Rape on 14-year-old girl by 17-year old boy

[rholandero57]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I am 14-year-old Freshmen in high school. About a week ago, I started dating Molly(a fake name for personal disclosure). Prior to us dating, she apparently trusted me enough to tell me what happened to her. I'm completely trusting what she told me is true and I have no doubt in my mind that she'd make it up. She made me promise not to tell anyone and swore me to secrecy, but if I can help provide her Justice then Im ok with saying something. As far as I know, I'm the only one she has told. Anyways here's what she told me: Molly was dating a 17-year-old guy over the summer when she was still 14. Her parents didn't like him at all so Molly snuck out of her house to meet him. She and him were in his car when he began to kiss her and eventually rape her. He threatened her not to tell anyone and if she did, he'd deny it saying she slept with him multiple times and that she wanted to. I lack many details about that night because I'm not her. I also know since then she has turned 15 and he has turned 18(20 days after she turned). She is convinced that since he is 18 now that its to late to do anything, because anything he did as a minor doesn't count anymore. Also since then, she has cut herself(which I have actually seen), told me that she has nightmares about that night often, and that she has tried to commit suicide 3 times since because of it so it doesn't sound too minor. I signed up for this website to get an awnser to this question. Can something be done about this or is it too late? I also took pictures of her saying it and have the name and number(which he kindly gave on this Facebook profile*sarcasm*) of the guy who did it if that'd help in a court situation. I await you all's responses. Thank you.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I am 14-year-old Freshmen in high school. About a week ago, I started dating Molly(a fake name for personal disclosure). Prior to us dating, she apparently trusted me enough to tell me what happened to her. I'm completely trusting what she told me is true and I have no doubt in my mind that she'd make it up. She made me promise not to tell anyone and swore me to secrecy, but if I can help provide her Justice then Im ok with saying something. As far as I know, I'm the only one she has told. Anyways here's what she told me: Molly was dating a 17-year-old guy over the summer when she was still 14. Her parents didn't like him at all so Molly snuck out of her house to meet him. She and him were in his car when he began to kiss her and eventually rape her. He threatened her not to tell anyone and if she did, he'd deny it saying she slept with him multiple times and that she wanted to. I lack many details about that night because I'm not her. I also know since then she has turned 15 and he has turned 18(20 days after she turned). She is convinced that since he is 18 now that its to late to do anything, because anything he did as a minor doesn't count anymore. Also since then, she has cut herself(which I have actually seen), told me that she has nightmares about that night often, and that she has tried to commit suicide 3 times since because of it so it doesn't sound too minor. I signed up for this website to get an awnser to this question. Can something be done about this or is it too late? I also took pictures of her saying it and have the name and number(which he kindly gave on this Facebook profile*sarcasm*) of the guy who did it if that'd help in a court situation. I await you all's responses. Thank you.

If you feel so strongly, you should tell your parents and/or your school counselor.

 

[rholandero57]

If you feel so strongly, you should tell your parents and/or your school counselor.

My parents are not in the best situation to undergo more negative pressure so I've ruled them out. I do not personally know my school counsellor since I just started high school so I don't really trust her. I know that that is their jobs as school counsellor, but I've never believed the whole "Everything you say will stay in this room attitude". If I'm going to tell someone, I want to make it count for something.

 

[TigerD]

You said this girl has attempted suicide. You absolutely must tell a responsible adult about the conversation. A parent, teacher, cop, nurse.

This isn't keeping confidences - it is saving her life.

DC

 

[rholandero57]

You said this girl has attempted suicide. You absolutely must tell a responsible adult about the conversation. A parent, teacher, cop, nurse.

This isn't keeping confidences - it is saving her life.

DC

Her parents and many teachers at my high school already know she has attempted to. What they have done? I have no clue, but They think its for a completly different reason which Molly made up.

 

[ajkroy]

As a high school teacher myself, I can tell you that a school counselor is probably the best-equipped to help your friend with her situation. But know this: it will not "stay in this room". School counselors (and teachers) are mandated reporters. This means that we are obligated to report any illegal activity against a minor, even if. We don't get to interject our opinions or judgement or try to figure out what happened. If we are told about it, we MUST report it. That policy protects everyone and makes certain that an investigation takes place.

