Moving/Custody/Visitation

[NvrEndingLife82]

You have NO CLUE what unfit means. You don't get it. YOu don't understand the law in Ohio. The law in Ohio is specific. Try 3109.051(G). YOu need to give NOTICE 60 days before a move. YOu aren't. That means you are violating the law. Dad is fit. Because you have not proven him unfit (HINT: nothing you have stated makes him unfit). If you do not learn the law and rules and dad fights you? You can and will lose to the point that dad is primary.

I have looked that up... codes.ohio.gov/orc/3109.051 And it does not mention the 60 days notice in there anywhere. And a part of the parenting plan we have uses some of the exact wording of this. Specifically, "If the residential parent intends to move to a residence other than the residence specified in the parenting time order or decree of the court, the parent shall file a notice of intent to relocate with the court that issued the order or decree. Except as provided in divisions (G)(2), (3), and (4) of this section, the court shall send a copy of the notice to the parent who is not the residential parent. Upon receipt of the notice, the court, on its own motion or the motion of the parent who is not the residential parent, may schedule a hearing with notice to both parents to determine whether it is in the best interest of the child to revise the parenting time schedule for the child." This is the only thing in regards to moving/relocating in anything I could find.

Also, how can I give 60 days notice when I was just told yesterday that I would have 30 days from the date I receive the letter from the landlord in the mail (which should be here tomorrow)?

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

He, at this point, is no more or less suitable to parent than you are.

Since there is a child involved, you don't get to make a unilateral decisions regarding certain things, anymore.


What is in the best interest of the child? Is being shuttled between parents every week what is best for the child?

Most every court/judge is going to look at what is in the best interest of the child. Moving 2-3 hours away from all that the child knows may not be what is in the best interest.

I can agree with that. And this is not a decision I have been taking lightly. I have been trying my hardest, and then some, to find a FT job here that would allow me to cover basic expenses AND finish college. Heck, I would settle for even just a FT job that would allow me to cover just basic expenses. I am not kidding. I have even put in applications at fast food joints, factories, and other jobs not related to my STNA or the degree I am working on in college.

And as I have mentioned, I am not wanting to take the 50/50 time split away. I still want him to have equal access to his father. I am just trying to figure out how to do this where it works out best for everyone. And my best job outlook, and outlook for finishing college is there. And sadly, I know a lot more people there, and have a lot more network connections. My friends there are more like family than the few family members I know in my area.

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

Parenting differences - that's all.

And honestly Mom, you have a 50/50 timeshare - how will you convince the court that Dad's okay to have the child 50% of the time, but not be primary?

Good point. Right now, with me being in the area, I am here for emergencies. If his family still helps him, it wouldn't be so bad. I would be worried if he didn't have his family to help him.

Also, if he had primary, I would be the one having to make all the effort to make sure visitation times were followed. I would also be the one having to do all the driving, because he would refuse to do any. And he is also the type that uses anything he can, to hold above you, to get his way if you are not doing what he wants. If he had primary, he would use it that way.

 

[Proserpina]

Mom, I know you feel overwhelmed. But the reality is that there's a better-than-decent shot that unless Dad actually consents, you're going to be making a choice you don't want to make: stay put, or move and let Dad have custody.

I'm not seeing a compelling argument that moving is in his best interests - sorry, I'm just not.

 

[stealth2]

Because I would worry about his care. I don't know how well he'd actually care for the little one if he did not have his family's help. He does no cleaning himself. He does very little cooking himself. He is always taking the little one out to eat in the evenings, rather than cooking. He even eats out for all his lunches at work. He even has his mom call and schedule his doctor's and haircut appointments. His vacation he just went on, his sister scheduled all of that. His other sister packed his luggage for him. There have been nights, when he has the little one, that even at 7:30p he has not given him dinner yet (I know this because we do not live far from each other, and he called to ask to borrow some milk for the little one). And the little one usually goes to bed around 8:30p.

And besides all that, as I have mentioned in other posts, his idea of quality time with the little one is watching tv with him, or him playing his computer games while the little one plays with his toys.

None of that makes him unfit. I'd be in heaven if I had someone to cook, clean, pack for me!

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

Mom, I know you feel overwhelmed. But the reality is that there's a better-than-decent shot that unless Dad actually consents, you're going to be making a choice you don't want to make: stay put, or move and let Dad have custody.

I'm not seeing a compelling argument that moving is in his best interests - sorry, I'm just not.

Even though I literally have very slim to 0 job chances here? If I stay here, I will practically have no way to ever finish college. And without that college degree, it's minimum wage jobs, if I can even get one.

I don't know if this makes any difference either, but the father's job is with a start up company he is part owner of. This is the 3rd "non successful" start up he has worked for in the past 10 years. He did say if they were unable to get their next round of funding, he would have to look for another job. And if he cannot find anything local (which would be hard for him), he was going to have to look in Colorado where his profession seems to be booming.

 

[stealth2]

Even though I literally have very slim to 0 job chances here? If I stay here, I will practically have no way to ever finish college. And without that college degree, it's minimum wage jobs, if I can even get one.

I don't know if this makes any difference either, but the father's job is with a start up company he is part owner of. This is the 3rd "non successful" start up he has worked for in the past 10 years. He did say if they were unable to get their next round of funding, he would have to look for another job. And if he cannot find anything local (which would be hard for him), he was going to have to look in Colorado where his profession seems to be booming.

What "might" happen is moot.

