Pennsylvania : Restraining Orders?No Contact Orders??

[Jon1212]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I recently found out that my 16 y/o daughter has befriended and gotten very close to a 35 y/o woman. I suppose it is probably a mother figure for her as her mother is really not a big part of her life. The problem is, is that both are lesbian and while my daughter denies any sexual activity (says she is not attracted to older women) I don't know that I am not comfortable at all with the situation. Problem also is that my daughter will defend her to the end as she points out how much her life has improved both as a person and materially to a point (we are not rich). In research though I have found that PA has not restraining or no contact order? only the PFA order but that would not apply in this case. Can I keep this woman away if I chose to? Though my daughter I suspect will only continue to reach out to her as she previously did when I found out about the relationship before.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I recently found out that my 16 y/o daughter has befriended and gotten very close to a 35 y/o woman. I suppose it is probably a mother figure for her as her mother is really not a big part of her life. The problem is, is that both are lesbian and while my daughter denies any sexual activity (says she is not attracted to older women) I don't know that I am not comfortable at all with the situation. Problem also is that my daughter will defend her to the end as she points out how much her life has improved both as a person and materially to a point (we are not rich). In research though I have found that PA has not restraining or no contact order? only the PFA order but that would not apply in this case. Can I keep this woman away if I chose to? Though my daughter I suspect will only continue to reach out to her as she previously did when I found out about the relationship before.

So women who are lesbians only want to boink teenage girls? Maybe YOU should actually get to know the woman. Invite her over to your house for dinner and have a conversation with her. This could be an innocent situation but your daughter has found a woman she relates to because they share the same gender, the same sexual orientation, and other commonalities. It doesn't have to be anything sexual. Imagine if you had a son and he was hanging out with a 35 year old man. Would that bother you? What if the guy were gay? Is this about concerns with the relationship or maybe biases you have? What do you know about the woman? You yourself state that problem is they both are lesbian -- are you comfortable with the fact that your child is a lesbian?

 

[HighwayMan]

Jon, you can't just get a restraining order against someone - you usually have to go through a court and have a good reason. Saying that you don't want your daughter hanging out with someone is not in itself a sufficient reason.

 

[RRevak]

So women who are lesbians only want to boink teenage girls? Maybe YOU should actually get to know the woman. Invite her over to your house for dinner and have a conversation with her. This could be an innocent situation but your daughter has found a woman she relates to because they share the same gender, the same sexual orientation, and other commonalities. It doesn't have to be anything sexual. Imagine if you had a son and he was hanging out with a 35 year old man. Would that bother you? What if the guy were gay? Is this about concerns with the relationship or maybe biases you have? What do you know about the woman? You yourself state that problem is they both are lesbian -- are you comfortable with the fact that your child is a lesbian?

OG with all due respect would you have still typed this same response if it were a 16yr old girl and a 35yr old man? If there is in fact sexual contact going on would that not still make it non-consensual due to age laws? Does this parent not have the right to say whom his 16yr old can and cannot see due to the fact that she's underage and OP is the parent? While this might not rise to the level of being able to obtain a restraining order..yet..it still bugs me that you wrote this in response to a parent asking if they can keep their underage child away from an adult they've decided they do not want her to see.

 

[Ohiogal]

OG with all due respect would you have still typed this same response if it were a 16yr old girl and a 35yr old man? If there is in fact sexual contact going on would that not still make it non-consensual due to age laws? Does this parent not have the right to say whom his 16yr old can and cannot see due to the fact that she's underage and OP is the parent? While this might not rise to the level of being able to obtain a restraining order..yet..it still bugs me that you wrote this in response to a parent asking if they can keep their underage child away from an adult they've decided they do not want her to see.

My issue with this is as follows:

both are lesbian and while my daughter denies any sexual activity (says she is not attracted to older women) I don't know that I am not comfortable at all with the situation. Problem also is that my daughter will defend her to the end as she points out how much her life has improved both as a person and materially to a point (we are not rich).

I am trying to find out what exactly his problem is. Is it the fact that the woman and his daughter are lesbian and he has misconceptions? He has not stated anything regarding the relationship except his daughter is talking to a LESBIAN who is an adult. He has given no issues -- that the two are meeting without his knowledge, that he has not consented to them meeting, how they met or anything else. He says the problem is both are lesbian. Hence my questions because he wants a restraining order. As Highwayman stated, he will NOT get a restraining order based upon that.

If OP points out that they are doing more than talking on the phone, that daughter is sneaking around, that this woman is encouraging such behavior, that they have spent countless evenings at the woman's house or what not that would be different.

Is this woman his daughter's boss at work and they only talk at work? Is she a teacher and they only talk at school?

See what is missing? His problem is they are lesbians. That is ALL he mentioned. With nothing else.

