Helping my girlfriend out with rent

[Ohiogal]

Unfortunately there is one child involved, she has sole custody. The ex has been avoiding paying support for her (the daughter) as well. It is unfortunate my involvement could be an issue. It has been a messy divorce, its been around a lot longer than our relationship, but I don't know that it's really an option to sit idly by, but at the same time we're not in the space to say lets just move in together, and deal with the financial impact regardless.

I think the next step is for her to get a lawyer and work through this. It may be too complicated of an issue for a forum. We were hoping that I could loan her the money without having any permanent effect on her divorce proceedings. That may be unavoidable.

Thanks

a) if the divorce is not finalized, she doesn't have sole custody yet of the child.
b) She shouldn't be subjecting the child to her paramour.
c) She shouldn't be expecting her husband to support her while she is screwing someone else.
d) You can easily be brought into this and hubby's attorney should interplead you. That way when you are made a party, YOUR finances become an issue. YOU become an issue. Should I continue?
e) Legally everything I said above is true.

 

[LdiJ]

a) if the divorce is not finalized, she doesn't have sole custody yet of the child.

None of us know that. There could easily be custody orders. It happens all the time in every state of this country.

b) She shouldn't be subjecting the child to her paramour.

Probably not, but we don't know how long they have been separated.

c) She shouldn't be expecting her husband to support her while she is screwing someone else.

CA law doesn't say that. They are not cohabiting. CA law does not prohibit someone from lending someone money while they are divorcing.

d) You can easily be brought into this and hubby's attorney should interplead you. That way when you are made a party, YOUR finances become an issue. YOU become an issue. Should I continue?

CA law doesn't say that either. CA law does NOT make third parties a party to a divorce...in fact, I don't know of any state in the US that still makes a third party a party to a divorce.

e) Legally everything I said above is true.

No its not.

OP, while I agree that getting involved with someone who is divorcing and being around that person's child is often a very bad idea, there is nothing in CA law that prohibits someone from loaning money to someone during a divorce, particularly in a situation where the person has been laid off. Can it cause complications? Absolutely, but only if the other party to the divorce attempts to claim that you are supporting the party, and therefore presenting an argument that alimony is not needed. However, cohabitation (living together) is quite critical for establishing that. Since you are not and will not be living together, its unlikely to be an issue for you.

You certainly CANNOT be made a party to this divorce...so please disregard that.

 

[Proserpina]

None of us know that. There could easily be custody orders. It happens all the time in every state of this country.



Probably not, but we don't know how long they have been separated.



CA law doesn't say that. They are not cohabiting. CA law does not prohibit someone from lending someone money while they are divorcing.



CA law doesn't say that either. CA law does NOT make third parties a party to a divorce...in fact, I don't know of any state in the US that still makes a third party a party to a divorce.



No its not.

OP, while I agree that getting involved with someone who is divorcing and being around that person's child is often a very bad idea, there is nothing in CA law that prohibits someone from loaning money to someone during a divorce, particularly in a situation where the person has been laid off. Can it cause complications? Absolutely, but only if the other party to the divorce attempts to claim that you are supporting the party, and therefore presenting an argument that alimony is not needed. However, cohabitation (living together) is quite critical for establishing that. Since you are not and will not be living together, its unlikely to be an issue for you.

You certainly CANNOT be made a party to this divorce...so please disregard that.

According to this page, oh yes he can.

http://www.divorcelawoc.com/caldivorcelawinfo.htm

 

[Ladyback1]

None of us know that. There could easily be custody orders. It happens all the time in every state of this country.

Funny, those are usually "temporary" orders, and can be changed prior to being finalized, and very well could be if one parent wants to push the temporary orders.



Probably not, but we don't know how long they have been separated.
it doesn't really matter how long they have been separated. How long have OP and girlfriend been together? Also, very important is what the temporary orders say...



CA law doesn't say that. They are not cohabiting. CA law does not prohibit someone from lending someone money while they are divorcing.
No, lending money isn't prohibited. But barring extreme circumstances, a person should be willing and able to stand on their own feet during the process. Even if that means utilizing public assistance/public aid. If there is a temporary custody order in place, why isn't Mom getting child support?



CA law doesn't say that either. CA law does NOT make third parties a party to a divorce...in fact, I don't know of any state in the US that still makes a third party a party to a divorce.
in less than 5 min. I googled "third party to a divorce, California" and came up with several sites that indicate that yes, a third party can be brought in, if sufficient evidence if presented during the dissolution process



No its not.

so, yeah, it is mostly legal

Obviously there is some sort of issue going on w/ OP and girlfriend or he would just move her and the child in with him. I can think of several reasons why shacking up isn't an option...

