Weird situation, I don't want to commit libel/slander/defamation

[chucky123]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I have a profile on a dating website. Whatever, get past that already. I am a heterosexual male seeking a woman and some guy messaged me about having gay sex. Shot him down politely, I have no problems with gay people. He then started getting very inappropriate and detailed and eventually said I should come to his office to 'engage' with him and gave me his phone number and work address. I did a google search and found the guy, the number matches his office and I also called from a free internet phone line (so the weirdo didn't have my number) just to verify someone wasn't playing a prank on him, he picked up and was like "lets do this". I also found online he also does some community work with children. So while I am not one to go about trying to get people in trouble, I almost feel like if he is willing to invite strangers to his office (corporate large company) after hours for crazed sex, maybe I have an obligation to make the people know about this for their children's safety. To be clear, he did not do anything to explicitly make me think he is doing something illegal or predatory with children, I am just very uncomfortable about a man having crazed closeted gay sex with strangers at his office at other peoples desks then going to supervise children.

I really didn't want to be in this position and wish I never knew. I feel like I should publicly post it online or something but I don't want to get in trouble for slander or something like that, if I post it and it is found, he will most certainly lose his job, get kicked out the community organization so it will be devastating to his life. So if ever someone was going to be upset and wanting to sue, he would be it.

1. Any suggestions on what to do? I don't think there is anything I could call the police about since nothing was illegal in any way.

2. If I were to post it as "NAME messaged me on SITE.com and asked me to _____ at his office _______" since I have proof, I should be ok legally if a suit was brought against me? Are there any criminal charges I could face for outing someones sexual preference and other details like this besides a civil suit?

Thanks for your help! I just really don't know what to do.

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I have a profile on a dating website. Whatever, get past that already. I am a heterosexual male seeking a woman and some guy messaged me about having gay sex. Shot him down politely, I have no problems with gay people. He then started getting very inappropriate and detailed and eventually said I should come to his office to 'engage' with him and gave me his phone number and work address. I did a google search and found the guy, the number matches his office and I also called from a free internet phone line (so the weirdo didn't have my number) just to verify someone wasn't playing a prank on him, he picked up and was like "lets do this". I also found online he also does some community work with children. So while I am not one to go about trying to get people in trouble, I almost feel like if he is willing to invite strangers to his office (corporate large company) after hours for crazed sex, maybe I have an obligation to make the people know about this for their children's safety. To be clear, he did not do anything to explicitly make me think he is doing something illegal or predatory with children, I am just very uncomfortable about a man having crazed closeted gay sex with strangers at his office at other peoples desks then going to supervise children.

I really didn't want to be in this position and wish I never knew. I feel like I should publicly post it online or something but I don't want to get in trouble for slander or something like that, if I post it and it is found, he will most certainly lose his job, get kicked out the community organization so it will be devastating to his life. So if ever someone was going to be upset and wanting to sue, he would be it.

1. Any suggestions on what to do? I don't think there is anything I could call the police about since nothing was illegal in any way.

2. If I were to post it as "NAME messaged me on SITE.com and asked me to _____ at his office _______" since I have proof, I should be ok legally if a suit was brought against me? Are there any criminal charges I could face for outing someones sexual preference and other details like this besides a civil suit?

Thanks for your help! I just really don't know what to do.

If, as you say, you are "not one to go about trying to get people in trouble," then don't. You should post nothing about him because, quite frankly, this fellow has done nothing wrong. And, posting anything about him can get you sued.

 

[sandyclaus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I have a profile on a dating website. Whatever, get past that already. I am a heterosexual male seeking a woman and some guy messaged me about having gay sex. Shot him down politely, I have no problems with gay people. He then started getting very inappropriate and detailed and eventually said I should come to his office to 'engage' with him and gave me his phone number and work address. I did a google search and found the guy, the number matches his office and I also called from a free internet phone line (so the weirdo didn't have my number) just to verify someone wasn't playing a prank on him, he picked up and was like "lets do this". I also found online he also does some community work with children. So while I am not one to go about trying to get people in trouble, I almost feel like if he is willing to invite strangers to his office (corporate large company) after hours for crazed sex, maybe I have an obligation to make the people know about this for their children's safety. To be clear, he did not do anything to explicitly make me think he is doing something illegal or predatory with children, I am just very uncomfortable about a man having crazed closeted gay sex with strangers at his office at other peoples desks then going to supervise children.

