Remodification

[kia1987]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

In November 2010 by ex and I agreed to a custody arrangement where we did 50/50 custody. There was no judge involved with this. This was both physical and legal. He would get her the first three days of the week and I the last four. The next week he would get the first 4 and I the last three. She was 3 at the time. She is now seven years old and very active in activities. She has expressed that she hates going back and forth so much and she is now having sleeping issues. Her father will not budge and says that he is entitled to 50/50 custody. We also now live in different school districts and different towns about 20 miles away. He often takes our daughter to his moms for her to watch and will not practice Right of First refusal. One time I knew he was working and called his moms where my daughter was at and said I was going to get her for awhile. She refused and said I could not. I said I was coming anyway. He came home from work that night just so I could not see her. Also him and his parents tell her she can live with them all the time. My question is do I have grounds for remodification of the agreement?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

In November 2010 by ex and I agreed to a custody arrangement where we did 50/50 custody. There was no judge involved with this. This was both physical and legal. He would get her the first three days of the week and I the last four. The next week he would get the first 4 and I the last three. She was 3 at the time. She is now seven years old and very active in activities. She has expressed that she hates going back and forth so much and she is now having sleeping issues. Her father will not budge and says that he is entitled to 50/50 custody. We also now live in different school districts and different towns about 20 miles away. He often takes our daughter to his moms for her to watch and will not practice Right of First refusal. One time I knew he was working and called his moms where my daughter was at and said I was going to get her for awhile. She refused and said I could not. I said I was coming anyway. He came home from work that night just so I could not see her. Also him and his parents tell her she can live with them all the time. My question is do I have grounds for remodification of the agreement?

When you say that there was no judge involved with it, do you mean that it never went through the courts at all and was never signed off on by a judge? Explain how the agreement took place and under what conditions it took place. Were lawyers involved, was a mediator involved etc.? Please be specific.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

In November 2010 by ex and I agreed to a custody arrangement where we did 50/50 custody. There was no judge involved with this. This was both physical and legal. He would get her the first three days of the week and I the last four. The next week he would get the first 4 and I the last three. She was 3 at the time. She is now seven years old and very active in activities. She has expressed that she hates going back and forth so much and she is now having sleeping issues. Her father will not budge and says that he is entitled to 50/50 custody. We also now live in different school districts and different towns about 20 miles away. He often takes our daughter to his moms for her to watch and will not practice Right of First refusal. One time I knew he was working and called his moms where my daughter was at and said I was going to get her for awhile. She refused and said I could not. I said I was coming anyway. He came home from work that night just so I could not see her. Also him and his parents tell her she can live with them all the time. My question is do I have grounds for remodification of the agreement?

What you have is an ongoing long-term arrangement: status quo.

Who moved?

 

[kia1987]

When you say that there was no judge involved with it, do you mean that it never went through the courts at all and was never signed off on by a judge? Explain how the agreement took place and under what conditions it took place. Were lawyers involved, was a mediator involved etc.? Please be specific.

It was between him and I. We just had it added to our marital agreement and the judge signed it as a order of court. There was not mediation or lawyers. I was only 22 and not very smart about it

 

[kia1987]

What you have is an ongoing long-term arrangement: status quo.

Who moved?

I moved and she does go to the school district I reside in.

 

[LdiJ]

It was between him and I. We just had it added to our marital agreement and the judge signed it as a order of court. There was not mediation or lawyers. I was only 22 and not very smart about it

Ok...then its a binding court order...so don't say "no judge was involved" the judge signed off on it so a judge absolutely WAS involved. That just confuses things and won't get you accurate advice.

 

[ecmst12]

You should consult a lawyer. I tend to think that your daughter's issues probably don't amount to a change in circumstances, but I don't know all the details so it's possible that they do. You have a court order, not just a mutual agreement, so you do need to modify the order before you can change anything.

 

[Ohiogal]

So what does your court order state regarding right of first refusal? And dad has just as much chance of getting full/primary custody as you do.

 

[kia1987]

It says if the one parent is unable to care for the child that the other gets the chance to. Would a judge really take a child out of a school district she's been going to for two years? I'm married and we own a house. She lives in my school district. Not to mention the schools where he lives are so bad they are required to allow kids from that district to go elsewhere.

He lives with his girlfriend in her house. She has to share a room with her 3 year old daughter. Whereas here she has her own room. He works swing shifts.

I've honestly tried to see if this is a phase for her and gave this a chance to work. I certainly am not doing this to make his life harder.

 

[Ohiogal]

It says if the one parent is unable to care for the child that the other gets the chance to. Would a judge really take a child out of a school district she's been going to for two years?

It is very possible. Also what is the exact wording of the ROFR?

I'm married and we own a house.

And? You were not married to dad when you birthed your daughter, now were you?

She lives in my school district. Not to mention the schools where he lives are so bad they are required to allow kids from that district to go elsewhere.

And? She also lives in dad's school district half of the time per your schedule.

He lives with his girlfriend in her house. She has to share a room with her 3 year old daughter. Whereas here she has her own room. He works swing shifts.

So?

I've honestly tried to see if this is a phase for her and gave this a chance to work. I certainly am not doing this to make his life harder.

No but your first solution is quite frankly to take time from him by having you become primary. Now isn't it?

 

[kia1987]

It is very possible. Also what is the exact wording of the ROFR? "if one parent is unable to care for the child the other parent has the first chance to."


And? You were not married to dad when you birthed your daughter, now were you? We were married five years and yes when she was born we were married.

And? She also lives in dad's school district half of the time per your schedule.



So? So when she decides she does.t want to be with him again my.daughter and him will be kicked out


No but your first solution is quite frankly to take time from him by having you become primary. Now isn't it?

Nho my first solution was to take her to a medical professional.

 

[CSO286]

It says if the one parent is unable to care for the child that the other gets the chance to. Would a judge really take a child out of a school district she's been going to for two years? I'm married and we own a house. She lives in my school district. Not to mention the schools where he lives are so bad they are required to allow kids from that district to go elsewhere.

He lives with his girlfriend in her house. She has to share a room with her 3 year old daughter. Whereas here she has her own room. He works swing shifts.

I've honestly tried to see if this is a phase for her and gave this a chance to work. I certainly am not doing this to make his life harder.

Nho my first solution was to take her to a medical professional.

Why should the child be living with you full time as opposed to Dad? What makes that situation more beneficial to the child? (Hint: Her own room-not a valid answer.)
And if the schools in Dad's district

are so bad they are required to allow kids from there to attend elsewhere,

she could still attend at her current school.

 

[CJane]

You should probably consult with a local attorney. Sometimes, a child's age is considered a change in circumstances, especially if coupled with something else (such as Dad's refusal to follow the ROFR provisions). Sometimes not so much. Though, it sounds to me as if you want to change the parenting time arrangement, not necessarily the actual legal/physical custody designation.

Dad's chances of prevailing would, in my opinion, be relatively low because of the shift he works, and the fact that he's obviously been ok with making sure kiddo gets to the school in your district on his days thus far... so claiming inconvenience NOW wouldn't hold a lot of weight. While kiddo spends 1/2 of her time in Dad's area, a whole lot of her WAKING/ACTIVE time is spent in yours, since that's where she attends school. That makes a much bigger difference with an older child, but it does make a difference.