ETA--and for me to agree with and defend w/ OG doesn't happen very often.

 

[rmart42]

Thanks all for the responses. I'll try to respond as completely as I can.

The divorce does not have any impact on our decision to not live together, we just feel it is too early in the relationship to make that decision, we each have a child, and we're both sensitive to introducing someone into their lives. We both think this can become something more serious, but we both would like it to move slow. This ex has been out of the picture for 3 years as they left the country, leaving behind the child and wife, and made themselves unreachable while they were gone. Showed up after she and I have been dating for 7 months to change the custody agreement, and she then kicked off the divorce proceedings. 3 months ago she was laid off, unemployment is insufficient, so she is leaving her home to move into an apartment, she's downsizing. She will find a new job, but so far has had a tough time. My guess is she'll have to take a sizable paycut to get back into the work force.

We will not be living together, and neither of us would want the decision to live together to come about under the pressure of her financial situation. I planned on lending her the money to get started. Outside of us deciding to marry, I have no reason to believe the loan would not be re-paid. I'm practically having to force this loan on her. WIthout the loan I'm not sure how she will be able to get started. The ex has done a great job of hiding funds, and lives very well, but has not been willing to pay any child support, and has bogged this whole process down with paperwork and delays upon delays. After further discussions with her today, she's of the opinion that a court order will not really change her circumstances, he still will avoid paying, so whether the court decides he owes more or less because of my loan is really of no consequence.

 

[Bali Hai]

Thanks all for the responses. I'll try to respond as completely as I can.

The divorce does not have any impact on our decision to not live together, we just feel it is too early in the relationship to make that decision, we each have a child, and we're both sensitive to introducing someone into their lives. We both think this can become something more serious, but we both would like it to move slow. This ex has been out of the picture for 3 years as they left the country, leaving behind the child and wife, and made themselves unreachable while they were gone. Showed up after she and I have been dating for 7 months to change the custody agreement, and she then kicked off the divorce proceedings. 3 months ago she was laid off, unemployment is insufficient, so she is leaving her home to move into an apartment, she's downsizing. She will find a new job, but so far has had a tough time. My guess is she'll have to take a sizable paycut to get back into the work force.

Not YOUR problem.

We will not be living together, and neither of us would want the decision to live together to come about under the pressure of her financial situation. I planned on lending her the money to get started. Outside of us deciding to marry, I have no reason to believe the loan would not be re-paid.

What does that mean?

I'm practically having to force this loan on her.

Well then, forget the loan, make it a gift!

WIthout the loan I'm not sure how she will be able to get started.

I have tears in my eyes.


The ex has done a great job of hiding funds, and lives very well, but has not been willing to pay any child support, and has bogged this whole process down with paperwork and delays upon delays.

Your problem? Or hers?

After further discussions with her today, she's of the opinion that a court order will not really change her circumstances, he still will avoid paying, so whether the court decides he owes more or less because of my loan is really of no consequence.

Well that's just grand of you to make her a "loan". Everybody here sees through that except one. The judge will too. Run, Run, Run!

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks all for the responses. I'll try to respond as completely as I can.

The divorce does not have any impact on our decision to not live together, we just feel it is too early in the relationship to make that decision, we each have a child, and we're both sensitive to introducing someone into their lives. We both think this can become something more serious, but we both would like it to move slow. This ex has been out of the picture for 3 years as they left the country, leaving behind the child and wife, and made themselves unreachable while they were gone. Showed up after she and I have been dating for 7 months to change the custody agreement, and she then kicked off the divorce proceedings. 3 months ago she was laid off, unemployment is insufficient, so she is leaving her home to move into an apartment, she's downsizing. She will find a new job, but so far has had a tough time. My guess is she'll have to take a sizable paycut to get back into the work force.

We will not be living together, and neither of us would want the decision to live together to come about under the pressure of her financial situation. I planned on lending her the money to get started. Outside of us deciding to marry, I have no reason to believe the loan would not be re-paid. I'm practically having to force this loan on her. WIthout the loan I'm not sure how she will be able to get started. The ex has done a great job of hiding funds, and lives very well, but has not been willing to pay any child support, and has bogged this whole process down with paperwork and delays upon delays. After further discussions with her today, she's of the opinion that a court order will not really change her circumstances, he still will avoid paying, so whether the court decides he owes more or less because of my loan is really of no consequence.

