere until her mother is paid back. If I leave, is this something that may come back to haunt me? In another thread in Child Support, I informed you that I am already paying $750 a month in child support......to have to pay anything else would break me!

If I leave, I will have NOTHING! Not a bed....not a TV...NOTHING!!

I record her on my cell phone, when she goes off on rants and calls me a retard and a loser and stupid, or when she tells me to go eat a c**k. She told me right after we got married that if I didn't see a psychiatrist because she says I am "psycho", she was going to divorce me. Well, I did go see one and she put me on some medicine. It is for anxiety. And when things get tough and I take one, my wife says things like. "go ahead, loser, keep taking those pills because you can't face reality".

She was the one that sent me to the psychiatrist!!

Everyone I have spoken to in support forums, even my psychiatrist, says I should run for the hills and not look back. She has a criminally violent son who was just locked up three times in the past 6 months and he just turned 16 last Sunday. He is currently on house arrest (which means I am being punished) and the tension that he causes makes the atmosphere in the house even worse! The kid's father is a complete loser, drug addict.....this guy bought his son a keg of beer for his 15th birthday and drug the keg down to the river where the cops wouldn't get them. He still beats people up and hides his son when the cops are chasing him.

Great right?

And I am told, and was told from the beginning, that I am to not say anything to him or correct him in any manner. I am not to be, or act, as a father figure or authority figure of any kind over him. This makes things difficult...especially when he steals things of mine and I go to my wife to do something about and I am told to just "shut the F up and deal with it or get out."

My wife will make jokes about watching kids fight each other on You Tube with her son and talk "ghetto slang" (it's what I call it) with him. And they both laugh at me and call me names when I correct their English or when we are watching Cops and I tell them about the law and how the cop was right, etc.

So, is emotional abuse grounds for a a divorce? Is it difficult to prove? Is it like Child Support and Child Custody court where the woman always wins no matter what?

Thanks!

 

[SESmama]

PA is a state that does not require a grounds for divorce. If you want a divorce then go ahead and file.

 

[sandyclaus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I am currently being mentally/emotionally abused by my wife. I have called "hotlines" and such, but nearly all of them are for women and the last number I called, I was practically laughed at when I told them that I thought I was being abused.

The house is in her mother's name. Nothing in the house is mine, which is one of the things that she uses against me all of the time.
"Shut up and deal with it, or get out of my house!"

Also, her mother paid for our wedding reception. I never asked her to, nor was I "in the loop" when it was all going down, but somehow, we are paying her back. My wife tells me that I am not going anywhere until her mother is paid back. If I leave, is this something that may come back to haunt me? In another thread in Child Support, I informed you that I am already paying $750 a month in child support......to have to pay anything else would break me!

If I leave, I will have NOTHING! Not a bed....not a TV...NOTHING!!

I record her on my cell phone, when she goes off on rants and calls me a retard and a loser and stupid, or when she tells me to go eat a c**k. She told me right after we got married that if I didn't see a psychiatrist because she says I am "psycho", she was going to divorce me. Well, I did go see one and she put me on some medicine. It is for anxiety. And when things get tough and I take one, my wife says things like. "go ahead, loser, keep taking those pills because you can't face reality".

She was the one that sent me to the psychiatrist!!

Everyone I have spoken to in support forums, even my psychiatrist, says I should run for the hills and not look back. She has a criminally violent son who was just locked up three times in the past 6 months and he just turned 16 last Sunday. He is currently on house arrest (which means I am being punished) and the tension that he causes makes the atmosphere in the house even worse! The kid's father is a complete loser, drug addict.....this guy bought his son a keg of beer for his 15th birthday and drug the keg down to the river where the cops wouldn't get them. He still beats people up and hides his son when the cops are chasing him.

Great right?

And I am told, and was told from the beginning, that I am to not say anything to him or correct him in any manner. I am not to be, or act, as a father figure or authority figure of any kind over him. This makes things difficult...especially when he steals things of mine and I go to my wife to do something about and I am told to just "shut the F up and deal with it or get out."

My wife will make jokes about watching kids fight each other on You Tube with her son and talk "ghetto slang" (it's what I call it) with him. And they both laugh at me and call me names when I correct their English or when we are watching Cops and I tell them about the law and how the cop was right, etc.

So, is emotional abuse grounds for a a divorce? Is it difficult to prove? Is it like Child Support and Child Custody court where the woman always wins no matter what?

Thanks!

In a "fault" divorce, one spouse accuses the other of engaging in some type of misconduct that led to the divorce. Fault must be proven in court.
The fault grounds in Pennsylvania include:

• adultery
• abandonment without cause for at least one year
• cruelty, including domestic violence, which endangered the life or health of the injured and innocent spouse
• bigamy
• conviction of a crime and imprisonment for two or more years, and
• humiliating the innocent spouse in such a way that makes the marriage intolerable.

Although courts don’t consider either spouse’s fault when making decisions about property division, a judge may consider misconduct when deciding whether to award alimony.

That being said, you chose this woman. If you can't take the heat, move out of the kitchen.

 

[anearthw]

What do you want to happen here?

All the domestic violence hotlines, support forums, and psychiatrists cannot do anything for you except encourage you to file for divorce. That is something you have to do, when you are ready to do so.

