Question on divorce rulings

[starting over]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky

Background: Been separated from my Husband since 7/22/12, married 7 years on 8/31. We have a 3 yo daughter, who primarily lives with me. There are no support orders, but he does give $400 a month for CS. Marital home is in Husbands name only, he owned prior to marriage. However, due to refinance in 2006, I did have to sign since he was married.

Current situation: I have asked my Husband to file the divorce proceedings and offer some type of settlement. I am not being greedy or want anything specific, just don't feel that I should walk away with nothing & he gets to keep everything. He does not want to do this, he just wants me to just give him a divorce, without regard to anything that was acquired during our marriage. He "feels" that my money went to watch the TV and feed us, and his was used as an "investment" (i.e. tractors, 4wheelers, cattle & such) He wants me to accept the $400 a month (state guidelines for CS are at $750) and leave everything else as is.

I have been "warned" that if I attempt to get anything, he will fight me for full custody of our daughter. I have no problem with joint legal & physical with me being primary. I know that the odds of him getting that are slim to none, but he does have the financial means to make this a very contentious divorce. I do not have those same resources. If I have papers drawn up from a lawyer requesting a division of assets based on KY law and CS ordered based on KY guidelines, can he really fight that & drag it out? He would do it just to create a financial hardship for me that I cannot afford to fight. If he doesn't agree to sign the papers, do I have the option to just take it straight to the Judge for a ruling? I just want this over with, but I can't afford a drawn out situation. Any advice?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky

Background: Been separated from my Husband since 7/22/12, married 7 years on 8/31. We have a 3 yo daughter, who primarily lives with me. There are no support orders, but he does give $400 a month for CS. Marital home is in Husbands name only, he owned prior to marriage. However, due to refinance in 2006, I did have to sign since he was married.

Current situation: I have asked my Husband to file the divorce proceedings and offer some type of settlement. I am not being greedy or want anything specific, just don't feel that I should walk away with nothing & he gets to keep everything. He does not want to do this, he just wants me to just give him a divorce, without regard to anything that was acquired during our marriage. He "feels" that my money went to watch the TV and feed us, and his was used as an "investment" (i.e. tractors, 4wheelers, cattle & such) He wants me to accept the $400 a month (state guidelines for CS are at $750) and leave everything else as is.

I have been "warned" that if I attempt to get anything, he will fight me for full custody of our daughter. I have no problem with joint legal & physical with me being primary. I know that the odds of him getting that are slim to none, but he does have the financial means to make this a very contentious divorce. I do not have those same resources. If I have papers drawn up from a lawyer requesting a division of assets based on KY law and CS ordered based on KY guidelines, can he really fight that & drag it out? He would do it just to create a financial hardship for me that I cannot afford to fight. If he doesn't agree to sign the papers, do I have the option to just take it straight to the Judge for a ruling? I just want this over with, but I can't afford a drawn out situation. Any advice?

I have a quick question before we go further. Why is it that Dad would have slim to no chance at being primary custodial parent?

 

[starting over]

I have a quick question before we go further. Why is it that Dad would have slim to no chance at being primary custodial parent?

Well, to be quite honest with you, he only sees her when there is a family function that he wants her to attend. I have given him open visitation, we only live 4 miles apart. He can come get her anytime he wants & he chooses not to. She talks to him everyday on the phone, usually because she asked to call him. But, he does call her a couple of times a week. He comes & picks her up 1-2 times a week, usually around 7pm when he gets off work & brings her back home anywhere from 5-6am in the morning. Sometimes, if there is a family dinner or birthday party on a w/e, he will get her about 2pm & have her back home around 7pm. He just isn't an involved Dad, but is good with her when he does see her.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

It seems a bit hard to be involved, when you work about 55 or 60 hours a week as you imply he does. Have you gotten a job?

 

[starting over]

It seems a bit hard to be involved, when you work about 55 or 60 hours a week as you imply he does. Have you gotten a job?

