Restraining Order - Temp or Perm?

[Ohiogal]

I turned it into the DA's office in the county courthouse on Tuesday and they said that I have to wait for someone from the DA's office to call me regarding whether or not they are going to set a hearing. Since it did not stem from an official documented case of violence it would not be granted an immediate hearing.

I'm sorry that you have doubts, Blue Meanie. Simply because I was upset and emotional last time I was here doesn't make anything I said less true. I am currently setting the alarm when I get home from work and that is all I can do at this time. I mainly wanted to ensure that I was doing what I was supposed to as far as providing for him as required since we are married.

That is not the way restraining orders work.
https://www.oag.state.tx.us/victims/protective.shtml
Per the state of Texas, the application needed filed with the local court and the COURT determines whether to grant a hearing based on whether there is an urgent threat of violence. If the application shows a danger, then an ex parte hearing is held. Should I continue? I have doubts on what you state because what you state does not go with the law.

 

[MomGT123]

That is not the way restraining orders work.
https://www.oag.state.tx.us/victims/protective.shtml
Per the state of Texas, the application needed filed with the local court and the COURT determines whether to grant a hearing based on whether there is an urgent threat of violence. If the application shows a danger, then an ex parte hearing is held. Should I continue? I have doubts on what you state because what you state does not go with the law.

Well, that's not what I was told. I walked into the court house and was told to go to the DA's office. The receptionist had me fill out a thick packet detailing both of our information, incidents, etc. She then took it back and said that someone would look it over and be in touch with me. I'm not doubting what you're saying the law states - I'm simply stating that is what happened on Tuesday when I went to the courthouse and did that as well as filed a divorce petition. I'm sure it's not quite that important to you (I understand, there's no reason for it to be) but you can call the Collin County courthouse and ask them what you need to do to apply for a protective order there.

They also said there is a difference between a restraining order and a protective order, which the PO is the one that I applied for.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well, that's not what I was told. I walked into the court house and was told to go to the DA's office. The receptionist had me fill out a thick packet detailing both of our information, incidents, etc. She then took it back and said that someone would look it over and be in touch with me. I'm not doubting what you're saying the law states - I'm simply stating that is what happened on Tuesday when I went to the courthouse and did that as well as filed a divorce petition. I'm sure it's not quite that important to you (I understand, there's no reason for it to be) but you can call the Collin County courthouse and ask them what you need to do to apply for a protective order there.

They also said there is a difference between a restraining order and a protective order, which the PO is the one that I applied for.

Did you even look at the link I posted? Did you? I am going to go with no.

 

[Ladyback1]

I mainly wanted to ensure that I was doing what I was supposed to as far as providing for him as required since we are married.

Whether your story is truthful or not...why can't he provide for himself? Is he disabled?
If everything you say has been truthful, it sounds to me like he has some emotional and/or mental health issues. And if you continue to provide for him, with no expectations/limits set, then you are simply an enabler!

And you are confused, got bad advice or are not being honest, because you don't file an order of protection request w/ the DA. The DA doesn't make determinations regarding restraining orders/orders of protection.

**I stand corrected: if you seek an order of protection, it is done through the DA's office**
https://www.oag.state.tx.us/victims/protective.shtml

 

[Ladyback1]

Did you even look at the link I posted? Did you? I am going to go with no.

I did.
About 1/2 way down the page, here's what I found:
How Can I Get a Protective Order?

You can apply for a protective order through the district or county attorney, a private attorney, or through a legal aid service program. The application must be filed in the county in which you or the offender lives. There are no minimum time limits to establish residency, and protective orders are available in every county in Texas.

 

[Ohiogal]

I did.
About 1/2 way down the page, here's what I found:
How Can I Get a Protective Order?

You can apply for a protective order through the district or county attorney, a private attorney, or through a legal aid service program. The application must be filed in the county in which you or the offender lives. There are no minimum time limits to establish residency, and protective orders are available in every county in Texas.

It gets FILED with the court. Why wasn't that done? And then it is the court that determines an ex parte hearing. Not the DA. According to the page I posted. Keep reading.

 

[MomGT123]

Whether your story is truthful or not...why can't he provide for himself? Is he disabled?
If everything you say has been truthful, it sounds to me like he has some emotional and/or mental health issues. And if you continue to provide for him, with no expectations/limits set, then you are simply an enabler!

And you are confused, got bad advice or are not being honest, because you don't file an order of protection request w/ the DA. The DA doesn't make determinations regarding restraining orders/orders of protection.

**I stand corrected: if you seek an order of protection, it is done through the DA's office**
https://www.oag.state.tx.us/victims/protective.shtml

http://www.co.collin.tx.us/district_clerk/Protective_Order_Handout.pdf

#2 on this link is the process that I was directed to follow. If they determine that you qualify for a protective order, they ask for you to come back in to complete an in-depth interview and they prepare the paperwork to file with the court. Someone from the DA's office called me right before I left the office today and asked me to come in at 9AM Monday to continue the process.

I understand what everyone is saying above...I am simply stating what they had me do.

