Frustrated

[berdonj]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii, I am a Grandmother and have two Grandson's in High
School. I substitute Teach long term and short term at this one and only HS. My Grandson's are attending the same school.
The Mother has custody of both boys, and the boys have not seen me for like from when they were 2 yrs old. Now, that
they have found out that I am their Grandma. They have been coming to visit and talk story with me. They tell me how they miss
their Dad etc. Well, The Mother doesn't want her boys to have any contact with me or the Father. I was called into the school Admin VP office
and she just wanted to inform me that the Mother called and wants the boys to not have contact with me. I told the VP I wasn't surprised
about her action and I told the VP that there is no legal paper work or TRO stating I cannot have an contact with the boys. The boys come to visit
me and I am not pursuing them. All they do is come by the classroom during recess or lunch break to say Hi Grandma. Now, the VP of the school is really nice person and she advised me to get a lawyer to see what my rights are etc.So, that there is ground for the Mother to understand that legally
it's ok for the boys to have contact with me. I have not harmed or hurt the boys in anyway. They told me they love me and I love them to matter what.
I understand how the Mother thinks and feels about her boys and trying to protect them at all times. But, to keep them from just coming
by to visit me and say Hi and spend a little time 15 minutes. What are my rights? Is it right for the school to keep me from talking to my Grandsons?
Do I have to hire a lawyer for this kind of situation? I don't plan to just take the boys off campus or do anything else but just say hi and talk story
with them during recess time. Am I doing something wrong?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii, I am a Grandmother and have two Grandson's in High
School. I substitute Teach long term and short term at this one and only HS. My Grandson's are attending the same school.
The Mother has custody of both boys, and the boys have not seen me for like from when they were 2 yrs old. Now, that
they have found out that I am their Grandma. They have been coming to visit and talk story with me. They tell me how they miss
their Dad etc. Well, The Mother doesn't want her boys to have any contact with me or the Father. I was called into the school Admin VP office
and she just wanted to inform me that the Mother called and wants the boys to not have contact with me. I told the VP I wasn't surprised
about her action and I told the VP that there is no legal paper work or TRO stating I cannot have an contact with the boys. The boys come to visit
me and I am not pursuing them. All they do is come by the classroom during recess or lunch break to say Hi Grandma. Now, the VP of the school is really nice person and she advised me to get a lawyer to see what my rights are etc.So, that there is ground for the Mother to understand that legally
it's ok for the boys to have contact with me. I have not harmed or hurt the boys in anyway. They told me they love me and I love them to matter what.
I understand how the Mother thinks and feels about her boys and trying to protect them at all times. But, to keep them from just coming
by to visit me and say Hi and spend a little time 15 minutes. What are my rights? Is it right for the school to keep me from talking to my Grandsons?
Do I have to hire a lawyer for this kind of situation? I don't plan to just take the boys off campus or do anything else but just say hi and talk story
with them during recess time. Am I doing something wrong?

You have no rights at all. Earlier this year, Hawaii passed a bill making it more difficult for grandparents to successfully get visitation with their grandchildren. Now you have to prove that not seeing the grandparents would harm the children in some way.

You can read here:

http://www.hslda.org/cms/?q=bill/house-bill-1244-and-senate-bill-629-grandparent-visitation


Bear in mind that you would have to sue BOTH parents.

Your best bet is to see the grandchildren during Dad's parenting time. If he hasn't bothered to file for that, he needs to get on it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Why has the child's father done nothing to enforce his rights? Has he established paternity? Has he been paying court ordered child support? Was he ever married to mom? If there is no CPO, if the children seek you out, you can speak to them but don't pursue them. However, how did they find out you are their grandmother? Did you tell them?

 

[berdonj]

frustrated

Hi Ohiogal, no the parents were never married. Mother got pregnant at 18 yrs old. She has sole custody and my son has been paying child support.
The reason she doesn't want the boys to have contact or visitation of any kind is because my son fooled around on her when she was pregnant. Now, that both parents are 36 yrs old now. Mother still holds that grudge on my son. This is the reason we are unable to have contact with the children. The oldest boys knows me cause where we live is a small town. Everybody knows every bodies business and my husband and I help raise the oldest boy from baby to 2 years old. Mother's mom kicked her out of the house when she was 17yrs old and allowed her to live with us. My son at the time he was young and made bad choices. Mother was no angel either. I say forget the past. Get over it and think whats best for the kids. Now, the boys are almost done with High School already. They keep asking me for their Dad in school. But I know the Mom well and I don't want to see the boys get punish because they want to know about their Dad and our side of the family. The boys talk to me a lot cause they can't talk to their Mother. I do not ever put the Mother down in anyway. I tell the boys to listen to their Mother. But the boys are getting older now and feeling resentful towards their Mother. The boys tell me they cannot wait to be 18yrs old and they can leave home and spend time with their Dad and our side of the family.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

It appears there is no legal reason you must not talk to the boys accept for following the direction of your employer. You can be disciplined for insubordination.

