17 year old won't go to school - PA.

[daniel11]

I hear everything you're saying. I want her to be a success,to make a good life for herself. But I just feel like she's blowing it,by failing out of school and not seeming to care if she does or not. I'm definitely open to GED's and Community College's and such,whatever gets her to a good place in life. But I try to impart on her the need for a good education in today's world. And the person she is right now,isn't caring about that,at all. Which is the issue that needs to be resolved. But I'm afraid that by the time she DOES resolve whatever issue(s) she has,it might be too late to salvage her Junior year. Because,like I said,she like the school,and says she wants to keep going there ( we DID offer to try someplace else,but she said she wants to stay there),but her actions show me different.

 

[daniel11]

Who is the father of the 10 year old if you are not? LEGALLY that is.
The teenager -- who is the teenager's father/mother? Is there a stepparent?
If she wants to be an adult, let her be an adult. She doesn't drive your car or any car purchased by anyone other than her. She takes full responsibility for payments, insurance, gas, repairs and everything. She pays rent which should also include a portion of utilities. Anything you or your wife bought should be removed from her room (her bed, her dresser, television, computer, whatever if it was not a gift for Christmas or her birthday. Teenager gets to work more hours and pay for food and clothes and everything else. She should also pay for her medication and copays if not covered by insurance. She should pay for EVERYTHING. She now has to get a real job and work for a living. If she doesn't want to do that then she returns to her old job (going to school). If she doesn't pay you, she doesn't get the benefits of anything beyond necessities. At 18, she has to find an apartment and leave. If you own the car, she doesn't get to use it. She takes the bus or walks or rides her bike if she has one. And if she is a stepchild -- where is her other actual parent?

I am the father of the 10 year old.

My wife is my step-daughter's mother. the father lives in Mass., and basically has had no contact with her since,like,1999 i think. So basically I'm her stepfather,but am the biological father of my son. And,no,I never did legally adopt her.She still carries her biological father's name.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am the father of the 10 year old.

My wife is my step-daughter's mother. the father lives in Mass., and basically has had no contact with her since,like,1999 i think. So basically I'm her stepfather,but am the biological father of my son. And,no,I never did legally adopt her.She still carries her biological father's name.

Maybe it is time to get dad involved then. What are the court orders regaridng the teenager? Dad still has rights and he may be able to do something with her.

 

[Zigner]

I hear everything you're saying. I want her to be a success,to make a good life for herself. But I just feel like she's blowing it,by failing out of school and not seeming to care if she does or not. I'm definitely open to GED's and Community College's and such,whatever gets her to a good place in life. But I try to impart on her the need for a good education in today's world. And the person she is right now,isn't caring about that,at all. Which is the issue that needs to be resolved. But I'm afraid that by the time she DOES resolve whatever issue(s) she has,it might be too late to salvage her Junior year. Because,like I said,she like the school,and says she wants to keep going there ( we DID offer to try someplace else,but she said she wants to stay there),but her actions show me different.

I'm sorry that you don't agree with the way that the mother of this child is parenting her child.

 

[Zigner]

I am the father of the 10 year old.

My wife is my step-daughter's mother. the father lives in Mass., and basically has had no contact with her since,like,1999 i think. So basically I'm her stepfather,but am the biological father of my son. And,no,I never did legally adopt her.She still carries her biological father's name.

You mean, she still has her FATHER'S name.

 

[Silverplum]

So this isn't even the parent writing??

 

[RRevak]

I hear everything you're saying. I want her to be a success,to make a good life for herself. But I just feel like she's blowing it,by failing out of school and not seeming to care if she does or not. I'm definitely open to GED's and Community College's and such,whatever gets her to a good place in life. But I try to impart on her the need for a good education in today's world. And the person she is right now,isn't caring about that,at all. Which is the issue that needs to be resolved. But I'm afraid that by the time she DOES resolve whatever issue(s) she has,it might be too late to salvage her Junior year. Because,like I said,she like the school,and says she wants to keep going there ( we DID offer to try someplace else,but she said she wants to stay there),but her actions show me different.

The reason I say what I do is because I'm very very familiar with your situation. My sister was your step-daughter only worse. By the time she was 17 she too had basically flunked out of private school, then got kicked out for failing, and had so many fights with our parents that it became a warzone in our house. They too fought for the "you HAVE to graduate" or you'll end up either on the streets or working a dead end job that will never go anywhere. She just didn't care. She finally got her head on straight enough to get her GED when she was 20, reluctantly moved on to community college (where she fell in love with school again), moved on to a great state college (because her community college grades were so good), graduated with a BA in Psychology and minor in Sociology, and is now obtaining her masters. My point in saying this is to show that doing things differently than the traditional doesn't always end badly.