I really didn't want to be in this position and wish I never knew. I feel like I should publicly post it online or something but I don't want to get in trouble for slander or something like that, if I post it and it is found, he will most certainly lose his job, get kicked out the community organization so it will be devastating to his life. So if ever someone was going to be upset and wanting to sue, he would be it.

1. Any suggestions on what to do? I don't think there is anything I could call the police about since nothing was illegal in any way.

2. If I were to post it as "NAME messaged me on SITE.com and asked me to _____ at his office _______" since I have proof, I should be ok legally if a suit was brought against me? Are there any criminal charges I could face for outing someones sexual preference and other details like this besides a civil suit?

Thanks for your help! I just really don't know what to do.

For someone who is supposed to be so open about other people's sexuality, you sure jumped right to the conclusion that this guy is somehow involving children in his sexual activities.

People that WORK with children don't usually engage these same children in their private sex lives. And gay men don't often engage in sexual encounters with children, either.

So, he propositioned you. So, he's obviously into gay sex with men. So, he works with children. All of these 3 things are not mutually exclusive.

You clearly DID have a problem with being propositioned by a gay man - obviously to the point where you made the foregone conclusion that he was also a predatory child molester that the kids' parents need to know about. Although that is certainly POSSIBLE, it's more likely that your own homophobia has gone to your head. Get over it, and stay out of this man's private and public life. Unless you choose to be his sexual partner, his sexual choices are NONE of YOUR business, which also means that you would be hugely out of line making accusations against him of which you have absolutely no evidence.

 

[chucky123]

If, as you say, you are "not one to go about trying to get people in trouble," then don't. You should post nothing about him because, quite frankly, this fellow has done nothing wrong. And, posting anything about him can get you sued.

Yes, and I thought that was what I was going to do but I am having a hard time living with that decision because if I ever found out he did something inappropriate with those kids I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I really do find myself awake the last few days at night trying to not think about it.

 

[chucky123]

For someone who is supposed to be so open about other people's sexuality, you sure jumped right to the conclusion that this guy is somehow involving children in his sexual activities.

People that WORK with children don't usually engage these same children in their private sex lives. And gay men don't often engage in sexual encounters with children, either.

So, he propositioned you. So, he's obviously into gay sex with men. So, he works with children. All of these 3 things are not mutually exclusive.

You clearly DID have a problem with being propositioned by a gay man - obviously to the point where you made the foregone conclusion that he was also a predatory child molester that the kids' parents need to know about. Although that is certainly POSSIBLE, it's more likely that your own homophobia has gone to your head. Get over it, and stay out of this man's private and public life. Unless you choose to be his sexual partner, his sexual choices are NONE of YOUR business, which also means that you would be hugely out of line making accusations against him of which you have absolutely no evidence.

Its not that he is gay, I didn't want to be too specific but the fact that he kept harassing me about having sex with him even when I told him I was straight and not interested, the fact that he wanted to do it at his office on other people desks (in my opinion very inappropriate and poor judgement). These two things bother me about him.

And I do have evidence of all his messages that he sent me are extremely clear.

 

[quincy]

Its not that he is gay, I didn't want to be too specific but the fact that he kept harassing me about having sex with him even when I told him I was straight and not interested, the fact that he wanted to do it at his office on other people desks (in my opinion very inappropriate and poor judgement). These two things bother me about him.

You were the one who searched this guy out on Google, tracked him down at his office, and called him. That was also inappropriate and using poor judgment.

Don't do it again.

And don't publish anything about him online or elsewhere because you are jumping to conclusions about him here that, if false, opens you up to a defamation lawsuit.

 

[chucky123]

You were the one who searched this guy out on Google, tracked him down at his office, and called him. That was also inappropriate and using poor judgment.