 

[Ohiogal]

Hi Ohiogal, no the parents were never married. Mother got pregnant at 18 yrs old. She has sole custody and my son has been paying child support.
The reason she doesn't want the boys to have contact or visitation of any kind is because my son fooled around on her when she was pregnant. Now, that both parents are 36 yrs old now. Mother still holds that grudge on my son. This is the reason we are unable to have contact with the children. The oldest boys knows me cause where we live is a small town. Everybody knows every bodies business and my husband and I help raise the oldest boy from baby to 2 years old. Mother's mom kicked her out of the house when she was 17yrs old and allowed her to live with us. My son at the time he was young and made bad choices. Mother was no angel either. I say forget the past. Get over it and think whats best for the kids. Now, the boys are almost done with High School already. They keep asking me for their Dad in school. But I know the Mom well and I don't want to see the boys get punish because they want to know about their Dad and our side of the family. The boys talk to me a lot cause they can't talk to their Mother. I do not ever put the Mother down in anyway. I tell the boys to listen to their Mother. But the boys are getting older now and feeling resentful towards their Mother. The boys tell me they cannot wait to be 18yrs old and they can leave home and spend time with their Dad and our side of the family.

No. The reason your son does not have contact with his children is because he doesn't care enough to get visitation court ordered and then enforce those rights. He doesn't care enough. HENCE blame your son for his lack of caring for his children. He had at least 15 years to go to court and get court ordered visitation. And then he had rights to enforce that court order. He can't blame mom -- and neither should you -- for his inaction. HE can blame the person he sees when he looks in the mirror.

 

[wavehopper27]

You say that mom got pregnant when she was 18 and she is now 36. That means one of the grandkids either is or will be 18 in the near future. When his 18th birthday rolls around, he's a legal adult and mom can't keep him from seeing you.

 

[Zigner]

Ya know...you could respect the wishes of the PARENT of the child. Heck, you might even get to a point where the PARENT of the child appreciated the fact that you respect her authority and became open to your visits with her child(ren).

If it were me...
Based on your response to the PARENT'S request, I would make it my personal mission to see to it that you are disciplined, up to and including termination.

 

[Just Blue]

Hi Ohiogal, no the parents were never married. Mother got pregnant at 18 yrs old. She has sole custody and my son has been paying child support.
The reason she doesn't want the boys to have contact or visitation of any kind is because my son fooled around on her when she was pregnant. Now, that both parents are 36 yrs old now. Mother still holds that grudge on my son. This is the reason we are unable to have contact with the children. The oldest boys knows me cause where we live is a small town. Everybody knows every bodies business and my husband and I help raise the oldest boy from baby to 2 years old. Mother's mom kicked her out of the house when she was 17yrs old and allowed her to live with us. My son at the time he was young and made bad choices. Mother was no angel either. I say forget the past. Get over it and think whats best for the kids. Now, the boys are almost done with High School already. They keep asking me for their Dad in school. But I know the Mom well and I don't want to see the boys get punish because they want to know about their Dad and our side of the family. The boys talk to me a lot cause they can't talk to their Mother. I do not ever put the Mother down in anyway. I tell the boys to listen to their Mother. But the boys are getting older now and feeling resentful towards their Mother. The boys tell me they cannot wait to be 18yrs old and they can leave home and spend time with their Dad and our side of the family.

What is it you teach in school?

 

[berdonj]

I understand what most of you are saying. I don't believe I should be terminated or disciplined by the School for my Grandson's coming to visit me on their own. I did and do not pursue them to come and visit me at all. I am suppose to tell them go away from me? There is no court order/grounds for me to stop talking to them if they come to me. They are both 17 yrs and 16 yrs old my Grandsons. I agree with one of you that they soon will be 18 yrs old and will be adults. Then they can leave their Mom and come visit us anytime. Yes, it is my son's fault to have not taking legal action to get visitation rights. We were all staying away from the boys respecting her saying she doesn't want her boys to have contact with us. But, they are now in high school were I teach. Now, she wants to pull one them out of the High School and send them to another school cause I work there. The Mother has been doing this to her boys all the time. Pulling them out of activites that they like cause she is worried we will show up to watch them in a public place. We were there to just to support them at their games. Why to some of you make it look like it's my fault and should be terminated from my job as a teacher?