Yes, it is hard to be involved when you work that much, I agree. But, his commute is 1 hr each way so that's a good chunk of it. But, he just isn't an involved Dad. He has 10 other children, all which are adults, which were ALL raised by their Moms. He did pay CS, but spends his weekends chasing skirts, hence our divorce. I knew how he was with his other children long before I got pregnant, but although she is a blessing, she was not planned. I was 39 when I got pg & the Doctors didn't think I could ever get pg again. He doesn't want primary, he told me that he would do it just to hurt me.

No, I have not found a job yet. Just like with him, anywhere around here is at least an hour commute. We live in a very rural area. I have started the process to go back to school, I don't have a problem with an income being imputed for CS purposes.

addtl info: There are days that he gets off much earlier, but he usually has other things to do & rarely comes to get her. Sometimes, but its very rare

 

[Proserpina]

Okay, a couple of things.

First, you've been the child's primary caregiver for over a year. While status quo isn't everything in a custody case, it's generally a goodly part of the decision-making process.

Second, make sure you can afford to go to school without child support. There's no guarantee that, even if ordered, Dad will ever pay. How are you going to pay your bills?


Finally (okay, that's more than a couple technically), there's a chance (it seems) that Dad is going to try to attorney you out, so to speak. If he gets an attorney, do whatever it takes to get one for yourself.

And be prepared to move. There is no guarantee that you'll be able to stay in the marital home; you're not working so paying the mortgage is going to be nigh on impossible.

If it were me? I'd go to school online or part time and work if I were able.

 

[starting over]

Okay, a couple of things.

First, you've been the child's primary caregiver for over a year. While status quo isn't everything in a custody case, it's generally a goodly part of the decision-making process.

Second, make sure you can afford to go to school without child support. There's no guarantee that, even if ordered, Dad will ever pay. How are you going to pay your bills?


Finally (okay, that's more than a couple technically), there's a chance (it seems) that Dad is going to try to attorney you out, so to speak. If he gets an attorney, do whatever it takes to get one for yourself.

And be prepared to move. There is no guarantee that you'll be able to stay in the marital home; you're not working so paying the mortgage is going to be nigh on impossible.

If it were me? I'd go to school online or part time and work if I were able.

Thank you Pro

Im not going to count on him for CS, even though I believe he would pay if ordered. He has told me he would quit his job & lose everything he has before he will give me more than the $400 that he is giving. But, I also know that he values what he has entirely too much to just do that. But, he might just spite me too. When he threatened to sell off everything & quit his job, I told him to Google "voluntary unemployment and CS" before he made his decision. He has spotless credit & that is very, very important to him.

Yes, out attorney me is exactly what he plans to do. He knows I don't have a lot of resources, that is what he is banking on with his threats to me. I have told him several, several times to consult an Attorney for advice so we can come to some sort of agreement. But, as of this time, he still has not done it because it would require him taking off from work which he does not like to do.

I don't live in the marital home, he does. I moved out & have a lease option on a small place, something I can afford even without CS from him.

I plan to do some of my classes online and also find a PT job. My expenses here are very small, its not much, but I can afford it.

But, back to my original question, can I just take it straight to the Judge & cut out all the arguing back & forth?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Sooo he has a job, a commute, a home and farm to maintain as well a total of 10 children. You sit on your computer and play games, yet try to make us believe he is a poor father!!! Perhaps his reason for not paying more is it would only go to support your internet and other hobbies.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you Pro

Im not going to count on him for CS, even though I believe he would pay if ordered. He has told me he would quit his job & lose everything he has before he will give me more than the $400 that he is giving. But, I also know that he values what he has entirely too much to just do that. But, he might just spite me too. When he threatened to sell off everything & quit his job, I told him to Google "voluntary unemployment and CS" before he made his decision. He has spotless credit & that is very, very important to him.

Yes, out attorney me is exactly what he plans to do. He knows I don't have a lot of resources, that is what he is banking on with his threats to me. I have told him several, several times to consult an Attorney for advice so we can come to some sort of agreement. But, as of this time, he still has not done it because it would require him taking off from work which he does not like to do.