Enough said...help her if you choose to do so. I agree that its not likely to make any difference.

 

[LdiJ]

According to this page, oh yes he can.

http://www.divorcelawoc.com/caldivorcelawinfo.htm

Pro...did you actually read what you cited? The whole thing? It was an attorney's blog and the reference to a third party was vague..

You and your spouse are the only parties to the case, unless some third party is later joined. The most common joinder involves retirement benefits. Although it is not extremely common, necessary third parties can be joined if you can convince the Court that person is necessary to the proceeding.

I am sorry but this is not a cite...is an attorney blog and it does not remotely indicate that someone providing a loan to one of the parties, even if they are sleeping with one of the parties, can be enjoined into the case.

 

[Proserpina]

Pro...did you actually read what you cited? The whole thing? It was an attorney's blog and the reference to a third party was vague..



I am sorry but this is not a cite...is an attorney blog and it does not remotely indicate that someone providing a loan to one of the parties, even if they are sleeping with one of the parties, can be enjoined into the case.

Reread. I was responding to your stance that Person A cannot be included.

I merely showed evidence that Person A can be included if circumstances fit.

 

[Ohiogal]

Pro...did you actually read what you cited? The whole thing? It was an attorney's blog and the reference to a third party was vague..



I am sorry but this is not a cite...is an attorney blog and it does not remotely indicate that someone providing a loan to one of the parties, even if they are sleeping with one of the parties, can be enjoined into the case.

Mistresses and others can be added to a divorce. I have done it. In Ohio. And I know it has been done in other states. So yes it can be done. EVERYTHING I stated was true. You seem to not comprehend what I stated but that is on you. If op's mistress wants spousal support and thinks she has a claim, she better be able to show how she has depended on her spouse to provide her with her standard of living. Oh, she can't do that? She is relying on her new lover? Now OP states husband hasn't been around in three years and was out of the country. He doesn't say that there are final court orders. During the pendency of a divorce, those orders are temporary. Why? Because married couples can NOT get permanent orders apart from a divorce (unless CPS was involved). Should I continue in pointing out how you are incorrect?

 

[Ohiogal]

Joinder in California divorces:
http://www.wf-lawyers.net/when-is-a-joinder-in-a-family-law-case-appropriate/
http://www.bickfordlaw.com/lawyer-attorney-2170238.html
http://californiadivorce.com/divorce6.html
http://www.aaml.org/sites/default/files/MAT104_4.pdf

Boyfriend loans his girlfriend (married) money. That could be considered marital debt. Guess what happens? I can continue as to logical reasons boyfriend could be joined into the divorce. And joinder is available in every other state that of. That sorta belies your legal knowledge that you presented LD:

CA law doesn't say that either. CA law does NOT make third parties a party to a divorce...in fact, I don't know of any state in the US that still makes a third party a party to a divorce.

Read the first link. It states the statute involved in joining third parties to a divorce. Again, I stand by what I stated.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks all for the responses. I'll try to respond as completely as I can.

The divorce does not have any impact on our decision to not live together, we just feel it is too early in the relationship to make that decision, we each have a child, and we're both sensitive to introducing someone into their lives. We both think this can become something more serious, but we both would like it to move slow. This ex has been out of the picture for 3 years as they left the country, leaving behind the child and wife, and made themselves unreachable while they were gone. Showed up after she and I have been dating for 7 months to change the custody agreement, and she then kicked off the divorce proceedings. 3 months ago she was laid off, unemployment is insufficient, so she is leaving her home to move into an apartment, she's downsizing. She will find a new job, but so far has had a tough time. My guess is she'll have to take a sizable paycut to get back into the work force.

And? She has survived for three years without him. So what court orders exist?

We will not be living together, and neither of us would want the decision to live together to come about under the pressure of her financial situation. I planned on lending her the money to get started.

And she is married. A marital debt may very well be enough to bring you into the divorce.

Outside of us deciding to marry, I have no reason to believe the loan would not be re-paid. I'm practically having to force this loan on her. WIthout the loan I'm not sure how she will be able to get started.

Really? How did she survive without you before?

The ex has done a great job of hiding funds, and lives very well, but has not been willing to pay any child support, and has bogged this whole process down with paperwork and delays upon delays.

So she doesn't have a court order?

After further discussions with her today, she's of the opinion that a court order will not really change her circumstances, he still will avoid paying, so whether the court decides he owes more or less because of my loan is really of no consequence.

Ain't that sweet?