How do I go about this

[Ladyback1]

The problem is she most likely will not file anything with the courts. Will all her moves she never has. But she is thinking of forcing our daughter out there. Which our daughter does not want to go. What is the most reasonable way to do let our daughter speak with a judge?

Is what the attorney told me yesterday correct? Just keep going the way I am and If mom shows up make daughter available and if daughter doesnt go I cant force her and let mom take me to court?

A. I dont want to get into trouble
b. I want to have what I could in writing but I do not have the money as we have been to court 4 different times

*IF* Mom moves, you can file for a modification. At that time, it would be appropriate to allow daughter to voice her request to the judge.

*IF* Mom moves: What does the current parenting plan say about "kid exchanges" (ie: Mom will pick child up at 6PM on Friday and return child by 6 PM Sunday, etc.) If it not addressed specifically, and since there is no status quo established, then you could look into filing for a modification/amendment to the parenting plan even before Mom treks to the great state of TN. Again, that would be the appropriate time for your daughter to speak to the judge.

*IF* Mom attempts to exercise her court approved visitation time, and your daughter refuses to go: Mom can file for a contempt "charge" against you. You would, most likely, be given the opportunity to explain why you did not enforce the visitation time (make the child go with Mom). At that time, your daughter could possibly be allowed to speak to the judge.

Based on what you have said, Mom sounds rather unreliable (in general) and lacks follow through. Thus, you may be overthinking things at this point in time.

 

[wavehopper27]

I-95 makes that pretty much a straight shoot.

If you are trying some route where there is no highway going roughly straight between 2 points, things can be a lot slower.

In the interest of full disclosure, sometimes it takes 20 hours just to get through New York.

 

[Ohiogal]

Posting history is extremely relevant:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/can-child-choose-not-visit-600359-p2.html
Princess is apparently still throwing fits. Note the date on the last thread as well.

Was Princess put in counseling or not? Why does princess believe she still has a choice? This plays based on all your threads as you side with Princess.

 

[CJane]

OP - thinking rationally here - Mom hasn't shown ANY interest in the child for quite some time. What do you think the actual chances are that she's going to buy plane tickets and demand that you put the child on a plane? Or that she's going to make a FORTY HOUR round trip drive in order to pick up the child? She's not even paying the pittance for child support - do you really think she's going to go to that sort of expense to see a child she clearly doesn't REALLY want to see?

 

[Ladyback1]

So you can't force your daughter to do anything? You don't force her to clean her room? Go to the doctor? Go to school? Go to sports practice? You don't parent her? Quite frankly you haven't taught your daughter respect for authority. If mom shows up, make daughter available and MAKE her go. OR you go back to court. Without an open court case, daughter doesn't talk to judge. When you file to modify custody/visitation, you request an in camera.

While I understand what you are saying and what your point is: Forcing a child to go to the Dr. or school or sports practice, is ultimately in the child's best interest and typically for the betterment of the child. Forcing the child to go and stay with a NCP who does not treat or who has not treated the child well, or a parent who is sporadic in their visitation, or who has created conflict, is not always in the best interest of the child or for the betterment of the child.

It has nothing to do with not teaching the child respect, or not parenting the child appropriately--Especially as the child ages. It's real easy to force a young child to go with NCP. It's not easy when the child starts seeing and understanding what the NCP is truly all about, or if the NCP is not all that interested in cultivating a relationship with the child.

Simply put: If it's a teenager in a "snit" because NCP enforced a rule, or the NCP's visitation conflicts with the child's desire to attend a house party, or some other "momentary" issue--then by all means put your foot down and force the child. If it is something far more insidious, then it may behoove the CP to stand up and say "Nope, I'm not making the child go". Doing that may very well result in a court appearance, and could be the opportunity for the child to speak to the judge, and/or the parents to come to some sort of understanding.

 

[txdad2013]

*IF* Mom moves, you can file for a modification. At that time, it would be appropriate to allow daughter to voice her request to the judge.

