Child Support Worries. What are our rights??

[PixiePaige]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Ohio

So, I feel like some backstory is necessary here, because there are a lot of details that factor in.

After over 2 years of infidelity (on her part, not his), 7 months of separation, and divorce proceedings that lasted over 3 months, my now husband's divorce was finalized. In the divorce proceedings, he agreed to pay $600/mo in child support for his three boys. The child support was why the proceedings took so long. He didn't want to pay her child support because the divorce decree also states that custody will be split 50/50. She would not budge, and it got to the point where he just wanted the divorce to be final, so he signed off on the child support. Shortly after, he lost his job, and since he didn't realize he could file for an adjustment, come tax season, almost all of his refund was taken for back child support. Once he was employed again (this was before the tax return), his monthly payments went up to $735 to accommodate the balance he owed as well as the monthly payments. We got married in April of 2014, and since I have a son of my own, we became a family of six. He just got laid off again because the company he worked for is going out of business, and we're looking into our options to adjust the child support order, if not have it terminated entirely.

So, my two part question starts here; first, what are our rights, and what are the odds of us getting the order terminated? When he is working, he makes more money than she does, and I realize that this may sound petty, but he earns more than she does because while they were still married, he put himself through school and worked two jobs to support the family because she flat out REFUSED to work. We get calls from Sallie Mae EVERY day, SEVERAL times a day about his student loans. We're stressed out and depressed trying to figure out how to afford necessities AND pay this woman $600 a month for the 'support' of children we have at least 50% of the time. And now that school is out, we have them far more than half the time. They go to their mother's Tuesday and Thursday when she gets off work (roughly 6 PM), and they come back to our house in the morning when she leaves for work, and we have them every other weekend. There is also evidence of 'frivolous' spending (brand new car, weekly tanning, new tattoos every other month, etc.). I apologize for such a lengthy post so far, but there are a lot of facets to this situation, and I want to give any information that may be relevant or useful. Is there any chance of us getting away from this? Or are we basically screwed because he technically agreed to pay when he signed the divorcee decree?

Moving on to part two. We're concerned that, if we WERE to get the support order terminated, that we'd be forced by the state to pay child support ANYWAY if she were to receive some type of public assistance like food stamps (I don't think she would be eligible for cash assistance given her current employment, and all three of his children are on Medicaid through OUR household). I can't find much information on the relation between child support and government assistance from any other perspective than that of the parent receiving said benefits. The only piece I see that MIGHT work in our favor is the statement that child support is collected from the 'absent' parent, and by no means could he ever be considered absent. I understand the reasoning behind forcing welfare recipients to seek child support. The taxpayers don't want to 'pay' to support someone else's children. But I don't think it's fair to run a family broke just because the other party sat on her ass for years instead of striving to become something better. It's frustrating to me that she relied on her husband to pay for everything, and carries that same mentality even after the marriage is over.

Ugh, I really do apologize, I went into this so level headed, intending to state the facts, ask the questions, and leave my opinions out of it, but it's difficult for me to even THINK about it without getting upset and angry. We struggle for EVERYTHING we have, while she goes on spending sprees and flaunts it. My husband mentioned to her in an argument that we can't even afford to fix my out of commission car, let alone buy a vehicle that can accommodate all 6 members of our family, and less than a month later, she pulls into our driveway in a new Mazda CX9, grinning from ear to ear, asking if we like it, making snide remarks about "I can almost fit a whole baseball team in here!" Something needs to give. We're at the end of our rope. Is there anything we can do about this? I'm fed up with paying for her leisure spending while we stress about paying the bills and feeding everyone.

 

[Zigner]

In a nutshell:

Question: Child Support Worries. What are our rights??

Answer: There is no we. Please have one of the legally involved parties log on to ask their own questions. They will have information that you simply do not know. Thank you in advance for your gracious understanding.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Ohio

So, I feel like some backstory is necessary here, because there are a lot of details that factor in.

After over 2 years of infidelity (on her part, not his), 7 months of separation, and divorce proceedings that lasted over 3 months, my now husband's divorce was finalized. In the divorce proceedings, he agreed to pay $600/mo in child support for his three boys. The child support was why the proceedings took so long. He didn't want to pay her child support because the divorce decree also states that custody will be split 50/50. She would not budge, and it got to the point where he just wanted the divorce to be final, so he signed off on the child support. Shortly after, he lost his job, and since he didn't realize he could file for an adjustment, come tax season, almost all of his refund was taken for back child support. Once he was employed again (this was before the tax return), his monthly payments went up to $735 to accommodate the balance he owed as well as the monthly payments. We got married in April of 2014, and since I have a son of my own, we became a family of six. He just got laid off again because the company he worked for is going out of business, and we're looking into our options to adjust the child support order, if not have it terminated entirely.

