What do you do?

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MT

What do you do when the Ex will not accept certified registered mail, won't open email from you (thank you for readnotify.com tinkerbelle), has changed cell phone number, and the landline he has access to has blocked your number? (the only number of "his" I have blocked is his wife's cell phone, she liked texting me to tell me what a horrible person and mom I am, and what a wonderful father the Ex is to her son....)

When I send correspondence, I send it CRM and regular mail. The regular mail does not get returned, but the Ex doesn't acknowledge or respond to it. I have sent him things regarding the kids and school (like one being named Student of the Month, and the other being first chair viola in orchestra), so I'm not always trying to *get* anything from him, just trying to let him know about his boys.

I had the boys send him a Father's Day card, as well as a Congratulations card when we found out he got married. He actually called me after receiving those two cards---1) angry because we found out he had gotten married (almost livid even) 2) to yell at me because the boys had just "scrawled" their names on the Father's Day card (the signed their names the same way on the grandfather's card! Public school does not teach penmanship anymore)

Do I stop providing any communication? He has not initiated any communication since December 2010.
Do I just keep on doing what I have been doing what I have been doing so that I am at least in compliance with the parenting plan?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MT

What do you do when the Ex will not accept certified registered mail, won't open email from you (thank you for readnotify.com tinkerbelle), has changed cell phone number, and the landline he has access to has blocked your number? (the only number of "his" I have blocked is his wife's cell phone, she liked texting me to tell me what a horrible person and mom I am, and what a wonderful father the Ex is to her son....)

When I send correspondence, I send it CRM and regular mail. The regular mail does not get returned, but the Ex doesn't acknowledge or respond to it. I have sent him things regarding the kids and school (like one being named Student of the Month, and the other being first chair viola in orchestra), so I'm not always trying to *get* anything from him, just trying to let him know about his boys.

I had the boys send him a Father's Day card, as well as a Congratulations card when we found out he got married. He actually called me after receiving those two cards---1) angry because we found out he had gotten married (almost livid even) 2) to yell at me because the boys had just "scrawled" their names on the Father's Day card (the signed their names the same way on the grandfather's card! Public school does not teach penmanship anymore)

Do I stop providing any communication? He has not initiated any communication since December 2010.
Do I just keep on doing what I have been doing what I have been doing so that I am at least in compliance with the parenting plan?

I would keep doing what you are doing...I know it seems pointless, but at least he cannot claim you are not complying.

 

[CJane]

I'd certainly stop going to the expense of CRR letters unless your order requires you to use that method. Dropping a note in the mail is fine. Heck, sending a post card would be fine. For a while, I had a stock of blank ones in the house that the kids could use to drop a note to their dad, grandparents, my sister (who lives in Germany), etc. Your kids could do the same, depending on their ages.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Send regular mail, but keep up the read notify. I suggest the second one only because it's CYA that YOU are trying and dad isn't accepting the communication. Dad was pissed when he realized that I send EVERYTHING to him with a tracer on it. Now, it works so that it is acknowledged that he did get the info.

I couldn't figure out why the courts ordered CRR for anything for him when we showed that he DOESN'T pick up the mail. Oh well.

 

[kaizen]

If you ever want to actually connect with him for any reason, get google voice. It allows you to pick most any phone number in any area code.

Just this morning I actually reached my ex this way. He asked "what are you doing in Washington, DC?" Priceless.

 

[single317dad]

To save a little money (not much), I sometimes use Priority Mail with delivery confirmation. It has advantages and disadvantages. It's usually a little cheaper than CMRRR, it will always get delivered and there will be an electronic record of that. However, there's no signature (that's a separate service), no return card, and no restricted delivery. Delivery and signature confirmation are also available for First Class at the package rate. Many businesses and government agencies stick a small cube of styrofoam in the envelope to transform a letter into a package

If you ever want to actually connect with him for any reason, get google voice. It allows you to pick most any phone number in any area code.

Just this morning I actually reached my ex this way. He asked "what are you doing in Washington, DC?" Priceless.

I have a Google Voice number that rings to my regular phone. My ex is not allowed to have my cell number, so having that separate number for a single phone means I don't have to carry a prepaid phone just for her anymore. Priceless, indeed.

