My wife is an alcoholic and a danger to my children

[jeffirons]

Gorgia

My wife has a serious drinking issue and I have now caught her drinking and driving with my children. For years her parents have been heartbroken and I have made every attempt. Rehab twice, detox once and even an overnight stay in the psyc ward. I want to leave her and take my children; however, I need to know how to do it legaly so that I do not run the risk of losing custody should it come to that.

 

[Proserpina]

Gorgia

My wife has a serious drinking issue and I have now caught her drinking and driving with my children. For years her parents have been heartbroken and I have made every attempt. Rehab twice, detox once and even an overnight stay in the psyc ward. I want to leave her and take my children; however, I need to know how to do it legaly so that I do not run the risk of losing custody should it come to that.

You both have equal rights when it comes to the children.

There's nothing legally stopping you from leaving with the children, but if that's what you're doing you need to file for divorce asap and request temporary custody pending the outcome of the action.

I do not recommend withholding them from Mom though.

 

[CJane]

Did anyone else catch her drinking and driving? Like the police? If not, it's he said/she said. Also, bear in mind that it's not actually illegal to drink and drive. It's illegal to drink so much that you surpass the legal BAC... not the same thing. And you have no way of knowing what her BAC was.

 

[Proserpina]

Did anyone else catch her drinking and driving? Like the police? If not, it's he said/she said. Also, bear in mind that it's not actually illegal to drink and drive. It's illegal to drink so much that you surpass the legal BAC... not the same thing. And you have no way of knowing what her BAC was.

Can I clarify for OP's benefit? It's illegal in all states to drive while intoxicated. The difference is that when you meet or go beyond the per se level of 0.08, you're assumed to be intoxicated and the state needs no other evidence to charge you. If you're lower than 0.08, you can still be convicted depending on your state and the circumstances (and this can apply to adults as well as minors).

But that aside, it's a non-issue if there's no proof.

 

[jeffirons]

Can I clarify for OP's benefit? It's illegal in all states to drive while intoxicated. The difference is that when you meet or go beyond the per se level of 0.08, you're assumed to be intoxicated and the state needs no other evidence to charge you. If you're lower than 0.08, you can still be convicted depending on your state and the circumstances (and this can apply to adults as well as minors).

But that aside, it's a non-issue if there's no proof.

What if every member of her family aready agreeded to stand up in front of a judge and state that she is a horrible mother with a drinking problem. That they all agree the children should be with me?

 

[CJane]

Can I clarify for OP's benefit? It's illegal in all states to drive while intoxicated. The difference is that when you meet or go beyond the per se level of 0.08, you're assumed to be intoxicated and the state needs no other evidence to charge you. If you're lower than 0.08, you can still be convicted depending on your state and the circumstances (and this can apply to adults as well as minors).

But that aside, it's a non-issue if there's no proof.

My point was that if Mom had A beer, and got in the car with the kids, she was "drinking and driving" but NO ONE is going to charge her with child endangerment at that point, or think Dad is behaving rationally if he absconds with the kids.

He needs to clarify IN HIS OWN MIND what is a battle worth fighting and what is not.

And I'm sorry. She's been an alcoholic FOR YEARS. Rehab twice, detox once, psych ward... and THIS, THIS is the proverbial straw?

 

[CJane]

What if every member of her family aready agreeded to stand up in front of a judge and state that she is a horrible mother with a drinking problem. That they all agree the children should be with me?

How old are the children?
Who has historically been their primary care giver (who gets them to and from school, does bath time/bed time, prepares meals, does the grocery shopping, schedules and attends doctor appointments, etc)?

 

[jeffirons]

My point was that if Mom had A beer, and got in the car with the kids, she was "drinking and driving" but NO ONE is going to charge her with child endangerment at that point, or think Dad is behaving rationally if he absconds with the kids.

He needs to clarify IN HIS OWN MIND what is a battle worth fighting and what is not.

And I'm sorry. She's been an alcoholic FOR YEARS. Rehab twice, detox once, psych ward... and THIS, THIS is the proverbial straw?

Yes this is the "proverbial straw" I love her and this is a very hard decission. I have been trying for year and did not want to go down this road. Unfortunatly I feel as though I have no other choice. I am just asking for legal advise on how to ensure I can keep my children not if haveing "a beer" or even 20 is grounds for divirce.

 

[CJane]

Yes this is the "proverbial straw" I love her and this is a very hard decission. I have been trying for year and did not want to go down this road. Unfortunatly I feel as though I have no other choice. I am just asking for legal advise on how to ensure I can keep my children not if haveing "a beer" or even 20 is grounds for divirce.

How old are the children?
Who has historically been their primary care giver (who gets them to and from school, does bath time/bed time, prepares meals, does the grocery shopping, schedules and attends doctor appointments, etc)?

 

[jeffirons]

Yes this is the "proverbial straw" I love her and this is a very hard decission. I have been trying for year and did not want to go down this road. Unfortunatly I feel as though I have no other choice. I am just asking for legal advise on how to ensure I can keep my children not if haveing "a beer" or even 20 is grounds for divirce.

We both have taken care of their every need. I have 5 year old twins (boy&girl). Even my kids are upset over having mommy face down on the floor passed out. What 5 year old should ever have to see that?

 

[CJane]

We both have taken care of their every need. I have 5 year old twins (boy&girl). Even my kids are upset over having mommy face down on the floor passed out. What 5 year old should ever have to see that?

Let me rephrase.

What are your work hours?
What are Mom's work hours?

 

[jeffirons]

Let me rephrase.

What are your work hours?
What are Mom's work hours?

I work 9-5 Monday thru Friday. She does not work. She had a job once for 15 minutes and was fired because they smelled alcohol on her. I also hired her as an office worker however, I had to terminate her because she was borrowing employees cars at lunch and drinking.

 

[jeffirons]

I work 9-5 Monday thru Friday. She does not work. She had a job once for 15 minutes and was fired because they smelled alcohol on her. I also hired her as an office worker however, I had to terminate her because she was borrowing employees cars at lunch and drinking.

I also forgot to add that she has a 13 year old daughter from a previos relationship. The daughters father took her away, got a lawyer and now has custody of the child due to my wifes drinking issues. Everyone looked to me to be the "one to straighten her out" however, her I am on a legal website.

 

[Proserpina]

I also forgot to add that she has a 13 year old daughter from a previos relationship. The daughters father took her away, got a lawyer and now has custody of the child due to my wifes drinking issues. Everyone looked to me to be the "one to straighten her out" however, her I am on a legal website.

Mom is likely to remain the primary parent.

Don't bother bringing up the other child. It's completely irrelevant.

And don't walk into court with a bunch of people ready to say "oh she's a terrible" mother. That will not end well for you.

 

[Ohiogal]

What if every member of her family aready agreeded to stand up in front of a judge and state that she is a horrible mother with a drinking problem. That they all agree the children should be with me?

So how often has mom been left alone with the children since she allegedly drove while intoxicated? How many times has she driven the children without you or someone who is a responsible adult (but her) in the car?