So, my two part question starts here; first, what are our rights, and what are the odds of us getting the order terminated? When he is working, he makes more money than she does, and I realize that this may sound petty, but he earns more than she does because while they were still married, he put himself through school and worked two jobs to support the family because she flat out REFUSED to work. We get calls from Sallie Mae EVERY day, SEVERAL times a day about his student loans. We're stressed out and depressed trying to figure out how to afford necessities AND pay this woman $600 a month for the 'support' of children we have at least 50% of the time. And now that school is out, we have them far more than half the time. They go to their mother's Tuesday and Thursday when she gets off work (roughly 6 PM), and they come back to our house in the morning when she leaves for work, and we have them every other weekend. There is also evidence of 'frivolous' spending (brand new car, weekly tanning, new tattoos every other month, etc.). I apologize for such a lengthy post so far, but there are a lot of facets to this situation, and I want to give any information that may be relevant or useful. Is there any chance of us getting away from this? Or are we basically screwed because he technically agreed to pay when he signed the divorcee decree?

Moving on to part two. We're concerned that, if we WERE to get the support order terminated, that we'd be forced by the state to pay child support ANYWAY if she were to receive some type of public assistance like food stamps (I don't think she would be eligible for cash assistance given her current employment, and all three of his children are on Medicaid through OUR household). I can't find much information on the relation between child support and government assistance from any other perspective than that of the parent receiving said benefits. The only piece I see that MIGHT work in our favor is the statement that child support is collected from the 'absent' parent, and by no means could he ever be considered absent. I understand the reasoning behind forcing welfare recipients to seek child support. The taxpayers don't want to 'pay' to support someone else's children. But I don't think it's fair to run a family broke just because the other party sat on her ass for years instead of striving to become something better. It's frustrating to me that she relied on her husband to pay for everything, and carries that same mentality even after the marriage is over.

Ugh, I really do apologize, I went into this so level headed, intending to state the facts, ask the questions, and leave my opinions out of it, but it's difficult for me to even THINK about it without getting upset and angry. We struggle for EVERYTHING we have, while she goes on spending sprees and flaunts it. My husband mentioned to her in an argument that we can't even afford to fix my out of commission car, let alone buy a vehicle that can accommodate all 6 members of our family, and less than a month later, she pulls into our driveway in a new Mazda CX9, grinning from ear to ear, asking if we like it, making snide remarks about "I can almost fit a whole baseball team in here!" Something needs to give. We're at the end of our rope. Is there anything we can do about this? I'm fed up with paying for her leisure spending while we stress about paying the bills and feeding everyone.

 

[Silverplum]

CS will continue to age 18 or so for each kid. Try to not stress so much: there is an end date.

And put Dad on to ask his own questions, as Zigner asked, please.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Ohio

So, I feel like some backstory is necessary here, because there are a lot of details that factor in.

Ok. Let's take it in stages.

After over 2 years of infidelity (on her part, not his), 7 months of separation, and divorce proceedings that lasted over 3 months, my now husband's divorce was finalized. In the divorce proceedings, he agreed to pay $600/mo in child support for his three boys. The child support was why the proceedings took so long. He didn't want to pay her child support because the divorce decree also states that custody will be split 50/50.

That happens. That she committed adultery has no bearing at all on child support.

She would not budge, and it got to the point where he just wanted the divorce to be final, so he signed off on the child support. Shortly after, he lost his job, and since he didn't realize he could file for an adjustment, come tax season, almost all of his refund was taken for back child support. Once he was employed again (this was before the tax return), his monthly payments went up to $735 to accommodate the balance he owed as well as the monthly payments. We got married in April of 2014, and since I have a son of my own, we became a family of six. He just got laid off again because the company he worked for is going out of business, and we're looking into our options to adjust the child support order, if not have it terminated entirely.

So, my two part question starts here; first, what are our rights, and what are the odds of us getting the order terminated?

Your husband will only get the child support stopped if Mom dies, Dad gets full physical custody and/or they agree to it. From the rest of the post, he makes more money than she does, so that's not going to help him.

When he is working, he makes more money than she does, and I realize that this may sound petty, but he earns more than she does because while they were still married, he put himself through school and worked two jobs to support the family because she flat out REFUSED to work.

