Is Hospice a mandatory program? Sure seems like it!

[Just Blue]

When my grandfather was in his last months we had a hospice worker come to the house to help my father care for him. She was amazing and my father stated on more than one occasion she was a lifesaver for him because caring for a dying parent without aid is much harder than people realize. Since my father was his POA, the agency never asked that be transferred to them. They came, saw to my grandfathers needs, made adjustments when needed, and helped my father work through the motions of how to properly handle the situation the morning he passed. She was incredibly professional and supportive and did ONLY the job she was there to do.

OP I STRONGLY urge your family to sit down and consider help, especially as things progress for your father. Its one thing to care for him when you have a hospital assisting, its another entirely when its all on you. There will be times he will be in extreme pain and that is a sight that can be very traumatic to family members, esp if you have to either travel for remedy or wait for ambulatory assistance. If he becomes combative at any point you or your brother are unavailable do you feel your mother will be able to handle the situation? If he needs total assistance to use the facilities do you feel your family or yourself will be able to safely lift him then clean him without potential injury? If he becomes completely bedridden are you qualified to understand issues like turning, spotting possible issues w circulation, and wound care should they arise? if he becomes totally incontinent will you all be capable of cleaning him, using adult diapers, and moving him to put on and remove the diapers, esp if you're alone? These things are things you need to be considering in your decisions to not allow someone to come in to help because having been there, they will eventually become issues you will have to deal with. Are you truly prepared to handle them all by yourselves? A visiting hospice worker would be able to assist in current issues then give you the tools you need to carry on care and treatment until they return. As long as you are all very clear with the hospice agency that one of you has legal POA and all your i's are dotted and t's crossed, there should be absolutely no reason for them to require transfer. Please at least consider the home visits.

I agree with this ^ post. I will add that haveing Hospice Care does NOT make you unloving. If that is why you hesitate, please reconsider. Getting the best care for a loved one is the most LOVING thing you can do.

Again...My blessing to you and your family

Blue

 

[RRevak]

I agree with this ^ post. I will add that haveing Hospice Care does NOT make you unloving. If that is why you hesitate, please reconsider. Getting the best care for a loved one is the most LOVING thing you can do.

Again...My blessing to you and your family

Blue

I also want to add to the bolded: Allowing some form of Hospice care also does NOT in ANY way shape or form mean you aren't capable of caring for your father. It does NOT mean you are shirking your responsibilities of caring for your father on someone else. Having some form of help also does NOT mean you are giving up and walking away. Its the best way for everyone involved to see to it that the last months of your fathers life are dignified, comfortable, and safe for all of you mentally and physically (your father included). I say this because my uncle was very against allowing the worker to come help tend to my grandfather. He would rant about how my father had "given up" and that he was just "dumping my grandfather on a stranger". Nothing could have been further from the truth. He came around the afternoon my grandfather fell while my uncle was attempting to help him to the toilet. I won't go into details but my grandfather was completely humiliated and my uncle realized painfully that maybe my fathers decision wasn't such a bad one. Once the worker was set up and the home visits began, everyone breathed a bit better and situations like that didn't happen again.


I commend you for your desire to be there for your father in his last months. It shows the level of love and devotion you all feels towards him and that is amazing. Blessings and good luck to you all.

 

[Just Blue]

I also want to add to the bolded: Allowing some form of Hospice care also does NOT in ANY way shape or form mean you aren't capable of caring for your father. It does NOT mean you are shirking your responsibilities of caring for your father on someone else. Having some form of help also does NOT mean you are giving up and walking away. Its the best way for everyone involved to see to it that the last months of your fathers life are dignified, comfortable, and safe for all of you mentally and physically (your father included). I say this because my uncle was very against allowing the worker to come help tend to my grandfather. He would rant about how my father had "given up" and that he was just "dumping my grandfather on a stranger". Nothing could have been further from the truth. He came around the afternoon my grandfather fell while my uncle was attempting to help him to the toilet. I won't go into details but my grandfather was completely humiliated and my uncle realized painfully that maybe my fathers decision wasn't such a bad one. Once the worker was set up and the home visits began, everyone breathed a bit better and situations like that didn't happen again.


I commend you for your desire to be there for your father in his last months. It shows the level of love and devotion you all feels towards him and that is amazing. Blessings and good luck to you all.

You stated it better than I. Thanks!!

 

[>Charlotte<]

I also urge you to reconsider. We were assisted by hospice when my dad was dying. They didn't come in and take over, they were simply there to facilitate and expedite any of the many needs we had at all hours of the day and night. Actually, they seemed to be there more for us than for dad. We took care of him, and they took care of us. A nurse came every other day or so for a quick exam, checking for bed sores and taking his vitals. She was in and out in just a few minutes. Otherwise, they checked in by phone to see if we needed anything, or were available if we needed to call them. Hospital bed so he'll be more comfortable? Sure, it'll be right over. Air mattress for the hospital bed? Coming right up. A special compound medicine he needs that CVS doesn't have? Here ya go. Strong pain meds and Ambien delivered to the door within the hour. And not a penny out of pocket, even though we were more than able to pay. We also had the option of admitting him to the hospice facility if we ever found it necessary--even for just a day or so, as an alternative to admitting him to a hospital.

In the final days he's going to need things that you just can't provide. He may need more frequent professional attention as his condition deteriorates. You say he's been in the hospital quite a lot. I hope I don't seem insensitive and I'm sorry to be blunt, but hospitals are for making people well. Hospice is for making people comfortable. At some point, that's going to be all anyone can do for him. He may even need an IV or a catheter, and that's definitely something you're going to want a professional for.

I'm happy to hear your dad has such strong and loving support from his family. Please do consider letting hospice help you, while you help him. God bless you and your family, and good luck.

 

[Silverplum]

Are you sure the hospice didn't ask for a *copy* of the POA/PMD? If you are uncomfortable with the requirements of one hospice, try another.

I'm another person who has provided hospice care for a dying beloved, with the help of the hospice organization. I cannot say enough kind and good and thankful things about the organization, their staff, and their services.

 

[jjdespero]

Follow up.

The first company that offered hospice told us we had to sign a Medical POA to give THEM control over decisions regarding my dad's care.

My mother had a very long conversation with their primary care physician about what a Medical POA entailed. The doctor told us that there were many companies provided Hospice. Also, several options as to homecare or admittence into a facility. And that their HMO and plan was widely accepted and that we should be shopping around. She also said that if NO person was currently designated as the "decision maker", the companies would ask that we choose or give it to them. But... they "WOULD ASK". The lady rep from the Hospice, who introduced herself as an RN, didn't ask, she just plain told us we had to sign.

We made appointments with two other Hospice providers and will be looking for Home-Care packages without the need to sign Medical POA to them.

Again, thank you all for the replies. God Bless.

 

[mmmagique]

Best to you and your family.