Moving/Custody/Visitation

[NvrEndingLife82]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Current info: 1 child, he is 2 1/2. Father and I share joint physical and legal custody. I have residential custody. Father and I currently have a 50-50 split on visitation time. Child support order is for father to pay my 1/2 of childcare costs ($438 to paternal grandmother) and $182 additional in child support.

I have to move from my current residence in 30 days. It is not an eviction due to non payment or any other issue. It's a "sign a new lease or vacate" situation. Because of my current job situation, I am unable to keep my current residence. And because of the current job situation, I also cannot afford a new place right away. I also do not have any local friends/family that I can stay with until being able to afford another place. My only local option would be going to the homeless shelter.

The current job situation is not having enough hours at work. I average 18-30 hours a week, depending on if it is my week to work weekends. I work as an STNA for a home health aide company, and they also like to send me to places that eat up more gas than what hours I get in those locations. I have been putting in tons of applications. I usually get the overqualified/underqualified excuse, or no response, even though I call in to places often to check on the status of my application/resume. I also think my brother's current, very big and public, court case is having an effect, but I cannot be 100% sure on that. But our last name is not a common one around here.

My next best option is relocating back to the city I was living in prior to having my little one. The problem is that it puts 2-3 hours of driving distance between me and the father. The upside is that I already have a place to stay, 3 full time job offers (paying $10-$12) to choose from, and I am very close to the college I used to attend and am established at, so I can easily take classes to finish my degree when I am able.

Nothing is in court yet. Father is not happy with the move, but I understand that. I would not be happy if things were reversed. I have talked to him about doing a 1 week alternating schedule (he has him 1 week, then I have him 1 week) until he gets into school, and then us working on something for when he gets into school.

My issue, and what I am needing advice on, is how to go about this, since I have 30 days until I have to move AND it is looking like me moving the distance is my best option right now. Someone told me, and I have no idea if they are correct, that since I currently have residential custody that the little one's address will automatically be what mine will be when I move, unless the father gets the court to decree otherwise. And they said that since I would be moving, and that would technically be the little one's address, that the father may have to file in the court of the place I am moving to.

Outside of me, his father, paternal grandparents, and his pediatrician, he is not really extensively established here. He does not attend school or daycare. He does not have any other children that he plays/interacts with on a regular basis. Besides the family members already mentioned, he does not have a close connection with family. Also, where I am moving to, there are a lot of children his age to play with, more activities and opportunities (especially with diversity and learning) than where we currently live. I know this doesn't always mean anything, I just thought I'd mention it.

I am very open and willing to keep it a 50/50 split on time until he gets into school, and then coming to something reasonable once he gets into school.

While I would not 100% oppose his father having residential custody, I do feel it is best for residential custody to stay with me. His father's friend even jokes around if the little one will answer "Netflix of Grandma" if you ask him who his father is. His father eats out a lot and doesn't do his own cleaning or laundry (pays his sister under the table to do it). His idea of quality time with the little one is watching tv/Netflix with him OR him being on his computer while the little one plays with his toys. Again, not 100% going to sway anything my way, but I thought it might help give an idea of the father's personality. He even called me over (we do not live far from each other) because he said the little one had a surprise for me. The "surprise" turned out to be a dirty diaper he didn't want to change, so he called me.

Any suggestions? Advice? Courses of action?

Oh, and in the child support order, it states he is responsible for my childcare costs of $438, specifying it to be paid to the paternal grandmother (the babysitter). Is there any way I could have this transferred to cover child care costs where I will be moving to?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Current info: 1 child, he is 2 1/2. Father and I share joint physical and legal custody. I have residential custody. Father and I currently have a 50-50 split on visitation time. Child support order is for father to pay my 1/2 of childcare costs ($438 to paternal grandmother) and $182 additional in child support.

I have to move from my current residence in 30 days. It is not an eviction due to non payment or any other issue. It's a "sign a new lease or vacate" situation. Because of my current job situation, I am unable to keep my current residence. And because of the current job situation, I also cannot afford a new place right away. I also do not have any local friends/family that I can stay with until being able to afford another place. My only local option would be going to the homeless shelter.

The current job situation is not having enough hours at work. I average 18-30 hours a week, depending on if it is my week to work weekends. I work as an STNA for a home health aide company, and they also like to send me to places that eat up more gas than what hours I get in those locations. I have been putting in tons of applications. I usually get the overqualified/underqualified excuse, or no response, even though I call in to places often to check on the status of my application/resume. I also think my brother's current, very big and public, court case is having an effect, but I cannot be 100% sure on that. But our last name is not a common one around here.

My next best option is relocating back to the city I was living in prior to having my little one. The problem is that it puts 2-3 hours of driving distance between me and the father. The upside is that I already have a place to stay, 3 full time job offers (paying $10-$12) to choose from, and I am very close to the college I used to attend and am established at, so I can easily take classes to finish my degree when I am able.