It does't sound petty - it's sounds like a very frustrated stepparent who just can't fathom why Mom "needs" child support and doesn't understand why Dad has to pay child support because ... she was a SAHM? Is that why?

We get calls from Sallie Mae EVERY day, SEVERAL times a day about his student loans. We're stressed out and depressed trying to figure out how to afford necessities AND pay this woman $600 a month for the 'support' of children we have at least 50% of the time. And now that school is out, we have them far more than half the time. They go to their mother's Tuesday and Thursday when she gets off work (roughly 6 PM), and they come back to our house in the morning when she leaves for work, and we have them every other weekend. There is also evidence of 'frivolous' spending (brand new car, weekly tanning, new tattoos every other month, etc.). I apologize for such a lengthy post so far, but there are a lot of facets to this situation, and I want to give any information that may be relevant or useful. Is there any chance of us getting away from this? Or are we basically screwed because he technically agreed to pay when he signed the divorcee decree?

Exactly how are overnights split? Forget the days - list the overnights.

And please take this in the manner in which it's intended - close your mouth about how she spends the money. I know you're likely not too familiar with things, but to simplify, child support is essentially intended to reimburse the other parent. Much as you and Dad might hate it, if the children have food, clothing and housing, she can spend every dime on Coach purses.

Moving on to part two. We're concerned that, if we WERE to get the support order terminated, that we'd be forced by the state to pay child support ANYWAY if she were to receive some type of public assistance like food stamps (I don't think she would be eligible for cash assistance given her current employment, and all three of his children are on Medicaid through OUR household). I can't find much information on the relation between child support and government assistance from any other perspective than that of the parent receiving said benefits.

It doesn't actually work that way.

The only piece I see that MIGHT work in our favor is the statement that child support is collected from the 'absent' parent, and by no means could he ever be considered absent. I understand the reasoning behind forcing welfare recipients to seek child support. The taxpayers don't want to 'pay' to support someone else's children. But I don't think it's fair to run a family broke just because the other party sat on her ass for years instead of striving to become something better. It's frustrating to me that she relied on her husband to pay for everything, and carries that same mentality even after the marriage is over.

The tax payers really don't want to pay for his children. And Dad is at least 50% of the blame when we're discussing her being a SAHM during their marriage. It didn't bother him then, correct?

Ugh, I really do apologize, I went into this so level headed, intending to state the facts, ask the questions, and leave my opinions out of it, but it's difficult for me to even THINK about it without getting upset and angry. We struggle for EVERYTHING we have, while she goes on spending sprees and flaunts it. My husband mentioned to her in an argument that we can't even afford to fix my out of commission car, let alone buy a vehicle that can accommodate all 6 members of our family, and less than a month later, she pulls into our driveway in a new Mazda CX9, grinning from ear to ear, asking if we like it, making snide remarks about "I can almost fit a whole baseball team in here!" Something needs to give. We're at the end of our rope. Is there anything we can do about this? I'm fed up with paying for her leisure spending while we stress about paying the bills and feeding everyone.

Some practical advice:

Your husband is tied to Mom right up until the kids turn 18. I know you think it's unfair - but if this is eating at you so much you really need to reconsider your marriage. I mean seriously. This is not going away any time soon.

Now. About those overnights. Who has 'em and when? And the all important question.... it's $600/month. For three kids. He doesn't realize how lucky he is

(fellow posters - I figured it's going to turn into a 10 thread otherwise, so I'm going with it)

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh and OP, YOUR SON doesn't matter at all to this equation. nor do you. If your household needs more money, then you need to contribute to the household by working. LEGALLY, you and your child doesn't matter. LEGALLY, you are nothing to this except for the fact that you being married means dad can afford to support his children.

 

[Pinkie39]

Are his student loans federal loans or private? If federal, has he looked into an income based repayment plan? That might help make the payments manageable.

 

[mommyanme]

Does your child with your ex receive support from his Dad? How would you like if Your son's Dad's Wife was asking questions about how to stop the support you receive? How would you feel if your son's Dad's wife was complaining about what you pay with your child support?

Basically, it's "Nonya" and you're a hypocrite if you get child support from your ex or ever tried to.

 

[PixiePaige]

In a nutshell:

Question: Child Support Worries. What are our rights??

Answer: There is no we. Please have one of the legally involved parties log on to ask their own questions. They will have information that you simply do not know. Thank you in advance for your gracious understanding.