I don't live in the marital home, he does. I moved out & have a lease option on a small place, something I can afford even without CS from him.

I plan to do some of my classes online and also find a PT job. My expenses here are very small, its not much, but I can afford it.

But, back to my original question, can I just take it straight to the Judge & cut out all the arguing back & forth?

Dad will have every chance to contest. That's his right.

 

[starting over]

Sooo he has a job, a commute, a home and farm to maintain as well a total of 10 children. You sit on your computer and play games, yet try to make us believe he is a poor father!!! Perhaps his reason for not paying more is it would only go to support your internet and other hobbies.

Well, I had a job and a commute too and was employed with them for 7 years. Thanks mostly to my DH, I don't have that anymore. Yes, he has a job and a commute and the farming is something that he has taken up since his Dad no longer can farm. He plans to use that as part of his retirement plan, which should be in about 5 years. As far as his 11 children, they are all grown adults.

I never said he was a poor father, I said he was an uninvolved father. Not just with our daughter, he has been with all of his children. He knows what the guidelines say & what he would be ordered to pay, but he feels that he shouldn't have to pay that much. I don't say it, the CS guidelines state it.

Can I ask, what makes you think I sit around on the computer & play games all day, just because Im on here now? That's really an unfair assumption to make.

 

[starting over]

Dad will have every chance to contest. That's his right.

Yes, I know that & I told him that when he threatened me. My question is, based on what I have stated, how long would a Judge possibly draw something like this out. I just don't want to be financially ruined over him trying to control a situation, that's all.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Yes, I know that & I told him that when he threatened me. My question is, based on what I have stated, how long would a Judge possibly draw something like this out. I just don't want to be financially ruined over him trying to control a situation, that's all.

You do not appear to be doing much to improve your financial situation. In fact, as you noted, you don't want a job, you want enough of a score from hubby you can become a professional college student at 42. Has it occurred to you yet, by the time you graduate, you will be so old some companies would be considering you a liability if you were a current employee.

 

[starting over]

You do not appear to be doing much to improve your financial situation. In fact, as you noted, you don't want a job, you want enough of a score from hubby you can become a professional college student at 42. Has it occurred to you yet, by the time you graduate, you will be so old some companies would be considering you a liability if you were a current employee.

I said I haven't found a job, I didn't say I haven't looked for a job. The only jobs available around here currently are not on a set schedule and I can only work a 1st shift position. No, I am not looking for a financial score from my Husband, I am only looking to obtain a part of what I worked for as well as him for the last 7 years.

Yes, my age and starting over does concern me....but, please tell me what else am I supposed to do? Really, I am open to suggestions.

 

[Ohiogal]

Posting history matters on OP.

 

[Ohiogal]

See the following:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/speeding-other-moving-violations-13/what-problems-have-i-created-598566.html

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky

Speeding ticket (10 over) issued to me on 5/18. This ticket was payable and due on 6/13. However, I lost my job on 6/6 and did not pay the fine. I used my last check to pay my utilities instead. I want to turn myself in, however I am afraid of the unknown. I now have the money to pay the ticket, although I do know that I am probably on a FTA by now. How should I proceed? I am a single Mom, which I know is of no concern to the court. Will I be arrested when I show up to pay? I need to know whether to take my daughter to another State to her Gparents, since I have no family local. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I know....but, Im trying to make this right. Any advice?

Edited to add: It has been 6 years since my last ticket

Your daughter has family near you -- HER FATHER. Did you clear up the warrant?

https://forum.freeadvice.com/hiring-firing-wrongful-termination-5/fired-attendance-issues-597270.html
In the above thread she says her husband is abusive though in this thread he is an underinvolved but good father. In this thread he just chases skirts. No mention of abuse.

He did pay CS, but spends his weekends chasing skirts, hence our divorce.

Also she states in that thread:

But, I moved out 8/2012, but I have contact with him 4-5x a week because of our Daughter.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/grounds-custody-581599.html