Will my mother's death give me standing to sue for return of her personal property?

[Onderzoek]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am one of five adult children (sisters). About 12 years ago, my parents moved and during the transition, my younger sister took possession of the family home movies in order to keep them safe and to convert them to a DVD or other modern system. This did not happen. We asked her at various times about it and it was always something she was going to get around to doing.

Two years ago, she had a disagreement with another sister and first stopped talking to the two of us and eventually stopped talking to all four of us and our elderly mother. I think she was way out of line, but that is her issue, not mine. My mother keeps hoping that she will reconcile with the family. In one phone call, my mother brought up return of the family home movies and my sister responded angrily about how that was all she wanted from her. My mother then backed down.

I have continued to bring up the subject and sought different ways that my mother could approach my sister and get her property (home movies) back, but my mother continues to put it off in the hopes that my sister will do it herself. I can't make my mother do this, my other sisters aren't really supportive since they don't want the confrontation, and since it is my mother's property, I really have no way to force my sister (who won't answer the phone if I call) do the right thing.
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So, at this point, all I can think about is after my mother dies and her will is read, do you think that I could then sue my sister for the return of my mother's personal property (home movies) to the estate for proper distribution? Would I have standing? I was thinking small claims court and although the movies have great sentimental value to me, they have really no monetary value. I would also then sue for emotional distress or some other punitive damage to be awarded if the home movies were not returned.

I don't understand how my sister can keep movies that my mother took of her own children and babies from her 84 year old mother. I don't know how she can look at herself in the mirror.

 

[Ohiogal]

Your sister is horrible but you are the one asking how you can take advantage of your mother's death (which has not happened yet) in order to plot revenge against your sister?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Truth be told, you have no proof mom did not eventually give her the videos. Therefore, you have no case. I understand your frustration and sympathize. When my father died, he had a simple wish to be cremated and have his remains specifically placed with no ceremony. The coroners office appropriated his remains from the hospital and negated the paperwork in place. My sister decided unless we permitted her to stage a horse and pony show for her to call out all her friends to pay HER sympathy, she was not going to assist in processing the paperwork for the remains. We had to circumvent her, with the cooperation of the coroner and quietly cremated him and carried out his wishes. She would have let his remains sit in a cooler at the coroner until she got her way. Who knows why siblings become whack jobs. Unfortunately it is something we deal with in life.

 

[commentator]

o.z., as an on line friend who enjoys your most excellent social security posts, I feel for you. However, I will pass on something that happened to me regarding a similar situation.

My brother got a family heirloom which was specifically left to me in my father's "possession letter" you know, the letter he wrote to us in addition to the will, stating who he intended would get what in our family. Brother actually took this heirloom and had it mounted on his mantle, and showed it (bragging) to our family members at family gatherings. I was livid. I couldn't believe he had the chutzpah to do this, knowing that it was our dad's intention for me to have the piece. I mentioned it to him. I got a blank look. When I had previously mentioned it to my 80 something year old mother, she burst into tears, wishing that her children would just "get along with one another!"

She lived, incidentally many years after this. In the name of keeping the peace, I stopped discussing it. But it always rankled. Then one day I talked to a little lady who had lost everything she had in a house fire, all her heirlooms, all her family relics, all pictures, all the precious icons of her family.

"Child," she said to me, "Don't spend one minute of your life in misery over a thing. Because anything, any THING, can be destroyed in a moment. Think how much misery you have already allowed this one thing to cause you." I realized then that no, I didn't want to sue my brother, hire someone to break into his house and get the thing back, or just go beat the heck out of him and take it. I have been happier since then. My children aren't interested, could care less if they inherit this stuff, and I enjoy the time I spend with my brother's children much more than I would enjoy sitting at home alone looking at this item above my mantelpiece.

Your sister sounds very passive aggressive. If she thinks she's making you all miserable about the pictures and home movies, she'll hang on to them even more tightly. It may be quite a while before your mother passes on. In the meantime, try to forget about the pics and let things play out as they will. Please don't make your mother sad about them. Later, when your mother is gone, you can decide if you want to go through with suing to get the movies back.

 

[Onderzoek]

Your sister is horrible but you are the one asking how you can take advantage of your mother's death (which has not happened yet) in order to plot revenge against your sister?

I would like to see my childhood movies on a screen and my sister is preventing it from happening. I don't want her money but I suppose if I can't see my childhood memories ever again because she stole them, I suppose I do want her punished. Not sure that qualifies as revenge. There should be consequences for her actions.

My intention was to make DVD's for all family members including my sister. I would like to see my mother enjoy the home movies of her children. She is the one who bought the camera equipment, used it, and figured out to pay for it at a time when our family had very little money.

Geez, 'take advantage' of my mother's death? Odd conclusion to draw.

I suppose I am feeling helpless. Bothers me that my mother is worried about antagonizing my sister even further but when it is your own child, I can understand (to a point) putting up with it and hoping for the best.

All three of my other sisters and I have put up with her bossy and critical ways since we were all teenagers. We wanted to get along. She always believed she was right and expected us all to do what she wanted. She was very helpful to me in my divorce but then got angry when I didn't do everything she told me to do, was mad because I bought a used car instead of a new car, didn't think I pushed back at my ex-husband hard enough (she was never in love with him and he is the father of my children). I just didn't expect that she was holding on to 50 years of grudges, even telling my mother that her nanny was a better grandmother to her children than my mother was. Her husband's CPA firm fired everyone as clients. She unfriended the teenage nieces and nephews on Facebook, doesn't go to funerals of elderly uncles because the rest of us will be there.

I will not push my mother anymore but as an heir to my mother's estate, it seems that I have a right to receive my share and will take her to court to get it returned. Of course, it depends upon my mother's will and that is also my mother's decision.

By the way, I have always told my mother that I would like her to live a nice life and spend her money as she wants and would be perfectly content if she spent her last dime in the weeks before she dies. I don't want her money. I told her I would like the photo negatives. And maybe a few mementoes from my dad's jobs. Ok, there is a lamp that I like too.