*IF* Mom moves: What does the current parenting plan say about "kid exchanges" (ie: Mom will pick child up at 6PM on Friday and return child by 6 PM Sunday, etc.) If it not addressed specifically, and since there is no status quo established, then you could look into filing for a modification/amendment to the parenting plan even before Mom treks to the great state of TN. Again, that would be the appropriate time for your daughter to speak to the judge.

*IF* Mom attempts to exercise her court approved visitation time, and your daughter refuses to go: Mom can file for a contempt "charge" against you. You would, most likely, be given the opportunity to explain why you did not enforce the visitation time (make the child go with Mom). At that time, your daughter could possibly be allowed to speak to the judge.

Based on what you have said, Mom sounds rather unreliable (in general) and lacks follow through. Thus, you may be overthinking things at this point in time.

Over 100 miles. Mom gets 1,3,5 Fri-Sun or (i believe) she can choose any one weekend throughout the month. All spring breaks, alternating holidays, 45 days in the summer. Mom is responsible for transportation except during the summer I get 1 weekend during her 45 days and I am responsible for the transportation. Then there is the activity clause but I do not know how that would work as I cant drive 20 hours to get to her activities and mom as never taken her or gone. But mom has agreed for her to be in them.

 

[Ohiogal]

While I understand what you are saying and what your point is: Forcing a child to go to the Dr. or school or sports practice, is ultimately in the child's best interest and typically for the betterment of the child. Forcing the child to go and stay with a NCP who does not treat or who has not treated the child well, or a parent who is sporadic in their visitation, or who has created conflict, is not always in the best interest of the child or for the betterment of the child.

It has nothing to do with not teaching the child respect, or not parenting the child appropriately--Especially as the child ages. It's real easy to force a young child to go with NCP. It's not easy when the child starts seeing and understanding what the NCP is truly all about, or if the NCP is not all that interested in cultivating a relationship with the child.

Simply put: If it's a teenager in a "snit" because NCP enforced a rule, or the NCP's visitation conflicts with the child's desire to attend a house party, or some other "momentary" issue--then by all means put your foot down and force the child. If it is something far more insidious, then it may behoove the CP to stand up and say "Nope, I'm not making the child go". Doing that may very well result in a court appearance, and could be the opportunity for the child to speak to the judge, and/or the parents to come to some sort of understanding.

OP has had this issue for a while per his posting history and has DONE NOTHING to change the situation. Daughter is not in counseling. Daughter is being catered to and believing she has a right to dictate and OP seems to be allowing such behavior while still permitting daughter to engage in extra curricular activities. In other words, he is part of the problem and NOT part of the solution.

 

[txdad2013]

Posting history is extremely relevant:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/can-child-choose-not-visit-600359-p2.html
Princess is apparently still throwing fits. Note the date on the last thread as well.

Was Princess put in counseling or not? Why does princess believe she still has a choice? This plays based on all your threads as you side with Princess.

Yes she was in counseling. My daughter feels there is a choice since her mom has just stopped. There has never been do you want to go since then. As stated her mom, her husband, kids lived with me, my wife and our kids. Mom just stopped. So my daughter doesnt understand if the past 2.5 years have been the way they have then why they have to change. But yes. She did go to counseling.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes she was in counseling. My daughter feels there is a choice since her mom has just stopped. There has never been do you want to go since then. As stated her mom, her husband, kids lived with me, my wife and our kids. Mom just stopped. So my daughter doesnt understand if the past 2.5 years have been the way they have then why they have to change. But yes. She did go to counseling.

For how long and when?

 

[CJane]

For how long and when?

First post. Mom lived with Dad and Dad's entire family for 3 months (from approximately May - August), then moved out and has not spoken to the child since September (6 months).

This isn't a case of Mom arriving to pick kiddo up for visitation and Dad refusing to make his special little snowflake get in the car. This is a case of a Mother who has shown extreme disinterest in the welfare of her child, or in communicating with her child, all of a sudden claiming the child should travel a long distance to visit her.