 

[LdiJ]

My issue with this is as follows:



I am trying to find out what exactly his problem is. Is it the fact that the woman and his daughter are lesbian and he has misconceptions? He has not stated anything regarding the relationship except his daughter is talking to a LESBIAN who is an adult. He has given no issues -- that the two are meeting without his knowledge, that he has not consented to them meeting, how they met or anything else. He says the problem is both are lesbian. Hence my questions because he wants a restraining order. As Highwayman stated, he will NOT get a restraining order based upon that.

If OP points out that they are doing more than talking on the phone, that daughter is sneaking around, that this woman is encouraging such behavior, that they have spent countless evenings at the woman's house or what not that would be different.

Is this woman his daughter's boss at work and they only talk at work? Is she a teacher and they only talk at school?

See what is missing? His problem is they are lesbians. That is ALL he mentioned. With nothing else.

While I absolutely agree with you, I do think that basically any parent would have at least some cautionary feelings about their teenage child spending a lot of time with a 35 year old. Those kinds of friendships are unusual outside of a mentoring relationship, and even then, if there is sneaking around going on, its a bit beyond traditional mentoring.

I was very close to lots of my daughter's friends, and even had bits of one on one time with them as teenagers. However, I became part of their lives because they were friends of my daughter. I can very much understand a gay or lesbian teen wanting to talk an older person who was also gay or lesbian. They can relate and offer wisdom based on experience. However, that relationship getting to the point of "sneaking" does show a lack of responsibility/accountability on the part of the adult.

 

[Ohiogal]

While I absolutely agree with you, I do think that basically any parent would have at least some cautionary feelings about their teenage child spending a lot of time with a 35 year old. Those kinds of friendships are unusual outside of a mentoring relationship, and even then, if there is sneaking around going on, its a bit beyond traditional mentoring.

I was very close to lots of my daughter's friends, and even had bits of one on one time with them as teenagers. However, I became part of their lives because they were friends of my daughter. I can very much understand a gay or lesbian teen wanting to talk an older person who was also gay or lesbian. They can relate and offer wisdom based on experience. However, that relationship getting to the point of "sneaking" does show a lack of responsibility/accountability on the part of the adult.

We don't know she was sneaking around. We don't know either one was sneaking around. I want clarification. What the heck is the problem with that? If he can give examples of WHAT is happening we can offer solutions but the fact that his problem is that she is a lesbian (which is what he said) as is his daughter, that is NOT a legal problem. That is something requiring him to determine what is really the issue -- is it anything that his daughter is doing or this woman? Or is it just that this woman is an adult lesbian and his daughter has revealed she is as well?

 

[stealth2]

I don't know that I am not comfortable at all with the situation.

Of course, OP doesn't know that he's not UNcomfortable with the situation, either. Which kind of means that he's comfortable. Or illiterate. Or something.

 

[Rushia]

While I absolutely agree with you, I do think that basically any parent would have at least some cautionary feelings about their teenage child spending a lot of time with a 35 year old. Those kinds of friendships are unusual outside of a mentoring relationship, and even then, if there is sneaking around going on, its a bit beyond traditional mentoring.

I was very close to lots of my daughter's friends, and even had bits of one on one time with them as teenagers. However, I became part of their lives because they were friends of my daughter. I can very much understand a gay or lesbian teen wanting to talk an older person who was also gay or lesbian. They can relate and offer wisdom based on experience. However, that relationship getting to the point of "sneaking" does show a lack of responsibility/accountability on the part of the adult.

And if any of those children's parents called and told you that they were not comfortable with the relationship between you and their child? You would have ended the relationship, right?

I think before this turns into a 20 page flaming that the OP is a bigot....whether he is or not, he has every right to tell this woman to stay away from his daughter. Any 30 something adult who insists that they maintain a relationship with a child that is NOT theirs is not OK. Genders and sexual orientation are not really relevant. Because RRevak is correct in that if this was a 35 year old man talking with a 16 year old girl, ya'll would be screaming that the was a pedophile and that he should go after women his own age.

OP, in my opinion, if you are truly not comfortable with this relationship for whatever reason you have.....sit this woman down and tell her that you want the relationship severed. IF she refuses to comply with your wishes then come back.

 

[Ohiogal]

And if any of those children's parents called and told you that they were not comfortable with the relationship between you and their child? You would have ended the relationship, right?

I think before this turns into a 20 page flaming that the OP is a bigot....whether he is or not, he has every right to tell this woman to stay away from his daughter. Any 30 something adult who insists that they maintain a relationship with a child that is NOT theirs is not OK. Genders and sexual orientation are not really relevant. Because RRevak is correct in that if this was a 35 year old man talking with a 16 year old girl, ya'll would be screaming that the was a pedophile and that he should go after women his own age.