Don't do it again.

And don't publish anything about him online or elsewhere because you are jumping to conclusions about him here that, if false, opens you up to a defamation lawsuit.

Why would googling someone be poor judgement?

And how is it jumping to conclusions? He propositioned me, I said NO, he wouldn't let it go. He said many explicit things I won't repeat including some very inappropriate things like doing it at his work. It is all on record in my messages. It is a fact with proof. I am not suggesting I post anything about the kids, I believe he most likely is not causing any harm to them. I DO think he is extremely inappropriate and others should have this information to make up their minds on whether they want to entrust him with the care of their children.

Not sure why everyone is beating up on me, ITS A FACT, I have the messages. I am not jumping to conclusions.

I am not worried about being sued, anyone can be sued for pretty much anything. I just wanted to know if by having the electronic messages saved that explicitly state what I post is enough to stand my ground if he did sue.

 

[Proserpina]

Why would googling someone be poor judgement?

And how is it jumping to conclusions? He propositioned me, I said NO, he wouldn't let it go. He said many explicit things I won't repeat including some very inappropriate things like doing it at his work. It is all on record in my messages. It is a fact with proof. I am not suggesting I post anything about the kids, I believe he most likely is not causing any harm to them. I DO think he is extremely inappropriate and others should have this information to make up their minds on whether they want to entrust him with the care of their children.

Not sure why everyone is beating up on me, ITS A FACT, I have the messages. I am not jumping to conclusions.

I am not worried about being sued, anyone can be sued for pretty much anything. I just wanted to know if by having the electronic messages saved that explicitly state what I post is enough to stand my ground if he did sue.

Let me ask you something.

Would you be okay if I called your Mom and your employer and told them that because of your Internet dating "obsession" you shouldn't be around children?

No?

Didn't think so.

 

[chucky123]

Let me ask you something.

Would you be okay if I called your Mom and your employer and told them that because of your Internet dating "obsession" you shouldn't be around children?

No?

Didn't think so.

I am not suggesting I post anything like that, nor call his employer. Plus its irrelevant if I "like" what you just said or if he "likes" what I may or may not post. I am suggesting I post something like this:

"John Smith (not his real name) messaged me superdatinghookup.com asking to engage in sex with me. I told him I was not interested and was straight. He continued messaging me over 20 times from 5:01pm through 9:23 as indicated by the message time stamps pleading with me to call him. He said that he wanted to have sexual relations at his office on his co workers desks and that I could come to 123 main street where his office is located."

 

[Proserpina]

I am not suggesting I post anything like that, nor call his employer. Plus its irrelevant if I "like" what you just said or if he "likes" what I may or may not post. I am suggesting I post something like this:

"John Smith (not his real name) messaged me superdatinghookup.com asking to engage in sex with me. I told him I was not interested and was straight. He continued messaging me over 20 times from 5:01pm through 9:23 as indicated by the message time stamps pleading with me to call him. He said that he wanted to have sexual relations at his office on his co workers desks and that I could come to 123 main street where his office is located."

Put it this way. If I read something like that, the first thing I'd think would be "Huh...I guess the poster Chucky got turned down and he's really bitter...".

But then again, you're talking out of both ends.

First you're implying that somehow he's a possibly maybe threat to children. Then it's..wait, what's the point again?

Given that both numbers and text messages can be very easily spoofed, you likely have nothing. And if he does decide to sue, you're going to be buried by legal fees just trying to defend against such a suit.

 

[chucky123]

Put it this way. If I read something like that, the first thing I'd think would be "Huh...I guess the poster Chucky got turned down and he's really bitter...".

But then again, you're talking out of both ends.

First you're implying that somehow he's a possibly maybe threat to children. Then it's..wait, what's the point again?

Given that both numbers and text messages can be very easily spoofed, you likely have nothing. And if he does decide to sue, you're going to be buried by legal fees just trying to defend against such a suit.