I figured this would come up, and I apologize, but I am posting at my husband's request. He's not nearly as adept at finding and utilizing available resources, and (in his words) "My spelling and grammar skills are so bad that people have a hard time understanding what I'm even trying to say." It's true, lol. He's a math/science genius IMO, but his grasp of the English language leaves much to be desired. We both agreed that, when it comes to written communications, we would get a lot further if in the one doing the writing. However, I understand if I'm in breach of the terms and conditions, and if necessary, we can find an alternate forum in which to address this issue.

 

[Proserpina]

I figured this would come up, and I apologize, but I am posting at my husband's request. He's not nearly as adept at finding and utilizing available resources, and (in his words) "My spelling and grammar skills are so bad that people have a hard time understanding what I'm even trying to say." It's true, lol. He's a math/science genius IMO, but his grasp of the English language leaves much to be desired. We both agreed that, when it comes to written communications, we would get a lot further if in the one doing the writing. However, I understand if I'm in breach of the terms and conditions, and if necessary, we can find an alternate forum in which to address this issue.

Pixie, there really isn't a point in starting from scratch. You asked, we answered, and hopefully both you and Dad will have a clearer view of what works, what doesn't work, and what the court sees.

 

[Silverplum]

https://www.ohiobar.org/ForPublic/Resources/LawFactsPamphlets/Pages/lawfactspamphlet-33.aspx

http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3119

http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3119.24

A word of advice: If your H plans to meet with an attorney, the attorney will charge him $$ for each and every word the attorney has to hear. The stuff about when and who was unfaithful is pointless. How Mom spends her money is pointless. Your personal rage is pointless. Unless you want to pay the attorney to listen: I suppose that's an option.

Also, child support is fluid. He's not "stuck" paying $600/month: that's merely the current amount. A modification could go up or down. There are calculators on the internet.

As far as your H thinking he can't communicate for himself online:

 

[Proserpina]

https://www.ohiobar.org/ForPublic/Resources/LawFactsPamphlets/Pages/lawfactspamphlet-33.aspx

http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3119

http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3119.24

A word of advice: If your H plans to meet with an attorney, the attorney will charge him $$ for each and every word the attorney has to hear. The stuff about when and who was unfaithful is pointless. How Mom spends her money is pointless. Your personal rage is pointless. Unless you want to pay the attorney to listen: I suppose that's an option.

Also, child support is fluid. He's not "stuck" paying $600/month: that's merely the current amount. A modification could go up or down. There are calculators on the internet.

As far as your H thinking he can't communicate for himself online:

That's for 3 kids, to boot.

Hardly unreasonable.

 

[TheGeekess]

That's for 3 kids, to boot.

Hardly unreasonable.

I was getting nearly that much for one. In Alabama.

 

[not2cleverRed]

---snip--

...After over 2 years of infidelity (on her part, not his), 7 months of separation, and divorce proceedings that lasted over 3 months, my now husband's divorce was finalized. In the divorce proceedings, he agreed to pay $600/mo in child support for his three boys. The child support was why the proceedings took so long. He didn't want to pay her child support because the divorce decree also states that custody will be split 50/50. She would not budge, and it got to the point where he just wanted the divorce to be final, so he signed off on the child support.

---snip---

So, my two part question starts here; first, what are our rights, and what are the odds of us getting the order terminated? When he is working, he makes more money than she does, and I realize that this may sound petty, but he earns more than she does because while they were still married, he put himself through school and worked two jobs to support the family because she flat out REFUSED to work. We get calls from Sallie Mae EVERY day, SEVERAL times a day about his student loans.
--snip some more---

I will only address the misconceptions that others haven't corrected yet.

(1) 7+3 months... that's not all that long and drawn out for a divorce. So don't go on about how long it dragged out. Could it have been quicker? Perhaps. But it could have been a LOT longer. (Speaking as someone whose divorce went to trial, in part because someone refused to agree to pay CS.)

(2) Yes, it is petty of you to bring up the reason he makes more when he's working, because his greater income is due to education received DURING the marriage. This makes it a marital asset in some states. If the student loans were taken out during the marriage, it could have been argued that loans were marital debt.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Ohio

So, I feel like some backstory is necessary here, because there are a lot of details that factor in.

After over 2 years of infidelity (on her part, not his), 7 months of separation, and divorce proceedings that lasted over 3 months, my now husband's divorce was finalized. In the divorce proceedings, he agreed to pay $600/mo in child support for his three boys.

He agreed to that amount? Really?

The child support was why the proceedings took so long. He didn't want to pay her child support because the divorce decree also states that custody will be split 50/50.

And? 50/50 custody does NOT mean one party will not pay child support OR that child support will be deviated downward.