She told you for a reason -- she is looking for help or attention. Either way, a licensed professional used to dealing with adolescent issues (i.e. the school counselor) is the best person she could possibly talk to right now.

Good luck.

 

[stealth2]

It is not too late for it to be addressed. BUT, she has to be willing to tell someone who can do something. Honestly - a 14yo is not equipped to handle this situation.

However, you can expect that, when you tell someone? She will no longer be your g/f. But you should do the right thing and make sure she gets some help. Your school counselor IS the best person to talk to.

 

[rholandero57]

As a high school teacher myself, I can tell you that a school counselor is probably the best-equipped to help your friend with her situation. But know this: it will not "stay in this room". School counselors (and teachers) are mandated reporters. This means that we are obligated to report any illegal activity against a minor, even if. We don't get to interject our opinions or judgement or try to figure out what happened. If we are told about it, we MUST report it. That policy protects everyone and makes certain that an investigation takes place.

She told you for a reason -- she is looking for help or attention. Either way, a licensed professional used to dealing with adolescent issues (i.e. the school counselor) is the best person she could possibly talk to right now.

Good luck.

I'll look into talking to my school counsellor about this, but I want to make sure She is not already seeing em' without me knowing which'd be highly unlikely so I'll talk to someone at school today.

 

[swalsh411]

I think it's admirable you want to help but you need to stop playing detective and report this. Don't worry about whether or not the councilor already knows about it, it's not your business and they wouldn't tell you anyway.

P.S. Don't have sex with this girl.

 

[Zigner]

... but I want to make sure She is not already seeing em' without me knowing ...

It doesn't matter if she's already talking to a counselor. Why would that stop you from reporting this?

 

[rholandero57]

...P.S. Don't have sex with this girl.

Again I'm 14. Never even would consider it at this age.

 

[rholandero57]

It doesn't matter if she's already talking to a counselor. Why would that stop you from reporting this?

...I'm not sure. I understand the importance of telling this to the counsellor, My wording and explanation are ill-thought out though. If I were to tell the counsellor, which I will. What will happen as far as the guy is concerned and how will she be helped? Because as soon as I do this, I will not know the consequences whether good or bad of my action since I'll no longer be of any use and will not be told what happens after I do so. Can you give me any insight at all?

 

[Zigner]

...I'm not sure. I understand the importance of telling this to the counsellor, My wording and explanation are ill-thought out though. If I were to tell the counsellor, which I will. What will happen as far as the guy is concerned and how will she be helped? Because as soon as I do this, I will not know the consequences whether good or bad of my action since I'll no longer be of any use and will not be told what happens after I do so. Can you give me any insight at all?

The counselor (among others) is a "mandated reporter". That means that they are required to report incidents such as this to the appropriate authorities. It could be a teacher, counselor, principal, police officer, doctor...whatever.

 

[swalsh411]

Again I'm 14. Never even would consider it at this age.

I'm glad to hear that. You seem to have a solid head on your shoulders. This is one of those times you should listen to adults who offer good advice.

 

[stealth2]

...I'm not sure. I understand the importance of telling this to the counsellor, My wording and explanation are ill-thought out though. If I were to tell the counsellor, which I will. What will happen as far as the guy is concerned and how will she be helped? Because as soon as I do this, I will not know the consequences whether good or bad of my action since I'll no longer be of any use and will not be told what happens after I do so. Can you give me any insight at all?

Well.... what you COULD do is encourage her to talk to the counselor herself. Offer to go with her for support. But tell her that they can help her get counseling for herself to move forward from what was done to her. Even if the jerk lies and nothing happens to him, SHE can get help! Which she seems to need. If she refuses, then you can move on to reporting it yourself. (*)

Here's the thing - an experience like she had will color ALL of her future relationships with men (now and in the future). And herself. And not in a positive way.

(*) And you are right - doing so will likely cut you off from any further confidence from her (at least near-term). But.... you need to decide which is more important to you - losing her friendship, or knowing that you have set wheels in motion to get her the help she needs. I think you know the answer to that.

And, as a last comment. You should be proud of yourself for wanting to help. You're obviously a good friend.

p.s. Do your parents know? You could also enlist their help. I know that if either of mine had brought something like this to my attention, I would have found a way to get things rolling w/o compromising my kid's involvement.