OP, in my opinion, if you are truly not comfortable with this relationship for whatever reason you have.....sit this woman down and tell her that you want the relationship severed. IF she refuses to comply with your wishes then come back.

He has not stated how his daughter knows this woman. Is she a girl scout leader? Boss? School teacher? How did his daughter meet her? Is she the parent of one of his daughter's friends? More information and clarification is necessary.
And again, HE is the one who stated that HIS problem is she is a lesbian as is his daughter. He is the one who brought that up and stated that that was his issue. Legally, that doesn't matter but he is the one who brought it up.

 

[Rushia]

He has not stated how his daughter knows this woman. Is she a girl scout leader? Boss? School teacher? How did his daughter meet her? Is she the parent of one of his daughter's friends? More information and clarification is necessary.

I agree that it might be relevant on the basis that the woman might be in position of power over the girl, might be more trouble for the 35 year old woman.

And again, HE is the one who stated that HIS problem is she is a lesbian as is his daughter. He is the one who brought that up and stated that that was his issue. Legally, that doesn't matter but he is the one who brought it up.

So? You say yourself that LEGALLY it doesn't matter. Let it go. You are not here to defend the lesbians/gays/transgenders. You should be offering him advice on how to keep this unwanted person away from his child. Lesbianism does not make it OK and is not relevant.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree that it might be relevant on the basis that the woman might be in position of power over the girl, might be more trouble for the 35 year old woman.



So? You say yourself that LEGALLY it doesn't matter. Let it go. You are not here to defend the lesbians/gays/transgenders. You should be offering him advice on how to keep this unwanted person away from his child. Lesbianism does not make it OK and is not relevant.

LEGALLY he has no cause. LEGALLY it is not a punishment because she is lesbian. Legally we don't know that this woman has done ANYTHING wrong -- all we know that she has done wrong, in OP's eyes, is be a lesbian. But I get you want to argue because I am the one who posted. Carry on. I am sure you will.

 

[Rushia]

LEGALLY he has no cause. LEGALLY it is not a punishment because she is lesbian. Legally we don't know that this woman has done ANYTHING wrong -- all we know that she has done wrong, in OP's eyes, is be a lesbian. But I get you want to argue because I am the one who posted. Carry on. I am sure you will.

Please remember this the next time that there is a post with an older man/young girl. Just because he's older doesn't mean that he wants to "boink" her. We never know for sure that the man has ever done anything wrong. Many a parent wants to keep this older man away from their daughter for that very fear. So THIS parent is no different.

This is a post about a parent who wants to keep an unwanted adult from his child and he most certainly has that right. It doesn't matter what his reason is. He could not like her for wearing green socks.

I don't care who you are. I stand by what I said and I would say this to anyone else who was defending the lesbian's position of being able to contact the child against her parents wishes. You should be helping him to keep an unwanted adult from his child. It doesn't matter that the adult is a lesbian. You should not be championing that. Just because she is a lesbian does not make the unwanted contact OK.

Equality means equality. Not special treatment. Don't be hypocrite.

 

[Ohiogal]

Please remember this the next time that there is a post with an older man/young girl. Just because he's older doesn't mean that he wants to "boink" her. We never know for sure that the man has ever done anything wrong. Many a parent wants to keep this older man away from their daughter for that very fear. So THIS parent is no different.

This is a post about a parent who wants to keep an unwanted adult from his child and he most certainly has that right. It doesn't matter what his reason is. He could not like her for wearing green socks.

I don't care who you are. I stand by what I said and I would say this to anyone else who was defending the lesbian's position of being able to contact the child against her parents wishes. You should be helping him to keep an unwanted adult from his child. It doesn't matter that the adult is a lesbian. You should not be championing that. Just because she is a lesbian does not make the unwanted contact OK.

Equality means equality. Not special treatment. Don't be hypocrite.

AGAIN, I AM NOT SAYING SPECIAL TREATMENT. I want OP to answer my questions. But again, continue. I am not saying that a parent should not control their child against unwanted contact. The issue becomes what is unwanted as to how to handle it. Does the adult know it is unwanted? And furthermore, what is the contact the adult is initiating? Oh yeah, don't have answers to that.

 

[RRevak]

AGAIN, I AM NOT SAYING SPECIAL TREATMENT. I want OP to answer my questions. But again, continue. I am not saying that a parent should not control their child against unwanted contact. The issue becomes what is unwanted as to how to handle it. Does the adult know it is unwanted? And furthermore, what is the contact the adult is initiating? Oh yeah, don't have answers to that.

OG again I am incredibly confused as to why the bolded matters. This is a MINOR CHILD, OP is the childs PARENT and the contact with this ADULT is unwanted by the PARENT. So why exactly does the parent need a reason to tell this ADULT to leave their MINOR child alone?