He is perfectly capable of providing for himself and is not disabled...he does not currently have a job. Since I have been the individual supporting the household, which of course includes him, I didn't know how that came into play during the process of divorce. And yes, I do believe he has both emotional and mental issues (which he refuses to talk to someone) but I'm not qualified to diagnose - that is simply my personal opinion. I do not want to continue to provide for him so I was trying to determine that I was within my legal rights to cut him off financially before I did so.

I realize that I have enabled him for quite a long time and I agree that continuing to support him now is prolonging that. Only wanting to ensure that I will not be penalized for telling him "no more" and completely leaving him to his own devices.

 

[MomGT123]

Hopefully, this saga is almost over (for the most part). As I said in the last post, the DA had asked for me to come in Monday and speak with her regarding a protective order. However, over the weekend there were additional events that occurred. I brought some of his things to the hotel to avoid having him come to the house since I did not yet have any kind of PO against him. I brought the items to his room but refused to step inside, simply put them in the doorway and turned to leave. He grabbed me by grabbing chunks of skin on my shoulder and right below my ribcage and tried to pull me into the room - I was able to get out of his grasp and tried to walk away again. He was able to grab me again and pulled me into the room and threw me against the wall/door jam of bathroom. I again was able to get out the door and he did not follow me this time. Instead he yelled after me that I better watch my back at work the next day (this was Sunday evening).

Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and I should have had someone accompany me but I ignorantly thought I was just dropping things off to him and that was it. I walked to the lobby of the hotel and called the police. Unlike the other times where it was physical but left no visible marks, I had red welts from where he had grabbed me and along my back where it hit the wall. He was arrested for possession, paraphernalia (sp?) and assault FV. I was able to get an emergency PO at that time. He has not come around since then since he knows I have it, which I am grateful for thus far. I keep the doors locked and alarm set at all times. He is aware that I have changed the locks, alarm codes and signed up with an alarm monitoring service. I don't know where he is now but his family does call me occasionally and they are trying to fly him out of state to stay with family. Once I receive confirmation that he has actually gone, I will breathe much easier. I alerted my job so they have a picture of him, copy of my PO and know to turn him away if he shows up. Security is also allowing me to park in front of the building instead of in the parking garage for right now.

As far as the divorce filing, I suspect that he will not file an answer with the court and I will be able to pursue a default judgement since he was properly served via a process server I hired. I know some think I had questionable intentions and it's not that, just confused and lost on how to handle this type of thing. Since I wasn't being abused to the point of severe or even recordable injuries (until last week) I thought calling the police would result in nothing more than making him more angry. When preparing my divorce decree, can I put a time limit on how long he has to gather his belongings? The majority of this things are still at the house and knowing him, he will not bother to collect them or will try and have me mail them to him. I don't mind keeping them for a certain amount of time but not indefinitely. Is this a reasonable request (say, a year of storage before he loses any recourse if I dispose of them)? Is there anything else that I should be doing here?

 

[MomGT123]

Over the weekend, the PO was violated by a message sent through Facebook. What is the proper way to handle this? Do I bring the message to our next PO hearing (was extended to next week), make a police report to have it documented....? Just want to make sure I take care of it the right way so that I can show the court that he is disregarding the court's order to have absolutely no contact with me.

 

[single317dad]

Over the weekend, the PO was violated by a message sent through Facebook. What is the proper way to handle this? Do I bring the message to our next PO hearing (was extended to next week), make a police report to have it documented....? Just want to make sure I take care of it the right way so that I can show the court that he is disregarding the court's order to have absolutely no contact with me.

You call the police as soon as the violation occurs. They'll make a report, decide if an arrest and detention is appropriate, and send the information to the prosecutor to determine if prosecution will follow.

 

[MomGT123]

You call the police as soon as the violation occurs. They'll make a report, decide if an arrest and detention is appropriate, and send the information to the prosecutor to determine if prosecution will follow.

Ok, thank you. I had called the department over the weekend and got the run around. I will physically go there on my lunch break in a few minutes.

 

[MomGT123]

Conclusion

Was ultimately granted a more permanent protective order. Respondent did not show up and Judge asked how long I would like for it to be valid (I believe two years is the max in Texas). Final order allows non-threateninng/harrassing contact via phone, e-mail, etc. Divorce was also granted on default basis as he did not respond so I went in after the waiting period was up and had it finalized.

Ex continuously refused to meet using a stand by so that I could give him his belongings and even turned down my offer of renting a storage unit for several months and allowing him to get them that way. At the end of December, I took all of his things (minus personal mementoes that I think he may change his mind on eventually) to Goodwill. Minimal contact between myself and ex since there is really no reason for us to communicate (no mutual children). Although I'm still being careful, I believe that he is moving on with his life and is content to leave me alone to live mine.

My life is so peaceful in comparison now. My children were understandeably upset in the beginning, especially since they did not know the extent of the issues at hand. They have adjusted very well and are happy, doing well in school, etc. My step-son's mother has been extremely gracious and has allowed/encouraged continued contact with my step-son. I understand that I have absolutely no legal rights and will happily take whatever she is willing to allow. I can only hope that she continues to feel that his relationship with me and my children is healthy and in his best interests.