 

[stealth2]

For quite a while (18mos, in fact), if I needed to get hold of the (not quite yet at the time) ex - or talk to the kids when they were with him (we had week on/week off), I had to use a pay phone to get through. LOL It got to the point where I had to use a different one every time. I think he kept a list. At the time, I think I knew every payphone in the Central NY area...

 

[frylover]

For quite a while (18mos, in fact), if I needed to get hold of the (not quite yet at the time) ex - or talk to the kids when they were with him (we had week on/week off), I had to use a pay phone to get through. LOL It got to the point where I had to use a different one every time. I think he kept a list. At the time, I think I knew every payphone in the Central NY area...

Stealth, has your ex ever had a mental health evaluation?

 

[stealth2]

Stealth, has your ex ever had a mental health evaluation?

I am not a liberty to say. Doesn't matter anymore, anyway.

 

[Just Blue]

This is a general comment and not directed at any one member:

I find it sad that parents have to "jump through the hoop" when dealing with another parent.

 

[stealth2]

This is a general comment and not directed at any one member:

I find it sad that parents have to "jump through the hoop" when dealing with another parent.

But it is sometimes worth it. Personally? I know I jumped and bent and whatever. My kids are grown, and we're good. Their relationship with their other parent is sad, but it's not on me. And no one can ever honestly say it was.

 

[LdiJ]

This is a general comment and not directed at any one member:

I find it sad that parents have to "jump through the hoop" when dealing with another parent.

I don't understand situations where one parent flat out refuses to communicate with the other parent for no real reason. I never have. Or, situations where the new so/spouse interferes in communication between the parents.

I understand that these situations start out with hurt feelings and some emotional trauma, or maybe some insecurity on the part of the new so/spouse, but how long does that have to carry on? When does everybody grow up and act like adults rather than teenagers?

Its different if someone is violent or harassing and the police have been involved and restraining orders are in place as a result, but that's not what I am talking about. I am talking about situations where one parent just flat out refuses to communicate with the other parent. Its so juvenile.

 

[Ladyback1]

I don't understand situations where one parent flat out refuses to communicate with the other parent for no real reason. I never have. Or, situations where the new so/spouse interferes in communication between the parents.

I understand that these situations start out with hurt feelings and some emotional trauma, or maybe some insecurity on the part of the new so/spouse, but how long does that have to carry on? When does everybody grow up and act like adults rather than teenagers?

Its different if someone is violent or harassing and the police have been involved and restraining orders are in place as a result, but that's not what I am talking about. I am talking about situations where one parent just flat out refuses to communicate with the other parent. Its so juvenile.

.

There is so much history w/ Ex. And yes, he has been diagnosed by at least 3 medical professionals as a rapid-cycler Manic Depressive.
He is still angry at me (4 years later) because I had the *audacity* to divorce him after 15 years of marriage (12 of them involved abuse, the physical abuse stopped after his arrest for domestic violence). I don't understand either, because he's gotten remarried!

In our marriage he was very controlling (I couldn't even go grocery shopping without him "tagging" along). I *think* (and this is just my opinion) he's angry because 1) he has no control over me and the boys and 2) the boys saw how he treated me, felt how he treated them and decided he was not going to treat them like that after the divorce. 3) and the boys do not like his wife and refuse to be around her. I still do not know what all happened the two times the boys went and visited them, I do know that the wife shoved the 12 y/o the last time the boys were there.
When the ex and I were communicating, I offered to split the costs for him to travel here to see the boys. (He moved 4 hrs. away) He refused, because the boys made it clear to him that they would not spend time w/ him if "Ms. Traci" was with him.
The new wife is certainly a piece of work with what little contact I've had with her, she seems very angry with me, and I have always worried that she takes that anger out in her treatment of the boys.
He frustrates me, he makes me angry sometimes, but I actually feel sorry for him that he is missing out on two amazing young men! And I feel sorry for the boys because in their eyes, their father chose his "new" family over them. (even after the boys had counseling and the counselor told me they were fine w/o their father in their lives...)
*sigh* I can't imagine not having contact with my kids, so I just don't understand how anyone could do that.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

My X won't communicate with me. It is what it is after 14 years. I know that it's not on me. He lives in his own delusional world and reality is not a part of it. In the end, he is missing out on having a great relationship with the girls.