Nothing is in court yet. Father is not happy with the move, but I understand that. I would not be happy if things were reversed. I have talked to him about doing a 1 week alternating schedule (he has him 1 week, then I have him 1 week) until he gets into school, and then us working on something for when he gets into school.

My issue, and what I am needing advice on, is how to go about this, since I have 30 days until I have to move AND it is looking like me moving the distance is my best option right now. Someone told me, and I have no idea if they are correct, that since I currently have residential custody that the little one's address will automatically be what mine will be when I move, unless the father gets the court to decree otherwise. And they said that since I would be moving, and that would technically be the little one's address, that the father may have to file in the court of the place I am moving to.

Outside of me, his father, paternal grandparents, and his pediatrician, he is not really extensively established here. He does not attend school or daycare. He does not have any other children that he plays/interacts with on a regular basis. Besides the family members already mentioned, he does not have a close connection with family. Also, where I am moving to, there are a lot of children his age to play with, more activities and opportunities (especially with diversity and learning) than where we currently live. I know this doesn't always mean anything, I just thought I'd mention it.

I am very open and willing to keep it a 50/50 split on time until he gets into school, and then coming to something reasonable once he gets into school.

While I would not 100% oppose his father having residential custody, I do feel it is best for residential custody to stay with me. His father's friend even jokes around if the little one will answer "Netflix of Grandma" if you ask him who his father is. His father eats out a lot and doesn't do his own cleaning or laundry (pays his sister under the table to do it). His idea of quality time with the little one is watching tv/Netflix with him OR him being on his computer while the little one plays with his toys. Again, not 100% going to sway anything my way, but I thought it might help give an idea of the father's personality. He even called me over (we do not live far from each other) because he said the little one had a surprise for me. The "surprise" turned out to be a dirty diaper he didn't want to change, so he called me.

Any suggestions? Advice? Courses of action?

Oh, and in the child support order, it states he is responsible for my childcare costs of $438, specifying it to be paid to the paternal grandmother (the babysitter). Is there any way I could have this transferred to cover child care costs where I will be moving to?

Dad is obviously a suitable, fit parent. Dad gets custody, you move.

And yes, you're trying to "sway" the jury. So to speak.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Current info: 1 child, he is 2 1/2. Father and I share joint physical and legal custody. I have residential custody. Father and I currently have a 50-50 split on visitation time. Child support order is for father to pay my 1/2 of childcare costs ($438 to paternal grandmother) and $182 additional in child support.

So you have a shared parenting plan. You don't have residential custody. What type of residential do you have? Residential for school purposes?

The current job situation is not having enough hours at work. I average 18-30 hours a week, depending on if it is my week to work weekends. I work as an STNA for a home health aide company, and they also like to send me to places that eat up more gas than what hours I get in those locations. I have been putting in tons of applications. I usually get the overqualified/underqualified excuse, or no response, even though I call in to places often to check on the status of my application/resume. I also think my brother's current, very big and public, court case is having an effect, but I cannot be 100% sure on that. But our last name is not a common one around here.

And?

My next best option is relocating back to the city I was living in prior to having my little one. The problem is that it puts 2-3 hours of driving distance between me and the father. The upside is that I already have a place to stay, 3 full time job offers (paying $10-$12) to choose from, and I am very close to the college I sued to attend and am established at, so I can easily take classes to finish my degree when I am able.

You sued to attend a college? How are you established at the college if you live 2-3 hours away currently?

Nothing is in court yet. Father is not happy with the move, but I understand that. I would not be happy if things were reversed. I have talked to him about doing a 1 week alternating schedule (he has him 1 week, then I have him 1 week) until he gets into school, and then us working on something for when he gets into school.

How is that best for the child? What is the split now?

My issue, and what I am needing advice on, is how to go about this, since I have 30 days until I have to move AND it is looking like me moving the distance is my best option right now. Someone told me, and I have no idea if they are correct, that since I currently have residential custody that the little one's address will automatically be what mine will be when I move, unless the father gets the court to decree otherwise. And they said that since I would be moving, and that would technically be the little one's address, that the father may have to file in the court of the place I am moving to.

WRONG. Someone is totally 100% wrong. The court that will have jurisdiction is the one where the shared parenting was put in place.

Outside of me, his father, paternal grandparents, and his pediatrician, he is not really extensively established here.

That is extensively established.

He does not attend school or daycare. He does not have any other children that he plays/interacts with on a regular basis. Besides the family members already mentioned, he does not have a close connection with family. Also, where I am moving to, there are a lot of children his age to play with, more activities and opportunities (especially with diversity and learning) than where we currently live. I know this doesn't always mean anything, I just thought I'd mention it.