 

[stealth2]

I understand what most of you are saying. I don't believe I should be terminated or disciplined by the School for my Grandson's coming to visit me on their own. I did and do not pursue them to come and visit me at all. I am suppose to tell them go away from me? There is no court order/grounds for me to stop talking to them if they come to me. They are both 17 yrs and 16 yrs old my Grandsons. I agree with one of you that they soon will be 18 yrs old and will be adults. Then they can leave their Mom and come visit us anytime. Yes, it is my son's fault to have not taking legal action to get visitation rights. We were all staying away from the boys respecting her saying she doesn't want her boys to have contact with us. But, they are now in high school were I teach. Now, she wants to pull one them out of the High School and send them to another school cause I work there. The Mother has been doing this to her boys all the time. Pulling them out of activites that they like cause she is worried we will show up to watch them in a public place. We were there to just to support them at their games. Why to some of you make it look like it's my fault and should be terminated from my job as a teacher?

Which she has every right to do - for ANY reason.

If your employer tells you to cease and desist? Yes, you can and should be terminated for refusing to do so. Frankly, as a teacher, you SHOULD be teaching these young men to respect and listen to their mother. Your grandchildren or not. Yes, really.

 

[RRevak]

Am I the only one thinking we aren't getting the whole story here? Mom going as far as to remove the kid from school to keep them away from grandma, pulling them from activities to prevent them from being watched in public and going over a decade without contact seems a bit extreme if dad just "fooled around on mom while she was pregnant" 17yrs ago. I'm feeling there is way more to this than we're being told.

 

[Proserpina]

Am I the only one thinking we aren't getting the whole story here? Mom going as far as to remove the kid from school to keep them away from grandma, pulling them from activities to prevent them from being watched in public and going over a decade without contact seems a bit extreme if dad just "fooled around on mom while she was pregnant" 17yrs ago. I'm feeling there is way more to this than we're being told.

I'll take "There's a restraining order against Dad and Grandma is trying to sneak in some visitation of her own because Dad isn't allowed around the kids" for $500, please.

 

[Ohiogal]

I understand what most of you are saying. I don't believe I should be terminated or disciplined by the School for my Grandson's coming to visit me on their own. I did and do not pursue them to come and visit me at all. I am suppose to tell them go away from me? There is no court order/grounds for me to stop talking to them if they come to me. They are both 17 yrs and 16 yrs old my Grandsons. I agree with one of you that they soon will be 18 yrs old and will be adults. Then they can leave their Mom and come visit us anytime. Yes, it is my son's fault to have not taking legal action to get visitation rights. We were all staying away from the boys respecting her saying she doesn't want her boys to have contact with us. But, they are now in high school were I teach. Now, she wants to pull one them out of the High School and send them to another school cause I work there. The Mother has been doing this to her boys all the time. Pulling them out of activites that they like cause she is worried we will show up to watch them in a public place. We were there to just to support them at their games. Why to some of you make it look like it's my fault and should be terminated from my job as a teacher?

You could be disciplined by your employer.
Your son didn't care enough to want a relationship. I don't buy that he was being respectful of Mom. He didn't care enough to parent. Mom has a right to do whatever she wants as she is the only parent who cares at all about these children. Hopefully your grandchildren would be informed that your son is NOT a hero. He is not a great parent. He was NEVER a parent to these children because he NEVER cared enough to be a parent to these children.
You know mom doesn't want you around the children. YOU have NO legal right to be around the children. Therefore, because of that, your employer could decide to terminate you if you are caught talking to these children outside of class if they are in your class.

ETA: And please note that this does NOT contradict what I said above. Don't seek out these children. You are doing nothing ILLEGAL by speaking to them but that doesn't mean you can't be fired. That also doesn't mean you have RIGHTS to speak to them if mom doesn't want you to do so. If you continue, mom could attempt to get a CPO against you.

 

[Just Blue]

I understand what most of you are saying. I don't believe I should be terminated or disciplined by the School for my Grandson's coming to visit me on their own. I did and do not pursue them to come and visit me at all. I am suppose to tell them go away from me? There is no court order/grounds for me to stop talking to them if they come to me. They are both 17 yrs and 16 yrs old my Grandsons. I agree with one of you that they soon will be 18 yrs old and will be adults. Then they can leave their Mom and come visit us anytime. Yes, it is my son's fault to have not taking legal action to get visitation rights. We were all staying away from the boys respecting her saying she doesn't want her boys to have contact with us. But, they are now in high school were I teach. Now, she wants to pull one them out of the High School and send them to another school cause I work there. The Mother has been doing this to her boys all the time. Pulling them out of activites that they like cause she is worried we will show up to watch them in a public place. We were there to just to support them at their games. Why to some of you make it look like it's my fault and should be terminated from my job as a teacher?

Will you please answer the question I asked? Thanks.