What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
I'm in a very difficult situation and am seeking professional advice, because I'm at a loss at what to do. To preface, I dated a guy for two years - my first serious relationship. He was nice to me until I moved across the country to live with him. That's when he abuse started. You name the abuse, he did it (mostly), verbally, sexually, physically, emotionally. I was terrified of him and put up with it for another year. I had my own set of problems with being too clingy, I'm sure that was annoying, but I NEVER in NO WAY was abusive whatsoever. He, however, was extremely controlling, treated me like property, made me call him master, and mistreated me horribly. After a while I had enough and broke up with him and moved away. He tried to stay in touch and I told him that we shouldn't talk for a few months. After that we could see if there was a way for us to be on good terms, especially since our careers were very similar and it was inevitable that we would be on some of the same business trips.
Fast forward about 5 months after zero contact (apart from a few seemingly texts on his part that I never answered) and we decided to have a discussion about things to try to resolve any bitterness in order to get on good terms. Over the course of the next couple of months, we did have to see each other, and it was a confusing situation. Old emotions would come back, we'd talk about the possibility of getting back together, but ultimately we never did. I started seeing other people and he was FURIOUS. Called me terrible names and told me I was cheating on him, despite the fact that I was exceptionally clear that we were not together and that I wanted to see other people so I could find someone I was compatible with and who would treat me with love and respect.
Recently I met a guy I really clicked with who was so kind and gentle. We started dating and my ex went ballistic. My phone was blowing up, he called and told me he should kill the guy I was seeing, and then he kept texting me saying things like, "You do what I tell you to do because I'm your man." I responded with things like, "No you're not. Are you kidding me? I'm not your property - we're broken up and I am entitled to date whoever I want." I ended up staying in a hotel with the guy I was dating and talking to when the next morning I was woken up from the hotel phone. I answered and it was my ex. In his words, he called over 10 hotels just to track me down to get in touch with me. He was an emotional mess and kept saying I should see him. I told him I couldn't talk and I hung up the phone. About a half hour later I get another call on the hotel phone from the front desk saying, "Your fiance is in the lobby to see you." First of all, my ex and I were NEVER engaged, so it was absurd that he even said that. I was terrified and shaking at this point. I've fallen victim to his abuse many, many times in the past, and after him telling me on the phone that he should kill the guy I'm currently dating, I was worried about his safety too. The guy I'm dating went down to the lobby to talk to him and ask him to leave. While they were talking I called the front desk and told them to call the police and make my ex leave. They ended up not doing it, however. The guy I'm currently dating came back up to the room about 20 minutes later and told me that my ex said terrible things about me. Most of them were lies, saying I was bi-polar, crazy, cheated on him, etc. None of those are true, but he tried his best to run off the guy I am dating.
I texted my ex and told him to leave me alone and to stop trying to damage my reputation. I didn't want any trouble, but I was going to get a restraining order. My ex freaked out, said it would go on his record and ruin his chance at future jobs, and pleaded that I'd reconsider. I had a discussion with my ex's boss about the situation and was assured that my ex would leave me alone. I don't want to hurt his personal or professional life. The ONLY thing I want is for him to leave me alone, stop contacting me, and to stop slandering me and trying to ruin my reputation. After letting it go I thought everything would be ok, but last night my ex took to twitter tagging my business account and my new boyfriend's account saying that we were off and on until last week and that he wanted to spend his life with me. That's a huge fabrication, but my concern with the issue is that it will have a negative impact on my career, as his tweet is public to my business partners and colleagues.
