Father is forcing my mother to stay in their marriage.

[Gratefully]

My father is forcing my mother to stay in their marriage. He threatens her with "leaving her and the kids with nothing and leaving". Our family has allot of assets, a very large house that we all live it. A 300 acre farm with a cabin and several barns, that mainly my dad uses, but I lived there throughout college. Also a very large corned building on our towns Mainstreet, which we rent out and is our main source of income. They also own a online business that is rather slow, but it employs my mother and one of her friends full time.

At home it is miserable when he is around, he harasses the entire family, asking everyone to work and do things around the house, always with and angry attitude. He is a rage addict, always with a reason to be angry. I have a younger brother and he and I have come to really resent him, my brother recently had an incident where he grabbed a knife, due to our parents fighting being so bad, nothing happened, but he was traumatized.

He had an affair about a half a year ago now, they got very close to a divorce, but after constant threat my mother stopped her efforts with the legal proceedings. Is it legal for him to intimidate my mother in this way? I feel like this is domestic abuse, but just not a physical type, the amount of verbal abuse this whole family is under is incredible.

Any advice would be very much appreciated, there is two kids in the family me(24) and my brother(17).

 

[Silverplum]

My father is forcing my mother to stay in their marriage. He threatens her with "leaving her and the kids with nothing and leaving". Our family has allot of assets, a very large house that we all live it. A 300 acre farm with a cabin and several barns, that mainly my dad uses, but I lived there throughout college. Also a very large corned building on our towns Mainstreet, which we rent out and is our main source of income. They also own a online business that is rather slow, but it employs my mother and one of her friends full time.

At home it is miserable when he is around, he harasses the entire family, asking everyone to work and do things around the house, always with and angry attitude. He is a rage addict, always with a reason to be angry. I have a younger brother and he and I have come to really resent him, my brother recently had an incident where he grabbed a knife, due to our parents fighting being so bad, nothing happened, but he was traumatized.

He had an affair about a half a year ago now, they got very close to a divorce, but after constant threat my mother stopped her efforts with the legal proceedings. Is it legal for him to intimidate my mother in this way? I feel like this is domestic abuse, but just not a physical type, the amount of verbal abuse this whole family is under is incredible.

Any advice would be very much appreciated, there is two kids in the family me(24) and my brother(17).

If Mom wants to get help, you can drive her or lend her money. That's as far as we advise children of the marriage on this board.

That, and I usually tell posters in your situation that it is wrong for your parent to confide in you about the marriage, and she should find other friends and/or counselors.

 

[Gratefully]

If Mom wants to get help, you can drive her or lend her money. That's as far as we advise children of the marriage on this board.

That, and I usually tell posters in your situation that it is wrong for your parent to confide in you about the marriage, and she should find other friends and/or counselors.

I get what your saying and if I am not aloud to post here, because I am the child in the situation, please let me know and I will leave.]

Me and my father rarely speak other than small talk, my mother doesn't really confinded in me, but they constantly fight in the basement of our home and I can hear them and I see my brother listening to them fight. I am 24 and used to live on my own, I came back after my parents affair, because my dad had left and was living at our farm. Since then he has moved back and has no job, he stays at home and harasses the family.

Maybe I am just on the wrong forum for this? Any advice on my topic or another forum I could go to? Maybe a hotline? I am not asking this community to do work for me, I am searching as I wait for responses here, but this situation is really getting desperate, I could use all the help I could get.

Thank you for your response, silverplum, again let me know if I should not continue posting.

 

[Ladyback1]

I get what your saying and if I am not aloud to post here, because I am the child in the situation, please let me know and I will leave.]

Me and my father rarely speak other than small talk, my mother doesn't really confinded in me, but they constantly fight in the basement of our home and I can hear them and I see my brother listening to them fight. I am 24 and used to live on my own, I came back after my parents affair, because my dad had left and was living at our farm. Since then he has moved back and has no job, he stays at home and harasses the family.

Maybe I am just on the wrong forum for this? Any advice on my topic or another forum I could go to? Maybe a hotline? I am not asking this community to do work for me, I am searching as I wait for responses here, but this situation is really getting desperate, I could use all the help I could get.

Thank you for your response, silverplum, again let me know if I should not continue posting.

Sweetie---until your mother decides she has had enough, you can't do a lot to help her.
If Dad ever physically assaults mom (or you or brother), then you can call the police and they may be able to arrest him. (and it won't matter whether mom wants to press charges or not, it's up to the Dist. atty/prosecutor)
The best thing you can do, is just be prepared to assist mom when she has had enough.

 

[Proserpina]

I get what your saying and if I am not aloud to post here, because I am the child in the situation, please let me know and I will leave.]

Me and my father rarely speak other than small talk, my mother doesn't really confinded in me, but they constantly fight in the basement of our home and I can hear them and I see my brother listening to them fight. I am 24 and used to live on my own, I came back after my parents affair, because my dad had left and was living at our farm. Since then he has moved back and has no job, he stays at home and harasses the family.

Maybe I am just on the wrong forum for this? Any advice on my topic or another forum I could go to? Maybe a hotline? I am not asking this community to do work for me, I am searching as I wait for responses here, but this situation is really getting desperate, I could use all the help I could get.

Thank you for your response, silverplum, again let me know if I should not continue posting.

What it boils down to is that Mom is the only person who can can change her situation. Unless she is incompetent, there's really nothing you can do outside of funding her while she finds somewhere else to live.

What I do NOT suggest is that you become closely involved in their marriage. That will never lead to a positive change.

 

[Gratefully]

What it boils down to is that Mom is the only person who can can change her situation. Unless she is incompetent, there's really nothing you can do outside of funding her while she finds somewhere else to live.

What I do NOT suggest is that you become closely involved in their marriage. That will never lead to a positive change.