Bull. There are children around where you are now. YOu just haven't branched out.

I am very open and willing to keep it a 50/50 split on time until he gets into school, and then coming to something reasonable once he gets into school.

Such as dad having primary custody?

While I would not 100% oppose his father having residential custody, I do feel it is best for residential custody to stay with me.

Residential custody means NOTHING. You have shared physical and legal custody. Residential custody doesn't impact anything.

His father's friend even jokes around if the little one will answer "Netflix of Grandma" if you ask him who his father is. His father eats out a lot and doesn't do his own cleaning or laundry (pays his sister under the table to do it).

AND? That doesn't matter.

His idea of quality time with the little one is watching tv/Netflix with him OR him being on his computer while the little one plays with his toys. Again, not 100% going to sway anything my way, but I thought it might help give an idea of the father's personality. He even called me over (we do not live far from each other) because he said the little one had a surprise for me. The "surprise" turned out to be a dirty diaper he didn't want to change, so he called me.

Any suggestions? Advice? Courses of action?

3109.051(G) -- you must give 60 days notice to move and submit a plan to the court detailing how the parenting time will change. Be prepared you may end up leaving the child with dad until this works its way through court.

Oh, and in the child support order, it states he is responsible for my childcare costs of $438, specifying it to be paid to the paternal grandmother (the babysitter). If there any way I could have this transferred to cover child care costs where I will be moving to?

Not necessarily. Because quite frankly, income will change, his portion of child care will change and you may find that grandma remains the child care provider.

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad is obviously a suitable, fit parent. Dad gets custody, you move.

And yes, you're trying to "sway" the jury. So to speak.

And that doesn't work. At all.

 

[Silverplum]

Why not give primary custody to Dad?

 

[CJane]

If you currently have 50/50, And you're willing to maintain that for the next 2-3 years, there's not a lot for Dad to fight the relocation on.

But, if I were you, I'd seriously keep looking for jobs in the town where Dad lives so you can move back before kiddo starts school.

 

[Ohiogal]

If you currently have 50/50, And you're willing to maintain that for the next 2-3 years, there's not a lot for Dad to fight the relocation on.

But, if I were you, I'd seriously keep looking for jobs in the town where Dad lives so you can move back before kiddo starts school.

Actually in Ohio there could be depending on how mom presents it. How she has presented it here, dad would get custody because mom seems to think she is entitled.

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

Dad is obviously a suitable, fit parent. Dad gets custody, you move.

And yes, you're trying to "sway" the jury. So to speak.

How is he the suitable, fit parent if his idea of spending time with the kid is tv or him being on his computer all the time? I am not trying to argue with you, but just see trying to see it from the other view point. And how am I the bad parent for relocating back to a place with a better job market to allow me to be more financially stable? Especially when I am still wanting to do a 50/50 split on time? It is not like we haven't done the 1 week/one parent, 1 week/other parent thing. Actually not too long ago. I had him for a week when his father went on vacation, and then his father had him for a week when he got back.

 

[Ohiogal]

How is he the suitable, fit parent if his idea of spending time with the kid is tv or him being on his computer all the time? I am not trying to argue with you, but just see trying to see it from the other view point. And how am I the bad parent for relocating back to a place with a better job market to allow me to be more financially stable? Especially when I am still wanting to do a 50/50 split on time? It is not like we haven't done the 1 week/one parent, 1 week/other parent thing. Actually not too long ago. I had him for a week when his father went on vacation, and then his father had him for a week when he got back.

You have NO CLUE what unfit means. You don't get it. YOu don't understand the law in Ohio. The law in Ohio is specific. Try 3109.051(G). YOu need to give NOTICE 60 days before a move. YOu aren't. That means you are violating the law. Dad is fit. Because you have not proven him unfit (HINT: nothing you have stated makes him unfit). If you do not learn the law and rules and dad fights you? You can and will lose to the point that dad is primary.

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

So you have a shared parenting plan. You don't have residential custody. What type of residential do you have? Residential for school purposes?

I dug more into our agreement, and you are right. We have 50/50 on physical and legal, and my address is being used for school purposes.

You sued to attend a college? How are you established at the college if you live 2-3 hours away currently?

Sorry, it was a mistype. I meant "used", and I have edited the post to the correct spelling. I attended that college right up until I moved to my current area. I finished my last physical quarter of classes there in November of 2011. Little one was born 2 weeks after. I also did one quarter of online classes with them winter of 2012.

How is that best for the child? What is the split now?

We have a 50/50 split. The parenting plan says we can make whatever visitation schedule we want, as long as we both agree to it. It's usually a 2-3-2 split, but can be modified ourselves if he has work or other obligations, and the same on my end. If we cannot agree on a visitation schedule, the parenting plan has it defaulting to the 2-3-2. We just recently did a 1-week switch off, where I had him for one week while the father was on vacation, and then he had him for a week when he got back.