Many people leave domestic violence situations without a bed or TV. It is the unfortunate nature of leaving the situation. It seems you are not leaving unless you have a guarantee that you will not have to pay for an alleged loan and property. It will be difficult to claim abuse to your mental health when you are putting property ahead of it.

Are you looking for legal advice on how to leave an abuse marriage or are you looking for a legal guarantee that you won't have to pay money? Divorce is expensive. There are financial repercussions to getting married and ending a marriage. This is just a reality and nobody can forsee the future.

 

[Kaygee747]

What do you want to happen here?

All the domestic violence hotlines, support forums, and psychiatrists cannot do anything for you except encourage you to file for divorce. That is something you have to do, when you are ready to do so.

Many people leave domestic violence situations without a bed or TV. It is the unfortunate nature of leaving the situation. It seems you are not leaving unless you have a guarantee that you will not have to pay for an alleged loan and property. It will be difficult to claim abuse to your mental health when you are putting property ahead of it.

Are you looking for legal advice on how to leave an abuse marriage or are you looking for a legal guarantee that you won't have to pay money? Divorce is expensive. There are financial repercussions to getting married and ending a marriage. This is just a reality and nobody can forsee the future.

I am not looking for anything at all, property or financial wise, with the exception that I am wondering if she can try to state that I am responsible for whatever crazy plan she came up with her mother to pay for the wedding.

 

[anearthw]

Well, you've already started paying it back with her so you have basically agreed that it is a loan. Unless mom stands up and says "it isn't a loan! It's a gift! I don't accept any more money!" then you have a loan to pay back.

 

[Kaygee747]

Well, you've already started paying it back with her so you have basically agreed that it is a loan. Unless mom stands up and says "it isn't a loan! It's a gift! I don't accept any more money!" then you have a loan to pay back.

Well, my wife handles the bills, not me. It's not like I acknowledged this "loan" and agreed to it and paid it on my own. But I guess it is what it is.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well, my wife handles the bills, not me. It's not like I acknowledged this "loan" and agreed to it and paid it on my own. But I guess it is what it is.

Wrong. You allowed it to happen. You acknowledged the loan by allowing your wife to pay the money out of marital funds. Inaction is as good as action.

 

[Kaygee747]

Wrong. You allowed it to happen. You acknowledged the loan by allowing your wife to pay the money out of marital funds. Inaction is as good as action.

Ok. thank you. It must be nice to just do whatever you want and then have other people become responsible and suffer for it. I wish I was cruel enough to know what it felt like.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok. thank you. It must be nice to just do whatever you want and then have other people become responsible and suffer for it. I wish I was cruel enough to know what it felt like.

You married her. YOU CHOSE THIS. You could have questioned how everything was getting paid at the time of the reception. Why didn't you? Cruel? It is called responsible.

 

[Kaygee747]

You married her. YOU CHOSE THIS. You could have questioned how everything was getting paid at the time of the reception. Why didn't you? Cruel? It is called responsible.

And I guess this "irresponsibility" on my part, gives her the right to treat me the way she does and hold, things like this, over my head. She can stand there and call me whatever she wants and degrade me and stay out until 3am and come home drunk, but when I get upset, I can be told how I am a loser and a retard and then be told that I am going to stand there and take it because I can't go anywhere until I pay back her mother's "loan".

You call it what you want. It's cruel to be forced to live in these types of conditions. But thank you for your input.

 

[Ladyback1]

. It's cruel to be forced to live in these types of conditions. But thank you for your input.

You are not being FORCED to do anything. Until you quit w/ the victim mentality, you will not see that. Until you decide that you will not allow yourself to be treated this way, you will continue being a "victim". No one here can guarantee how a court will see the situation, or what the court will determine what you are financially responsible for....
(and hey, I lived in an abusive --mental and physical--for 15 years. Until I DECIDED that I was not going to be a victim, I was in a similar situation to you. My Ex threatened to take my kids away, heavens--he threatened to kill anyone who took me in if I ever left him. So, I lived in fear for most of the 15 years)

 

[ecmst12]

No person can mistreat you without your permission.

 

[anearthw]

Two separate issues. Your marital problems with her don't change the fact that the mother-in-law has been receiving loan re-payments. It was a loan. You are both responsible for this. The judge will certainly hold you accountable to your portion of this. "I wasn't paying attention to those things" is not acceptable in a court. "She's emotionally abusive so I shouldn't have to pay" isn't going work. File for divorce and hope for the best but plan for the worst.

 

[RRevak]

Look, this advice is more personal rather than legal so take it for what it is. You are directly responsible for how you are being treated as nobody can make you feel like this without your permission. By staying you are in essence not only accepting it, you are asking for it. Remember the saying "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent". Well pumpkin you certainly are consenting. If things are really as bad as you say then I would forget the so called "debt" and head for the hills. Once the divorce runs its course you can re-address it then, but before that you need to seriously grow a pair and take control of your self worth. If you're afraid of leaving with "nothing" well, what means more to you...your things or your self esteem? Being a person myself who's left an abusive relationship with nothing but a suitcase and a newborn, I can relate to the fear of the unknown. But not being made to feel like poo any longer in the end was FAR better than going without for a while. If you stay, you have NOBODY to blame for your wifes' actions, and those of her family, but yourself. Life is about choices and its time you made one.