Thanks for your help man, appreciate your take on it. Either my mother needs to fix it herself or she is incompetent and I should just keep my nose out of it. I don't feel like this is you actually trying to help me, more of trying to get me to piss off.

Like I said before, if this is not the place for this or I should discontinue posting, please tell me. Or perhaps some of you would know a different outlet for this?

 

[Gratefully]

Sweetie---until your mother decides she has had enough, you can't do a lot to help her.
If Dad ever physically assaults mom (or you or brother), then you can call the police and they may be able to arrest him. (and it won't matter whether mom wants to press charges or not, it's up to the Dist. atty/prosecutor)
The best thing you can do, is just be prepared to assist mom when she has had enough.

Is there nothing against verbal and mental abuse, also threating to tear our assets up? Sorry if I am asking the same questions over and over, but I am having a hard time excepting this. I know my mother wants to leave, she tried before, but she is worried that she will lose her home and business, he will make use sell everything to give him a check for half.

 

[cbg]

You may not like to hear it, but what you are hearing is true. Your mother is an adult; if she were legally incompetent I'm sure you would have said so. That being the case, she can pick up and leave any time she wants to. Just because your father tells her he will leave her with nothing doesn't mean the courts will permit him to do so. But there is no law you can invoke that will force him to leave, or which gives you the right to act on your mother's behalf in any way. It's entirely up to her.

Other than calling the police if you witness him threatening her physically, or providing her with financial help if she wants to leave now, there is literally nothing you can do. And I speak from experience when I tell you that involving yourself between your parents does not help them and can hurt you.

 

[Zigner]

Is there nothing against verbal and mental abuse, also threating to tear our assets up? Sorry if I am asking the same questions over and over, but I am having a hard time excepting this. I know my mother wants to leave, she tried before, but she is worried that she will lose her home and business, he will make use sell everything to give him a check for half.

I think you are way too involved in this. You need to understand that they're not "our" assets.

 

[Proserpina]

Thanks for your help man, appreciate your take on it. Either my mother needs to fix it herself or she is incompetent and I should just keep my nose out of it. I don't feel like this is you actually trying to help me, more of trying to get me to piss off.

Like I said before, if this is not the place for this or I should discontinue posting, please tell me. Or perhaps some of you would know a different outlet for this?

Hon, if I wanted to tell you to anything off, you'd know about it.

I would have told your Mom the same thing - if she can't or won't do it herself, there's nothing we can do.

 

[Proserpina]

Is there nothing against verbal and mental abuse, also threating to tear our assets up?

Nope. People are legally allowed to be abusive idiots until there is anything physical. "Your" assets though? How are they "your" assets?

Sorry if I am asking the same questions over and over, but I am having a hard time excepting this. I know my mother wants to leave, she tried before, but she is worried that she will lose her home and business, he will make use sell everything to give him a check for half.

Then that's her decision. There are many, many websites available to inform her about shelter services, what she can or can't do, all of it.

 

[Gratefully]

Nope. People are legally allowed to be abusive idiots until there is anything physical. "Your" assets though? How are they "your" assets?

I probably should say their assets not ours, but it is the family house, the family business, the family farm. I know my mom and dad paid for it all and its all theirs, I don't want to end up with it. My family is not poor or anything, my mom has money to talk to lawyers. I just feel that it is unreasonable that my dad can say he wants cash, when what we have around building and buisnesses. Maybe he is just lying and he cant really do that.

Does everyone see what I am saying here, my parents don't have a ton of cash, but they do have a large amount of money is assets, like buildings and a super nice home. Is it legal for my dad to say he want out of the marriage and just wants to take his half in cash, so we have to sell the home we live in, the farm we visit and the business that provide both my mother and father with their income. So basically my mother would lose everything she worked for and have to start over with a check for half her life value.

Pleaser understand, I am not out to get their assets, if I misword anything here, its just because I am flustered about the situation.

 

[Silverplum]

I probably should say their assets not ours, but it is the family house, the family business, the family farm. I know my mom and dad paid for it all and its all theirs, I don't want to end up with it. My family is not poor or anything, my mom has money to talk to lawyers. I just feel that it is unreasonable that my dad can say he wants cash, when what we have around building and buisnesses. Maybe he is just lying and he cant really do that.

Does everyone see what I am saying here, my parents don't have a ton of cash, but they do have a large amount of money is assets, like buildings and a super nice home. Is it legal for my dad to say he want out of the marriage and just wants to take his half in cash, so we have to sell the home we live in, the farm we visit and the business that provide both my mother and father with their income. So basically my mother would lose everything she worked for and have to start over with a check for half her life value.

Pleaser understand, I am not out to get their assets, if I misword anything here, its just because I am flustered about the situation.

You're flustered because your mother has placed you into this situation where you do not belong, because she is not acting as your parent or an adult.

 

[Gratefully]

You're flustered because your mother has placed you into this situation where you do not belong, because she is not acting as your parent or an adult.

Its my dad constantly fighting and nitpicking at her in front of us, its like he wants us to see that he is torturing her, I feel like if you all could here the way they fight you would understand. She doesn't talk to me about it much and when I ask she says it is not as big of a deal as I am making it and they are trying to work it out. She doesn't know I am on here asking you guys this, she is trying to do what is right, I am just looking for advice,

 

[Zigner]

Its my dad constantly fighting and nitpicking at her in front of us, its like he wants us to see that he is torturing her, I feel like if you all could here the way they fight you would understand. She doesn't talk to me about it much and when I ask she says it is not as big of a deal as I am making it and they are trying to work it out. She doesn't know I am on here asking you guys this, she is trying to do what is right, I am just looking for advice,

If you can't mind your own business (as requested by your mother) then maybe you ought to move.