 

[daniel11]

Maybe it is time to get dad involved then. What are the court orders regaridng the teenager? Dad still has rights and he may be able to do something with her.

He signed over all parental rights to my wife. And,like I said,has had no real interest in keeping up communication with them over the years. I've basically been her "dad" since she was about 2 1/2. At least til she eventually found out I wasn't her biological father. Cause after that,I wasn't Dad anymore,but she'd call me by my real name instead. So that might be part of the issue - feeling that anything I say she doesn't have to listen to.

I have discussed with my wife having her father talk to her,but he is disinterested. Then again,the guy did father 5 other kids with 3 other women after he divorced my wife,so a role model he ain't!

 

[RRevak]

Maybe it is time to get dad involved then. What are the court orders regaridng the teenager? Dad still has rights and he may be able to do something with her.

Sooooo if dad has really been without real contact in 14yrs, what exactly do you think he's going to do? Esp since she's grazing the age of majority. I'm sorry but if dad has really been MIA that long, there is zero he can do about all of this.

 

[Silverplum]

He signed over all parental rights to my wife. And,like I said,has had no real interest in keeping up communication with them over the years. I've basically been her "dad" since she was about 2 1/2. At least til she eventually found out I wasn't her biological father. Cause after that,I wasn't Dad anymore,but she'd call me by my real name instead. So that might be part of the issue - feeling that anything I say she doesn't have to listen to.

I have discussed with my wife having her father talk to her,but he is disinterested. Then again,the guy did father 5 other kids with 3 other women after he divorced my wife,so a role model he ain't!

Good grief!

The lying didn't make either of you role models, either.

 

[daniel11]

So this isn't even the parent writing??

I would think being a step-parent for nearly 15 years counts for something...

 

[Zigner]

He signed over all parental rights to my wife. And,like I said,has had no real interest in keeping up communication with them over the years. I've basically been her "dad" since she was about 2 1/2. At least til she eventually found out I wasn't her biological father. Cause after that,I wasn't Dad anymore,but she'd call me by my real name instead. So that might be part of the issue - feeling that anything I say she doesn't have to listen to.

I have discussed with my wife having her father talk to her,but he is disinterested. Then again,the guy did father 5 other kids with 3 other women after he divorced my wife,so a role model he ain't!

He didn't sign over parental rights.

The issues in your household run much deeper than a legal forum can help with. Seek therapy for everyone before your (plural) hard-headed actions further damage the child(ren).

 

[Zigner]

I would think being a step-parent for nearly 15 years counts for something...

Yes, it means that you've been a step-parent for 15 years. The 17 year old and your wife both, apparently, feel that it's NOT your place to "father" this child.

 

[Ohiogal]

He signed over all parental rights to my wife. And,like I said,has had no real interest in keeping up communication with them over the years. I've basically been her "dad" since she was about 2 1/2. At least til she eventually found out I wasn't her biological father. Cause after that,I wasn't Dad anymore,but she'd call me by my real name instead. So that might be part of the issue - feeling that anything I say she doesn't have to listen to.

I have discussed with my wife having her father talk to her,but he is disinterested. Then again,the guy did father 5 other kids with 3 other women after he divorced my wife,so a role model he ain't!

A) No he didn't. He couldn't have. He still has his parental rights.
B) YOu are not her dad.
C) When did she find that out? Why did you and her mom LIE to her?
D) Lying to a child about something as specific of paternity can really screw up a child and cause major issues.
E) You and your wife shouldn't be one criticizing others because you are both big fat liars who LIED to the child about who her father was. What fantastic role models a couple of people like you and your wife are -- bunch of lying frauds. Nice work.
Oh did that hurt your feelings? YOu criticize the child's father but from where i am sitting you and your wife aren't exactly saints. When did the daughter find out that you and your wife are untrustworthy lying frauds? And, HOW did she find out?

 

[Ohiogal]

Sooooo if dad has really been without real contact in 14yrs, what exactly do you think he's going to do? Esp since she's grazing the age of majority. I'm sorry but if dad has really been MIA that long, there is zero he can do about all of this.

COnsidering the child has been lied to by her mother and stepdad for how long, if dad got involved, it couldn't hurt quite frankly. And why has he been MIA? Apparently it worked for mom who lied to the child with the help of OP.