So you believe phone calls and emails are insufficient proof in court? Id like to know where you get your experience with this, I am sure they are used all the time. Also from googling, it appears it would be on him to prove its false, not for me to prove its true. But obviously I am not a legal professional and came here for advice. Not to be slammed for being homophobic when I am very much not.

The whole thing about the kids was about ME worrying, like I said, he did absolutely nothing to make be believe he is doing something wrong with kids. Would I want my kids to be supervised by him on a regular basis knowing what I know. No.

Do you want your kids watched by someone who doesn't take no for an answer and thinks its appropriate to have sex on their co workers desks? Answer that one please...

If I saw on the news 2 years later he was doing something terrible, how do you think I would feel if I didn't post this? How do you think I would feel if I posted it and it attracted police attention and it was found out he was doing something terrible and my post brought it to light? This is about living with myself if something bad really was going on and I didn't do everything in my power to stop it.

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

... I also called from a free internet phone line (so the weirdo didn't have my number) just to verify someone wasn't playing a prank on him ... I also found online he also does some community work with children.... So while I am not one to go about trying to get people in trouble ... he did not do anything to explicitly make me think he is doing something illegal or predatory with children, I am just very uncomfortable about a man having crazed closeted gay sex with strangers at his office at other peoples desks then going to supervise children. ...

1. Any suggestions on what to do? I don't think there is anything I could call the police about since nothing was illegal in any way.

2. If I were to post it as "NAME messaged me on SITE.com and asked me to _____ at his office _______" since I have proof, I should be ok legally if a suit was brought against me? Are there any criminal charges I could face for outing someones sexual preference and other details like this besides a civil suit?

... I just really don't know what to do.

You were given suggestions on what to do.

You were told what could happen if you posted anything online about this guy.

You didn't know what to do and now you do.

What is it you are having problems understanding, chucky123?

 

[chucky123]

What is it you are having problems understanding, chucky123?

Since I have proof, I should be ok legally if a suit was brought against me? Obviously very costly still and a huge headache but if I am in the right I am in the right. Is the truth an absolute defense in this situation?

Are there any criminal charges I could face for outing someones sexual preference and other details like this besides a civil suit?

 

[mmmagique]

He's having a problem understanding that none of this is his business. If he was so upset about all these emails, he could have deleted/blocked after the 2nd or 3rd one, then gone about his business.

I guess he'd be REALLY shocked in finding out that some adults engage in age play with other adults, and are not interested in children whatsoever.

But he's not even worried about something in a grey area; he's worried because the guy is gay. And messaged him a bunch of times. (I noticed he didn't say he never messaged the guy back)

OP, this is not your business, and no kids appear to be at risk in any way, shape or form.

Good luck with your search.

 

[Proserpina]

So you believe phone calls and emails are insufficient proof in court? Id like to know where you get your experience with this, I am sure they are used all the time. Also from googling, it appears it would be on him to prove its false, not for me to prove its true.

You would be amazed at how easily an attorney can get phone calls and emails thrown out.

But obviously I am not a legal professional and came here for advice. Not to be slammed for being homophobic when I am very much not.

Admittedly, it does sound like "Methinks he protesteth too much".

The whole thing about the kids was about ME worrying, like I said, he did absolutely nothing to make be believe he is doing something wrong with kids. Would I want my kids to be supervised by him on a regular basis knowing what I know. No.

And what exactly do you think nannies and sitters do in their spare time? Knit? Sit by the window, book in hand? You've got no idea what people get up to, do you?

Do you want your kids watched by someone who doesn't take no for an answer and thinks its appropriate to have sex on their co workers desks? Answer that one please...

See above answer. OH MY GOD! NOT THE DESK! Oh...they're on the sofa in his office? Oh, that's okay then.

Just not the desk. Sweaty buttock prints just look tacky.

If I saw on the news 2 years later he was doing something terrible, how do you think I would feel if I didn't post this? How do you think I would feel if I posted it and it attracted police attention and it was found out he was doing something terrible and my post brought it to light? This is about living with myself if something bad really was going on and I didn't do everything in my power to stop it.

I'm fairly certain I'd feel some regret if or when you turn up on the ID channel with stalking charges against you.