She would not budge, and it got to the point where he just wanted the divorce to be final, so he signed off on the child support. Shortly after, he lost his job, and since he didn't realize he could file for an adjustment, come tax season, almost all of his refund was taken for back child support. Once he was employed again (this was before the tax return), his monthly payments went up to $735 to accommodate the balance he owed as well as the monthly payments. We got married in April of 2014, and since I have a son of my own, we became a family of six. He just got laid off again because the company he worked for is going out of business, and we're looking into our options to adjust the child support order, if not have it terminated entirely.

Wrong. Your son is not legally his responsibility. The responsibility of YOUR son lies with you and that child's father. Why should it be terminated?

So, my two part question starts here; first, what are our rights, and what are the odds of us getting the order terminated?

You have no rights and this is NOT your legal business. How is the order being terminated in the best interest of the three children?

When he is working, he makes more money than she does, and I realize that this may sound petty, but he earns more than she does because while they were still married, he put himself through school and worked two jobs to support the family because she flat out REFUSED to work.

And? He accepted her not working.

We get calls from Sallie Mae EVERY day, SEVERAL times a day about his student loans. We're stressed out and depressed trying to figure out how to afford necessities AND pay this woman $600 a month for the 'support' of children we have at least 50% of the time.

So have him apply for income based repayment. YOU don't have the children at all. You are not a party to this. Do you work? How many hours do you work?

And now that school is out, we have them far more than half the time. They go to their mother's Tuesday and Thursday when she gets off work (roughly 6 PM), and they come back to our house in the morning when she leaves for work, and we have them every other weekend.

You don't have them at all. DAD has them. Dad is parenting. Congrats to dad.

There is also evidence of 'frivolous' spending (brand new car, weekly tanning, new tattoos every other month, etc.).

None of dad's business how mom spends HER money.

I apologize for such a lengthy post so far, but there are a lot of facets to this situation, and I want to give any information that may be relevant or useful. Is there any chance of us getting away from this? Or are we basically screwed because he technically agreed to pay when he signed the divorcee decree?

YOU don't have to get away from anything. YOU are not screwed at all. YOU owe nothing. This is NOT legally your business. He agreed to support his children. If he goes for a modification, he may find that child support INCREASES.

Moving on to part two. We're concerned that, if we WERE to get the support order terminated, that we'd be forced by the state to pay child support ANYWAY if she were to receive some type of public assistance like food stamps (I don't think she would be eligible for cash assistance given her current employment, and all three of his children are on Medicaid through OUR household). I can't find much information on the relation between child support and government assistance from any other perspective than that of the parent receiving said benefits. The only piece I see that MIGHT work in our favor is the statement that child support is collected from the 'absent' parent, and by no means could he ever be considered absent.

Yes he is absent. He is not the primary custodian.

I understand the reasoning behind forcing welfare recipients to seek child support. The taxpayers don't want to 'pay' to support someone else's children. But I don't think it's fair to run a family broke just because the other party sat on her ass for years instead of striving to become something better. It's frustrating to me that she relied on her husband to pay for everything, and carries that same mentality even after the marriage is over.

You sound jealous. Do you work?

Ugh, I really do apologize, I went into this so level headed, intending to state the facts, ask the questions, and leave my opinions out of it, but it's difficult for me to even THINK about it without getting upset and angry. We struggle for EVERYTHING we have, while she goes on spending sprees and flaunts it. My husband mentioned to her in an argument that we can't even afford to fix my out of commission car, let alone buy a vehicle that can accommodate all 6 members of our family, and less than a month later, she pulls into our driveway in a new Mazda CX9, grinning from ear to ear, asking if we like it, making snide remarks about "I can almost fit a whole baseball team in here!" Something needs to give. We're at the end of our rope. Is there anything we can do about this? I'm fed up with paying for her leisure spending while we stress about paying the bills and feeding everyone.

And? Your husband should realize that his children come before you and your child. She can spend her money on what she likes -- even a new car. And she didn't buy a new Maxda CX9 with the $600 dad is ordered to pay.

 

[Ohiogal]

Rough estimate by the way -- if dad is only able to earn minimum wage and mom earns minimum wage -- dad will be ordered to pay $447.88 plus $69.42 per month for the three children. IF dad is ABLE to earn more than minimum wage that number goes up. If dad's earning history is $34k a year with mom earning full time minimum then he would pay $725.35 a month with an additional cash medical amount. So dad may want to consider what he has been able to earn in the past and start looking for work as should you.