WRONG. Someone is totally 100% wrong. The court that will have jurisdiction is the one where the shared parenting was put in place.

Thank you for clearing that up. I did mention that I had no idea how right/wrong they were.

That is extensively established.

Not trying to argue, but how is that extensively established? The one actual lawyer I did talk to said the judge would take everything into consideration, relationship with parents, extended family, any friends he may/may not have, whether he is in school, extracurricular activities, and a lot more. He said that with the limited relationships he currently has, that a judge would not consider him extensively established. Again, not arguing, just asking since the other input I did have on this also came from a lawyer.

 

[Ladyback1]

How is he the suitable, fit parent if his idea of spending time with the kid is tv or him being on his computer all the time? .

He, at this point, is no more or less suitable to parent than you are.

Since there is a child involved, you don't get to make a unilateral decisions regarding certain things, anymore.


What is in the best interest of the child? Is being shuttled between parents every week what is best for the child?

Most every court/judge is going to look at what is in the best interest of the child. Moving 2-3 hours away from all that the child knows may not be what is in the best interest.

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

Why not give primary custody to Dad?

Because I would worry about his care. I don't know how well he'd actually care for the little one if he did not have his family's help. He does no cleaning himself. He does very little cooking himself. He is always taking the little one out to eat in the evenings, rather than cooking. He even eats out for all his lunches at work. He even has his mom call and schedule his doctor's and haircut appointments. His vacation he just went on, his sister scheduled all of that. His other sister packed his luggage for him. There have been nights, when he has the little one, that even at 7:30p he has not given him dinner yet (I know this because we do not live far from each other, and he called to ask to borrow some milk for the little one). And the little one usually goes to bed around 8:30p.

And besides all that, as I have mentioned in other posts, his idea of quality time with the little one is watching tv with him, or him playing his computer games while the little one plays with his toys.

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

If you currently have 50/50, And you're willing to maintain that for the next 2-3 years, there's not a lot for Dad to fight the relocation on.

But, if I were you, I'd seriously keep looking for jobs in the town where Dad lives so you can move back before kiddo starts school.

Sadly, the job market where I will be moving will still be 1000% better than the area I am moving from. That is with my current STNA or once I finish my college degree (accounting). 90% of the job postings in the area I am currently living would require a 40+ minute commute, one way, for work.

 

[Proserpina]

Because I would worry about his care. I don't know how well he'd actually care for the little one if he did not have his family's help. He does no cleaning himself. He does very little cooking himself. He is always taking the little one out to eat in the evenings, rather than cooking. He even eats out for all his lunches at work. He even has his mom call and schedule his doctor's and haircut appointments. His vacation he just went on, his sister scheduled all of that. His other sister packed his luggage for him. There have been nights, when he has the little one, that even at 7:30p he has not given him dinner yet (I know this because we do not live far from each other, and he called to ask to borrow some milk for the little one). And the little one usually goes to bed around 8:30p.

And besides all that, as I have mentioned in other posts, his idea of quality time with the little one is watching tv with him, or him playing his computer games while the little one plays with his toys.

Parenting differences - that's all.

And honestly Mom, you have a 50/50 timeshare - how will you convince the court that Dad's okay to have the child 50% of the time, but not be primary?

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

Actually in Ohio there could be depending on how mom presents it. How she has presented it here, dad would get custody because mom seems to think she is entitled.

It's not that I am trying to come off as entitled. Right now, the job market in my area is very slim without the college degree. And even with the college degree, most jobs in my area would require a 40+ minute, one way commute. To do much of anything in my area, I need to finish college. To finish college, I need to save the money for classes. When I am averaging 18-32 hours a week, and that can vary if any of my clients go to the hospital or die, it is hard to cover bills, let alone save for college tuition. I have put in countless applications and resumes here, and had nothing. Even with calling frequently. Even with knowing someone working for the company. And as I said, my brother's trial may be a part of that. My company even had to release a statement to all staff to NOT talk about it to their clients or anyone else.

Within a few days of looking in the place I used to live, I already have the 3 full time job offers, paying more than what I get here. The apartments I am looking into cost less with the rent+utilities combined than what just rent is at my current place (and most places in my area).

And I also worry about the little one's care if I were to just "leave" him here with his father. The parent with the most money doesn't always make the best parent to a child. What progress we have made in potty training so far is because I take the time to work with him. I do activities with him like take him for walks, swimming, coloring, play with his trains with him, and all that. His father acts like it's work to do more than just watch tv with him. There have been several times, during what would be his parenting times, that he has brought the little one back to me because he was bawling and wanting me. I think I have only had that issue with him once in the past two years.

Sorry, again, not trying to sound entitled. But I am trying to do what I need to, to get the better employment, and doing it while caring for the little one.