What should I do? I honestly have no idea. My ex is terrifying. He's said and done terrible things to me - I have text messages of him admitting the abuse as well as some extremely controlling things he has said to me recently. I'm not out to hurt his reputation or anything - I just want him to leave me alone. I have no idea what he is capable of and my concern is for my safety, my relationships, and my career. He's impending on all of these things and I have no idea how to handle this situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
I'm in a very difficult situation and am seeking professional advice, because I'm at a loss at what to do. To preface, I dated a guy for two years - my first serious relationship. He was nice to me until I moved across the country to live with him. That's when he abuse started. You name the abuse, he did it (mostly), verbally, sexually, physically, emotionally. I was terrified of him and put up with it for another year. I had my own set of problems with being too clingy, I'm sure that was annoying, but I NEVER in NO WAY was abusive whatsoever. He, however, was extremely controlling, treated me like property, made me call him master, and mistreated me horribly. After a while I had enough and broke up with him and moved away. He tried to stay in touch and I told him that we shouldn't talk for a few months. After that we could see if there was a way for us to be on good terms, especially since our careers were very similar and it was inevitable that we would be on some of the same business trips.
Fast forward about 5 months after zero contact (apart from a few seemingly texts on his part that I never answered) and we decided to have a discussion about things to try to resolve any bitterness in order to get on good terms. Over the course of the next couple of months, we did have to see each other, and it was a confusing situation. Old emotions would come back, we'd talk about the possibility of getting back together, but ultimately we never did. I started seeing other people and he was FURIOUS. Called me terrible names and told me I was cheating on him, despite the fact that I was exceptionally clear that we were not together and that I wanted to see other people so I could find someone I was compatible with and who would treat me with love and respect.
Recently I met a guy I really clicked with who was so kind and gentle. We started dating and my ex went ballistic. My phone was blowing up, he called and told me he should kill the guy I was seeing, and then he kept texting me saying things like, "You do what I tell you to do because I'm your man." I responded with things like, "No you're not. Are you kidding me? I'm not your property - we're broken up and I am entitled to date whoever I want." I ended up staying in a hotel with the guy I was dating and talking to when the next morning I was woken up from the hotel phone. I answered and it was my ex. In his words, he called over 10 hotels just to track me down to get in touch with me. He was an emotional mess and kept saying I should see him. I told him I couldn't talk and I hung up the phone. About a half hour later I get another call on the hotel phone from the front desk saying, "Your fiance is in the lobby to see you." First of all, my ex and I were NEVER engaged, so it was absurd that he even said that. I was terrified and shaking at this point. I've fallen victim to his abuse many, many times in the past, and after him telling me on the phone that he should kill the guy I'm currently dating, I was worried about his safety too. The guy I'm dating went down to the lobby to talk to him and ask him to leave. While they were talking I called the front desk and told them to call the police and make my ex leave. They ended up not doing it, however. The guy I'm currently dating came back up to the room about 20 minutes later and told me that my ex said terrible things about me. Most of them were lies, saying I was bi-polar, crazy, cheated on him, etc. None of those are true, but he tried his best to run off the guy I am dating.
I texted my ex and told him to leave me alone and to stop trying to damage my reputation. I didn't want any trouble, but I was going to get a restraining order. My ex freaked out, said it would go on his record and ruin his chance at future jobs, and pleaded that I'd reconsider. I had a discussion with my ex's boss about the situation and was assured that my ex would leave me alone. I don't want to hurt his personal or professional life. The ONLY thing I want is for him to leave me alone, stop contacting me, and to stop slandering me and trying to ruin my reputation. After letting it go I thought everything would be ok, but last night my ex took to twitter tagging my business account and my new boyfriend's account saying that we were off and on until last week and that he wanted to spend his life with me. That's a huge fabrication, but my concern with the issue is that it will have a negative impact on my career, as his tweet is public to my business partners and colleagues.
What should I do? I honestly have no idea. My ex is terrifying. He's said and done terrible things to me - I have text messages of him admitting the abuse as well as some extremely controlling things he has said to me recently. I'm not out to hurt his reputation or anything - I just want him to leave me alone. I have no idea what he is capable of and my concern is for my safety, my relationships, and my career. He's impending on all of these things and I have no idea how to handle this situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