Thank you for all advice/constructive criticism/etc. that was given.

 

[Ohiogal]

Was ultimately granted a more permanent protective order. Respondent did not show up and Judge asked how long I would like for it to be valid (I believe two years is the max in Texas). Final order allows non-threateninng/harrassing contact via phone, e-mail, etc. Divorce was also granted on default basis as he did not respond so I went in after the waiting period was up and had it finalized.

Ex continuously refused to meet using a stand by so that I could give him his belongings and even turned down my offer of renting a storage unit for several months and allowing him to get them that way. At the end of December, I took all of his things (minus personal mementoes that I think he may change his mind on eventually) to Goodwill. Minimal contact between myself and ex since there is really no reason for us to communicate (no mutual children). Although I'm still being careful, I believe that he is moving on with his life and is content to leave me alone to live mine.

My life is so peaceful in comparison now. My children were understandeably upset in the beginning, especially since they did not know the extent of the issues at hand. They have adjusted very well and are happy, doing well in school, etc. My step-son's mother has been extremely gracious and has allowed/encouraged continued contact with my step-son. I understand that I have absolutely no legal rights and will happily take whatever she is willing to allow. I can only hope that she continues to feel that his relationship with me and my children is healthy and in his best interests.

Thank you for all advice/constructive criticism/etc. that was given.

Why do you believe you had a right to dispose of his items? Your stepson is no longer your step son if you are divorced. What does the divorce decree state regarding his belongings? You expect him to show up to pick up his items when you have a restraining order against him? Did the restraining order allow him to pick up his items? According to what you posted, it did not.

 

[MomGT123]

Why do you believe you had a right to dispose of his items? Your stepson is no longer your step son if you are divorced. What does the divorce decree state regarding his belongings? You expect him to show up to pick up his items when you have a restraining order against him? Did the restraining order allow him to pick up his items? According to what you posted, it did not.

I asked the judge what to do with his belongings when I was having the divorce finalized. He said that he could retrieve his belongings using a civil stand-by and it would not be a violation since law enforcement would be present. This is what I offered my ex and I was not even requesting him to come to the house since it would be a bit of a drive for him. I offered to bring them to where he was staying or somewhere close by. He would either not call to set up a time after saying he would get back with me so that I could contact the local PD (I had spoken to the PD and they said to just call them beforehand to have it arranged), try to pay me to come alone to where he was staying or call me and say he was across from my work and would I please just meet him real quick to exchange? Finally, in November he said he didn't want anything, to throw it all away. I didn't at that time and e-mailed him a couple of weeks later with the storage unit idea so that he would not be in violation and he could get all of this things since he said that he would not participate in a civil standby. He replied back and said to throw it all away that he did not want anything. I still held onto his things for approx. another 6 weeks. I sent him one final e-mail and he said the same thing.

*You're right, he is not my step-son. It's simpler to refer to him that way in this forum for reference purposes. He is my ex-husband's son, who I have been lucky to maintain a relationship with and I fully realize that his mother has 100% control over that.

*There is no timeframe in the divorce decree. It was very generic since there was not a response filed and it was granted as a default.

*I never asked him to show up in violation of the PO to get his belongings. I offered the civil standby numerous times at a location convenient to him and finally offered to pre-pay on the storage unit so that he would have several months to retrieve his things whenever he wished. If he had any doubt as to whether the civil standby would be allowed with the PO in effect (which I doubt was his thinking since he was trying to convince me to meet him alone and his exact words were that he did not want to be around any cops).

*I don't know what the correct procedure would have been at that point and I'm not saying that I did it exactly as it should have been done. I know that I offered him at least two ways I knew of to get his belongings to him without him being in violation of the PO and he refused both (Actually 3 - I asked if there was anybody he trusted to meet me). I have at least three e-mails from him stating that he did not want anything. I realize that he could take me to court if he suddenly changed his mind and decided that he wanted his belongings now. However, I doubt that someone who couldn't be bothered to respond or show up for a PO hearing or divorce filing would follow through on that. He's too busy running around and participating in his illegal activities to be worried about that (he's been arrested more than once since our split).

 

[Rogha]

You hardly need anyone to validate your positions or justify your actions to date, but I'll congratulate you, nonetheless. The breaking up of a marriage (or any other relationship) is never easy ... and once you toss someone who's clearly non compos mentis, its even more fraught with disaster. Personally, I believe you handled the situation as judiciously as possible.

Do remember to keep your safety paramount, however. I've seen (and singularly experienced) situations similar to yours in which the "obsessor" held a grudge. I'm not implying that he'll get up to didos again, just simply drudging up the adage of being safe rather than sorry. In my case, I felt it prudent to retain a private detective to occasionally keep tabs on my ex-husband - I don't mean to imply that you should do so, too. But I will say that that reassurance was well worth it whilst I rebuilt my life.

I'd also strongly suggest that you form as strong of bonds as possible in your community ~ not only would that help you feel safer and more ... grounded, it will also help you feel more in control as time goes by.

Best of luck to you.