 

[Ohiogal]

I can agree with that. And this is not a decision I have been taking lightly. I have been trying my hardest, and then some, to find a FT job here that would allow me to cover basic expenses AND finish college. Heck, I would settle for even just a FT job that would allow me to cover just basic expenses. I am not kidding. I have even put in applications at fast food joints, factories, and other jobs not related to my STNA or the degree I am working on in college.

And as I have mentioned, I am not wanting to take the 50/50 time split away. I still want him to have equal access to his father. I am just trying to figure out how to do this where it works out best for everyone. And my best job outlook, and outlook for finishing college is there. And sadly, I know a lot more people there, and have a lot more network connections. My friends there are more like family than the few family members I know in my area.

So you are going to be working 40 hours a week, and going to college so you will be away from the child how many hours a week? Plus you want dad to pay daycare? How much daycare are you going to pay for? How much daycare would the child need if he stays with dad?

 

[Ohiogal]

Good point. Right now, with me being in the area, I am here for emergencies. If his family still helps him, it wouldn't be so bad. I would be worried if he didn't have his family to help him.

Also, if he had primary, I would be the one having to make all the effort to make sure visitation times were followed. I would also be the one having to do all the driving, because he would refuse to do any. And he is also the type that uses anything he can, to hold above you, to get his way if you are not doing what he wants. If he had primary, he would use it that way.

If you are moving YOU VERY WELL COULD BE DOING ALL THE DRIVING. You very well could be responsible for transportation. Why? Because why should dad have to pay for your decisions? You want to take his child 2 to 3 hours away PLUS make him do the driving? And make him pay for more daycare?

 

[Ohiogal]

I can agree with that. And this is not a decision I have been taking lightly. I have been trying my hardest, and then some, to find a FT job here that would allow me to cover basic expenses AND finish college. Heck, I would settle for even just a FT job that would allow me to cover just basic expenses. I am not kidding. I have even put in applications at fast food joints, factories, and other jobs not related to my STNA or the degree I am working on in college.

And as I have mentioned, I am not wanting to take the 50/50 time split away. I still want him to have equal access to his father. I am just trying to figure out how to do this where it works out best for everyone. And my best job outlook, and outlook for finishing college is there. And sadly, I know a lot more people there, and have a lot more network connections. My friends there are more like family than the few family members I know in my area.

And? You made a decision. You don't get take a 50/50 time split away because you want to move. Again, dad could very well easily end up being primary. Your friends don't matter to this equation. If you want to finish college, go finish college but leave the child with dad. Everything you are saying is about what is best for you. NOT what is best for the child.

 

[Ohiogal]

Mom, I know you feel overwhelmed. But the reality is that there's a better-than-decent shot that unless Dad actually consents, you're going to be making a choice you don't want to make: stay put, or move and let Dad have custody.

I'm not seeing a compelling argument that moving is in his best interests - sorry, I'm just not.

Nor am I. Mom has issues.

 

[Ohiogal]

Even though I literally have very slim to 0 job chances here? If I stay here, I will practically have no way to ever finish college. And without that college degree, it's minimum wage jobs, if I can even get one.

I don't know if this makes any difference either, but the father's job is with a start up company he is part owner of. This is the 3rd "non successful" start up he has worked for in the past 10 years. He did say if they were unable to get their next round of funding, he would have to look for another job. And if he cannot find anything local (which would be hard for him), he was going to have to look in Colorado where his profession seems to be booming.

And? If dad moves that is one thing. Then you would be able to move. But the rest of it doesn't matter.

Ask yourself this though: What if dad wants to move to Colorado and just assumes he will be taking the child with him to Colorado? And you should pay daycare? And you should pay the transportation (or share in it -- let's say half)? And he wouldn't take 50/50 time from you but you should do week on week off OR maybe monthly switches until the child hits school age. What about that idea? Would you go for it? After all dad has to move for a job and he wouldn't have any prospects wherever you are and there are no colleges there and no career functions. That would be fine with you, right?

Your part of Ohio must be -- well heck I don't know where you would be in Ohio where there are NO COLLEGES ANYWHERE around you.

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

So you are going to be working 40 hours a week, and going to college so you will be away from the child how many hours a week? Plus you want dad to pay daycare? How much daycare are you going to pay for? How much daycare would the child need if he stays with dad?

I would only be taking a class or two at a time. Father currently does more than 40 hours a week, as well, even though he is salary. Babysitter usually picks the little one up from him about 8:30a. He doesn't usually pick him up from the sitter on his evening until 7p-7:30p.

 

[Ohiogal]

I would only be taking a class or two at a time. Father currently does more than 40 hours a week, as well, even though he is salary. Babysitter usually picks the little one up from him about 8:30a. He doesn't usually pick him up from the sitter on his evening until 7p-7:30p.

You said paternal grandmother is the babysitter/daycare. Is that not true?

 

[NvrEndingLife82]

If you are moving YOU VERY WELL COULD BE DOING ALL THE DRIVING. You very well could be responsible for transportation. Why? Because why should dad have to pay for your decisions? You want to take his child 2 to 3 hours away PLUS make him do the driving? And make him pay for more daycare?

I wasn't going to ask for more in daycare. Only what my 1/2 would have been, basically what he is already paying. I wouldn't mind doing half/half on transport. Part of the reason I moved from where I was, to where I am now, was to make sure his father would be a part of his life. I knew he wouldn't drive to see him if I stayed where I was. Unfortunately, it's looking like I should have just stayed there, to begin with. >.< Then none of this would have been an issue.