 

[Ohiogal]

First post. Mom lived with Dad and Dad's entire family for 3 months (from approximately May - August), then moved out and has not spoken to the child since September (6 months).

This isn't a case of Mom arriving to pick kiddo up for visitation and Dad refusing to make his special little snowflake get in the car. This is a case of a Mother who has shown extreme disinterest in the welfare of her child, or in communicating with her child, all of a sudden claiming the child should travel a long distance to visit her.

I was asking about COUNSELING because I read the posting history. Did you read the posting history?

 

[Ladyback1]

I was asking about COUNSELING because I read the posting history. Did you read the posting history?

ya know? Counseling isn't always the be all, end all.

Even if child is still attending counseling, or went for years, Mom has shown herself to be less than interested in the child. If the child has put forth the effort to maintain a relationship with Mom, and Mom still behaves less than interested, why then should the child be forced to continue being the one who makes concessions?

Sorry, but, I'm not reading Dad's posts as the girl is some little Diva who thinks the world revolves around her.

I think that sometimes, children are done a huge disservice when we, as parents, tell them "your opinion, your thoughts, your feelings, etc. don't really matter--you're going to your Mom's/Dad's house for the weekend."

Like I said, if it's simply a teenage angst thing, or a temporary snit, by all means put your foot down. But, if it is a longstanding issue, perhaps the child's opinion/thoughts should be given credence.

Yeah, if Ex shows up or tries to make arrangements to visit the boys, I will make them available. However, with both of the over 6 foot, there is no way they can be physically manhandled into going. And while my boys would and do do anything I tell or ask of them, they would defy me regarding their father. So, yeah, I'd go to court, with kids in tow, for contempt. Not because the boys are disobedient, or because they have behavioral issues, or because I don't parent--but because their father has not earned their respect, nor has he encouraged/wanted a relationship. Sometimes it just is that way.

 

[txdad2013]

OP has had this issue for a while per his posting history and has DONE NOTHING to change the situation. Daughter is not in counseling. Daughter is being catered to and believing she has a right to dictate and OP seems to be allowing such behavior while still permitting daughter to engage in extra curricular activities. In other words, he is part of the problem and NOT part of the solution.

Mom has not wanted daughter until she is forced to pay for a child. In the past 6 months I have had 3 meeting with mom. Step mom speaks with mom weekly about our daughter. Mom talks about our daughter like she is trash on the road. Mom will actually cal step and ask her to pick up my younger kids (with step mom ) so daughter can get jealous (her words). Step mom has to say no of coarse. Finally about 3 months ago i thought we were making some progress. Step mom convinced mom to allow daughter to speak with her siblings (moms kids) since she has not been allowed. Mom agreed but our daughter was not allowed to disrespect her mother. Everyone was in agreement. Step mom and mom thought this would be the first step in a good direction. Our daughter got to speak with them. There was alot of tears. But it was good. As soon as she hung up mom text step moms phone addressed to daughter about what a piece of Sh** she is a so on. This went on for about 10 min until I turned the phone off. No word since then except that she is not allowed to speak to her siblings. So yes I have tried. No I have not encouraged. She has been in counseling. This has been a mess since she was 1.5 we have had numerous court dates, had to go to the crises center, CPS got called on her mother for emotional abuse and was stated if it continued she would loose visitation completely. The list goes on. Can my daughter be a spoiled brat? Of coarse she is a normal teenager. But I do not encourage her to not have a relationship with a parent. I would encourage her to not have a relationship with someone who does not bring good. I have told her she is her mom and she should have a relationship with her mother. I have encouraged it from day one. But when her own mother is not encouraging it what am I to do?

 

[txdad2013]

For how long and when?

I put her in the school counsolar. She was seeing her 2x a week and now it is a as need basis. She saw her last week and might start going a little more.

 

[txdad2013]

I put her in the school counsolar. She was seeing her 2x a week and now it is a as need basis. She saw her last week and might start going a little more.

the school counselor suggested they do counseling together and mom would not.